Red_Pyramid Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 I got into a huge argument with my dad about me being gay and my carefree lifestyle(my brother is no different yet they favor him and give him whatever he wants). So I left to go to the gym, and as soon as I come back my room is torn apart; he cleaned it and in the process ripping up some of my photos throwing away some magazines, threw away some of jewelry, and threw my TV in the dumpster. I'm pissed as hell, I was only staying there because they said they would help me a little while going to school, but now I'm not going to finish it up just yet, it's time to move out. But I was wondering if I could press charges, because that was my property, and I am soooo fucking pissed I want to rip his throat out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Wow... I just want to offer a listening ear. I have no advice... just hang in there. He may never get over it, but it won't always be this bad... and damn, surely there is a way for you to get compensated for loss of property, but without legal action and a whole lot of work for very little, I don't think it's worth it. Did you have insurance on any of the things that are gone/broken? Such as the TV and jewelry? If I were you, I'd find a friend's house to stay in for a few days until your dad calms down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astreja Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Take photographs of the damage if you can. Get to a safe place. Investigate pressing both civil and criminal charges. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluescreen Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Heya Red Pyramid, Recent law school grad here. Don't have my law license yet, so I can't technically give you "legal advice," but I'm not totally gagged. Everything in this post is merely information provided to help you understand your possible legal rights -- the information is not intended as legal advice and shouldn't be relied on as such. (/end ass covering disclaimer mode.) If the property that your dad destroyed is indeed yours and you can prove that daddy dearest is the jerk who trashed it, then you may have some legal recourse. Just because it's a family member who wrecks your stuff while it's in their home doesn't let the asshole get off scott free. Destroying/damaging someone else's property is usually one of a couple of different torts (civil wrongs). To get compensation for a tort, people sue the wrongdoer in civil court to get some money in compensation. If the value of the property is under a certain amount (often around $5000) you could try small claims court. As far as criminal charges go... I worked in a criminal court for a summer internship for the prosecution, and I didn't really see stuff like this come our way. I'm guessing these kind of cases may have wound up in family court, or the cops hashed it out on the scene and no official paperwork was ever generated. Dunno, I didn't do any work with the family wing. However, any kind of legal action tends to RUIN family relationships like you wouldn't believe. I'd *always* try to work things out myself with my family before I resorted to the legal process. Your post makes it sound like there are some ongoing problems between you and your family that are contributing to the current dispute -- suing people doesn't help solve those kinds of problems. However, there are ways of handling disputes without suing that are designed to resolve the current problem and work through some of the underlying crapola. Mediation is a really popular one for handling disputes between family members. Cool stuff, I did some mediation work too for a semester my last year of law school. Either way, you should give yourself a chance to cool off and really think it over before doing anything and get some advice from a lawyer. If you've got more questions, I'll try to answer them to the extent the law will permit me to -- you can PM me if you're worried about privacy. EDIT -- Good advice, Astreja, photographs are *very* important in proving damage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
מה טבו Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Legally - if it's your property - yeah, you probably have some recourse. That being said, I say this as someone who grew up around cops and social workers. People in the legal system tend not to do jack shit if the perp is your parent - and especially if you're living with them. Short of beating you half to death, even as an adult, your parents can get away with almost anything. Not that it's legal - cops and judges just tend to not do shit about it. You want revenge? Wait. Get out on your own and support yourself. Then don't call him. Don't tell him you're not speaking to him - just don't speak to him. I did it to both my parents. Both of them had thrown my blind ass on the streets - but when I was 25 and didn't call, they were upset. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 If you're 18+ and if the stuff was yours then you've got a small claims case if you can prove that your dad did it. This doesn't mean that you left, he was the only one home when you left and when you got back it was fucked up (because others could have done something during that time as well) so all he has to do is deny it and the case is over (and you're out court costs). Witnesses would be great but would your family members testify against him? Probably not. As others have said, court cases split families (not that yours seems to be doing great anyway). Could you talk to you mom or something about getting some cash to recover your expenses? Sometimes working it that way, and just avoiding dad altogether, is the better way to go. Then just go your own way and avoid him as much as possible. Maybe some day he (they?) will come around? mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 What an ass. What a little kid tantrum of a father you are stuck with. Too bad he could not have left things alone and let you get your life together. I'm not a fan of the legal system. They seem to mess things up more than help, especially when it involves family. But, sometimes it is an only option. Hope you find a more peaceful place to live, finish your education, and find your bliss in life. Don't let your pursuit of your hapiness get sidetracked by your ignorant father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 When you ask if there was something you could have done, do you mean to avoid it? Maybe you could have stayed in the closet. But maybe you didn't want to. You might have had to come out sometime anyway. And there's no point in bemoaning what is done. Best bet is to figure out how to go from here. Lots of good advice has been given. Probably best bet is to not press legal charges if there is any other way to get on in life but you're have to weigh the pros and cons and make your own decision. None of us knows the situation as well as you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Your dad is an ass. That said, honestly, I don't think there is much you can do about your stuff unless you have reciepts, credit card invoices, photographs, and such and such with given dollar amounts to actually TAKE to a small claims court with. Might be more hassle than it's worth. Definately move out. Leave, and don't talk to him again. Or if you do, it's minimal contact and tell him in no uncertain terms the day he grows up, apologizes, treats you with respect and starts acting like an adult is when you will consider having a relationship with him. Unfortuantely parents often have to be trained to respect their children when they become adults. I've had to force mine to be humble and respectful if they want to talk to me by engaging in long periods of distance and very brief contact. The second they started getting judgemental or disrespectful, the call or email was ended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Unfortuantely parents often have to be trained to respect their children when they become adults. I've had to force mine to be humble and respectful if they want to talk to me by engaging in long periods of distance and very brief contact. The second they started getting judgemental or disrespectful, the call or email was ended. Knowing some of what you've been through, Kurari, I put stock in this advice on how to train adult relatives to respect oneself. What I find most challenging is that I know what they are thinking about me--they are thinking extremely negative things about me. I don't like that one bit. But when it comes right down to practical day-to-day living, which is what counts, then I know I can function better when I don't have to deal with them. A phone call or letter can put me out of commission for hours or days. Knowing they have negative thoughts does not have quite the same power. It's unpleasant but most of the time I can block it out of my mind and focus on friendships here and other positive aspects of life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RIPw4 Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 if your under 18 and live in his house then there is really not a whole lot you can do. While I think what your Dad did was lame as hell, if you are under his house and he pays the bills then its his laws.. You could always get emancipated and move out if your under 18. If your over 18, then just get up and leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sir fer Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 You want revenge? Wait. Get out on your own and support yourself. Then don't call him. Don't tell him you're not speaking to him - just don't speak to him. I did it to both my parents. Both of them had thrown my blind ass on the streets - but when I was 25 and didn't call, they were upset. this is very good advice. cut him/them off but don't tell them get out on your own and succeed...best "revenge" ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts