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Does Anyone Else Ever Miss It?


Guest lindaz6782

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Guest lindaz6782

I'm in a bit of a funk tonight. I've been an ex-christian for a little under a year now and for some reason I'm missing the community that I once had. Last year at this time I was heavily involved in planning a big kick off event for my church and, although it was a bunch of bs, I felt like I was part of something bigger than myself. I sort of miss all of the people that I used to know (even though they have made little to no effort to contact me since I left.) I'm tempted to think that this might be god "pursuing me" or "tugging on my heart" in good old christianese. Of course, then I turn my brain back on.

 

Does anyone else ever have these feelings?

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I don't miss it in the least, but I never had the community that you did either. Perhaps it would do you some good to find some community elsewhere. There are clubs, hobby groups, and volunteer groups in any major city. Try checking craigslist.org.

 

You're human. Humans are social animals. If the church was your primary source of community and you haven't replaced that, of course you're going to miss it. It's perfectly understandable.

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You're human. Humans are social animals. If the church was your primary source of community and you haven't replaced that, of course you're going to miss it. It's perfectly understandable.

 

Pretty much that :)

 

The socialization aspects can be nice, but no, I don't miss it at all. There were some nice things I do fondly recall, such as overall aesthetics or the sense of unity with people of a like belief, but the need to believe in the truth won out over all that. I just couldn't be honest with myself and remain Xian.

 

Believe me, if the Xian god wanted you back, he'd have all the power to make you return to the fold - and since your soul is in peril without him, according to Xian myth, he'd be amiss to not do so. That fact that he does not proves he is not, period. Just stick to the facts and don't let the "what-ifs" nag at you ;)

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Guest Taliesin

Christianity is a kind of conquer and destroy religion -- there were social organizations, and rituals, and liturgies before Christianity. But when Christianity took over, it literally suffocated every other form of human community. We need community, but Christianity coopted every good thing in service of itself. It's difficult to turn the clock back. But you can work on it -- join a club or a school.

 

Or, perhaps you can join a U-U church?

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Does anyone else ever have these feelings?

 

Indeed I sometimes miss the kind of "christian community feeling" I mostly experienced in my life... but then, I've never been exposed to real-life morontheism over here in Germany. I worked for a christian association for about 18 months and those folks were really cool... and at least in theory, the pals in the German St. John's ambulance service where I joyfully served as a volunteer for years are christian too (protestant to be specific), though they rarely make a fuzz about it :)

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Miss it? Like a hole in the eye. <_<

 

The whole church was a bunch of snobs. They completely snubbed my parents....unless there was work to be done on the church, and then they were quick to call in my Uber-talented dad. We went because mom thought it was important. They quit when I quit. But there were things....things that set my parents apart as real people....no wonder they were snubbed.

 

Occasionally my dad would be invited to the "Father & Son Breakfast"....he'd ask if he could bring his daughter...the answer was no...his response: "Then what is the point?" and they'd stutter and hem and haw....trying NOT to say "well you could just come by yourself" that had to sound jerky even to their warped sense of courtesy. I'm proud to say my dad has never been the kind of man who would snub his own daughter. Even if I'd had a brother....he wouldn't have gone off to play "boys" and leave me behind.

 

But it was stuff like that that set my family apart.....and then there was the youth group. A bunch of teenagers getting together so one half of the group could treat the rest like shit. There were only 5 guys and about 12 barracudas er...girls..... so competition was revolting. I saw the "game" (the pecking order BS) going on....and while there were a couple guys who tended to make my cheeks hot, the "game" made the chance for any real interest, especially mutual interest to develop totally impossible. And the girls at the top of the pecking order did not like me. They did their best to ensure that I and some other girls I was friends with were excluded as much as they could get away with.

 

Heck, after a while, I was just sticking around because I knew I was driving them crazy.

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For awhile, I missed it.

It was a strong knit community feeling, I was looked up to and highly respected, and I had a book that told me how to live, and I didn't have to take responsibility for my actions.

 

Anymore though, I would rather die than go back to Christianity.

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No

 

I do not miss church.

 

But I think its ok to miss certain aspects of church.

 

Those are your feelings and needs. Nothing wrong with that at all.

 

I am like a cat. I can't be pinned down to any social groups for long periods of time. People are different.

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I miss some of the social events. But the church services themselves? That'd be a big Hell No! I hated going to church as a kid when my parents forced me to go 3 times a week and it didn't get any better as a young adult when I finally threw in the towel. Two hours every Sunday morning of excruciating bordom is the revenge suffered upon by those stupid enough to believe that tripe.

 

This isn't the holy ghost haunting you, as others have said, you are a social animal and you are just longing for a community to belong to. I do as well, unfortunately I haven't really found it yet other than this one here. But that's because I travel a lot and am living in a foreign country. You have lots of options at home. What are you interested in? Surely you can find a group based on that. Book club, something...

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Yeah in some ways. I was respected and I also got key roles in the big budget stage shows my church used to put on. Even got a big part in a stage show that was put on at the huge Parachute Music Festival they have each year here in New Zealand. But it's like someone else said higher up, you need to find a new community. I still have to do that myself.

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I don't miss it in the least. My xian community was judgemental and intolerant. I prefer secular friends/community.

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Lindaz,

 

I did miss it for a while, to a certain degree, but when the years go by and you learn to live a different life, and you find new friends and make new habits, you start to forget about the church life and you won't miss it at all. It takes time to de-program yourself, so be patient and don't let emotions take control.

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The very thought of going to church makes me want to retch. I hated my religion for many of the years I was mired in it. I hated going to church for most of my life. It was horrible. The beliefs were horrible, the people were horrible. The only thing I (very rarely) miss about it is the community aspect of it. Even though I hated most of the people who went to our church, it was still the easiest way to meet people. Now I pretty much have work & bars, & both present a ton of problems.

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Lindaz,

 

I've only been out of xianity a few months, and when I'm lonely I do reminisce about the "fellowship" we shared. When my life was all about church and my supposed "church family" there was a sense of belonging - no matter how warped - that was always present. However, that belonging had it's price and I lost many friendships because I broke the rules i.e I questioned!

It taught me that I should never again have friendships based on conformity to mindless dogma.

It's definitely not "god calling you back"...that's just the remnants of brainwashing talking! You need to find other avenues or pursuits to fill the need for community that doesn't require you to give up life and liberty.

 

Michie

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At first I really really missed it. Most of all I missed the liturgy - the music, the incense, the sense of theatre, the feeling of being taken out of yourself into something bigger (I was a Catholic). I didn't so much miss the sense of community, as my church wasn't terribly friendly - it just gave an illusion of community. Anyway, I've discovered that you can get the good feelings from other things, and without all the conflict - a good book or film, secular music, a walk on the hills. And non-Christian friends are better - you know they like you for yourself, not some other creepy ulterior motive.

 

You've got to give yourself time, be patient and kind to yourself. For me, I didn't rush into alternative activities straight away, but waited until I'd settled into the feeling of being a non-Christian. After a while it all starts to feel better and you just get a big sense of relief.

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The community is the only thing I do miss. My friends in church were pretty much the only offline friends I had. Now I hang out with one guy who's a pretty liberal christian, but that's it since I stopped going to church. I have pretty severe social anxiety disorder so making new friends is very difficult to impossible.

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Nope. Can't say I miss the community of fakes, hypocrites, and charlatans. There were very few people I respected in the church at all (one or two priests, and a couple of people). I also made my own community, not that I had one there anyway.

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I'm in a bit of a funk tonight....

 

I sort of miss all of the people that I used to know...

 

Does anyone else ever have these feelings?

 

I don’t have the desire to resume a place in the Christian community. For the sake of politeness, I feel that I must avoid many subjects around them. I often feel constrained by them.

 

However I can completely identify with the need for community. It seems perfectly natural to me that people would desire to be part of a community. A rich vibrant community would be preferable.

 

Hang in there though! Don’t let the funk get you too far down. Stick around a while. Let the people in this place get to know you a little better. Maybe get to know us a little better. We’re not bad folk here. Sure it’s not the same as a flesh and blood community, but there is strength to be found among these people.

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I don't know where you are in Kentucky, but from checking Craigslist, it looks like Louisville has a lot going on. They also have other boards for other parts of the state.

 

I've also found several Atheist and Freethought organizations in Kentucky just by doing some Googling. Get out there and meet some people!

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