It Finally Happened

[Redbeard]

This is just something I felt like sharing with everyone, since this place has been such a huge help to me over the last couple of month.

 

I just had my first real theological discussion since my deconversion and I have to say it ended up going a lot better than expected. Unfortunately for me (although I knew it was coming), it was with my latest love interest, who is by far the most incredible woman I’ve ever met in my life. This of course led to my stomach being in knots the entire time, but I still managed to hold my ground without much trouble. Surprisingly, she was actually raised as an atheist and only converted to Xtianity a few years ago, so at least she was able to understand my views and be respectful instead of going into crazy fundie mode like most do.

 

She told me whole reason behind converting was that one night she “felt†that she was loved by god all of the sudden, and somehow couldn’t ignore it (reminded me of Julia Sweeny’s “flash of light†experience that she wrote about). She seemed surprised when she asked if I had never felt or heard the presence of god in me before, and I confirmed that I hadn’t, even though I fully believed for over twenty years.

 

Anyway, we finally settled on a common ground, but I have no idea where we’re our relationship is at now. I feared that it would end this way, so it probably has (romantically at least). I’m just glad that I was able to keep a cool head the entire time instead of crashing and burning. After reading about the horrible hardships that many people on this forum have gone through with their marriages and deconversion, it looks like I got off really easy.

[Sophronia]

how cool that you were able to talk about it, and both express your thoughts and feelings.

[I Broke Free]

I think most of us here had a similar experience where we felt the presence of “something greater than ourselves.” I can certainly relate to that experience and it coincided with me accepting whatever dogma was placed before me at the time; in my case, Mormonism.

 

When I left the faith I was reminded of that time and asked “How can you deny that experience?” I did not have a good explanation at the time, but I knew I had to leave nonetheless. However after years of being away from the influence of organized religion, I now have a better answer.

 

The personal feeling I had that day that lead me to Mormonism was intense, but not unusual. Millions of people today will feel something similar and it will lead them to something else. I cannot compare my experience with those of others, but I can use some logic on the issue and recognize that it would be arrogant of me to presume that my personal experience was true, while others were false. There is no logical reason to accept that I am somehow blessed with knowledge and truth denied to others, none at all.

[Guest eejay]

I think you were wise to have this discussion now rather than later. Eventually it had to come out, and I don't think you'd want to make wedding plans until this has been gone over. How you plan on raising your kids, all of that does need to come into play now, or it could be divorce court later if her beliefs got to the pont where she could not tolerate atheism in her own home. It takes a lot of courage to do that, but it is necessary. Glad it didn't turn out as devastating as it could have. I've had to let some relationships go for that reason, luckily some early on, some went a little longer and the hurt went a lot deeper. Hopefully I can find a way to meet other ex-c's so I don't go through this again.

On another note, my experinces with having a 'feeling' with God were nonexistent. I have prayed, gone to church, been baptized more than once, tried a look at different religions, and guess what...I came up empty every time. I just could never 'feel' it though I did believe. I guess this lack of feeling had me realizing that the strength to overcome things, the energy to take on life, everything, .... it all comes from within ourselves. We can be strong without God. My feeling is that people who find a need for religion haven't figured this out.

[Skiergirl24]

She seemed surprised when she asked if I had never felt or heard the presence of god in me before, and I confirmed that I hadn’t, even though I fully believed for over twenty years.

 

 

My cousin is the same way. Apparently she feels God's love all the time. I've prayed, meditated, begged on my hands nad knees for love and help from God but never felt one ounce of warmth or kindness from a higher power. It pisses me off too because Christians, without knowing it, directly imply that if you can't feel God's love then there is something wrong with you. I think it might be the other way around folks.....

[R. S. Martin]

And then there's the people who have the feelings so much and so often that the evidence is all there that it does not come from anywhere except from inside the human psyche. I think the argument (that the feelings come from god) works best for those people who regularly experience the numinous during religious ceremony and seldom elsewhere. The evidence from anthropology suggests that for the majority of humans this is the way it works.

[par4dcourse]

We've all had an unexpected emotion "wash over us" at unexpected times. It's the way the human brain is wired. A flood of feelings can be triggered by either a concious, or unconcious trigger. Concentration, such as in prayer or meditation, can lead to a release of a flood of chemicals in the brain. The Buddhist tradition of taking a mental "step back" to observe what's going on is apt here.

Science has tentively identified a "god gene" that coupled with almost non-stop country-wide xtian propaganda could lead trusting sorts astray. One of the hardest parts of de-conversion is understanding why any sane person could fall for the bs. The kind folks here at Ex-c had to remind me that I was once one of the enemy.

[Dhampir]

for me it is crossing huge bridges. I never used to be bothered by it, but now I get all shaky when I have to

[mick]

RedBeard,

 

I would caution getting into any kind of serious relationship with a Fundy Christian at this point. Alot of pain may result. It is a VERY VERY potent source of incompatibilty and pain.

 

This is just something I felt like sharing with everyone, since this place has been such a huge help to me over the last couple of month.

 

I just had my first real theological discussion since my deconversion and I have to say it ended up going a lot better than expected. Unfortunately for me (although I knew it was coming), it was with my latest love interest, who is by far the most incredible woman I’ve ever met in my life. This of course led to my stomach being in knots the entire time, but I still managed to hold my ground without much trouble. Surprisingly, she was actually raised as an atheist and only converted to Xtianity a few years ago, so at least she was able to understand my views and be respectful instead of going into crazy fundie mode like most do.

 

She told me whole reason behind converting was that one night she “felt†that she was loved by god all of the sudden, and somehow couldn’t ignore it (reminded me of Julia Sweeny’s “flash of light†experience that she wrote about). She seemed surprised when she asked if I had never felt or heard the presence of god in me before, and I confirmed that I hadn’t, even though I fully believed for over twenty years.

 

Anyway, we finally settled on a common ground, but I have no idea where we’re our relationship is at now. I feared that it would end this way, so it probably has (romantically at least). I’m just glad that I was able to keep a cool head the entire time instead of crashing and burning. After reading about the horrible hardships that many people on this forum have gone through with their marriages and deconversion, it looks like I got off really easy.