garrisonjj Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 This Christmas, I attended church out of social constraints. I didn't receive communion at Mass and sat there as the great sinner! (Why isn't he receiving? Divorce? Mortal sin?) Guess what, I didn't give a fuck. I blasphemed and received in the state of "mortal sin" before but I just didn't want to this time. The guilt feelings are lessening as I grow more and more as non religious/non believing. If there is a god, fine. This is who I am. If there isn't, I wasted most of my life trapped in self depriciation and low self esteem worshipping a non existent entity! Anyway, strangely, I feel at peace. Is this normal? Or am I just setting myself up someday to run back to forgiveness and god's graces? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Glad to hear that going to a church service didn't bother you even though you went out of "social constraints." My opinion from what you have written is that I think you are coming to terms with the fact that part of yourself is going to always be Christian. You are able to accept that and deal with it. I think that is where the peace comes from. Occasionally I go to a service in an Episcopal church, because I like the beauty of the liturgy. It doesn't mean I am going to accept their dogma, liberal though it be. I doubt what you are describing means you are suddenly going to run back to "forgiveness and god's graces." I wouldn't worry about it. I guess you come from a Catholic background, which I know emphasizes sin and guilt. At this point now, though, what do you need to be forgiven for and who is doing the forgiving? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 This Christmas, I attended church out of social constraints. I didn't receive communion at Mass and sat there as the great sinner! (Why isn't he receiving? Divorce? Mortal sin?) Guess what, I didn't give a fuck. I blasphemed and received in the state of "mortal sin" before but I just didn't want to this time. The guilt feelings are lessening as I grow more and more as non religious/non believing. If there is a god, fine. This is who I am. If there isn't, I wasted most of my life trapped in self depriciation and low self esteem worshipping a non existent entity! Anyway, strangely, I feel at peace. Is this normal? Or am I just setting myself up someday to run back to forgiveness and god's graces? Don't you first have to go to catacism to get to eat de ole wafer an wine? You are talking RCC right? I was forced to go every sunday as a child with my grandmother. I never got communion because I didn't "offically" join the church and go through there "initiation" lol. No, in RCC people don't pay you any attention at all for not munchin on jeebus. They just figure you are a guest ussually. Especially around xmass time, many folks are just visitors with loved ones. Nothing to feel concerned about, the judgement you are feeling is all in your head mostly. There may be one, maybe two or so sitting there thinking you are a future french fry, but mostly no. I wouldn't let it get you down, remember the preists at RCC (not all of them for sure) are guilty of far more then not going to catacism. I hear some of them try to recruit at the "boys club" lol Don't let it bother you, if they knew you were atheist they would think far less of you then not munchin on jeebus! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MathGeek Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 I am a practicing Catholic, too. I couldn't even sit through a full church service last Sunday. I've committed mortal sins only moments before church and I've still taken communion. I've not gone to confession for years because I really think that's how those old bastards get off when they're not fucking each other and their altar children. For me personally, I commit a mortal sin every time before I go to church and I commit one during the service. When you're singing a hymn, make up new and revolting lyrics as you go along. Also, call God a cheap bastard out loud while praying or say you think Jesus Christ has nice abs while exchanging the sign of peace with somebody else. Maybe, just maybe, the guilt shall melt away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 I am a practicing Catholic, too. I couldn't even sit through a full church service last Sunday. I've committed mortal sins only moments before church and I've still taken communion. I've not gone to confession for years because I really think that's how those old bastards get off when they're not fucking each other and their altar children. For me personally, I commit a mortal sin every time before I go to church and I commit one during the service. When you're singing a hymn, make up new and revolting lyrics as you go along. Also, call God a cheap bastard out loud while praying or say you think Jesus Christ has nice abs while exchanging the sign of peace with somebody else. Maybe, just maybe, the guilt shall melt away. Well, I've surmised you guessed I am Catholic! Yes, guilt, and sin and confesion prevail! No More! I have always, even as a child, questioned the nonsense of religion, but played by the rules for over 40 yars. This is like a revelation. Yes, I have received with mortal sins on my soul and I wasn't struck dead! Life goes on. I wish to remain an /agnostic/atheist as I never really believed all the nonsense. How about in confession, if you aren't truly sorry for your sins, they are not forgiven! This is the part that finally finished me off! I use birth control, I love porn, I NEVER wear protection during sex with my wife but always "pull out" These are all soul condeming actions, you go to hell in Catholicism! Can any other Catholics relate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Only one thing I *liked* about RCC life and that was the sit/stand/kneel thing. Made girl watching much better! Since we always sat close to the back, I would hold a "who has the best looking ass" contest in my mind. If they stayed seated all the time, it would have been more boring. RCC going when I was growing up, was always a fashion show. I love formally dressed women hehe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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