sidhe Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 I wasn't Christian for long, but I was Christian long enough to realize there were some problems there... It all started because some friends of mine started going to a church of the "Willow Creek" persuasion...that is to say, huge, technologically advanced, and shallow. They invited me and my wife (WhatIsTruth here on the forums), and I was absolutely...well...disgusted. But, my friends were becoming very hardcore Christians. They were talking to "prophets of God", doing bible study, etc. But most importantly (to me) they had a place they fit in. I wanted that, too. So, I started going to a Catholic church. For a while. Then to an Orthodox church. Then an Episcopalian church. Then back to Catholic...so on and so forth. Of course, given that none of these were of the fundamentalist persuasion, my friends didn't approve. But I was starting to get sucked into the idea of guilt and that there was something innately wrong with me. I'd never felt like that before, and wasn't sure I liked it. But, everything said that I was sinful, and the fact that I'm bisexual didn't help the situation. So, I started sinking into a rather nasty depression, because I was a worthless sinner, and probably going to hell. Not a nice way to feel. Then came the week before the election. My wife and I went to see our friends and were informed that we couldn't be good Christians on account of our bisexuality and our liberal political views, particularly that we opposed war of any kind. "Hum" thought I, "Methinks something is flawed here." How could my friends have turned from pot-smoking hippies who deplored violence to warhawks? How could one of them have decided that she wasn't bisexual because it was sinful? Why were they so angry? What the fuck had happened in that year? I started thinking about it, and realized that maybe, just maybe, Christianity had something to do with it. I started thinking about how I felt, and realized that maybe a religion that made me feel so fucking awful had some flaws in it. I'd been relatively happy before I found Christ, so I decided to put Jesus back where I found him, and go on my happy way. I'm a Thelemite, because it makes sense to me. The idea that if you do what you want, and try to avoid interfering with other people's lives, you'll be happy appeals to me. I believe in a divine power, but I'm ready to admit that it may not exist anywhere than my own mind, and may just be a projection of myself, or a metaphor for my subconscious. I still struggle with the idea that there's something wrong with me, but with every passing day I get farther from that feeling. After all, I'm following my own thoughts and desires, rather than those I've been told should be mine, so I must be doing something right. I'm certainly happier that I was. As for my "friends"...I haven't talked to any of them in a while. For all I know, some of them may have come to their senses, too. But, as they've made no effort to contact either my wife or myself, I rather doubt it. sidhe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reach Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Welcome back, Sidhe! It's been a long time. You probably remember me as a Christian. I think I deconverted after you left. I wondered what happened to you but I'm glad to see that you made your escape from the nasty clutches of a kind of Christianity that makes you feel that you are somehow or another, not ok. Please give your wife our welcome back and greetings and please, love yourself, really well. You really are ok and you never were shallow. Hugs, Reach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidhe Posted June 22, 2005 Author Share Posted June 22, 2005 Hey Reach! I noticed you deconverted, and was kinda shocked and happy simultaneously. Thanks for the warm welcome back. Sidhe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Good to have you here Sidhe, I was never on the earlier sites, so we don't know each other, but we will in the discussions. See ya' there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Welcome back, sidhe! It's great to see you again! I love the gently sardonic tone of your writing. I started thinking about how I felt, and realized that maybe a religion that made me feel so fucking awful had some flaws in it. ... just possibly... I believe in a divine power, but I'm ready to admit that it may not exist anywhere than my own mind, and may just be a projection of myself, or a metaphor for my subconscious. Or your superconscious? I still struggle with the idea that there's something wrong with me, but with every passing day I get farther from that feeling. After all, I'm following my own thoughts and desires, rather than those I've been told should be mine, so I must be doing something right. I'm certainly happier that I was. Excellent! Who could reasonably ask for more? Again, it's great to see you back. And I'm delighted to find that both you and your wife are here. I'm looking forward to both of you getting to know the (mostly) new community. Loren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidhe Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 The more I think about it, actually, the less inclined I am to believe in anything divine. I like the monist perspective of everything being interconnected, but I'm starting to doubt that there's anything really out there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidhe Posted June 25, 2005 Author Share Posted June 25, 2005 So, I was analyzing my belief in a divine and realized it made absolutely no sense... ...and if it makes no sense, I can't maintain a belief in it. So, I suppose that would make me an atheist. Oh well. Doesn't effect my life one whit...never really cared that I believed in a god before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 The more I think about it, actually, the less inclined I am to believe in anything divine. What's "divine" is all a matter of linguistic definition, and that means that the best it can be is a product of human reasoning and culture. It's all a matter of definition. You pick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imageownershipproblem Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 It's not that there's something wrong with you, it's that there's something wrong with the world. I share your need for acceptance and applaud you for being able to break away from it. We (liberals) were ridiculed for comparing Black Wednesday to the aftermath of 9/11, but there really is no other way to describe it....people who I considered my closest friends turned on me like a pack of ravening wolves just as the other group of people I had considered my friends turned on me in 2001. I didn't understand why on either occaision.. You are not alone in your experience. I also believe that Christianity is part of the problem, although I clung to a liberal Christianity for three more months, largely because it was so difficult for me to admit that I had been so terribly wrong and hurt so many people, especially my own children. I look back on the saved emails I wrote even a year ago and I just want to die. I don't know where I would be without ex-C and the nonjudgemental understanding I receive here. These people really are invaluable in helping a person pick up the pieces, make a fresh start, and go on. I am glad that you and your wife are here. I hope you enjoy your stay, and please remember that this is a safe enviornment and that what you are doing in freeing yourself from religion is VERY important to the human species right now and not just to yourselves. Peace, me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidhe Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 What's "divine" is all a matter of linguistic definition, and that means that the best it can be is a product of human reasoning and culture. It's all a matter of definition. You pick. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I'd say that my definition of divine isn't something separate or higher than man, but is the beauty of the individuality that people possess. There's something divine within people, but it's just that they're individuals. I have some very personality-filled dogs, too...and I'd say they have a divine spark in 'em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reach Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 I have some very personality-filled dogs, too...and I'd say they have a divine spark in 'em. No kidding! And a dog is sometimes the only one who will lovingly and faithfully satisfy the master's need for total acceptance. That suggests a different interpretation of the comment, "We're going to the dogs." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidhe Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 No kidding! And a dog is sometimes the only one who will lovingly and faithfully satisfy the master's need for total acceptance. That suggests a different interpretation of the comment, "We're going to the dogs." <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Exactly! WhatisTruth9's and my pitbull loves unconditionally...and unconditionally loves to plop all 105lbs of herself on your head in the middle of the night! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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