XCrispyKFC Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Just when I thought I've read everything on the internet.... Flat Earth Society Homepage The Flat Earth Liberation Front Against Television (FELFAT) is an organization determined to fight the evil that has spoiled this once-great world, and to bring humanity back to the ancient utopian state which it deserves. FELFAT does not believe that the Earth is flat. We acknowledge the overwhelming circumstancial evidence that the Earth is currently round. (Actually, we believe the earth to be a perfect sphere unlike many spherists, who believe that the earth is oddly shaped, mostly spherical, but with a bulge around the equator and flattened poles. The is obviously silly. On the other hand, we believe that there must be large-scale structural anomolies left over from the spherization process in the lithosphere. And of course, we believe the mantle and core o be completely synthetic fabrications of modern industrial society.) FELFAT however, holds the position that the Earth was formerly, and is naturally, entirely FLAT (and most likely unbounded). The earth was originally designed to be flat, and all aspects and features of this planet are properly understood only within the context of an entirely flat earth. The original flat earth was confined, restricted, and twisted into a perverse spherical shape by a conspiracy of TELEVISION BROADCASTERS in an attempt to realize their dream of TOTAL HUMAN MIND CONTROL through subsurviant captive homogonized market share. Before the Earth was enspherized, people could escape television broadcast beams by direct linear travel. This is no longer the case, as television broadcast transmissions encircle the finite globe. The goal was not spherization, but limitation. The most obvious solution, to cut off the remainder of the planet beyond a small fixed inner area, giving a flat, bounded earth with the traditional falling-off-the-edge-of-the-world, would have been too obvious, and would have left too much evidence of the deed. Instead they cut out that same fixed inner area, then wrapped it up into a sphere, and destroyed historical evidence of the flat unbounded earth. The big question of course is how they managed to spherize the Earth. There is some speculation that they somehow managed to tinker with some of the cosmological constants that define our particular universe in such a way as to redefine the world's stable state from flat to spherical. There has been much speculation regarding the destabalizing of the value of PI: on the surface of the earth, treated as a 2d positively curved non-euclidean plane, the value of PI is a function of the size of your circle, rather than a constant. (For example: a very small circle on the surface of the Earth has a value of PI approaching the traditional euclidean-space value, but if you start at the North pole, and enlarge your circle untill it is equivalent to the equator, you can easily see that the value of PI for that circle is exactly 2.) It is not currently understood how one would degenerate the value of PI so as to destabalize a flat plane, but it is a field of intense research. There is also much bible evidence that the world is supposed to be flat. FELFAT is working towards the glorious return to a FLAT EARTH by means of Operation Dateline Dig . We are happy to announce the successfull completion of the First Expedition to initiate Operation Dateline Dig. Things are really moving along, at last! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Neil Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Well that's an altogether unique joke. And here I was ready to point out the absurdity of flat-earthers using the internet (via satellites) to spread their propaganda. Honestly, I think this one is a joke. I can't imagine anyone making such an absurd claim as this, as though a massive conspiracy would have been able to change the shape of the earth. I mean, that is what they're saying, right? Check out what's on their homepage right now... Unfortunately, this website seems to have fallen off the edge of the earth, along with its maintainer. It will be back, eventually. Or not. But probably. Soonish. We think. Mr. Teapot says, "Thanks for your patience." Hail, Eris. It's too bad this appears to be a gag. It would have been so much fun to make fun of their "Operation Dateline Dig" by calling it "Operation Datamine". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Norton II Posted July 9, 2005 Share Posted July 9, 2005 Clearly, the "Hail Eris" indicates this is a joke, even if nothing else does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher Carrion Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Personally, I believe that the earth was once panda-shaped. No real rational or logic; I just like pandas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Neil Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 The Earth is clearly a rhombus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 The Earth is clearly a rhombus. No, it is a tetrahedron! If you don't accept that, then you were never a true Atheist to begin with! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kryten Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 Um, I think they are missing a bigger point... They are going to challenge a group has changed pi and perhaps some of the cosmological constants? I would think they should FEAR THEM, lest that group decides to turn them into cubes. (Now I admit, it would be a lot easier to store people if they were cubes, but trying to play by rolling down hills would be impossible. And don't get me started on clothing...) I don't know, I would not want to "cross" a group with those kinds of powers. They may be geniuses who lack common sense... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts