par4dcourse Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Ok, I'm a little confused. I asked a heartfelt question about dealing with a major loss for the first time as an ex-c. I got two replies. (Thanks to Michael and RubySera.) A typical post about something stupid a fundie said or a recent news item gets thousands of views and sometimes hundreds of replies. Is this blog just for xtian bashing and learning about firearms? (No offense intended, Skip.) Or maybe nobody cares since I'm relatively new to the group. Neither option helps. What gives? Larry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mongo Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 What gives? Larry, Maybe I'm wrong but my guess is that people don't know what to say. I know there are many compationate people here. Perhaps it is because you seem to communicate being in control and rational. What do you say to a person like that? You appear to be nothing more than simply heart broken. You're not fucked up you're grieving. Many people who ask for advice are in denial about something and when I read that I feel that maybe I can put things in perspective. You don't seem to be in denial. In fact, allowing people to pray for you is an act of kindness that shows insight and compassion into other people's misguided ways of dealing with grief. I think that indicates a level of maturity that tells people they have nothing to teach you about life. So Larry... how can we be of help? You have my most sincere sympathy for the loss you are going through. Your friend sounds like a stand up guy. I envy you. Maybe you should give me advice on how to gain and maintain such good friends. Your friend is lucky too. I rarely hear of friendships so close. As Ruby said, find a grief group in your area and talk to people who are going through what you are going through. Spend time with your friend and make sure he knows what his friendship has meant to you. Chances are he will want to comfort you. I don't know what else to say. Mongo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Larry I think Mongo is right. People may not know what to say. Another couple of things… I’ve noticed that you seldom come back to respond to your own threads. Also, you are new here and everything that this implies. People have only just now had the opportunity to get to know you. You are still in the process of building relationships here. Give us a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I sent you a PM the other day Larry, perhaps you missed it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted October 24, 2007 Author Share Posted October 24, 2007 Mongo, After re-reading my original post, I came to the conclusion that you're right. I didn't leave much room for any response other than "I'm sorry for your loss." I've also come to the conclusion that what is really bothering me is my own mortality. I, like many of you, spent years hearing that my immortal soul would live forever, if only I played by the churches rules. Now that I know that's bullshit, It puts a damper on my afterlife prospects. Vigile, I got the PM, and I thank you for taking the time to respo nd. I love the site and the "characters" that abound here. I'm going to stop the pity-party, get off my little ass, and get moving again. Que Sera Sera. Larry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Larry, you are alright in my book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Take a look at your old thread, there are a few new responses you may wanna look at. Your OK in my book too, best of luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mongo Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I'm going to stop the pity-party, get off my little ass, and get moving again. Que Sera Sera. Anger, frustration, confusion, sadness... they are all part of loss. Don't avoid it; go through it and yes... you are allowed to have the occasional pity party. When you start to marinate in pity, I'll let you know. We'd love to hear more. Mongo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fallenleaf Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I read the thread and could not respond. My understanding of death is hardly helpful to someone else. I could have shared a recent loss of a person dear to me... and how it affected me... but it's your thread and your loss. And how my loss affected me doesn't have anything to do with you and your pending loss. So what should I say? It's nothing if not empty words. One of the most cleansing experiences I had after losing my friend was to be with another friend of hers... and we just sat, without speaking, and accepted each other's sorrow. Well, and we drank like fish... but that was already underway when we left the main group to just mellow out for a bit. Everything I could think to say then sounded empty and trite... as would anything I could think to say now. There are no easy answers... no quick fixes. Edit: As for the thing about serious questions... perhaps it's because people here take them seriously. We're all done blowing off the big questions and spouting empty answers that as supposed to be accepted without question. We're done ignoring the serious questions and want to digest them. And, sometimes, that means we don't have an answer. It's easy to respond to the simple questions... the joking ones... the fundies asking their imagined "big" questions which are just really silly blips of misthought. So people respond to the easy ones. And they respect the serious questions too much to tread there without a serious answer or response. If you had posted that same serious question to a group of Christians... you'd have tons of answers... but how many would be well thought out and meaningful? How many would just be boil down to nothing when scrutinized. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I suppose I didn't reply because I too had no words of help available. I mean, I was once that dumb-ass christian who would find a few scriptures to quote and make it seem like God personally delivered them to me so I could deliver them to you. 100% phony and sickeningly trite. I can't do that shit anymore. It sucks when people close to you die. It sucks bad. And nothing anyone can say can take away the pain. But pain fades and life goes on. I have a best buddy too - who is a chain smoker and considerably older than me. And we've been tight for 20 years. I know it's gonna tear my heart out if the guy gets cancer or emphesema or some other illness and dies. But, my heart's been torn out before, and I got through it somehow. You have a good cry. You go through the emotions of helplessness and despair. But the sun always comes up again the next day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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