xrayman7040 Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 If any recreational Christian had a bad day yesterday, as in a shortage of answered prayers, it's because God was pooling a great deal of his powers to facilitate one of the most amazing upsets in college football history. Unranked Illinois pulled off the impossible by beating number one Ohio State in their home stadium thus stunning the vast sea of red shirted fans in the stands. When Illinois QB Juice Williams was interviewed and asked how they pulled off one of the most amzing upsets in college football history, his answer was overwhelmingly: GOD did it !!!!!!!!! He gave a 30 second sermon to the nation. God cared so much about the Illini he flew into the area and made the win possible. What an awesome fucking GOD !!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes a child or two does need to die of cancer so God can go out and do what's really improtant with his powers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quicksand Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Eagles coach dies and enters the Pearly Gates. God proceeds to take him on a tour. He shows the coach a little two-bedroom house with a faded Eagels banner hanging from the front porch. "This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says. The Eagles coach looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Packer flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Green Bay banner hangs between the marble columns. "Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and the Packers coach gets a mansion with new banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment. "That's not the Packers' coach's house my son," God says. "That's mine." (Sorry, I know that's not the point you are making, but its along a similar line of a personal god that all christians believe in. But this happens to be true.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparrow Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 If any recreational Christian had a bad day yesterday, as in a shortage of answered prayers, it's because God was pooling a great deal of his powers to facilitate one of the most amazing upsets in college football history. Unranked Illinois pulled off the impossible by beating number one Ohio State in their home stadium thus stunning the vast sea of red shirted fans in the stands. When Illinois QB Juice Williams was interviewed and asked how they pulled off one of the most amzing upsets in college football history, his answer was overwhelmingly: GOD did it !!!!!!!!! He gave a 30 second sermon to the nation. God cared so much about the Illini he flew into the area and made the win possible. What an awesome fucking GOD !!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes a child or two does need to die of cancer so God can go out and do what's really improtant with his powers. That's right - 20 million children die each year from starvation in under developed nations - god probably ignored their prayers because he was concentrating on football. Yep! What an awesome fucking GOD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 He also shined his favor on St Petersburg's Zenit today: http://www.javno.com/en/sports/clanak.php?id=97285 Let the vodka flow from heaven. Damn the Moskva Spartak demons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 God Really Cares About Illinois Football You better believe it! You better! You better! You better! You'll ALL go to hell if you don't. We'll see how you like then. Because YAY! GOD REALLY CARES ABOUT ILLINOIS FOOTBALL. Oh wow. Maybe I should read the posts to find out exactly how or why I should believe that God cares more about Illinois Football than Ontario theology. My problem is that I don't understand sports but the title just caught my eye. Given what I know about xrayman's theology I don't think I have much to fear from him when it come to the God of Illinois Football. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Okay now I read the posts. xrayman, excellent post. Now we know God's true values. What I find so maddening is that when I raise this kind of question with Christians the best answer they can or will come up with is the "God moves in mysterious ways" crap, or "God's ways are so much higher than our thoughts and his ways so much higher than our ways as the heavens are than the earth, so that we should not even try to figure it out." CRAP! Quite some time ago on another forum I asked a fundy whether God is above his own law. Without batting an eye the fundy proclaimed that because God was God, God was above God's own law. In the real world I still thought of myself as a Christian at the time but on forums I was playing with fire. I was outraged that anyone would allow god to be above his own law. It was simply not okay. Logic and God's laws to humanity were the foundation on which I was examining whether or not I could find a way to remain Christian without lying. The statement that God could be above his own law blasted the very foundation of knowing to smitherenes. It meant compromising my brain, my personal integrity. It meant all kinds of sinister evils, the likes of which I didn't even want to contaminate my brain with by thinking about them. God either had to live up to his own law or GET OUT. It was that simple. And now the real truth comes out pure and simple: Football is more important than starving kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Well, you know, it's not that god can't make Illinois win AND take care of the starving kids, but those babies are the worst kind of vile scum--that little incident with their ancestor and the talking snake and all. The kids brought this suffering upon themselves. Now Illinois vs. Ohio State, that's another matter. Tribalism is what god does best! This isn't a matter of the suffering we brought on ourselves because of our sin, it's a matter of god giving trivial perks to his chosen. Why he cares which team will win and fixes the game so his choice wins, and what satisfaction he gets out of doing this, I don't know. Why Ohio State is normally unstoppable and he inexplicably picked THIS minute, and decided to answer THIS prayer, no doubt ignoring the prayers of Ohio State fans when OSU had dominated before, I don't know. But I know he had a damn good reason, "Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men." By the way, I liked the fanfare. Go God! Go Illinois Football! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 SNM, you talk the talk like a pro. Whew! I'm beginning to see why I had such major run-ins with Christian leaders and authority figures all my life. Talking the talk is what it's all about. Walking the walk is fine so long as it fits the schedule and all. Pains in the asses like me just aren't supposed to exist. That's why you gotta break the will of a kid before age 12 months. That way you can be sure they won't question your authority when they learn to talk. Anyway, the things you say in your post are the exact things that would start up my questions. Why? Because it sounds like you actually know something I don't. Here are the kinds of questions they would raise in my mind (maybe what follows can be viewed as an imaginary letter to a pastor, assuming you made that statement as a pastor): 1. Aren't black babies just as good as white babies? We are always taught that God loves all the people equally. Why do you say "those babies are the worst kind of vile scum"? And if you're not too mad at me for asking that... Was Eve's sin worse than Adam's? Please don't get mad at me, but Adam should have "stood up for his faith" when Eve offered him the forbidden fruit. He wasn't man enough to do this but Eve is punished harder. Why? 2. What is tribalism and why is God good at it? Isn't tribalism about dividing people? And aren't we supposed to like everyone equally? Why would God show special favours if we are supposed to like everybody equally? In other words, why do you call tribalism good? I appreciate that you admit your limits of knowledge about the more difficult questions. Lots of people pretend to know stuff they don't. I'm glad to see an honest person. I hope you have time to answer my questions. I am sorry for being so ignorant but I am sure you can enlighten me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astreja Posted November 12, 2007 Share Posted November 12, 2007 While we're on the subject of religion and football... The local team, Winnipeg Blue Bombers, had some of their equipment signed by the Dalai Lama a couple of days ago. They came from behind and won their semi-final in the closing seconds (literally) of the game. I love it when reality warps... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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