L.B. Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 OK, this section is called Rants and Replies, so here goes (cue Fantastic Four theme music... Flame ON!): The Xtian has a ghostie living in him. This ghostie is invisible, mute and somehow subservient to gah-da-fodder and Jayzus, even though they are all supposed to be 'god'. This ghostie likes to 'speak' to some people through conflicting messages worded in Elizabethan English. To others, the ghostie speaks like "papa-oom-mow-mow" or "ohhhh-picka-pecka-pickull-pepahs! Halleluyaaaaah!" Yet, for all his/its (no one can decide) talking, this ghostie seems to be radically inconsistent in the application of his/its divine powers... For the average hairy-palmed Bible-porn-addicted tosser, the 'messages' of the ghostie are crystal clear and sublimely personal and intimate. (Ever notice how Xtians seem to get off on 'god' being so intimate and secretive with them? Needy little shits' daddy never bonded with them... boo hoo) As soon as someone else claims to have heard from the ghostie, however, everything goes ass-end-up and we get a fucking mess. The mute, contradictory ghostie couldn't POSSIBLY have told one person that: Jayzus is divine Jayzus isn't divine he bodily resurrected he resurrected as a spirit tongues are legit tongues are demonic demons are active today no such thing as demonic activity today women can preach women can't preach women can wear pants women can't wear pants long hair on men is a non-issue we have collars for a reson rock music can be used by 'god' rock music is evil hollywood can be a channel of evangelism hollywood is evil homosexuality is a legit expression homos are par-boiled already and set to be fried the king james bible is the only correct version in english there are many good choices, no one is better, or only a few are really flawed the eucharist is really jayzus' body/blood eucharist is symbol ...while telling someone else something different... and on and on. This fucking ghostie is about the only one I have ever encountered that made me believe that exorcism might not only be legit, but absolutely fucking necessary for the continued sanity of the modern human race. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 This reminds me of piece that I read a few years ago L.B. The author was a pastor and he was complaining about the phenomenon of the dualing prophets. There was some conflict in his church. At some point one who was "annointed in the spirit"stood and channeled the words of God saying that his side of the disagreement was the righteous one. Then shortly thereafter another person stood to speak the words of God saying that his side of the disagreement was the righteous one. It seems God is very conflicted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L.B. Posted September 19, 2007 Author Share Posted September 19, 2007 Get this... a person who was fluent in bible-era Greek and Hebrew once went to a pentecostal church. He stood up and recited the 23rd Psalm in Hebrew... someone 'anointed to interpret' stood up and gave an 'interpretation' that was so far off the fucking mark, the original speaker said he wasn't even sure they put a totally incidental word like 'the' or 'he' in the right place! He went to another church and did the same thing with a passage from 'apostle paul' in the New Testicle. Turns out the next 'interpreter' was just as shit-filled as the first! Why is ANYONE surprised? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 I think a person has to have some serious audacity to claim to speak for God. Is that supposed to be humble? I once heard a guy who was not speaking in tongues say in a church... Blah, blah, blah, so sayeth the Lord! I just don't see how someone could be that deluded or egotistical. Christians should get their shit together,so sayeth the Lord! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Very interesting thread. I come from a background where anything approaching talking in tongues in church is so seriously suspect that it could not happen. I guess you're new, L.B., so maybe I should introduce myself. I lived the first forty years of my life as a member in good standing in a horse and buggy Mennonite community, which is very similar to the Amish. The only people who raise their voices above a whisper in such a service are the ordained clergy and babies under a year old who have not yet learned the rules. Anyone else is severely disciplined and/or instantly removed. Therefore, I had no idea how this thing about speaking in tongues and interpreting played out in real life. I had read the passage many times and wondered if it actually worked. What is described in this thread is exactly what I would have expected, yet it is what the Bible prescribes and presumably the Bible can't be wrong. I guess whoever said God can't lie was probably right because God would have to exist in order to lie, but the Bible apparently does lie, and not just on one or two points, but almost every time it "opens its mouth" or makes a statement. It's an ancient writing, for crying out loud! Why would it apply to today's context? It may or may not have made sense to the people for whom it was written. Often one gets the impression that it did not make sense to the target audience. The kings didn't like the prophecies and the Jews hated Jesus, and the churches didn't like Paul's letters. So I guess it didn't make sense then and it doesn't make sense now. What else is new??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordofGondor Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 The talking spirit...that reminds me of when I was still attending my Church's youth ministry way back when; one night our youth pastor was trying to explain how a believer can tell if the 'voice' he heard was of God or the devil, and he said something along the lines of: 'when God is speaking to you his voice actually sounds much like your own.' Everyone else was 'hmm'ing and 'ahh'ing and nodding their heads in agreement. I was laughing on the inside. I can't say that I've ever received any contradictory messages from my Church pastors, but the point of Jesus' bodily vs spiritual resurrection had always been a point of contention between me and my mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piprus Posted September 22, 2007 Share Posted September 22, 2007 Perfect set-up... I was told that when the holy sprite speaks to you, whatever message it says, it will not deviate from scripture. So, there is always a bibble verse you can point to to confirm that the message came from the sprite and not from (cough)...the devil! Naturally, you'll be able to recall a verse from memory, or look up one if you need to, to confirm that the holy sprite was actually the one giving you the "message". You can't lose! Just more fuel for the great con... Oh, c'mon, LB, to reply to your OP...surely you know...there are NO contradictions here...your eyes are just blurred by the "lord of lies"...you need to pray, m'friend. Oh yeah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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