4truth Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Today my sister informed me that my deconversion was making her re-think her relationship with her. It sounds like she's thinking about cutting me out of her life. This is so hard; we've always been close. My question is, what do Christians expect you to do if you don't believe? Am I supposed to keep going to church and pretending I believe it? Wouldn't that be dishonest, which is wrong? How can you make yourself believe something? If I told people my dog was a cat and they had to believe that too, would they do it? Some things that are ludicrous aren't even worth the time to debate, much less believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest neileroberts Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Too true. My wife and I are currently going through this very thing. At some points it looks like things are settling down and we might actually have a chance of making it work but then at others she will say something like "things will only get better if you let Jesus heal you". Then I just deflate and think "crap, I was wrong again, she still doesn't get it" The big issue you have already pointed out. Once you cease to believe there is actually nothing you can do to change it. Your mind will not let you. If you try to force it you will just experience cognitive dissonance and that aint fun. All you can do is take each day as it comes and see where you end up. But more than anything else, keep your dignity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 My question is, what do Christians expect you to do if you don't believe? Am I supposed to keep going to church and pretending I believe it? Wouldn't that be dishonest, which is wrong? Well, the whole cult (at least the literalist/morontheist part of it) is based on dishonesty and deception... the cult needs dishonesty or it would implode immediately. That said, another possible answer is based on what True Christians Know Exactly about Evil Unbelievers... ...if you don't believe in jebus, morontheists expect you to start looting, raping, murdering at a hat's drop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemon Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Today my sister informed me that my deconversion was making her re-think her relationship with her. It sounds like she's thinking about cutting me out of her life. This is so hard; we've always been close. My question is, what do Christians expect you to do if you don't believe? Am I supposed to keep going to church and pretending I believe it? Wouldn't that be dishonest, which is wrong? How can you make yourself believe something? If I told people my dog was a cat and they had to believe that too, would they do it? Some things that are ludicrous aren't even worth the time to debate, much less believe. And to think your sister is supposed to be representing her God in front of you. Perhaps her faith is decreasing as a result of your honesty and she simply does not want to admit it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 That was my thought too, Lemon. She is wavering inside, and seeing someone she loves deconvert, she is now backing away, thinking you have contracted a spiritual version of malaria. Obviously she does not think her vaccine took. It always saddens me to hear stories of family disowning, or at least distancing themselves from loved ones. You'd think the better reaction would be to love the unbeliever more, to show that perfect love....but I think they fear that that would lead to an unbeliever thinking the True Christian accepts and approves of the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L.B. Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Wow... what a sad thing. Seems there isn't allowed to be anything about your relationship to her that matters anymore except whether you believe in her god or not. How sad that a person can write off their own kin in the interest of belonging to a mind cult. neileroberts, I feel you, friend. I am going through exactly the same thing. My wife is sick to death of all the bullshit that goes on in the churches, and she can't refute a single thing I've said when she has asked me why i have turned my back on belief. The only thing she has to go on is this mystical idea that Jayzus is going to whisper in my ear and POOF! everything will be bck to normal, because it's not the religious facts and figures that are right... it's this internal feeling and leading and secret-message shit. Maybe that's what the OP's sister is still holding on to... maybe she is through trying to rationalize Xtianity as a valid source of anything true, and now she has to write her brother off or else even her little imaginary invisible not-bound-by-church-dogma Jayzus will vanish, too. My sympathies... be well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Today my sister informed me that my deconversion was making her re-think her relationship with her. It sounds like she's thinking about cutting me out of her life. This is so hard; we've always been close. My question is, what do Christians expect you to do if you don't believe? Am I supposed to keep going to church and pretending I believe it? Wouldn't that be dishonest, which is wrong? How can you make yourself believe something? If I told people my dog was a cat and they had to believe that too, would they do it? Some things that are ludicrous aren't even worth the time to debate, much less believe. I find it easier to deal with the xtians in my world by saying I am agnostic as opposed to atheist. They tend to think and act like (well, at *least you believe in god anyway" Actually I *Only* feel it is possible a god or god like force exists, but I don't *believe* anything at all without proof. The reason why I state this is because even though most atheists I have met feel just like me, christians FAIL TO UNDERSTAND the definition of an atheist. They think you don't believe in *any* god or god like force regardless of if proof is ever found or not, kinda like a slammed shut book. Since they don't understand the meaning, agnositc fits better and is more in line with what really is an atheist. My wife and her baptist relatives dont treat me quite so negatively using that phrase, and I don't feel like a sellout using it. However it does not work on all of them. I still have some fundy inlaws that avoid me like I have aids or something. My wife accepts my lack of belief, though she cringes when she sees me talking on this board, so I tend to only do it in private. Why? Am I ashamed to be here? No. I respect that she is uncomfortable with it, so I choose not to rub it in her face, a courtesy that few xtians adhere to, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Today my sister informed me that my deconversion was making her re-think her relationship with her. It sounds like she's thinking about cutting me out of her life. This is so hard; we've always been close. Have you come right out and asked her to clarify this statement? You should consider it if you haven't. If she does confirm your suspicions have her explain why she is doing such a thing (we both are aware of the doctrinal issues but it's always different to have someone actually come out and say them). Be sure to tell her the last thing on your mind was the destruction of the family which is a bit of an irony considering how xianity touts family as one of it's values. I guess xianity only embraces its own. Let her think about that and see if it sinks in at all. My question is, what do Christians expect you to do if you don't believe? They expect you to believe. Period. mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Today my sister informed me that my deconversion was making her re-think her relationship with her. It sounds like she's thinking about cutting me out of her life. This is so hard; we've always been close. My question is, what do Christians expect you to do if you don't believe? Am I supposed to keep going to church and pretending I believe it? Wouldn't that be dishonest, which is wrong? How can you make yourself believe something? If I told people my dog was a cat and they had to believe that too, would they do it? Some things that are ludicrous aren't even worth the time to debate, much less believe. If you told people your dog was a cat and they had to believe that too, chances are there would be deeper issues with you and your delusions than a simple quirk. Such is the case with your sister and the destruction she has opted to release on your relationship because of the ghastly influence her religion. I am sorry to hear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandatory Chaos Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Sounds to me like someone at church is telling her she shouldn't have close relationships with "Non-Believers". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Yup, seems like they expect you to "just believe" and not ask questions and not have doubts. Be as afraid as they are of going to hell. Be just like them, don't be different, don't rock the boat, don't make them uncomfortable with your questions. And, by god, DON'T be comfortable and at peace with your decision to leave! That goes against everything they think should happen. You should be this slobbering mess right now that's out boozing and shooting up and screwing everything in sight! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4truth Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 ...if you don't believe in jebus, morontheists expect you to start looting, raping, murdering at a hat's drop. That's the truth! After I deconverted my husband was so nervous around me it looked like he thought I was going to start sacrificing babies to Satan on the dining room table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 That's the truth! After I deconverted my husband was so nervous around me it looked like he thought I was going to start sacrificing babies to Satan on the dining room table. So how'd that go? The first few are alright but it gets old pretty quickly... mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Everglaze Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Why believers always try to integrate implications based upon Satanic direction is beyond me. It's always God or Satan that you're with. There's no 'normal' in between. Ridiculous. If you don't believe, you don't believe. If you don't like, you don't like. People can't force themselves to believe something they honestly can't believe. By faking a belief is lying to one's self. I've been in that circular argument where I was accused of lying to myself when I seriously couldn't believe. Drop the conversation, as it has no redeeming value. If personal beliefs have to get in the way of a relationship that has nothing to do with it, something is definitely wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
South2003 Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Not to make light of your situation, but, your sister is actually being true to here religion. She loves you but... Luke 14:26 and 2 Corinthians 6:14 says to do the opposite Sad indeed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upstarter Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 I'd like to add two points. One, faking belief is hard work and in the end not worth it. I faked belief for many years, and truth be told I still fake it around my parents (who thankfully live 3000 miles away). The farther I get from xtianity the more it causes me psychic pain to fake it. So don't fall into that trap. My parents are elderly and I simply cannot break their hearts by telling them that I am an atheist. It's hard enough for them that I don't take my children to church. But really, my main point is that you have to realize that when we abandon the faith it threatens everything they believe. "Raise up a child in the way he should go and he shall never depart from it." My mother clings to that like a life raft. People simply don't accept Jesus as their lord and savior and then change their minds. That is simply not possible in their world. For years as I questioned my faith I assumed that all the times I had answered alter calls it must not have "taken". Because if I had really accepted Jesus I'd feel unquestioning love and devotion like my parents and my sister. I wouldn't question, I'd simply accept what I was told and I'd bask in the beauty of Jesus' love. For years, I was convinced something was wrong with me! For your sister to be faced with the reality that someone she loves is making a choice that is totally impossible, has to shake her. And I agree with the other poster who said that someone is likely telling her not to associate with non-believers. Because non-believers introduce ideas and thoughts that might shake her faith. I feel for you. Losing your sister must feel like a knife blow. I wish I had an easy answer, but I gave up easy answers when I gave up xtianity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HIM Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Too true. My wife and I are currently going through this very thing. At some points it looks like things are settling down and we might actually have a chance of making it work but then at others she will say something like "things will only get better if you let Jesus heal you". Then I just deflate and think "crap, I was wrong again, she still doesn't get it" The big issue you have already pointed out. Once you cease to believe there is actually nothing you can do to change it. Your mind will not let you. If you try to force it you will just experience cognitive dissonance and that aint fun. All you can do is take each day as it comes and see where you end up. But more than anything else, keep your dignity. I agree -- you can't change them unless they want to be changed. I ended up divorcing my ex-wife because she couldn't accept that I not possessed by Satan (seriously). It's hard to stand up and say you won't take it anymore, but I had to for my sanity. Be strong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Not to make light of your situation, but, your sister is actually being true to here religion. She loves you but... Luke 14:26 and 2 Corinthians 6:14 says to do the opposite Sad indeed! Yet another biblical contradiction and selective interpretation by the believer in order to justify his or her predisposition. Jesus hung out with the dross of humanity, Paul said don't yoke to dross. You could build a pretty good biblical case to turn your sister around 4truth if you were so inclined. You might say something like "Your Jesus doesn't give up on me until I'm dead, so why are you giving up on me?" As has been echoed here, the issue amongst some deconverters that is just so heart breaking is getting shunned by friends and loved ones. My heart really goes out to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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