I am proud to call myself an atheist

[webmdave]

Sent in by Thomas M

 

This has to be one of the most difficult decisions I have made in my Life. With each keystroke my heart pounds a little harder. My ascent into an ex-Christian has been a painful and liberating journey. I may be young (25) but I have a lot to tell.

 

My Dad was born again when I was five years old. He felt the call of god and moved out to Springfield, Mo to attend Bible College when I was 12. He was an old-time pentecostal full of the spirit. He pastored 2 churches and currently is a minister for a jail. I was home schooled from 3rd grade till 10th grade due to sin in schools. The only people I knew were pentecostal people. When I graduated from High School I had a dream of becoming an inner city pastor doing what Jesus wanted: Giving up everything and helping the poor.

 

I went to my Dad's bible college where I fell into sin and was booted for a year. In that year I studied the Bible diligently wanting to become the most concrete christian I could so I would not stumble into Satan's attacks again. I went back to bible college and was married to a wonderful wife. We both shared the call of god on us.

 

Something changed in me a short while later. I met a youth pastor and interned underneath him. He was the first person that I seen truly characterize what I felt Jesus was. He told me to question everything and not have any stone unturned. I bought an incredible book (The Jesus Mysteries) that showed the flaws of the Bible. I was determined to defeat the books claims and prove Jesus and his religion. I mean I was 2 semesters away from graduating bible college. The strangest thing happened....

 

I couldn't do it. This book was spot on. I bought other books to make sure this book was correct. Could I have been brainwashed all my life into believing in Jesus.

 

I told my wife about this plight of mine. She said she was weary and felt the same way I did. We questioned the foundation of Christianity and it crumbled

 

We both have been on this journey of rejection and development for about a year now. It has been painful emotionally because we are in the Bible Belt and only .1 percent of people here believe differently. (It might be exaggerated a bit)

 

I say all that to say this. This site has been the biggest help I have seen. I used to Google atheist and agnostic for days to find people going through the same things. We all need support and reading others anti-testimonies are the boost I need to get through the week sometimes.

 

Tears stream down as I write this. Just one more step in liberating my life and moving on. I find it hard at times to live a life where my comfort blanket has been removed by truth. I find it hard to trust people and even harder to trust myself. Most all my friends have abandoned me. Maybe even sometimes I abandoned them. I feel broken and hurt by my previous life, but I am dealing with it every day. I understand when someone says they are angry with the church. I understand when they say support is needed. When someone feels they can do it alone they are just fooling themselves again. I am proud to call myself an atheist. I am happy for support when I find it. It is like a glimmer of hope in a crowded world. As I learn more I hope to become more confident in my stance and continue on my journey now as a stronger and smarter person through the help of this and other communities.

 

To monitor comments posted to this topic, use .http://exchristian.net/testimonies/2007/07...lf-atheist.html

[bush country]

Welcome Thomas!

 

The Jesus Mysteries was part of my deconversion process too. So many of us here deconverted because of trying to find out the truth about Jesus, the first century church, and through studying the bible.

 

This web site is a great source of support and I am so happy to have found it. Over 25 years ago I had all the parts collected to decide god does not exist, but I didn't put them together. Back then one couldn't search the internet to find others that had been through the same process. So I tucked tail and stayed in church.