Jesus is AWESOME!

[webmdave]

By Brother Jeff

 

JESUS is just so AWESOME! I have been thinking a lot about God lately, and after the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sinfulness, I turned my life over to Christ! Again! This time it's for real and it's for good! I'll never turn my back on Him again! As for me and my cat wife Tasha, we will serve the LORD! I am so grateful to God for the way He has been helping me at school. When I don't know something, I pray about it, and Jesus gives me a revelation! And sometimes He is right! Glory! And I know that when He is wrong it's my fault for not hearing Him correctly, or it's Satan's fault for interfering with the spiritual transmission. Man, God is so awesome! If you're not God's friend, then you are His enemy and you are going to burn in HELL forever! Jesus loves you!

 

Shit! F**k that shit. It's hard for me to write like that anymore even joking about it. I can understand a belief in a deistic sort of god who created it all given the beauty of our world and the universe and the design evident in it, but the "revealed" gods of religions seem utterly unreal to me now. So do concepts like resurrected (magically undead) people who live in the sky. And a god with giant books who is going to judge everybody and then toss the vast majority of humanity into a flaming torture chamber for eternity? Yeah, right. And speaking of books, the notion that the Bible is an inerrant, infallible Book from God is absolutely ludicrous. And the concept of the "Holy Spirit" is hilarious! How can anybody even say "Holy Spirit" without laughing out loud? And of course "Holy Ghost" is even funnier! And yet I used to ask god to fill me up with the holy spirit all the time. All I ever got was a lot of warm fuzzy feelings while I continued to be a typically arrogant, ignorant, obnoxious religious asshole.

 

And what about wanting to be like Jesus? Why would I want to be like a man who plans to roast most of humanity forever? That's like wanting to be like Hitler - only many times worse!

 

What a crock of shit religion is! Religion is Bullshit! Like I seem to remember Dave the WM saying once, "It's (believing in the Christian myths) like being on a really bad acid trip!"

 

http://exchristian.net/exchristian/2007/09...is-awesome.html

[Oldjew]

Oh dear Heavenly Mother help Brother Jeff to see the light even if it is a 5 watt bulb located 5 miles away. We know you send your daughter to save man from his worst sins; voting Republican, going to a Fundy church, praying to your ex-husband God, not buying a round of drinks for all of your wild party animals, buying Fords when everyone knows they continuously break down, making eyes at other men's wives in church and smoking Cuban cigars, but he is really a good goddess fearing man who doesn't go to church every Sunday, doesn't pay his tithes and doesn't read his bible.

So we pray to you today to touch his heart by boring a hole into his chest with your little figure and bless his sole of his left shoe as it has a hole in it.

We call on you for your mercy is forever gone and your love endureth never. And as we say; Our Mother whom are not in Heaven Howie be thy name (strange name for a woman). Thy queendom come thy biscuits be done on earth as it is in New Haven Connecticut. Give us this day our daily tortillas and forgive us for passing gas as those that pass gas in front of us. For thine is the drag queen and the party pooper forever. Ah women.

 

[Robbobrob]

Thank you Brother Jeff, I have seen the light, and it is flourescent!!!!

 

Incidentally, which is better: a jail cell called Heaven, or a jail cell called Hell?

 

I thought Eve liberated us from this eons ago when she choose to be a responsible adult and not bow to the tryranny of a PrisonKeeper God. Only Christians would see being freed from the prison known as Eden as a BAD thing.

 

Oh wait, I forgotteth, True Christians are he-man women haters. Just like the Little Rascals. No wonder they have never learned to grow up and be fully functional adults.