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The Down Side Of Deconversion


zefferus

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Losing faith has left a gaping hole in my life. I relate and react differently than before in situations that used to be comfortable. For a while I felt liberated but now mostly seperated, cut off from friends and family and struggling to find new ways to connect. Anyway, I write to try and get out of myself and understand what I'm feeling. This poem expresses my recent mood. Maybe I'll try talk therapy. lol

 

The facts seem indisputable,

but truth is harder to define.

That hope lies wasted by distress

is true for me some of the time.

 

When wishes fill the void of waiting

with shallow, superstitious care

I hope that reason draws me truly

to embrace honest despair.

 

grumpydog

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For a while I felt liberated but now mostly seperated, cut off from friends and family and struggling to find new ways to connect.

 

If writing, for you, is therapeutic, please know that reading the thoughts and ideas of others, for me, is therapeutic as well. I'm game. Let 'er rip.

 

Connect to your family and friends just like always... you're still you. They may not agree with you and some may walk away, but the ones that love you will make themselves known quickly. You're still you. Don't forget that.

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For a while I felt liberated but now mostly seperated, cut off from friends and family and struggling to find new ways to connect.

 

If writing, for you, is therapeutic, please know that reading the thoughts and ideas of others, for me, is therapeutic as well. I'm game. Let 'er rip.

 

Connect to your family and friends just like always... you're still you. They may not agree with you and some may walk away, but the ones that love you will make themselves known quickly. You're still you. Don't forget that.

 

Thanks, things aren't always as bleak as I tend to see them. I have decent relationships with my daughters and one close friend. They're all christian, so I try to avoid going off on rants about religion. I feel some anger at the church and contempt for those beliefs in general and I get frustrated by the fact that people remain so blind to the way they're being manipulated. I tend to forget that I was once as mesmerized by the message as they are and just as adamant in professing my faith. There are lots of things I still have in common with people I care about. Sometimes it's hard to get in touch with them through the seemingly " in your face" intrusiveness of the christian life. The again, maybe I just don't want to accept life the way it is. I've had that problem before and eventually I wear myself out and get over it.

The glass isn't half empty. If the water only goes up to the middle, it means there's lots of room to add ice.

grumpydog

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Well, you could start sniffing household chemicals until you kill enough brain cells to be "normal" again. :P

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Well, you could start sniffing household chemicals until you kill enough brain cells to be "normal" again. :P

 

Any recommendations for which work best? I've already tried some solvents, petroleum based products and one non-stick cooking spray.

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It takes time to learn a new dance. The steps are unfamiliar and the movements seem unnatural.

 

At first.

 

Then you get your rhythm.

 

And then it's fun.

 

Hang in there. You're not unique here. Nearly everyone who escapes a religious cult feels much as you describe. I know I felt that way for quite some time.

 

But...

 

I'll never go back.

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Losing faith has left a gaping hole in my life. I relate and react differently than before in situations that used to be comfortable. For a while I felt liberated but now mostly seperated, cut off from friends and family and struggling to find new ways to connect. Anyway, I write to try and get out of myself and understand what I'm feeling. This poem expresses my recent mood. Maybe I'll try talk therapy. lol

 

 

Ya, what webmaster said.

 

I can relate to everything you say above and am going through it right now too...

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Just knowing there are other people out there going through the same experience is a comfort.

Thanks :grin:

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Guest rangergirl

wow--i went through this too and it sucks! when i left christianity it left a huge hole in my life. my family and christian friends did not accept my decision and that hurts. the best thing that i did was to find new friends who love and accept me as i am without religious judgement. surround yourself with them. build a strong support system, put on your "armor", and then face your christian family and friends. it eventually does get better...

 

i'm still friends with some of my old christian friends, we just had to set new boundaries. i'm still working on my family...

 

stay connected to this forum. i just discovered it and love it!

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wow--i went through this too and it sucks! when i left christianity it left a huge hole in my life. my family and christian friends did not accept my decision and that hurts. the best thing that i did was to find new friends who love and accept me as i am without religious judgement. surround yourself with them. build a strong support system, put on your "armor", and then face your christian family and friends. it eventually does get better...

 

i'm still friends with some of my old christian friends, we just had to set new boundaries. i'm still working on my family...

 

stay connected to this forum. i just discovered it and love it!

Thanks rangegirl. How are things in Ak.? I lived near Anchorage for a couple of years when I was in grade school. My dad was military and stationed near there. Always wanted to go back but haven't made it yet. :grin:

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Guest rangergirl

Hi! AK is cold and snowy right now! i'm in the southeast, so nowhere near Anchorage. i haven't seen the sun for 2 weeks! how's southwest missouri? i went to school at john brown university so i know the area fairly well! i know it must be even more difficult for you to leave "the faith" when you have billboards proclaiming that "Jesus Saves" posted everywhere!

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Hi! AK is cold and snowy right now! i'm in the southeast, so nowhere near Anchorage. i haven't seen the sun for 2 weeks! how's southwest missouri? i went to school at john brown university so i know the area fairly well! i know it must be even more difficult for you to leave "the faith" when you have billboards proclaiming that "Jesus Saves" posted everywhere!

 

Southwest Mo. is chilly, wet and windy. My youngest daughter went to J.B.U. for awhile but graduated from Ozark Christian College. All that time and effort for a degree in Biblical Literature. Now she works as an administrative asst. at a local independent Christian Church. I have lunch with her at the church one day a week. They're nice folks, but sometimes it's hard not to say what I'm thinking. Anyway, I'm just there to spend time with my daughter, not to rock anybody's world. Funny, I just realized I'm still going to church every week. :grin: Have a great weekend and see you round the forum.

grumpydog

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The facts seem indisputable,

but truth is harder to define.

That hope lies wasted by distress

is true for me some of the time.

 

When wishes fill the void of waiting

with shallow, superstitious care

I hope that reason draws me truly

to embrace honest despair.

 

grumpydog

 

I enjoyed this grumpydog....and (like others) relate to it well.

 

I especially liked your last two lines:

I hope that reason draws me truly

to embrace honest despair.

 

Many a time have I prayed (dare I say 'pray'? :phew: ) to embrace the 'dark' emotions; and many a time have I embraced.

 

 

I still don't call what I have gone and continue to go through a deconversion; perhaps I prefer the term detourversion....a different road. I still have hope that the good I learned about a loving god is plausible and want to believe that hope has substance....even amidst all the evil.

 

 

Did you notice how the 'structure' of your poem turned out?

Notice the 2nd words in each of your sentences; ie: facts - wishes / hope - hope. I just thought it was interesting...

 

cheers...

~carol

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The facts seem indisputable,

but truth is harder to define.

That hope lies wasted by distress

is true for me some of the time.

 

When wishes fill the void of waiting

with shallow, superstitious care

I hope that reason draws me truly

to embrace honest despair.

 

grumpydog

 

I enjoyed this grumpydog....and (like others) relate to it well.

 

I especially liked your last two lines:

I hope that reason draws me truly

to embrace honest despair.

 

Many a time have I prayed (dare I say 'pray'? :phew: ) to embrace the 'dark' emotions; and many a time have I embraced.

 

 

I still don't call what I have gone and continue to go through a deconversion; perhaps I prefer the term detourversion....a different road. I still have hope that the good I learned about a loving god is plausible and want to believe that hope has substance....even amidst all the evil.

 

 

Did you notice how the 'structure' of your poem turned out?

Notice the 2nd words in each of your sentences; ie: facts - wishes / hope - hope. I just thought it was interesting...

 

cheers...

~carol

Thanks carol. :grin:

Truth/honesty, wishes/hopes, each seem to be almost interchangeable concepts. So I guess I was going for a little play on those words. It all gets wrapped up with needs and expectations and I get a bit crazy when I go there. At times accepting despair rather than wishing things were different helps me find my way out of the darkness. I think I understand what you mean about the good you've learned from seeking God and not wanting to lose the substance of that hope. :scratch: I'm starting to see hope in the good things people can accomplish without the need for a mystical explanation.

dawson

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