KickBall Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Well, I'm new here. Happy to have found the site actually. Nice chance to finally meet some people who may feel alot like I do. I have to admit though, I don't know that I can honestly say I have 'left' Christianity because I am really not so sure I ever really was a Christian. I have doubted from day 1, even as a young child and the older I have gotten, I have begun to feel real angst at feeling compelled for various reasons in hanging onto beliefs etc that I don't really buy into. Can cause some real stress especially amongst friends and family who, even in their own phoniness, can get pretty indignant if one ever tips their cards letting them all know I don't really believe a thing they say, profess or teach. Just thought I'd introduce myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mark J Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 My advice is to just put it down, that heavy bag of bricks. Do it quietly with respect to others & resist the urge to unconvert everyone right away. Ive made small mistakes here & there. Ive learned to be humble. If you never believed you should tell people that. MJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alucard Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 i know what your saying kickball, i have a christian friend who has gotten in my face because i showed some major inconcistancies in the bible. now every time i enterject when he mentions how much jesus loves him, my friend just simply says he doesnt want to talk about it. this works for about 5 minutes, then he starts talking about his sky fairy again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellsybop Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Sure am glad you found us and decided to jump on in! Welcome to the forums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Well, there you am, Kickball. Welcome, and I hope you'll enjoy the forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KickBall Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Thanks everybody. Nice to be here. Any satanists in the house? lol, ...just kidding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Any satanists in the house? The Dark Lord told me you were coming. Welcome... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kenny Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Hang in there! The forum is helping me out a great deal - both with wisdom and twisted humor. Great bunch o' folks here for sure. Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Well, I'm new here. Happy to have found the site actually. Nice chance to finally meet some people who may feel alot like I do. I have to admit though, I don't know that I can honestly say I have 'left' Christianity because I am really not so sure I ever really was a Christian. I have doubted from day 1, even as a young child and the older I have gotten, I have begun to feel real angst at feeling compelled for various reasons in hanging onto beliefs etc that I don't really buy into. Can cause some real stress especially amongst friends and family who, even in their own phoniness, can get pretty indignant if one ever tips their cards letting them all know I don't really believe a thing they say, profess or teach. Just thought I'd introduce myself. I feel like my mirror is talking to me! Wow! Welcome and thanks for putting it into words so well. Hope to see more of you. Even if we never bought into it, the stress of trying to believe is humungous and we NEED a place to work off the rage of the injustice at having been forced into living a double life for so long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KickBall Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Thank you all for the warm welcome. I sometimes find myself moralizing about certain issues, and wonder if any of my feelings are leftovers from my past inculcation. Even as a child I was sort of a 'thinker' and would catch things I was being taught that didn't jibe with other things I had rememberred the same people saying or teaching and found alot of the same kind of contradictory stuff in the Bible when I read it. Just kept all that to myself. I have been doing alot of what you might call 'self analysis' lately though kind of trying to nail down the thoughts I have on issues that might merely be leftover influences. I went through a period where I did feel like wow, what am I going to do without having a 'belief system'? Or a religion. That period in my life which really wasn't but about 5 or 6 years ago kind of reminds me of that song by Supertramp 'even in the quietest moments, I wish I knew, what I had to do....' Seems contradictory doesn't it? I say I don't think I ever really believed, so then why any fuss over just outright dropping it? I had wonderred that myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 so then why any fuss over just outright dropping it? I had wonderred that myself. Is that you asking or is that the voice of an authority figure in the back of your head? I think my mother's voice is permanently planted in the back of my head and it oversees everything I do. However, using extensive and indepth self-analysis I have learned who I am separate from her. She is now in the grave (literally; she died a year ago) and it's a major relief in more ways than one. But all that aside. Your question is legitimate. How else will we know if we are on the right track if we don't cross-question our motives and moralize about everything? Maybe some people don't have to do it this way but it's the only way I can do it. In fact, I had to live through many beliefs and learn by experience whether or not the promises of the Bible are true. In one thing I am different from you; I did not keep the inconsistencies to myself. I popped questions as fast as the inconsistencies popped into my consciousness. You can imagine the horror this caused everyone around me and how much they hated me for it. By keeping it inside you probably get away with much less overt abuse than I did. As for an alternative belief system, they are out there. Some people find it in philosophy. Some people find it in art, music, dance, literature. You might want to look up Antlerman's posts. For starters, you could pick a topic from this index. Here you can see something I call Humanist Truth, ideas I pulled together from philosophical theology and psychology a year or two before I officially deconverted. If you want scholarly articles and books, the Secular Web by Internet Infidels is an excellent resource. They post a large number of articles and have an online bookstore plus forums like exChristian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KickBall Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 so then why any fuss over just outright dropping it? I had wonderred that myself. Is that you asking or is that the voice of an authority figure in the back of your head? I think my mother's voice is permanently planted in the back of my head and it oversees everything I do. However, using extensive and indepth self-analysis I have learned who I am separate from her. She is now in the grave (literally; she died a year ago) and it's a major relief in more ways than one. But all that aside. Your question is legitimate. How else will we know if we are on the right track if we don't cross-question our motives and moralize about everything? Maybe some people don't have to do it this way but it's the only way I can do it. In fact, I had to live through many beliefs and learn by experience whether or not the promises of the Bible are true. In one thing I am different from you; I did not keep the inconsistencies to myself. I popped questions as fast as the inconsistencies popped into my consciousness. You can imagine the horror this caused everyone around me and how much they hated me for it. By keeping it inside you probably get away with much less overt abuse than I did. As for an alternative belief system, they are out there. Some people find it in philosophy. Some people find it in art, music, dance, literature. You might want to look up Antlerman's posts. For starters, you could pick a topic from this index. Here you can see something I call Humanist Truth, ideas I pulled together from philosophical theology and psychology a year or two before I officially deconverted. If you want scholarly articles and books, the Secular Web by Internet Infidels is an excellent resource. They post a large number of articles and have an online bookstore plus forums like exChristian. I think what it actually is Ruby is my own wondering about how much of a hypocrite I must be. At least inside. Because as I say, there are some issues that most secular people seem to be in agreement on but I still have adverse reactions to. Thus I wonder, am I put off by some things simply because or the residue of my past or is it just how I am, and completely unrelated to my past. See what I am saying? I would have thought most of my own 'moralizing' about things others do that I don't like would also fall away, but some hasn't and that makes me question myself. Upon analysis, I seem to be a contradiction in terms sometimes, holding some so called 'traditional values' but for example being quite libertarian in other ways. For instance, I do not care a wit to trouble other people critisizing their sexual orientation etc but I do find myself feeling a little peaved about what I perceive as the same thing coming in the other direction some times. I also myself am what you would call a 'one woman man' and prefer monogamy, but where does that come from but my past beliefs I was taught? I feel that some drugs that are now illegal should be legalized and no one should dtermine what I choose to do that doesn't harm anyone else, but on the other hand all the violence that seems to go with that these days pisses me off. I don't like religion, and am not a Christian, but some of my ancestral Celtic pagan beliefs resonate with me, which seems a bit like replacing one religion with another. Just a whole host of issues that sometimes makes me wonder if I am not a jumble of contradictions, if any of that makes any sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Oh yeah, this makes sense. Sounds like you're seeking, in transition. I think we're all a mixed bag. The libertine/conservative philosophies are not written in stone, so far as I can figure out, because what is today libertine was not necessarily so earlier in history. These things keep changing. The important thing for me, so far, has been to be true to myself. I think this would apply to everybody but I could be wrong. I also think it doesn't matter how long it takes for us to figure it all out. As you read and interact on these forums, if you are like a lot of us, with time things will sort themselves in your mind. I really can't predict how it will work for you because we're all different. Also, I think just because we have permission for things like polygamy does not mean we have to do it. I certainly don't hope so because that would call for a major and stressful life change for myself. What it means for me is that I don't judge people who find this a perferred way of living. I accept them as good people with different tastes from myself. I don't put a moral value on their sexual preferences and habits. The same goes for many other things in life. "You can do whatever you like so long as you don't hurt yourself or others" is the motto I live by. When that is extended to the physical, emotional, and psychological aspects of life, I think it becomes a viable life philosophy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KickBall Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 Well, as regards my 'monogamy' statement, I can only truly love in a deep way, 1 woman. I'm just not built for being involved with multiple people in any kind of emotionally deep relationships. But on a purely sexual level, I've done things that would likely create doubt in peoples' minds about my supposed sense of being a monogamous person lol. I am though at a deep level. I believe in people doing whatever it is that is right for them in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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