HoustonHorn Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Need to rant a little about the blessing at my in-laws on Thanksgiving, but first a little background. My wife and I have been trying to have a kid for 3 years now. We can't go the traditional route so we've looked into adoption, fostering through Child Protective Services (probably the most frustrating set of hoops I've ever jumped through for nothing), and infertility treatments. Our most recent infertility treatment worked, but it was an ectopic pregnancy. My wife woke up one night in excruciating pain. After an ambulance ride, several liters of saline and several units of blood, an emergency surgery, and a few days in the hospital she is almost back to normal. Which brings me to last Thursday. The blessing included a part thanking God for bringing my wife through her surgery ok. I had to bite my lip because everybody else in the room is a fairly hardcore Christian and was nodding along, which I noticed because I had my head up and eyes open (a first for me, I usually bow my head out of respect for their beliefs). Where the fuck was God when the ectopic pregnancy ruptured? Where has He been for the past 3 years? Wouldn't it have been easier for Him just to not have the pregnancy start in the first place or embed in the right place instead of the surgery? Of course I know the answer to all of these, but it's frustrating to see people who I know are otherwise intelligent people not realizing the nonsense that comes out of their mouths. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Yup, it doesn't make sense and people chalk it up to, "God's will" or "The Lord works in mysterious ways" or some other bullshit cliché. God "provides" an emergency situation through miraculous means (or just "lets" it happen) and then "uses" the doctors to fix the problem. Crap, crap, crap, and more crap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I call this "silver lining" prayer. It's like saying "Thank god they only blew up the twin towers, god was looking out for the rest of the city". I see that kind of praying in xtainity quite a lot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Of course I know the answer to all of these, but it's frustrating to see people who I know are otherwise intelligent people not realizing the nonsense that comes out of their mouths. It is sheer ignorance and people who can't think of anything to pray about so they just stick something in there so they have something to say. Its hard, but I would try to think that they probably meant well in their own weird way, and move on. The fact that otherwise intelligent people believe in this stuff is a mystery for the ages. I chalk it up to not wanting to think in the area of religion (too lazy) whereas in every other field of life they do use their brains. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I completely understand - why on Earth would "god" allow even an ectopic in the first place? Why would "god" put your dear wife into such pain and misery of getting pregnant, losing the pregnancy, and having to deal with a life-threatening surgery? The problem is many Christians I know would say that it's to "teach" us something about the nature of our own sin, "god's" saving grace, and our need for salvation. Complete and utter bullshit. On a different note, as a person who was adopted as a child; may I suggest going through a private adoption agency instead of foster care? It's really difficult (both to the foster parents and foster children) to have any form of stability when a foster home is a temporary placement. So many horrible problems to need to work out with the child, and an endless amount of rules on what the child can and cannot be taught in order to help them become children again and not just empty, angry shells. I would think that it would be more beneficial to go through a specialized, private adoption - especially a well-working international service. You'd be able to have a child, and a baby who needs parents can be given a good home without (hopefully) all the abuse. I've heard that South Korea is a great place to go for that - they have a decent health-care system (many Korean nurses study at my college to become certified to work in the US; some of the most loving, supportive, and sympathetic nurses I've ever come across), and their foster care system is supposed to be very good to their children. I am so extremely sorry for the loss you and your wife have had to go through, and even more sorry for the god being shoved at you who didn't have the decency to keep something from happening instead of "helping" when it was nearly too late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 On the topic of Korean adoptions, may I ask a question? One day in the lab at school I heard a female student argue against adoption, esp. from Asian countries. She talked about all the terrible things this does to the children and to the economy. Also, I live with a Korean adoption. My landlady, age 64, and her ex-husband adopted an 8 month old Korean baby girl 20-some years ago. I moved into the basement July 2005. At the time, the girl was 19 and recovering from anorexia nervosa (sp?). She has recovered and is now studying at the undergraduate level, and doing very well. She has a boyfriend and life seems to be coming along fine on that front. But... And, aside from that student's argument, this is where my question comes in. The girl and her mother constantly get into major fights. There are tantrums and banging doors. The girl lives at home a few months, then moves out for a semester or two. Right now she's living out but spends a lot of time here. Yesterday apparently was supposed to be her birthday party but there were two major fights. For the first time I actually heard some of the conversation. After the fights are over the mom likes to come down and tell me about how difficult the girl is to train and live with, etc. (I think, what the hell is going??? You don't "train" 20-year-olds--they're adults for better or for worse.) One major item she complains about is that the girl never thinks how her actions affect other people. She did it again yesterday. I did not comment at all this time. I heard too much of both sides this time to take the mother's side. In fact, what I heard from the mother consoled me that it's not just me that she mistreats. The mother has a way of wrongly evaluating a situation, then passing it on as the real situation. She will use that information to make future judgments that affect people's lives. She has done it to me so I'm sure she does it to others. I would go crazy, too--get an eating disorder or something, if I had to live with her. She always tells me that this girl is so much harder to raise than her biological daughter (age 30) had been. She is forever making comparisons between the two daughers, or between me and her younger daughter, saying she wished her 20 year old daugher would have the maturity I have. I would say this adoption did not work out very well. What is the matter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 It's easier to adopt infants, because they're so impressionable that they're able to bond with new families much easier than in my case, at 14 - and with a life's-full of baggage. I don't really think that it's a case of the girl being a Korean adoptee that is the problem, but may be a problem with the parenting style. Is this the same woman that you've mentioned as being conniving, spiteful, overly-religious and very controlling? If so, that may be the problem more than just because the girl was adopted at such an early age in life. Sorry for the thread hijack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 God is a bastard like that... and if you don't love him, he'll fuck you up GOOD! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Rhia, probably, if I wasn't talking about my own mother. Houston Horn, my apologies for the off-topic post. Sorry for your loss and I identify very much with your question where was god before he helped. Goddammed good question! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoustonHorn Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Sorry for the thread hijack. my apologies for the off-topic post No worries. Obviously adoption is a topic that we're interested in as well and are very interested in hearing stories and hints from those that have done it or were adopted. We actually looked at Russian and Chinese adoptions, although we decided against Russian when we were told that we needed to bring "a few thousand extra dollars" with us when we went to pick up a kid to get through the hoops. We're still not quite old enough for a Chinese adoption so that may still be in the cards. The idea of adopting through Child Protective Services really appealed to us because it would allow us to adopt a kid from nearby who needed help rather than going halfway across the world. But in the process of dealing with CPS we were lied to, and frankly that organization is such a disorganized mess we couldn't deal with it anymore. And if it's that bad to someone trying to help a kid I can't imagine what it's like as a parent who has a kid taken away. Ok, enough of that rant. I'll stop there before this becomes the multipage rant that it could be. Back on topic You hear about how everything god does is "perfect" and then something like this happens to someone you care about. I'm sure they would think that it was god trying to get me "back in the fold" - most of them know I'm not Christian anymore although more in the not going to church sense. They're the type that believes everybody is either a Christian or will be if they hear the right verse. I guess what frustrates me the most about it is that this is my wife's background. Since I told her that I'm not a Christian anymore she hasn't been talking as churchy as she used to. God still comes up occassionally. I don't know how to explain it, but it just seems like she's not taking it as seriously as she used to if that makes sense. I don't know whether that's because she's respecting what I believe, because her beliefs are changing, or she just doesn't want to talk about it (I'm hoping it's the 2nd one). But listening to what I did last week just shows how far she has to go to get to the point I'm at. I had a much shorter journey away from Christianity. Growing up I only went to church once and it was an Easter service with my Grandmother and was taught about God in a more mythical sense than a literal one. And for the record, I know that god wasn't around for any of these events anymore than Zeus, Odin, or the Easter Bunny was. It's the fact that my family doesn't seem to have a problem with god only being involved in the good things that happen that frustrates me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 It's the fact that my family doesn't seem to have a problem with god only being involved in the good things that happen that frustrates me. What? You KNOW that GOD is only "involved" in the GOOD things in life, don't you? He simply ALLOWS the big, bad, evil SATAN to come into our lives and mess them up! It's just so GOD will get so much more GLORY for doing the GOOD things! HOLY SHIT! God's got a superhero complex! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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