Guest Jshib Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 OK, I will try not to make this to long so let me start off by saying I was not raised Christian, my parents are Christian but they are very casual Christians and really it doesn't play a role in their lives. Growing up I was never forced to go to church or anything, actually growing up religion was non existing to me. But i've always just said to people Im a christian not giving any thought to it. Well here i am now a 16 yr old male and a few months ago I decided not to believe in Jesus but to still beleive in god, just god nothing in between. The thing is with me I talk to myself alot and when bad things use to happen to me I would always look up into the sky and say "why are you doing this" and I would have a little chat with god about "what I did wrong" (I can't stop but think of Woody Allen esq satire here ). Anyways NO im not crazy I just talk to myself alot which may be weird but im a writer and all so.... Anyways back to my serious problem......: I guess you can say for the past few years of my life ive been depressed, not to the point of killing myself but just feeling down all the time and not being happy about my life well I got this new girlfriend who I really do love, she's Christian and she wanted me to go to her youth group thing. I didn't want to go but I went for her and it was horrible, what was being said was the biggest load of crap. Right after that I decided to ditch religion all together. Im about a month into the relationship with this girl, I love everything about here but theirs that one damn obstacle in my way.....The damn Christian Church. The thing is I just got off the phone with her a couple of hours ago and we discussed our views on god and everything she said was dead serious and she sounded very commited to Jesus, We talked for about an hour and I told her all my views (gays being in hell with Hitler just for being gay Etc...) and I think I got to her a little bit. The thing is I love this girl and I want her to live a happy free life outside the church. The problem I think I have is that im not sure if I should confront her on what she's afraid of. By that I mean she grew up with her mom leaving her and her dad going to prison (He now takes care of her and is an avid Christian) And I think she's using the bible as a life guard and that if she prays to god that, that life will never happen to her, I also think she's afraid, she's afraid of letting her parents down and her peers (youth group) down. So the thing is should I ask her about this? Theres a certain part of me saying your not the man to say this to her. Iv'e been thinking so hard about all of this and I realized how happy I am now that I have viewed life in a totally new way, Ive shed many tears and have opened up to my parents about me being an atheist and my depressionand I feel refreshed and am ready to live a happier live with more ambition the thing is I want her to have the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
מה טבו Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I'd advise caution. If she's ever going to ditch religion (and she may never do so), it's going to be because of questions she asks herself. Religion has a pretty good track record of being immune to argument. People who leave tend to do so because they thought it through themselves. Religion is also, for better or worse, a coping skill. It's not one that's abandoned easily. You may have shaken off religion, but you said yourself that you were never that entrenched in the first place. It's not going to be the same for her. If she's really fundamentalist, and she (or her father) thinks that you're trying to pull her away from the fold, you could lose her altogether. If she even openly entertains the thought, there's a chance that Daddy could make her life pretty unpleasant. If he used Christianity as a coping skill to survive prison, he's probably pretty attached. This doesn't mean you have to go to the church groups with her. There's a whole world outside of church activities - I'm sure you guys can find somewhere to meet and hang out. It's also a good idea to consider how you'd feel if the situation were reversed. She may feel quite happy in Christianity, and really want you to join - but what would be your reaction if she tried to persuade you to do so? "Manners is manners," as we say down here. If she starts proselytizing, she's fair game, but if she lets sleeping dogs lie, you would be nice to do the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LithaB Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 I guess you can say for the past few years of my life ive been depressed, not to the point of killing myself but just feeling down all the time and not being happy about my life ... ...Iv'e been thinking so hard about all of this and I realized how happy I am now that I have viewed life in a totally new way, Ive shed many tears and have opened up to my parents about me being an atheist and my depressionand I feel refreshed and am ready to live a happier live with more ambition the thing is I want her to have the same thing. I think that מה טבו has given you some very good advice on interacting with your girlfriend, so I'll just second her comments on that. [mom voice] My concern is that you need to take care of yourself now, not her. You have found a very healthy path out of depression, especially if you have your parent's support. Continue on that path and take care of your own mental and emotional health. If her friendship is helpful and supportive for YOU then continue the relationship. If she asks for your help and support, and giving her that support doesn't put a strain on your mental health, by all means give it to her and let the friendship grow. But don't go thinking you need to save her when you are just recovering yourself. [/mom voice] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Im about a month into the relationship with this girl, I love everything about her... The thing is I love this girl .... Slow down, fella. You haven't known her long enough at all to get into this. I'm just tellin' ya. Be careful, or there's a good chance you'll lose her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 Think carefully about how you came to believe (or disbelieve as the case may be) as you do now. You got where you are by having the freedom to think, to consider, and to allow your own thoughts and ideas to evolve. Also remember than humanity evolved as a social animal. It's why we have religion in the first place. Someone had an idea of how things worked, and needed to pursuade others that it was true to maintain the basic laws of the group dynamic. Which would be that you have to stay together in order to even BE a group. Sounds obvious and simple until you think of all the consideration and compromises that have to be ment for a group to continue. You have the same instinctive need. You've now met someone you REALLY like. But they aren't in the same place as you are when it comes to belief. You aren't in the same "group". Coupled with the thought that the idea of being alone bothers you, you are setting out to do the thing that is to your personal advantage. Change her beliefs so she will better fit your "group". But you see how that is unfair? Sure you want her to be free like you....but you are forgetting the original freedom you had in the first place to even come to be where you are now! The same rules have to apply for her, or all you will be doing is forcing a square peg into a round hole. You will be re-creating the same "sin" on a minute scale, that religions do on a grand scale. All you can do, is share your ideas with your girlfriend. If she comes around to a new way of thinking, it's because SHE had the chance to mull over the ideas you present, and come to her own conclusion. NOT because you led her there by the nose. And if she goes her own way....accept it. While you will never love another person in exactly the same way again, there are different variations of love in your future. This girl is NOT your "sole chance at love and happiness". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piprus Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 If you like her, or even love her, that's great. Keep up your friendship with her, and keep sharing your thoughts, even on matters of religion. You may find that it's an issue that neither of you is willing to budge on. So be it. But what is most important is that you keep all of your avenues open. Don't close the circuits to other possible relationships with the ladies whose views of life may be more compatible with your own. At 16, there is much music yet to be played in your life. Dance merrily to all of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Wolf Posted August 8, 2007 Share Posted August 8, 2007 Don't give up on her. I myself, I was an extremely devoted Christian until I was 16. My name is on a plaque on the wall at the church I use to go to for as a commemoration to my many, many hours spent helping the church and spreading the "gospel." I was on a first name basis with the pastor, and in line to become the youth pastor when the youth pastor then moved (which would have been only 2 years after I ditched morontheism), and possibly even the pastor if I sticked around in the area long enough. I was the poster child for evangelical/fundamental Christianity....known to some as a "super" Christian. It wont be one event, or one conversation that will deconvert her. It will take several of theme. Some of them to shake her faith, and others to completely destroy it's foundation. But, ditching religion, especially if it has become the basis of your life (I myself was left in a state of wondering, not knowing what to do without the Bible to direct and guide me.), is not easy. She may never ditch religion, especially if events are stacked against her to give her motivation to do so. It's easy to praise and believe in God when things are going good. Also, you are young. At your age, committing to someone is unrealistic, especially if she will not ditch her religion. The harsh reality is, shit happens, and you can't even begin to accurately predict tomorrow. We like to think what we hope will happen, but in just a very short second, your entire life can be changed. I'm not trying to be cynical, but rather, just to let you know, don't expect to keep her, and you will need to be ready to loose her, incase that should happen. I've met plenty of girls I "really" like. But, that doesn't mean we have stayed together, they have rejected me, or just aren't interested in anything beyond a just friends relation. Also, everyone has there own path in life. It is possible that if she ditches Christianity, she can end up ruining her life. You cannot even begin to imagine the feeling of not having any direction in life, because you tossed your lives instruction manual out the window. But, you two may have a happy future together, with her keeping or ditching Christianity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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