R. S. Martin Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 I wasn't sure that this belonged in Hineni's thread while she's feeling so fragile, so I'll start a new one. She mentioned that her sister is praying for her. That started me on a rant about my own sister....maybe I've posted about this before. It's working so well--at least for now--that I have to post it again.... Oh yes, my sister is praying, too, I'm sure. In fact, I asked her to. I made a special phone call for it. I asked her to trust the Holy Spirit to convert me, as opposed to her writing letters. I figure if she prays in her closet for my soul, she will fulfill her responsibility to her god in her conscience, and she will be off my back. I got no letter or phone call from her since then. I have a whole batch of sisters and I am not sure that she told any of the others what I told her. I asked her to pass on the message and she seemed not at all anxious. You see, it implies a weak faith if they have to supplement their prayers with letters, phone calls, and conversations. Now if someone would be so brazen as to pray audibly for your apostate soul when blessing the meal at a family get-together, I would consider it within your right to get up and leave right then and there before the amen. Or, you could recite the Twelve Points of Humanism, or the Prayers of Zeus,* or whatever, right after the amen and see how much "freedom" there really in this "land of liberty." *I just made these up; I don't think such things exist but I know some "religious" things exist outside Christianity that could be recited just before consuming Thanksgiving Dinner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 I don't know about Thanksgiving but when I said I wanted to celebrate Festivus or Saturnalia as well as xmas I was given the funny looks and then the "Don't say anything in front of the kids" bit (since they're not my kids I didn't). I figured since we were all gathered there we should all have a say in what goes on but we only prayed to jesus at dinner (I sat quietly hands unfolded and eyes open staring at the kids who were staring back...I tried to opt out altogether but everyone had to sit at the table pre-prayer) and no one seemed interested to learn of Saturnalia (a real holiday), Festivus (a fake holiday) or any other holidays for that matter. I didn't see them for Easter but I have a feeling they wouldn't have been interested in hearing of Passover either... mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_funkenstein Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 we only prayed to jesus at dinner (I sat quietly hands unfolded and eyes open staring at the kids who were staring back... I love doing that - it's one of my favourite things to do! The kids all of a sudden feel they've got permission to open their eyes and look around, since they see a grown-up doing it. And you can share a wink and a smile with that kid that says so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monk Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 (I sat quietly hands unfolded and eyes open staring at the kids who were staring back... mwc I do the same thing to the kids!! Except I also make weird faces at them...in between putting more food on my plate (but I make sure when the other adults look up, it appears that I have just finished prayer, too). I consider it my personal responsibility to let them see at least ONE adult buck the norm and be an individual, especially where christianity is concerned. They need to know it's ok to not follow the herd all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skiergirl24 Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 I do that too!! Hahaha. My aunt is a born again freak. She was an alcoholic and we all agree we liked her better as a drunk than as she is now - a jesus freak. She makes us join hands and say grace. I sit with mine in my lap and smile. I see no reason why I should have to say grace just so I "don't make a scene." If others want to say grace that is fine...but I have every right NO TO! In fact, if I want to, I should be able to create an altar to the God Thor out of my mashed potatoes and offer a ritual sacrifice. I don't see that as being any less ridiculous than thanking Jesus Christ for the food.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahgrace Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 In fact, if I want to, I should be able to create an altar to the God Thor out of my mashed potatoes and offer a ritual sacrifice. I don't see that as being any less ridiculous than thanking Jesus Christ for the food.... Next family gathering, you MUST. I can see it now... a lovely sculpted Potato Altar on the plate, and before it, you take up the sacred brussels sprouts, present them to the heavens, then ceremonially stab them through the heart and slice them end to end. The sacred brussels sprouts, now properly slaughtered, must be then laid upon the potato altar accompanied by a worshipful and poetic recitation to Thor. The sacrificed must then be doused with a libation of gravy, and then consumed with utmost reverence. Man, I wish I had fundy relatives so that I could do this at a meal. Thankfully all my family are either atheist or nominal at best.... except for Grandma. But she's pretty laid back - she's Church of England so she just never talks about God at all. All the better for me. She can die peacefully thinking I'm a good Christian though... there are some things sweet little old ladies just don't need to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 9, 2007 Author Share Posted November 9, 2007 Wow! This has turned into a fun thread. A mashed potato alter with a ritual sacrifice of brocoli and oblation of sacred gravy with the kids watching as the adults pray to jesus. You guys must have awesom neices and nephews if you can trust none of them to rat on you. If I were one of those kids I would be sure to ask Mom some other day why aunt/uncle so-and-so performed this awesome but really strange thing with the food while people were praying. She would pretend not to be in the least interested. But ten, fifteen, twenty years down the road when I grew up I might find out that my ratting almost caused a split in the family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 Wow! This has turned into a fun thread. A mashed potato alter with a ritual sacrifice of brocoli and oblation of sacred gravy with the kids watching as the adults pray to jesus. You guys must have awesom neices and nephews if you can trust none of them to rat on you. I think the aunts and uncles are awesome. It's a pretty cool way to show by an adult example that you don't have to buy into superstition. Besides, if the kids ratted them out, they'd be admitting that THEY had been looking around during the prayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 9, 2007 Author Share Posted November 9, 2007 Wow! This has turned into a fun thread. A mashed potato alter with a ritual sacrifice of brocoli and oblation of sacred gravy with the kids watching as the adults pray to jesus. You guys must have awesom neices and nephews if you can trust none of them to rat on you. I think the aunts and uncles are awesome. It's a pretty cool way to show by an adult example that you don't have to buy into superstition. Besides, if the kids ratted them out, they'd be admitting that THEY had been looking around during the prayer. That's what hit me about an hour later as I was getting ready for bed. I'm amazed at how much of the xian culture is the same across "cultural" cultures. I used to not like to eat with non Old Orders because I didn't understand their eating protocol but it sounds like we have some things in common--close your eyes during prayer, for one. If you see someone else who had their eyes open obviously so did you, etc. And parents who clue in on this pretty fast, and kids who know this pretty darn well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 9, 2007 Author Share Posted November 9, 2007 Just so long as the giggles are silent and the faces are straight and serious when the prayer ends and the "good" adults open their eyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 Ruby, I love that idea of telling people, "Shut up and pray for me". And here I've been wasting my time telling people NOT to pray for me, or I'll put my Jesus Shield up. Silly me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 9, 2007 Author Share Posted November 9, 2007 Glad you're seeing the light, Rob. It's an insight born of desperation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astreja Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 Wow! This has turned into a fun thread. A mashed potato alter with a ritual sacrifice of brocoli and oblation of sacred gravy with the kids watching as the adults pray to jesus. And the best part about the broccoli is that you can wield one piece like Thor's hammer Mjollnir. But don't trace runes in the mashed potatoes unless you know what they mean... It could get really ugly real fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 10, 2007 Author Share Posted November 10, 2007 Wow! This has turned into a fun thread. A mashed potato alter with a ritual sacrifice of brocoli and oblation of sacred gravy with the kids watching as the adults pray to jesus. And the best part about the broccoli is that you can wield one piece like Thor's hammer Mjollnir. But don't trace runes in the mashed potatoes unless you know what they mean... It could get really ugly real fast. In the context of this thread....I don't fully get what you're saying but I'm thinking......maybe it wouldn't end with straight faces on all witnesses at the end of the jesus prayer and the re-entrance of the "good" adults. Am I even close?..Let's see, they might be mistaken for body parts by the uninitiated if I'm not mistaken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_funkenstein Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 A favourite tactic of mine would be to punctuate every phrase being said in the prayer with an "Amen!" or a "Yes lord, YES!" getting progressively louder and more obnoxious in tone until you eventually drown out the prayer and take over saying things like "HALLELUJAH LORD AND WE AWAIT THAT DAY WHEN YOU WILL CONSIGN ALL THE SINNERS TO THE FIERY PITS OF HELL WHERE THEY WILL BURN FOR ALL ETERNITY IN ACCORDANCE WITH YOUR HOLY WILL! BURN THEM LORD, BURN THEM THE FILTHY EVIL MAGGOTS!" Or slightly more subtle" "Yes Lord... fill me. Fill me Lord... fill me... Jesus, fill me... fill me with your love Jesus... Oh Jesus... OH JESUS... OHHHH JJJJEESSSUUSSSSSS... WILL THERE BE A SECOND COMING???" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Oh yes, my sister is praying, too, I'm sure. In fact, I asked her to. I made a special phone call for it. I asked her to trust the Holy Spirit to convert me, as opposed to her writing letters. I figure if she prays in her closet for my soul, she will fulfill her responsibility to her god in her conscience, and she will be off my back. I got no letter or phone call from her since then. Good strategy Ruby. Glad it worked for you. I will remember it next time I get a letter from my mother with a bunch of Babble verses designed to save my soul. As far as prayer goes--we have every right not to participate in it in any way. So when I go to my parent's house and they are praying over the food, my eyes are wide open and sometimes I just go ahead & eat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Wife got back from her "Buybull study" last night and came in all glassy eyed looking at me like "did it work?" lol No doubt I was "prayed for"... Hmmm... I don't feel any different... They must not have preyed hard enough.... uhm I mean prayed... lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 12, 2007 Author Share Posted November 12, 2007 Wife got back from her "Buybull study" last night and came in all glassy eyed looking at me like "did it work?" lol No doubt I was "prayed for"... Hmmm... I don't feel any different... They must not have preyed hard enough.... uhm I mean prayed... lol Are you saying she is so seriously obsessed with getting you saved that she can't go to a prayer meeting without expecting you to get saved "this time" after all these years? This is seriously pathetic! If I hadn't read your other post about it on the other thread I'd ask why do you put up with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted November 12, 2007 Share Posted November 12, 2007 Wow! This has turned into a fun thread. A mashed potato alter with a ritual sacrifice of brocoli and oblation of sacred gravy with the kids watching as the adults pray to jesus. And the best part about the broccoli is that you can wield one piece like Thor's hammer Mjollnir. But don't trace runes in the mashed potatoes unless you know what they mean... It could get really ugly real fast. Wait, wait, wait.....a "Mountain" of Mashed Potatoes, a "Tree" of Brocoli, and "Midget" (kids) in attendence.......ah the Flying Spaghetti Monster moves in very drunken lurching ways.....even when pasta is not on the menu. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted November 12, 2007 Share Posted November 12, 2007 Wife got back from her "Buybull study" last night and came in all glassy eyed looking at me like "did it work?" lol No doubt I was "prayed for"... Hmmm... I don't feel any different... They must not have preyed hard enough.... uhm I mean prayed... lol Are you saying she is so seriously obsessed with getting you saved that she can't go to a prayer meeting without expecting you to get saved "this time" after all these years? This is seriously pathetic! If I hadn't read your other post about it on the other thread I'd ask why do you put up with it. The workings of my wife's mind are one of the great mysteries of the universe. Of course, later when she realized it didn't work she killed a bottle of vodka... Being the angry drunk she is, I stayed in the office in the chat here most of the night waiting for her to pass out. I PRAYED she would pass out and lo-and behold! Prayer must work lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 12, 2007 Author Share Posted November 12, 2007 Yup, the right (or wrong) chemicals in the right amounts in the blood cause the person to pass out. If you happened to pray before it happened (but you knew it was going to happen) your prayer was sure to be answered. That's what smart people do. They figure out how the world works then they pull the right strings and say the right formulas and voila! things just happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evergreen Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 What denomination is your wife? You might want to tell her that True Christians don't drink alcohol, so she's going to hell too. Or not. Whatever works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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