Guest WhatIsTruth9 Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 My move away from Christianity...hmm.. Well let's start with my childhood (I'll be brief). My mother was Catholic, my father was a athiest, but for some reason thought that I would learn "good morals" from the local Pentecostal Church that his parents went to, so against my mom's wishes I was sent there. My mom wasn't to religious of a Catholic. She had left the church when a priest at a church she was working at hit on her (and that's being nice about it...that's how she put it).. Anyway, I soon figured out that all the hubbabalo and screaming wasn't for me so I managed to convince my family to let me stop going at around age 9 or so. I didn't go to church for a while, but out of some sort of fear, tried to believe as much as I could because I was brainwashed into thinking by the area in which I live in that "good people belive in Jesus, if you don't well then you go to hell and burn". Burning didn't sound to cool so.. Now let's swiflty move to high school. My childhood friend is killed in a horrible car accident. His "christian" family didn't even want to come to the funneral because they fucking didn't like him being gay and hanging out with black guys. I was so angry at god I couldn't see straight. Then I went off to college. And I met a guy (who is now my ex). I thought he was wonderful. He was for the first year. After that, started a deluge of abuse, and I wanted to leave, but thought for some reason I thought I could change him. I also had started studying and practicing paganism at this time. I got pregnant by said "wonderful" guy and I moved back to the ol' college town, away from my family. I gave birth to a son on July 18th 2001. Here's where shit hits the fan. On October 25th, 2001 while I was out taking care of some business, there was a 911 call placed from the house we where renting. My ex-fiance was the only one at the house at the time with my son. My son had to be life-lifted to Egleston Children's hospital, with severe head trauma. Through some finagling I got to the hospital, and talked to the nurses and head neurologist. This injury was the worst he had seen, accident or otherwise. He also said my son was completely brain dead and that accordingly do Georgia law, that after family and friends where allowed to make their goodbye's we would have to take him off life support. After the autopsy had been done I learned what I happend to my son. My ex had shaken and beaten my son to death. I had lost everything. My son was my life. My dreams of him growing up having a good life, and going to school and all the little milestones that a mother looks forward to where smashed. Even now, when its almost 4 years later a hole is still in my heart that will never be fixed. At that point I believed in nothing, except my ex getting punished for what he had done. I couldn't deal with it all. A year after my son's death I met my current husband (who is sidhe on this forum). We were going for an interview to work at some shitty little food stand in the mall, and got hired the same day so we where having our little talk with management who was going over the rules and stuff. We became fast friends, and lovers soon afterwards. He has been such a loving help to me that if it had not been for him, I am sure I probably would not have made it. I started practicing my paganism again. Things still where hell though as my ex's attorney made my life hell for nealry 2 years as he dragged the case out only to have my ex take a plea bargin in the end. By that point I had lost my mother and father. After the plea bargin stuff I had a nervous breakdown, and my friends tried to help me as much as they could. Around this time I began investigating Christianity again. Of the Catholic/Orthodox/Episcopalian persuasion. They then became hardcore-fundimentalist Christians, who urged me to stop being bisexual, and urged me to stop hating my ex and forgive him. One of my friends especially hated that I was going to become Catholic and not join her church. It was one of the "Willow Creek Association Mega Churches" They even said around the election that I couldn't be a good person if I was bisexual and voted for Kerry. I couldn't understand what all their hatred came from. I mean if we are Christians shouldn't they be happy that I was following "the lord". I guess not. I still explored Christianity up untill earlier this year, and finally became fed up with it. I realize now its just a tired old lie, and its focal point Jesus was just another name for another aspect of another god. So now I would term myself a Universist with paganish leanings. I tend to celebrate the equinox's and other days like that but in much less of a way than I did before with my preivous bouts of paganism. There is not a day that goes by that I don't seriously doubt the exsistence of a higher power. Maybe I'm an athiest waiting in the closet to come out...I dunno. But for now I'm following my path towards trying to be happy again. Peace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Welcome to EX-C WhatIsTruth9!! Thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching anti-T. My deepest condolences on your tragic loss, there are no words. I believe the Truth is never what we're told it is, it has been thru my journey to be case anyway. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 whatistruth: man. What a tough testimony. I'm really sorry you had to go through all that. Welcome to the forums, though. Hopefully you'll find some answers here to some of the god questions. I hope life smooths out for you. Nobody should have it that rough. m. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reach Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 WhatIsTruth, welcome back, old friend. It's good to see you and your husband Sidhe return to Ex-C. As before, I'm deeply touched by the story of you losing your little son. I know you're making the effort to move on, but I know the grief is still there. Didn't you share his story with us in that old Forgiveness thread we had back in February of last year? If you'd like me to send you a copy of your old post, I think I have it. I haven't lost a son in the way you have, but I can relate in a way. You must miss him greatly. You might be surprised to see that I deconverted since we last were online together. It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. That was just over a year ago. I survived but it cost me my family, as I knew it would. Much love to you and welcome back, Reach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Roamin' Lion Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 I think so many of us fall prey to Christianity out of confusion and fear more than anything else. We go through our early years knowing we do not know much, and so we cling to this silly religion of assuredness even though it is built on sand. There is so much wrapped up in the whole thing. People basically want to believe two things about themselves, that they are smart, and that they are good. Well, religion plays to both of those things. If God is saying something, then believing it makes you look smart in those circles, and it certainly gives you a feeling of being special and good. Double whammy. At some point we begin to see through it all, if we are smart, and after we have been kicked around a lot, we get to see life from the underbelly. And, the people we thought were so righteous become human to us again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Welcome WhatIsTruth9. Sad story, and my hope is that you finally are finding your true path in life, and finding yourself in it too. Really sorry about your son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curtdude Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 Big Welcome. Your story is really moving. I hope as part of the plea bargain your ex has to scrub toilets in the Big House and be some convicts maid (grrrrr). I just go white hot with anger when I read or hear stories like yours. Take care, and I look forward to reading your insights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ophy Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 My heart goes out to you, and I hope you manage to find peace after the loss of your child. I am glad you found your way here, and I look forward to getting to know you better. MUCH LOVE! Ophy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Welcome back, WIT. Reach was talking to me yesterday about you and the story of your child and I thought I recalled seeing it on that wonderful old Forgiveness thread. That was you, wasn't it? What a wrenching thing to go through. And all the legal ordeal being dragged out for so long, only to reach such a limp end. It's only natural that there would be a gaping hole in you there for the wind to blow through. It's good to see you and your husband back with us, WIT. Unlike that other congregation, I know you will be warmly received by this community (again). Loren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onyx Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 The scariest testiomony I've read though I dislike children, I was really scared about you and your child. I hope you pull through. Where's the Forgiveness Thread, Loren, I so gotta read that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reach Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Where's the Forgiveness Thread, Loren, I so gotta read that one. Silly, this is the archived version: Forgiveness Note that when I began this thread, I was still a Christian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest WhatIsTruth9 Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Just got through reading my posts in the old forgiveness thread....just...wow...just to see where everyone was in their life then...hell where I was in my life then. My mental state is a bit better, I'm able to handle things now without a cocktail of 5-6 meds. I knew I had posted here before but couldn't remember my screen name. I like this one better though...I didn't include some things that I had previously posted in my other post (the one in the forgivenss thread) cause this was mostly my move away from christianity.....also I guess I just didn't want to rehash a lot of that shit....Anyway.... Thank for the warm welcome back everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest WhatIsTruth9 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Okay....I'm off the fence... After some thinking and stuff...I'm finally going to just come right out and say it.. I'M A BLOODY ATHEIST! Wine and hors d'ouvres will be served in the drawing room... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveL Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Congratulations WhatIsTruth9!! It feels good to say it... Will you be having cheese and crackers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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