Internet Jesus Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Like everyone else on this site, I can empathize. I understand what it's like, caught in the clutches of your imaginary friend. A schizophrenics hell. Clinging to that moist crutch that ritualistic binding of the soul, that weak prosthetic for the human brain. Like everyone else here I'm very angry. Rebelling even, and I want to punch myself for it. The more I rebel, the stronger the Christians push back. I want to projectile vomit onto my family, and all the churches. I want to spit steaming gobs of dog seamen from my tear-ducts and belch acid-nicotine from my lungs. And most of all, I hate myself for being this way. I am a man of balance, losing the church, I feel as though I lost my ability to trust my imagination, the unseen and to an artist this is deadly. I feel as thought they've taken from me my ability to feel whole. I feel as though my ability to simply find myself content no longer exists. The church has sublimated that from me. I want that back. I want to love myself. While I feel happy to have found the crowd jeering the emperor's nudity, I feel all the more lonely and in despair. I cannot turn to my family what-so-ever. Their solution will be 'to not give up on god, and find god in your heart-space' All I find myself capable of is sitting here, slowly digesting myself. If Christ knew the impact he would have, I am certain he would have died alone in the mountains. I am against tortuous customs such as female circumcision. For this reason I oppose the christian church with every ounce of my being. They are ankle-weights to our society. They are stunted mutants. They are not even opinion holders. They are hosts. I would rather have the AIDS virus than to be a member of the cult-following, for a half a life, is better than no life at all. Is there any way out there to regain my balance and creativity? Is there any way to find that within myself and simply forget twenty years of a terrible dependency? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Like everyone else here I'm very angry. I'm not angry. Welcome to Ex-C. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Is there any way out there to regain my balance and creativity? Is there any way to find that within myself and simply forget twenty years of a terrible dependency? Hello IJ. Welcome to Ex-C. It doesn't look to me like you're having any trouble with your creativity. That was some post. However FWIW, I'm going to offer a suggestion. You mention "rebelling" against christianity. I'm going to suggest by seeing yourself in those terms, you're playing into the christian mindset. Don't do that. Many of us flatly refuse to play that game any longer. We aren't rebelling against anything. We aren't refusing to follow God due to a rebellious or stubborn heart. We have examined the claims of christianity. Carefully. And we've done lots of homework assignments on the issue. And we find the religion to be nonsense. And we have dealt with it appropriately. We've discarded it. We didn't abandon our faith in God. We escaped from it. There is a very big distinction to be made here. And one that greatly determines how one looks at the world and themselves. You're not in rebellion. You're undergoing an awakening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Internet Jesus Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Is there any way out there to regain my balance and creativity? Is there any way to find that within myself and simply forget twenty years of a terrible dependency? Hello IJ. Welcome to Ex-C. It doesn't look to me like you're having any trouble with your creativity. That was some post. However FWIW, I'm going to offer a suggestion. You mention "rebelling" against christianity. I'm going to suggest by seeing yourself in those terms, you're playing into the christian mindset. Don't do that. Many of us flatly refuse to play that game any longer. We aren't rebelling against anything. We aren't refusing to follow God due to a rebellious or stubborn heart. We have examined the claims of christianity. Carefully. And we've done lots of homework assignments on the issue. And we find the religion to be nonsense. And we have dealt with it appropriately. We've discarded it. We didn't abandon our faith in God. We escaped from it. There is a very big distinction to be made here. And one that greatly determines how one looks at the world and themselves. You're not in rebellion. You're undergoing an awakening. That's a great way of putting it. I have problems though. Philosophically. Before, I didn't need logic to belong to god. Now it seems all arguments are put in terms of logic. I.E. Hume's famous philosophical-string. I find that logic is a wonderful tool for banishing god, but I can't be logical all the time. When I fall back into my more creative moods then god is right there. I think I need to do a series of paintings. Jesus snorting bloody coke with oil tycoons. god butt-fucking an aborted baby a decrepit 'god' hunched over the shoulders of each glazed person in the pews. Jesus masturbating on the cross My father is a minister. My mother is the deepest believer I know. Everywhere I go I'm the black sheep, I'm just rebelling. I want to move this chip from my shoulder and get on with life. you know, 'What Would ANDREW Do?' cause the thought never occurred as to what I would do while I was in the church. And now I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Andrew, ask yourself what you would do if you had the universe to choose from. Then go do it. Because you have the universe to choose from. Just remember that you've got yourself to live with. For example, if you would not like to be known by your grandchildren as a murderer, then don't commit murder. If you would like to go down in history as a philanthrophist, hold the door for someone when you happen to be in the position to do so. If you have a talent for poetry or art but need to earn a living, do art or write poetry on your time off and bring in the dough on the side. Maybe somewhere down the road before you hit ninety you will sell something and become famous. Or maybe not, but you will have enjoyed your life. And that is what counts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 You mentioned painting in your post. I think art can be very therapeutic. If it helps you, do it, by all means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 My father is a minister. My mother is the deepest believer I know. I have much respect for anyone who makes a decision that they must think for themselves, rather than just believing something because their parents believe it. It's a very tough thing to overcome - the early imprinting of religion - and many at this site are in the same boat. There are quite a few here that can discuss philosophical reasoning and logic with you - and from the sounds of it, you'd fit right in to the discussions. If I were you, I'd avoid discussing Jesus with your parents, though. You'll get nowhere but frustrated. But don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't have the right to think. Not even parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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