girlfound Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Someone said to me, “It was a good thing I broke down. I needed to break down, after too many lifetimes of being strong.†I agree that breaking down is a useful thing and not necessarily a sign of weakness. It can be a sign of needing a rest, a break, or respite from "rising to the occasion" too many times. "Too many lifetimes of being strong." How that resonates with me as a survivor of trauma. One day it was just time for me to have a breakdown. Since then I allow myself occasional "mini breakdowns" just to keep myself in shape. With a "mini breakdown," I don't actually break down per se. Rather, having a "mini breakdown" means that I take notice of the fact that I've been tough for too long and that I need to take a break. It means stopping and focusing on nothing but my own care. Living a post-trauma life demands that I have these from time to time. I have become accustomed to and very skilled at them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 PTSD--does that stand for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Care to tell more about what it's like or how to deal with it? I like the title "too many lifetimes of being strong." Sounds like me. That I'm strong is something people tell me when they don't know what else to say. I always manage to keep from getting bad enough to be hospitalized so nobody knows how bad the situation really is and I don't know how to tell anybody. Maybe I could get a few terms or ideas from you on how to talk about stuff. I dunno.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlfound Posted December 4, 2007 Author Share Posted December 4, 2007 PTSD--does that stand for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Care to tell more about what it's like or how to deal with it? I like the title "too many lifetimes of being strong." Sounds like me. That I'm strong is something people tell me when they don't know what else to say. I always manage to keep from getting bad enough to be hospitalized so nobody knows how bad the situation really is and I don't know how to tell anybody. Maybe I could get a few terms or ideas from you on how to talk about stuff. I dunno.... I want to take some time to formulate my answer to your question and get back with you. But hang in there, all right? I find that this whole healing thing is a process, and that every leg of the journey of recovery is well worth the trip. Thanks again for welcoming me to this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hineni Posted December 4, 2007 Share Posted December 4, 2007 Hey Girlfound, I also suffer from PTSD and I had to say that what you wrote made clear to me what I've been doing, as well....having mini breakdowns ...kind of gets me back on track as far as taking care of myself and not "rising to" every "ocassion" (as was/is my custom). What you said about being strong....my biggest breakdown happened just last November. I had two therapist tell me I "had to be strong". I said to both of them, "Does that mean pretend to be tough at the expense of my own health?" Neither said anything further about being strong. Maybe that's not in relation to what you said regarding the usage of the word "strong", but it just reminded me. Had me one of those lil' mini breakdowns just last eve. I realized what was happening when I began uncontrollably shaking, losing focus, freezing response and all, and I just as calmly as I could, removed myself from the situation, put on some soothing Nat King Cole music, wrapped holiday gifts, while sipping wine, then afterwards, I had a bit of play time with my dog and kitten. It worked wonders for me. Best to you and yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 4, 2007 Share Posted December 4, 2007 Hineni, just want to comment on that lovely kittie licking the window. Cuddling a warm kitty can sometimes help when my heart is hurting too much. Don't have a pet these days but did at one time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlfound Posted December 6, 2007 Author Share Posted December 6, 2007 This is for RubySera and Hineni. When I think of the phrase, “too many lifetimes of being strong,†I think of the time I placed my infant son in foster care to protect him from his father who beat him when he was three-weeks-old. In retrospect, it took herculean strength for me to do that. At the time, I felt I was just operating in auto-pilot mode. Now that I know more about P.T.S.D., I realize I was in adrenaline mode. Adrenaline is the body’s own natural defense and when overused, results in P.T.S.D. which includes a whole barrage of severe mental and physical symptoms. Anyway, getting back to my story, almost immediately after placing my son in foster care, I broke down with severe anxiety and panic and had to admit myself to an inpatient psychiatric program. This accomplished two things. It got me temporary respite from the unjust persecution I was suffering at the hands of the social services system (this was in Georgia). And it gave me a chance to recover from the crisis-proportion symptoms stemming from having to perform as Hercules. I hope this is helpful. I’m trying to speak strictly from my own personal experience. Good luck to both of you in your process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Thank you, girlfound. I should probably look it up on the internet because I am interested in symptoms. I have never been a parent so I cannot fully identify with what it must have meant for you to give up your child. I think I can identify with some of your terms such as "auto-pilate mode" and "adrenaline mode." I am also thinking that a man who would beat his newborn son would probably have very little respect for the baby's mother, so there must have been very much extremely negative stuff going on in your life at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlfound Posted December 11, 2007 Author Share Posted December 11, 2007 Thank you, girlfound. I should probably look it up on the internet because I am interested in symptoms. I have never been a parent so I cannot fully identify with what it must have meant for you to give up your child. I think I can identify with some of your terms such as "auto-pilate mode" and "adrenaline mode." I am also thinking that a man who would beat his newborn son would probably have very little respect for the baby's mother, so there must have been very much extremely negative stuff going on in your life at the time. Two P.T.S.D. educational/treatment programs which proved invaluable to me were the A.T.R.I.U.M. program by Dusty Miller, and the Dialectical Behavior Therapy program by Dr. Marsha Linehan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosingMyReligion Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Someone said to me, “It was a good thing I broke down. I needed to break down, after too many lifetimes of being strong.†I agree that breaking down is a useful thing and not necessarily a sign of weakness. It can be a sign of needing a rest, a break, or respite from "rising to the occasion" too many times. "Too many lifetimes of being strong." How that resonates with me as a survivor of trauma. One day it was just time for me to have a breakdown. Since then I allow myself occasional "mini breakdowns" just to keep myself in shape. With a "mini breakdown," I don't actually break down per se. Rather, having a "mini breakdown" means that I take notice of the fact that I've been tough for too long and that I need to take a break. It means stopping and focusing on nothing but my own care. Living a post-trauma life demands that I have these from time to time. I have become accustomed to and very skilled at them. Presently, I am at a point like this in my life. For reasons I really don't want to expound upon on a public forum I had a "break down"(i.e. crying and sad)this morning. But it has been after a few years of emotional tumult. Due to my upbringing and Xtian background I always tried to compartmentalize everything and not allow myself to feel certain things. Now, I do. And I feel like it is healthy. I am currently talking to a professional counselor. And it is the best thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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