Guest Inch Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 Ah well, I couldn't find anywhere to post a hello post so I hope this is the place for it. I know what I have to do but I feel the need to ask questions here , here's my problem. I'm at the start of my ex-christian life. I would like to let my family know that I'm not a Christian gently and slowly but I can't afford to because I have a mission tripped planned for next year which I feel it would be wrong to go on not to mention one year of my life wasted. Any advice on the best course of action? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
מה טבו Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 Have you ever been on a mission trip before? If not, couldn't you get away with just saying you're not ready for that yet? There's a lot about missionary work that is not to be desired - travel, the ethics of bothering people at home on Saturday morning, the safety risks involved in both. Could you pull a draft-dodger and say you'd rather go to college instead? Not all Christians go into missionary work. Unless your particular sect makes it mandatory, I'd say you could probably find some generic excuse to get out of it without announcing your de-conversion. Although if you're working on a shared computer, a more important step might be clearing your history and browser cache. Nothing breaks "bad" news to family quite like finding something in the browser's history folder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Inch Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 Yeah, I went last year to Papua NewGuinea for a couple of weeks and made a commitment to go back and they've raised the money to get me there. There's no easy way out of it. Heh, I've always thought of my family as a Christian family with a couple of exceptions. Now I guess it's half and half. But letting my mum and two of my siblings know is still going to be hard. I don't really want to have to make excuses. I want to be able to say very directly that I'm not going on this trip. I am really easily talked into doing things I don't want to do. I'm using my own computer so if anyone finds this in the history it's their own fault for looking (nobody's nosey in our house). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnceConvinced Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 Well no doubt it's better to say something now than after the trip before that money is wasted. It will probably just upset them even more, knowing that you went when your heart was no longer in it. Not sure what the best way of telling them is, because my parents still don't know about my deconversion yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llwellyn Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 What type of work would you be doing there -- planting word viruses in people's minds (aka "evangelism")"? Will you be building a hospital? If the work was pretty generically benevolent rather than partisanly Christian, it seems this would make a difference in whether or not you would wish to go on the trip. If I were you, I wouldn't wait a year before admitting your deconversion -- it's just too long to spend your life in the closet. How many years do you have on earth? Too few, IMO, to be spending one pretending. Maybe you could give the spot on the mission trip to someone else more suitable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 Not sure. Beings though people helped raised money you can do a few things. Let someone else go instead of you. OR (On this I agree with Llwellyn), Can you still make the best of a hard situation? Perhaps go for more humanitarian reasons then evangelical ones? I'm not sure if your reason for going are to drag people into the dogma, Or to help people (?) Good luck on your hard and difficult choices ahead, and welcome to Ex-C! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 Can't you say that God told you not to go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Inch Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 It's at a Christian bible college and I would be teaching math and English. I am still interested in teaching English as a second language. If I go it's likely they in PNG will find out I'm not a Christian and I don't really want to get in any trouble while I'm in PNG. So I have to tell them before hand that I'm not a Christian anymore and mum will find out through them. I can't see any other option than being honest. I do hope they find someone else that can go. Can't you say that God told you not to go? Or I could say that it isn't God's will for me to go and that would be mostly true but I would have to keep pretending I'm a Christian or else that would probably upset mum even more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 When I finished deconverting I was exactly half way through my two year stint teaching English in Japan, working for a missionary. I generated money for the mission from my classes and provided low key PR for the jesus cult and the mission, in hopes of reeling in a few fish. I ended up sticking it out in silence and coming up with a way to get out two months early. I would not have gone if I was already deconverted or further along in my questioning at the beginning. Although I loved Japan and my students, and the missionary was a big improvement over my church back home, the conflict between my perceived sense of responsibility to carry out my commitment and my disdain for continuing in the service of the church made it a miserable ten months. In the event you decide not to go, you can still choose between the approach of announcing your apostasy, or just coming up with an excuse if you're not ready for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Hi Inch, I'm just wondering, how old are you? In your teens still or in your twenties? I know what it's like to be afraid of disappointing people and I also know that it does no favors to yourself in the long run. You don't need to tell them that you've deconverted. You can say that you're having "doubts" and that you're not sure what direction you should take in life. The fact is that you really have to decide for yourself what you want out of life and you can't do that if your life isn't your own - which it is not at the moment since you are letting others dictate what you do. You especially cannot let the "will" of some "god" control your life. People give attribute to god by saying he helped and/or led them, but the fact remains is that they are the ones who did the work and made the decisions. YOU are in charge of your life. No matter what you do, you will disappoint and unintentionally hurt people throughout life so there's no point in hedging and hiding things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Honesty is the best policy, but don't be surprised that if you are honest with them, they will still make you go, thinking you are just in some annoying rebellious phase. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Inch Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 I'm 23, so I'm old enough that I wont be forced to do anything I decide not to do. And yeah, disappointing and upsetting people is my biggest issue I think. I told Dad today as he is not a Christian, that was still hard and I guess it marks the point of no return. He came up with an interesting solution to cancel my trip. Donating the money that I've saved for it. So I will think about giving that money to the Bible college. Most of it was earned from people paying me extra with the understanding that I would put it toward my trip. So hopefully that will save a little good will. But I guess I must accept that I will disappoint a lot of people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 Hey there Inch. Welcome to the forums. But I guess I must accept that I will disappoint a lot of people. You might ask yourself if their expectations are reasonable. I think you've handled things well. You may have outgrown your faith, but your integrity seems fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Inch Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Ok, here goes. I have a plan of attack. I'm going to tell my pastor first just to see how it goes. I cannot put up with pretending to be a Christian any longer. We're sorting the music out today so I will have this talk at our sound desk and record it. Our pastor is a little weird so if he does anything strange I want a record of it. A) Is it okay to record conversations with people without their knowing? I've looked it up and I can say that the conversation cannot expect to be private as I will be part of it and don't plan on keeping it confidential anyway. Can I post a link to it here if it is interesting afterwards? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel.white Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 If I go it's likely they in PNG will find out I'm not a Christian and I don't really want to get in any trouble while I'm in PNG.Who is PNG that you have to worry about trouble with them? Are they the government? Can they lock you away? I doubt it. This PNG is not important, their opinion of you is irrelevant. Fuck em. I'm 23, so I'm old enough that I wont be forced to do anything I decide not to do. And yeah, disappointing and upsetting people is my biggest issue I think.I used to be like that when I first quit xianity, I was super submissive, always worried about what everyone else thought of me. Now that you're out of the cult, you're going to have to learn the lessons you missed, you're getting a late start, but you'll catch up. Or I could say that it isn't God's will for me to go and that would be mostly true but I would have to keep pretending I'm a Christian or else that would probably upset mum even more.Also, you don't have to always tell the truth all the time anymore (Yeah, I myself rarely lie, but still, I believe in the principle) I told Dad today as he is not a Christian, that was still hard and I guess it marks the point of no return. He came up with an interesting solution to cancel my trip. Donating the money that I've saved for it. So I will think about giving that money to the Bible college. Most of it was earned from people paying me extra with the understanding that I would put it toward my trip. So hopefully that will save a little good will. But I guess I must accept that I will disappoint a lot of people.He seems cool I want a record of it. A) Is it okay to record conversations with people without their knowing? I've looked it up and I can say that the conversation cannot expect to be private as I will be part of it and don't plan on keeping it confidential anyway. Can I post a link to it here if it is interesting afterwards?Easier to ask forgiveness than permission Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric_PK Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Ok, here goes. I have a plan of attack. I'm going to tell my pastor first just to see how it goes. I cannot put up with pretending to be a Christian any longer. We're sorting the music out today so I will have this talk at our sound desk and record it. Our pastor is a little weird so if he does anything strange I want a record of it. A) Is it okay to record conversations with people without their knowing? I've looked it up and I can say that the conversation cannot expect to be private as I will be part of it and don't plan on keeping it confidential anyway. Can I post a link to it here if it is interesting afterwards? I do think telling is the right call. The organization is expecting a certain kind of person to go, and you are no longer that person. I think it's unethical to record any conversation without telling the other person you're doing so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 I agree that honest is the best way... (and here it comes)... but... if you do, be prepared for a strong reaction and maybe being cut off from the family. Religion is more than just a political position, and when someone leave the religion, to many families that is high treason against the blood line of the family (at least that's how many react). So if you go the honest way, be prepared for some battles. And that comes from someone that hasn't told his parents or all the siblings yet. When I told my wife, I was really lucky, she was already on the same track (Praise the Cute Bunny!) and we had no issues. The kids gave us a bit of a hard time... forcing them to Sunday school and then say that it all was junk... not cool... I told two of my siblings and my wifes parents, but that's it. My reason though is that I know that my mom (and my dad when he was still alive) are too old to deal with something like this, and I did it out of concern of their well being. My other siblings don't know, but mostly because I have no reason to tell them. If I was going on a mission trip, I probably would go with some excuse that I don't feel I'm emotionally ready to do this or something similar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Inch Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Eric_PK, yeah, I think I'll agree with you. I kinda got an uneasy feeling recording that conversation. It was all very civil and no anger or anything like that so I have deleted it. Basically he said I was right to bring it up and I would be a fool to live as a christian and not believe it. We made an agreement that I would check out the "Christian Research Institute" website. What that guy there writes is a real laugh. Too bad most of his stuff is audio. I much prefer written stuff. When you boil it down the main argument against evolution there is "Evolution is rubbish because it is rubbish". I guess there's a possibility that my pastor just things I'm having a few doubts but we'll see. angel.white, sorry, PNG is short for Papua New Guinea. I was more meaning hassles that trouble, but I can be a bit paranoid sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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