Fucking Bastards Won't Leave Me Alone!

[NearlyInsane]

Great letter! Looks like you got a lot of shit off your chest. And I think you nailed every point.

[NearlyInsane]

I also had a great deal of respect for the pastor of our church...until he made off with a quarter million dollars of the church's money. Well...that's the rumor anyway. He just decided one day that he was leaving and did not inform the congregation formally. Some of the deacons are the ones that leaked the rumor about $250k being unaccounted for. The pastor and his wife and family just disappeared. They're now pastoring a church in Chattanooga, Tennessee. So, I learned that Steve Martin's portrayal of the preacher in Leap of Faith is dead on in most cases.

I had one of those too! Church mysteriously burned down the day he was forced to resign due to multiple problematic "moral issues" as well as his tendency to convince elderly widows to make him their beneficiary... and there were also rumors of embezzlement from the church on top of everything else.

[GraphicsGuy]

Great letter! Looks like you got a lot of shit off your chest. And I think you nailed every point.

 

Yeah, I think I nailed every point, but it doesn't feel like I got it off my chest.

 

The problem is that, no matter what, it's still there and I can't shake it. The subject coming up with Christians just brings this huge amount of pain and anger to the surface and then I can't shake it for hours and hours. I mean, I was so upset yesterday just contemplating the meeting that I had to leave work and today I'm just a fucking mess even after writing that.

 

I guess it's partly because I'm anticipating some kind of response and until I get one I'm going to worry about it. And it's not that I care about what he actually says...it's my reaction that I'm mostly afraid of. Is it just going to set me off again? Am I just going to train-wreck at some point here?

 

It was kind of like when I wrote my ex the other day and told her to give me the password for the internet blocker she had on my work computer (bsafe piece of shit). We're broken up and she just couldn't have the decency to send it to me of her own free volition. She still had to try to exert some ounce of control over me in that way. She finally assented, but I was a mess during the day and sure enough her response did make me really angry, but that was finally that and I was able to move on.

 

This is sort of the same thing. Is the pastor going to respond? What is he going to say? Is he going to try to contact my ex? Is he going to show her the letter? On and on and on.

 

I know I'll be fine in a couple of days no matter what, but the waiting is almost killing me.

 

Plus I'm going through the stress of doing late taxes right now and I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

 

I'll be fine, really...just need to keep talking it out.

 

Getting laid would sure help too...

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

Getting laid would sure help too...

 

Damned straight!

 

I am just so amazed at how much we seem to have in common. I had those feelings too. I was constantly worried about the next communication with my ex, how is she going to react, how am I going to respond to her, etc. etc. It drove me nuts initially. I even broke down at work and cried (literally sobbed) to one of our HR employees about it.

 

But it gets better. That's all I can tell you. Give it time and it will get better. I am so much happier now (aside from not having my kids in my home with me) than I was even just a year ago and I've been divorced for nearly four years now. I've turned my anger at my wife into determination to see that I get the time I deserve with my children. I still hate her, but now instead of unbridled, chaotic energy, it's become fuel for my drive.

 

The anger at the church fades. For me, it's become pity for those that are still caught up in religion. I have accepted that a lot of time in my life has been lost due to being a Christian, but dwelling on that lost time is only going to lose me more. I have to do something with my life now, while I still have some years left to do it. It's going to take a lot of sacrifice, but it seems that everything worth having does.

 

I feel ridiculous telling you not to let it all get to you. I know what it's like and I know how much it hurts, but honestly, it is the best thing that could have happened given your situation. You would have been absolutely miserable and ended up a husk of a man.

[quicksand]

Hey Mark...into weight training or exercise? I'm an art director/graphic designer too and not only are gyms good social avenues to meet new women, but so are paper shows or even your local AIGA.

 

Or 30 dollars and some skank at the bar works too. (Ladies I'm only joking.)

[NearlyInsane]

Hey Mark...into weight training or exercise? I'm an art director/graphic designer too and not only are gyms good social avenues to meet new women, but so are paper shows or even your local AIGA.

Actually, exercise is great stress relief in itself, on top of gyms being a good place to meet people.

[GraphicsGuy]

I feel ridiculous telling you not to let it all get to you. I know what it's like and I know how much it hurts, but honestly, it is the best thing that could have happened given your situation. You would have been absolutely miserable and ended up a husk of a man.

 

I agree it is the best thing. You're absolutely right and I can already see that things will get better - if the fucking Xians will leave me the hell alone! Right now it's just too fresh and every couple of days there's some kind of reminder that brings it all back to the surface.

 

Hey Mark...into weight training or exercise? I'm an art director/graphic designer too and not only are gyms good social avenues to meet new women, but so are paper shows or even your local AIGA.

 

Or 30 dollars and some skank at the bar works too.

 

Thanks quicksand! I am planning to join a gym soon - once my financial situation stabilizes a little more. Moving out is rough!

 

I've met some local women online too and have been talking on the phone with them plus have a "date" lined up for Friday. We're just going to see a guy I know with his band at a local pub, but this is totally different and new experience for me! Somewhat exciting!

 

 

*******

 

On a completely different note (and AgnosticBob...you'll probably be able to relate once more) I finally told my little girl (she's 5) that I'm not going to be living at home anymore. I see her on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays (my older kids don't want to see me right now). Last night I brought her to my new place and she wondered what it was. I explained that I had to find a new place to sleep since I couldn't sleep in the basement at home anymore. She said, "But you're not living here, right?"

 

I said, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I am."

 

Well, she was absolutely crushed...really devastated. She cried, I cried. I held and cuddled her and we cried together. I explained that I loved her and I would always see her and I would never go away from her and on some nights she could even stay overnight with me. This went on for about 20-30 minutes and I asked her if she wanted to talk about it more. She said, "No" so I said we wouldn't talk about it anymore. We had a very small supper together and just had some music in the background.

 

And she slowly started to pull out of it. She started to ask questions about the apartment. We played with some of the old Lego I had for her. Somehow it dawned on her that just because I was in a different place the things we could do together didn't change at all. Eventually we were running around and laughing and when it was time to take her to her mother (I don't have a bed for her yet) she was sad to leave, but completely understood that this was not "Good-bye".

 

When I left her at the house she gave me a hug and asked if she would see me in a couple of days. Of course I said "yes" and then she said, "I like your new place, Daddy."

 

Wow, it was so hard, but could not have turned out better. We may hit some bumps in the road to come, but that was a pretty big hurdle to get over.

[The Sage Nabooru]

The worst thing you can do is act upset.

 

The best thing you can do is act calm and detached.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

On a completely different note (and AgnosticBob...you'll probably be able to relate once more)...

 

Wow, it was so hard, but could not have turned out better. We may hit some bumps in the road to come, but that was a pretty big hurdle to get over.

 

Wow, yeah, you bet I do. My situation is a bit different though, as I life across the United States from mine. It was a hard decision to make, but I had to do what I believed was best for me. We lived in a very small town in northeast Alabama and for someone in my line of work (IT), there just wasn't much in the way of advancement to be had. I looked for jobs in the more metropolitan areas of Alabama and a few of the surrounding states, and in Los Angeles, CA where my current girlfriend (and chosen partner for life, sans marriage) lived. I got absolutely NO responses anywhere other than in L.A. where I got several. So maybe there IS a god and he wanted me out of Alabama, huh?

 

So now, I visit them one extended weekend a month except for the months where they come to visit me. They have had absolutely no problems with the visits, they are usually not ready to leave when they have to and they constantly ask me when they get to come back out again. It's tough being apart from them, but I hope also that their experiences visiting me outside of that fundamentally backwards state will give them the drive to leave it when they grow up. I can't bear thinking of them wasting their lives there.

 

But YES, it will work out. Your children, your youngest for sure, will now have a fighting chance against the beast of Christianity. I would not push anything on her, but definitely keep on the lookout for questions from her. They will come. My little girl has asked if I believe in Jesus and I was able to tell her that not everyone does. She seemed to understand, but she is only five... The fact remains though, that she is going to be shoving god down their throats (collective she for both our exes) and we've got to just wait patiently and answer the questions honestly as they come. We'll prevail in the end.

[NearlyInsane]

The problem is that, no matter what, it's still there and I can't shake it. The subject coming up with Christians just brings this huge amount of pain and anger to the surface and then I can't shake it for hours and hours. I mean, I was so upset yesterday just contemplating the meeting that I had to leave work and today I'm just a fucking mess even after writing that.

I used to do the same thing, having religious discussions over email at work. It was difficult. Then I started debating fundies online; I burnt out a lot of my anger about religion that way. Eventually it stopped being so emotional for me. In fact, it became boring & I finally stopped doing it.

 

Just focus on getting through the days for now. Things will get easier over time.

[NearlyInsane]

I finally told my little girl (she's 5) that I'm not going to be living at home anymore.

Yikes! I'm glad that went pretty well. Kids are resilient. When I split up w/ my ex, he kidnapped our daughter, who was not quite 3 at the time. He gave her back the next day, but she spent a terrified night in a strange house with my ex's boss & his shotgun. That's absolutely the worst part about divorce.

[GraphicsGuy]

NI, your backstories scare me. It seems like you've had the worst shit-kickings religion can give.

 

As for debating fundies online, yeah I burnt my anger out on that and find it boring now as well. The problems come when they're on a personal level with people I know. Everything just comes rushing back to the surface and lately I can't seem to get more than a few days between it happening again.

 

Anyway, I'm taking Friday off and relaxing. I need the break. My workplace has been REALLY understanding about the whole thing.

[angel.white]

I used to do the same thing, having religious discussions over email at work. It was difficult. Then I started debating fundies online; I burnt out a lot of my anger about religion that way. Eventually it stopped being so emotional for me. In fact, it became boring & I finally stopped doing it.

lol I do that too, whenever I get pissed in IRL about religion (I have to keep my mouth shut mostly) I go online and blow steam by arguing w/ xians, or making a particularly unfriendly sig.

 

Heres my current one at my other site (gaming site htt[://www.starcraftdream.com)

I had another bullet to add to it, but I hit the character limit

-----------------

 

Exodus 32:14 And the LORD repented of the evil which he thought to do unto his people.

► Who does the christian god repent to?

► If evil is the absence of god, why must god repent for being evil?

► If god is love (1 John 4:16) and love is not easily angered & keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor 13:4-6) Then why did god plan to murder his people?

► How can a mere man (Moses) correctly point out these errors in god's plan?

[GraphicsGuy]

Just received a reply from the pastor. Brief and reasonable at least:

 

Mark,

 

I appreciate your candor and I accept that you are not in a space that you want to talk at this time. I hear the anger and frustration and I want you to know that if things don’t work out as you think or hope, and would ever like to chat, I would be happy to get together with you.

 

You have been in my thoughts and prayers,

 

Pastor Paul