Strange Neuroses/obsessions?

[Llwellyn]

Do any of you suffer from any odd, strange, or disabling obsessions or behaviors that you picked up from your past life in the Christian religion?

 

There is a comic book called "Binky Brown Meets the Holy Virgin Mary," which is a disturbing autobiographical story of neurosis and catholic guilt. In it, the protagonist imagines that there is a "ray" emanating from his penis that he cannot allow to cross any image or statue of Mary. The author spent years disturbed by this very thought, and wrote about it in his comic book. This condition lead him to the notion that the extremities of his body--his fingers, his feet and, of course, his penis--gave off rays. He committed unwilling blasphemy every time a ray crossed the path of a church, and he had to take extreme care to make sure the rays never intersected with anything sacred.

 

As for me, I had certain anxieties about the eucharistic host -- fear of eating it and being cursed if I hadn't repented of certain "sins." I also developed a fierce breast obsession, a combination of sexual terror and intense fascination. My ex girlfriends have had to deal with a lot of pawing as I get over the issues. Finally, the fear of hell engaged my mind in an unproductive way quite a bit through my life -- I have ruminated about it when I should have been working, studying, or having fun.

 

What about you? Any neurotic behaviors or thoughts caused by Christianity?

[Garnet]

When I was very young, one of my cousins told me a story about a woman who had the devil under her bed. I don't even remember the specifics of the story, but it scared me spitless. I had nightmares for years about the devil being under my bed. I couldn't walk across my bedroom in the dark for fear that the devil would reach out from under my bed, snatch me by the ankles and drag me down to hell. My parents eventually installed a night light in my room and got me a bedside lamp. Of course, I'm all over that now, right? Er...wrong. Every once in a while, when I have to get up in the wee hours to...well...wee...I still have that unreasonable fear of a huge, scaly, claw-fingered hand snatching at my ankles and dragging me down. My mouth gets dry, my heart pounds and it's all I can do to walk to the bed instead of making a flying leap.

[Ahh!]

I have "trick paranoia," the occassional paranoia that all the overwhelming evidence against Christianity I've seen was planted by the Devil.

 

I don't know if this is the result of Christianity as much as being around the Far Right from a fairly early age, but I'm obsessed with conspiracy theories. I always have a feeling the "powers that be" were involved in even the smallest things. Usually I can shake it away by looking at the situation rationally.

 

I also had a lot of nervous habits when I was younger. I would have to clap my hands and snap my fingers 7 times whenever I got in a car "to keep Satan away." At one point, I used to spin in a circle 7 times clockwise whenever someone used the Lord's name in vain. I would hide my nail clipping because I thought a witch my take them and put a curse on me. I've largely outgrown this behavior though.

[Ahh!]

Another one I thought of. I used to be afraid I would blasmephize the Holy Spirit in my sleep (mumble a blasmephy without realizing it, etc). Some nights I would stay up for hours reading the Bible to try to "purify my mind." I also used to clasp my teeth together when I thought about the Unforgiveable Sin so that I wouldn't actually do it by some strange accident. I also remembered I would worry about thinking it so I'd chant in my mind, "Protect me Lord" whenever the fear came I might accidently think a blasmephy of the Holy Spirit. I spent hours worrying about it. I think I might have OCD or something.

[Taphophilia]

When I was in high school we had this "prophetess" come to chapel and she pulled students out of the audience reveiling their sin and prophesying over them. I was scared shitless that she would call me out and tell everyone I had masturbated and I secretly listened to Air Supply and Maddonna.

[Guest Muna]

I still get "trick paranoia." I'm sure everyone has had those "What if they're right???" thoughts once in a while. I still get them regularly, and I've been out for almost five years. It doesn't help that until I cut ties with my mom six months ago, she was constantly sending me evangelical emails and rants about how she dreamed about me in hell.

 

I still have bibles in my house. I can't bring myself to get rid of them. I use Bible Gateway if I ever want to look up a verse for a debate or whatever and they're on a bookshelf in a junk closet, but I just can't seem to toss them in the Goodwill pile.

 

I am petrified to send my son to a Christian school or daycare, even if it's a better program, for fear that he'll become a Christian.

 

I make a conscious effort to avoid Christian sites bashing my religion (Wicca) or athiesm because the trick paranoia shows up again, along with the guilt.