Guest Razaki Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Well...here we go. I've been lurking these forums for upwards of 8 months or so, I suppose...the testimonies of deconversions were actually instrumental in my own deconversion; while I don't believe they shaped my actual views, they certainly helped me to know that I wasn't wrong or odd for feeling the doubts that I did. I guess I'll start from the beginning, though, if I'm gonna actually talk about all this. This may be a long post, FYI...just a warning. Alright...first, muh name's Mike. I'm currently 16, but my story of faith begins where so many peoples have; birth. I was born into a family who went to a conservative, fundamentalist, independent missionary Baptist church. I was dedicated at the altar as a child, went to Sunday School, Bible School, etc...the whole nine yards. I was thoroughly convinced that I was "saved" at 5 years old after a conversation with my aunt. Looking back, I see no way that as a child of that age, I could even feel any sorrow for a "sin"...I was five, for crying out loud. I wasn't exactly a mass murderer or anything. Not even in video games. Anyway, though, I was your perfect little Christian throughout elementary and middle school; I attended a Christian school run by a nearby Baptist church from 1st grade through 8th grade. I won Christian Character awards and everything. I was the real deal, and my faith was an absolutely essential part of my life. I can remember going to Bible camps or retreats and feeling genuinely moving emotions; now, I marvel at what the mind is truly capable of. After 8th grade, however, my mom and I packed up and moved to Michigan - we were in North Carolina until that point. While my faith in God had remained strong, my convictions of the fundamentalist viewpoints had become a little bit weaker, along with my mom's. Determined to get out of that type of worship, we tried a local nondenominational church over that summer...it suffices to say that we both really liked it, and that church subsequently became my new school for freshman year. The church and school were practically Pentecostal, so the services and beliefs were modernized, fun, and exciting. My faith deepened while I was there, and at that point, I still hadn't been plagued by any serious doubt about the authenticity of Christianity. 9th grade passed by without incident, and I again enrolled in the school for 10th grade. As things would turn out, I would only be there for about 3/4ths of the first semester thanks to an opportunity to buy a house in a different city of Michigan. In our new city, there were no nearby Christian schools, and I had been craving the experience of a public school anyway, so I convinced my mom to allow me to go to the local high school instead for the rest of my high school life. I loved it from the first day; so many more people, so much more diversity, so much culture...it was awesome. I quickly fell into a group of mostly Christian friends and the rest of sophomore passed without any crisis of faith. Over the summer, though, I by chance stumbled upon Catholic Answers, an obviously Catholic website with a LOT of apologetics and explanations. I was intrigued immediately, so I began to study pretty hardcore, I guess...I bought a few books and kept reading as much as I could online over the course of the summer. Early in junior year, I met a girl who happened to be Catholic and we began dating. I began to attend church with her and I began to really think that turning Catholic was a good option for me. Before I made too many decisions, though, I decided to make a few youtube videos; 3 in fact, asking a few questions about certain doctrines of the Catholic Church that I wasn't totally sold on. The videos ended up being picked up by a prominent Catholic blogger and I got swarmed with a ton of people who were eager to help. I was overwhelmed, but grateful. I enrolled early in the next year's RCIA class during the fall, and was pretty much sold on becoming a Catholic, after I took the requisite classes and such. Soon, though, I stumbled on the Blasphemy Challenge and took a look at Rational Responders. So began my first attempted deconversion, I guess. I took a little bit of time, researched atheism, and had some serious doubts creep in. I discussed them with my girlfriend, and she basically convinced me to not lose faith, so I pushed them aside and again got happy with faith, lol. I was again set on the RCIA classes in about a year, so things were going good. Fast forward through junior year. During the end of junior year, I began to have those same doubts again, so I started to research everything again. I started to talk to my girlfriend about it who was...not happy, to say the least. I started posting on the Rational Responders' site, got some responses assuring me I wasn't an idiot, and somehow found this site. What a godsend. :-P I read a CRAPLOAD of testimonies, and started feeling convinced that Christianity as I knew it wasn't exactly right. To make a long story short, my girlfriend and I broke up not long afterward...it's sad that something like religion can tear people apart, but *shrug*. Things happen, right? It's high school, anyway. Over that summer, I was insatiably thirsty for knowledge about atheism and agnosticism, I guess. If I was online - and trust me, I'm ALWAYS online - I was on a few different sites reading about them. I started talking to my two best friends about what I was thinking, too...they were both devoted Christians, but on relatively different sides. One was a Catholic, the other was a Methodist who thought Catholics were quite messed up in theology, but they both started listening. By the end of the summer, I was practically convinced in atheism, and one of my friends was on the path to deconversion, too. It's uncanny how simple knowledge can spread like wildfire, sometimes. Senior year began, and things were going good, other than one little tiny fact; I can't tell my family. Although I believe my mom at least assumes and we've sorta talked about it, I know the REST of my family, especially my grandparents, would freak out. The last thing I want is for my grandparents to live the last 5 or 10 years of their lives worrying about their grandson's eternal fate, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to withhold that info from them. My mom and dad are divorced; my mom is remarried...forgot to mention that earlier. My dad knows, and we've talked about it. He was a Christian, but now he seems to be on the path to deconversion, too. He wants me to send him a few books, at least, and we've had some good discussions about it. My mom is a complete Christian, and I doubt she'll ever change. I'm glad that me and her can at least talk about it, sorta. *shrug* We'll see how THAT plays out. Anyway, though, I'm happy with my position now of atheism. Oh...that other friend, that hadn't deconverted by the summer? She's my girlfriend now since the beginning of the year, and she's deconverted too, lol. It's kinda funny, but hey, whatever. Life's pretty good, now. I just wish I could be a bit more open with my beliefs. I just wanted to get all of this stuff out there, though, finally, and type it all. Oh, by the way, again, I took down the other three videos and posted a youtube video with the same name as the topic of this thread, in case anyone wants to check it out. Thanks to all of you that posted testimonies; they help more than you may know. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telesmith Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I remember you. Really, I saw your videos on that red haired man's website with the cowboy hat. At the time I was inspired by your moving toward the Catholic faith however, I was also conflicted in my own deconversion. So very interesting to see you showing up here. The web is a small world. Glad we both made it out together. BTW, hope you didn't give any money to Catholic Answers. Getting them to discontinue automatic monthly withdraws was a bitch. Assholes! Anyway, Congrats!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telesmith Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Also, from what I remember of those videos you are a pretty smart guy for your age and a really fast reader. I should have guessed you'd find your way out of the whole mess. Hope you stick around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Razaki Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Hehe, yep, that's the right guy. Small world's right. No, I didn't give them any money, but even getting their emails to stop are a pain. I think I've put 4 or 5 addresses in my spam folder and somehow one still sneaks through, haha. Thanks, though. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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