Deconverted Recently...?'s On Dealing With Your Kids

[crazycanuck]

I posted my deconversion story in the xtimony forum in the last few days. My deconversion was several years in the making, it is only in the last few weeks I have told myself I am not a Christian and I have accepted that as my Truth.

 

I have not told relatives except my husband (he is a weak Christian with all the wonderings I had a few years ago, was raised in the Mennonite church....so legalistic the man my MIL is now married to was forbidden to her years ago because he went to the "wrong church"..., and is not ready to declare it all a crock-of-shit yet..he knows the contradictons, absurdities, but is not ready to break free.) We live now in the same town as my inlaws, who have NO CLUE as to my thoughts, or that I was doubting even. What I am struggling with is my 8 yr old dd and 5 yr old ds. Dd is attending a "Veggie Tales club" at MIL church, we are just riding it out now as it is almost over. Yesterday we talked about some things after she told me that grandma said some people go to "a hot place" (hell). I know that they have a book by Josh MacDowell about leading your child to christ (a kids book, not geared to adults). I was a camp counsellor and led people to Christ myself, but now find the concept that my kids would be guided in saying the sinners prayer OFFENSIVE...I was "indoctrinated" right from early childhood, and had no opportunity to discuss the "other side" ie-geological evidence, scientific/DNA evidence, the contradictions in the bible, the whole "man made" process of how we got our bible, etc. Hell, I didn't even know that such an "other side" existed until I reached my 30's and started putting two and two together and using my brain and couldn't squash my doubts any longer.

 

Dd and I talked about a few things like the dinosaurs, the age of the stars, how the Bible says some false things like rabbits chewing a cud or insects with 4 legs, about if it was fair a child in Africa would go to hell who had no opportunity to hear the "good news". I could totally tell that the wheels were turning in her head....GOOD , that is what I want! What I struggle with is how in her mind this pits her mom against her grandma, in her mind how could we both be right, how could one of us be wrong, she loves both of us. Dh and I have approached things so far just that different people believe different things sometimes.

 

I am a new deconvert and am unsure in this area. I can't exactly forbid dd to see her grandma, and it would shock them to tell them of my deconversion and say "...and don't you spread this load of crap in their little minds! And if I EVER hear you said the sinners prayer with them.....!" I DO NOT want her implying to my kids that mommy is deluded and decieved, etc!!!! I could totally see her dropping hints like that. How do I approach this? Is there a "Raising Athiest kids" book around that anyone can point me to? Being that this involves relatives I want to tread lightly respecting my dd's developmental age/thinking.

 

And, one thing I have been thinking about. If we want our kids to truly be "freethinkers" and they know about the bible story, WHAT if they made that choice??? Would I be upset, angry, do all in my power to de-convert them? Would it be just as traumatic to me as my de-conversion would be to my own mother when I tell her? Do I "indoctrinate" them in atheism/freethinking, like my parents did in religion? I don't remember outright bigotry in my family, more like "pity" for those "poor unbelievers" but now that I am old enough to see it and realize it there is such an undercurrent of "us and them" and my christian household was no exception. In other words would most nonbelievers avoid any sort of hint of bible stories, movies, etc so as to not turn our kids to the "other side" that we now see as so wrong?

 

I am looking forward to everyones responses!!!

[Michael]

And, one thing I have been thinking about. If we want our kids to truly be "freethinkers" and they know about the bible story, WHAT if they made that choice??? Would I be upset, angry, do all in my power to de-convert them? Would it be just as traumatic to me as my de-conversion would be to my own mother when I tell her? Do I "indoctrinate" them in atheism/freethinking, like my parents did in religion? I don't remember outright bigotry in my family, more like "pity" for those "poor unbelievers" but now that I am old enough to see it and realize it there is such an undercurrent of "us and them" and my christian household was no exception. In other words would most nonbelievers avoid any sort of hint of bible stories, movies, etc so as to not turn our kids to the "other side" that we now see as so wrong?

 

I am looking forward to everyones responses!!!

 

 

Hi there,

 

as I have mentioned in an other post, we have three kids (3,7,9) and my parents in law are xians. My mother in law suffers from schizophrenia and believes every little word in the bible. She is mixing up her own weird fantasies with the weird fantasies of the bible. I could tell you some terrible stories about the childhood of my wife. We do not let our kids alone with here, because of the crap she is telling. She is a caring and wonderful woman, but at this point she is dangerous. My father in law is a member of baptist church for his entire life. They bring audio books, children bibles, dvd´s, books, the entire funny wordl of "xian-kid-stuff".

 

My daughter (7yrs) loves her kiddie bible and the "kids-classics" (david, noah, adam and eve, joseph...). But if she asks me about my opinion, I will let her know. I think it is fair to explain that noah is not just a story about funny animals, but that it is also the story of god killing the entire population of the planet. In the neighborhood an elderly woman died and my daughter wanted to know more about life after death and what would happen with the people that did not love god. So I told her, that some people believe this and other people believe that. I have told her about the xian concept, that those people would go to hell. She still thinks, that god is right, although she can not understand why there should be "normal" people in hell, because my MIL told her that there would be only evil people. She really thinks, that there is only one god and all the other gods are wrong.

 

My eldest is not confused at all. He thinks that the xian concept is not fair and if there should be a god he would be different than the one of the bible. He do not want to accept things like killing all the firstborn of Egypt, sending 95% of te world to hell and so on.

 

So we let them read whatever they want to and offer audio books and dvd´s that are different. My son loves Harry Potter and our daughter is a fan of a little german witch. My parents in law accept it. They keep their hands of our parenting and I appreciate this. But actually they do not know about my deconversion. They bring us xian books from time to time, that we never read. They want us to join a church again, but they are not pushing us.

 

So we offer a diversity of views to our kids. Maybe when they become teenagers and they want to annoy me and my wife, they might think about becoming xians.

[Gobbler]

I am a new deconvert and am unsure in this area. I can't exactly forbid dd to see her grandma, and it would shock them to tell them of my deconversion and say "...and don't you spread this load of crap in their little minds! And if I EVER hear you said the sinners prayer with them.....!" I DO NOT want her implying to my kids that mommy is deluded and decieved, etc!!!! I could totally see her dropping hints like that. How do I approach this? Is there a "Raising Athiest kids" book around that anyone can point me to? Being that this involves relatives I want to tread lightly respecting my dd's developmental age/thinking.

 

And, one thing I have been thinking about. If we want our kids to truly be "freethinkers" and they know about the bible story, WHAT if they made that choice??? Would I be upset, angry, do all in my power to de-convert them? Would it be just as traumatic to me as my de-conversion would be to my own mother when I tell her? Do I "indoctrinate" them in atheism/freethinking, like my parents did in religion? I don't remember outright bigotry in my family, more like "pity" for those "poor unbelievers" but now that I am old enough to see it and realize it there is such an undercurrent of "us and them" and my christian household was no exception. In other words would most nonbelievers avoid any sort of hint of bible stories, movies, etc so as to not turn our kids to the "other side" that we now see as so wrong?

 

I am looking forward to everyones responses!!!

 

Wow, you certainly have a dilemma when it comes to the kids! Thankfully I am not in that position as of yet. Yet I am currently seeing the indocrination of my nearly five year old great nephew. It makes me cringe because I dare not say anything directly to him. It would certainly bring the "Wrath of God" as it were! With your situation maybe you could sit down with your dd and kindly inform her to first discuss with you before she is encouraged by the MIL to say the "sinner's prayer". Tell her how this is an important step in one's life and you need to talk with her first before she makes that kind of decision. I can see the MIL really pushing the issue since she is going to her church. Good luck!

[Grandpa Harley]

[satire]

You could do what Christians do when their kids deconvert... throw them out on the street, having made their life hell on earth...

[/satire]

[par4dcourse]

I have the same problem with my grandkids. Neither of my kids nor my wife's are super religious, but the grandkids (7 of them, ages 1 to 9) are being indoctrinated with candy and toys and fun like xtian churches are prone to do. They don't bring out the hell fire and brimstone until a little later.

Anyway, rather than cause unrest in the ranks, I don't talk about gawd, or lack of, I just insist they think. I repeat often, don't believe everything you hear, think for yourself. Can't get in trouble for encouraging them to think, and maybe it will do some good someday.

[Guest Broken Hearted]

Hi, I am new at this. I recently learned the real truth. We just told our children last night. Our son 17 took it very well. He was happy to know that people that he loves who have died without christ wont burn.

Our daughter 13 is suffering some but she is very logical and will be o.k.

I cant imagine telling our friends. I feel like I have lost my self worth. My greatest goal in life was to be a godly woman and lead others to be the same. We had bible studies in our home. We served in the church and in other ministries. All of our friends are christians. We are told by the church that we are to love one another. We could never figure out why it always seemed like everyone was being a hypocrite. We always felt like we were never good enough. I studied for years so I could be closer to god and could never figure out why I always fell short of the goal. I now know why. I am still having the arguments in my head. The church tells you to "defend" and "ignore". The enemy is trying to stop you. Wow. I feel stupid and dooped.

I am also ticked at the people who deemed themselves worthy to decide what I should read. The canonization of scripture was a farce with agenda written all over it. I thank all of you for sharing your experiences. My husband found this site for me. I needed to know that there were others out there who felt this way. I feel like I have been in the Matrix. I took the pill to know the truth and there is part of me that wants to go back in. Does this get easier? We dont want to tell family because we dont want to explain all that we know. It is painful and they wont have the support that we have. We were lucky because we experienced it as a family and we can help each other through it. I will be ordering some books that were recommended on this site.

[Eric_PK]

They have been exposed thoroughly to one mythology. I think the best thing to do is to expose them to other mythologies. Find them books about hinduism, books about greek myths, etc. When you talk about them, tell them that these are beliefs that some people have.

 

It's especially good if you can find some "vengeful god" or "messiah" stories to add in there.

 

My guess is that that will be enough for them to start viewing the biblical stories as similar to the other stories that they're hearing, and at some point they can decide that they are just stories.

 

I'd also start by telling them about religion in general - that people in different places believe different things. You can introduce atheists at the same time.

[Guest mellomom]

I posted my deconversion story in the xtimony forum in the last few days. My deconversion was several years in the making, it is only in the last few weeks I have told myself I am not a Christian and I have accepted that as my Truth.

 

I have not told relatives except my husband (he is a weak Christian with all the wonderings I had a few years ago, was raised in the Mennonite church....so legalistic the man my MIL is now married to was forbidden to her years ago because he went to the "wrong church"..., and is not ready to declare it all a crock-of-shit yet..he knows the contradictons, absurdities, but is not ready to break free.) We live now in the same town as my inlaws, who have NO CLUE as to my thoughts, or that I was doubting even. What I am struggling with is my 8 yr old dd and 5 yr old ds. Dd is attending a "Veggie Tales club" at MIL church, we are just riding it out now as it is almost over. Yesterday we talked about some things after she told me that grandma said some people go to "a hot place" (hell). I know that they have a book by Josh MacDowell about leading your child to christ (a kids book, not geared to adults). I was a camp counsellor and led people to Christ myself, but now find the concept that my kids would be guided in saying the sinners prayer OFFENSIVE...I was "indoctrinated" right from early childhood, and had no opportunity to discuss the "other side" ie-geological evidence, scientific/DNA evidence, the contradictions in the bible, the whole "man made" process of how we got our bible, etc. Hell, I didn't even know that such an "other side" existed until I reached my 30's and started putting two and two together and using my brain and couldn't squash my doubts any longer.

 

Dd and I talked about a few things like the dinosaurs, the age of the stars, how the Bible says some false things like rabbits chewing a cud or insects with 4 legs, about if it was fair a child in Africa would go to hell who had no opportunity to hear the "good news". I could totally tell that the wheels were turning in her head....GOOD , that is what I want! What I struggle with is how in her mind this pits her mom against her grandma, in her mind how could we both be right, how could one of us be wrong, she loves both of us. Dh and I have approached things so far just that different people believe different things sometimes.

 

I am a new deconvert and am unsure in this area. I can't exactly forbid dd to see her grandma, and it would shock them to tell them of my deconversion and say "...and don't you spread this load of crap in their little minds! And if I EVER hear you said the sinners prayer with them.....!" I DO NOT want her implying to my kids that mommy is deluded and decieved, etc!!!! I could totally see her dropping hints like that. How do I approach this? Is there a "Raising Athiest kids" book around that anyone can point me to? Being that this involves relatives I want to tread lightly respecting my dd's developmental age/thinking.

 

And, one thing I have been thinking about. If we want our kids to truly be "freethinkers" and they know about the bible story, WHAT if they made that choice??? Would I be upset, angry, do all in my power to de-convert them? Would it be just as traumatic to me as my de-conversion would be to my own mother when I tell her? Do I "indoctrinate" them in atheism/freethinking, like my parents did in religion? I don't remember outright bigotry in my family, more like "pity" for those "poor unbelievers" but now that I am old enough to see it and realize it there is such an undercurrent of "us and them" and my christian household was no exception. In other words would most nonbelievers avoid any sort of hint of bible stories, movies, etc so as to not turn our kids to the "other side" that we now see as so wrong?

 

I am looking forward to everyones responses!!!

[Guest mellomom]

I posted my deconversion story in the xtimony forum in the last few days. My deconversion was several years in the making, it is only in the last few weeks I have told myself I am not a Christian and I have accepted that as my Truth.

 

I have not told relatives except my husband (he is a weak Christian with all the wonderings I had a few years ago, was raised in the Mennonite church....so legalistic the man my MIL is now married to was forbidden to her years ago because he went to the "wrong church"..., and is not ready to declare it all a crock-of-shit yet..he knows the contradictons, absurdities, but is not ready to break free.) We live now in the same town as my inlaws, who have NO CLUE as to my thoughts, or that I was doubting even. What I am struggling with is my 8 yr old dd and 5 yr old ds. Dd is attending a "Veggie Tales club" at MIL church, we are just riding it out now as it is almost over. Yesterday we talked about some things after she told me that grandma said some people go to "a hot place" (hell). I know that they have a book by Josh MacDowell about leading your child to christ (a kids book, not geared to adults). I was a camp counsellor and led people to Christ myself, but now find the concept that my kids would be guided in saying the sinners prayer OFFENSIVE...I was "indoctrinated" right from early childhood, and had no opportunity to discuss the "other side" ie-geological evidence, scientific/DNA evidence, the contradictions in the bible, the whole "man made" process of how we got our bible, etc. Hell, I didn't even know that such an "other side" existed until I reached my 30's and started putting two and two together and using my brain and couldn't squash my doubts any longer.

 

Dd and I talked about a few things like the dinosaurs, the age of the stars, how the Bible says some false things like rabbits chewing a cud or insects with 4 legs, about if it was fair a child in Africa would go to hell who had no opportunity to hear the "good news". I could totally tell that the wheels were turning in her head....GOOD , that is what I want! What I struggle with is how in her mind this pits her mom against her grandma, in her mind how could we both be right, how could one of us be wrong, she loves both of us. Dh and I have approached things so far just that different people believe different things sometimes.

 

I am a new deconvert and am unsure in this area. I can't exactly forbid dd to see her grandma, and it would shock them to tell them of my deconversion and say "...and don't you spread this load of crap in their little minds! And if I EVER hear you said the sinners prayer with them.....!" I DO NOT want her implying to my kids that mommy is deluded and decieved, etc!!!! I could totally see her dropping hints like that. How do I approach this? Is there a "Raising Athiest kids" book around that anyone can point me to? Being that this involves relatives I want to tread lightly respecting my dd's developmental age/thinking.

 

And, one thing I have been thinking about. If we want our kids to truly be "freethinkers" and they know about the bible story, WHAT if they made that choice??? Would I be upset, angry, do all in my power to de-convert them? Would it be just as traumatic to me as my de-conversion would be to my own mother when I tell her? Do I "indoctrinate" them in atheism/freethinking, like my parents did in religion? I don't remember outright bigotry in my family, more like "pity" for those "poor unbelievers" but now that I am old enough to see it and realize it there is such an undercurrent of "us and them" and my christian household was no exception. In other words would most nonbelievers avoid any sort of hint of bible stories, movies, etc so as to not turn our kids to the "other side" that we now see as so wrong?

 

I am looking forward to everyones responses!!!

[Eponymic]

Frankly, kids are easy to "deconvert."

 

If you give a kid all the facts and don't force them into anything, they'll accept the truth for themselves a hell of a lot easier than an adult will.

 

Just think about Santa Claus. Kids will believe the hell out of it, but as soon as someone makes it known that it is just a myth. They can never go back to full belief, and before long they know it as fact that Santa is just like Jesus, a myth.