hoosier Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 I know this subject has been talked about a lot on this site, but what would be the best way to tell my folks and inlaws I dont exactly belevie their way anymore? I'm going to have to one day. I dont have kids yet, but me and my wife dont really want our parents indoctrinating them with all that stupid hell and rapture BS.( neither of us are xtian, me= agnostic/atheist, her= deistic) Also, they are gonna freak when we let them go to public school.( I know, a lot of people here are into the homeschool thing, me and my wife both were but it was done for religous reasons) Anyhow, everyone here seems fairly knowledgeable about this sort of thing so what do yall think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric_PK Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 I know this subject has been talked about a lot on this site, but what would be the best way to tell my folks and inlaws I dont exactly belevie their way anymore? I'm going to have to one day. I dont have kids yet, but me and my wife dont really want our parents indoctrinating them with all that stupid hell and rapture BS.( neither of us are xtian, me= agnostic/atheist, her= deistic) Also, they are gonna freak when we let them go to public school.( I know, a lot of people here are into the homeschool thing, me and my wife both were but it was done for religous reasons) Anyhow, everyone here seems fairly knowledgeable about this sort of thing so what do yall think? When we had kids (well, "kid"), we dealt with this when the question of baptism came up. Our family asked when the baptism was, and we said that our daugther wasn't going to be baptized, and that pretty much did it. But both of our sets of parents, while religious, aren't evangelical about it. Remember that when you have kids, you are in control of "the grandchildren", and your parents don't get to see them without your approval. You are certainly justified in not allowing them unsupervised access if they are doing things that make you uncomfortable. We chose not to make any announcement before the kid forced our hand about our beliefs. Good luck - these things are really personal choices. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 I know this subject has been talked about a lot on this site, but what would be the best way to tell my folks and inlaws I dont exactly belevie their way anymore? I'm going to have to one day. I dont have kids yet, but me and my wife dont really want our parents indoctrinating them with all that stupid hell and rapture BS.( neither of us are xtian, me= agnostic/atheist, her= deistic) Also, they are gonna freak when we let them go to public school.( I know, a lot of people here are into the homeschool thing, me and my wife both were but it was done for religous reasons) Anyhow, everyone here seems fairly knowledgeable about this sort of thing so what do yall think? Is your aversion to homeschooling due to the religious curriculum? Because you can do homeschooling without it. And if you folks are going to "freak" about you choosing to send your kids to a public school, then you have more grandparent boundaries to set than just the religious ones. You are going to have to be very firm with them. No religious BS. And you have to stand by your convictions. There is no "best way" if you are hoping to "let them down gently" that their grandchildren are hellbound (which is what they will believe). If they believe that strongly, you will have to oppose them just as strongly. Set the rules. Be straight with them. NO religion if they ever want to have unsupervised visits with your kids. The first time your kid comes home asking about jesus will be the last time the grandparents get to babysit. Remember, family is not limited to "blood kin", your freethinking friends can be Aunts and Uncles to your kids too. When you make the family bigger that way, the "DIRE IMPORTANCE" that your parents will try to convince you of...that grandparents represent a VITAL relationship to your child's development...will be set in it's proper BS light. If they attribute this kind of importance to grandparenthood, then following you wishes MUST be just that important to them. Make sure they know the privilage is theirs to lose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 You do not have to tell them if you don't want to, but if you do, I suggest a diplomatic but firm approach. If they are fundies they may very well freak out, so be prepared for that. And White Raven has a point, you can do homeschooling without religion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoosier Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 Well, We've thought about possibly homeschooling them, my wife really wants to, but what non religous curriculums are there? Another factor is that I want them to have high school diplomas, something my wife didnt get. However we have decided that we definitely need to have some part in our kids education, We're not going to rely completely on the school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Broken Hearted Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 We just completed the task of "coming out" to my husbands family. We decided to do it by e-mail. It sounds a little cold but we were not interested in convincing anyone. His father called minutes after sending off the e-mail. He was sad for us but ultimatley was very supportive. We will be fielding phone calls for a little while but we think that is best. We hope that it will give our family members a chance to digest the information before asking questions. My sister in law was hugely supportive, ofcourse she believed we were in a cult most of the time. My sweet brother in law is having some trouble. I also sent the e-mail to one of the ladies in my bible study group, of which I was the leader up until two weeks ago. I am still anticipating her response. This ofcourse is just one way of doing it. It depends alot on your family. For my side of the family, they will require a phone call. I told my oldest brother first. I didnt know how he would respond. He was warm and loving and said it changes nothing between us. Telling my older sister who patterned her "walk" after mine, that will be way harsh. Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eejay Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 My parents died over 10 years ago, so this is not something I have to deal with at this time. I know when I walked away from the church many years ago, it was comstant harassment from my mom, even when I was long out of the house. And that was just for not attending church, never mind saying I totally disbelieved. That would have warranted complete bombardment with ridiculous tracts on a daily basis. My aunts and uncle that are left are kind of distant so it's kind of who cares. The only person left that would care is my sister. She was catholic schooled, and though she doesn't currently attend church (mainly because of her husband's disapproval of the RCC) it really bothers her a lot from what I can tell. She has a definate fear of hell that's very obvious. I know she would like to start going to church again, but she is married to a control freak, who decides everything they do or not do. He too, is catholic but harbors some kind of grudge with the RCC, I think over the sex scandal, because he speaks very bitterly of it. He was catholic schooled through college, and had been an altar boy. Both my sister and her husband know I am appalled by x-tianity, but I have never discussed total lack of belief with either of them. When I brought up my prior paganism with my sister, she was very uncomfortable with it from what I could tell. Mostly we don't discuss religion, but I guess I will be facing at some point telling her that I believe in no gods. It's just not that big a deal right now, because it's not really going to make a whole lot of difference. Far as she's concerned, I'm going to hell either way because I betrayed the only true church in her eyes. She is obviously way too frightened to open her eyes. Someday if the situation comes up, I may have a discussion with her, but see no point in it at this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponymic Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Well, We've thought about possibly homeschooling them, my wife really wants to, but what non religous curriculums are there? Another factor is that I want them to have high school diplomas, something my wife didnt get. However we have decided that we definitely need to have some part in our kids education, We're not going to rely completely on the school. There are ways to get a non-religious home schooling process. Check out these options http://en.allexperts.com/q/Home-Schooling-...ol-Internet.htm List of Secular Homeschool Options Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogilvy Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I know this subject has been talked about a lot on this site, but what would be the best way to tell my folks and inlaws I dont exactly belevie their way anymore? I'm going to have to one day. I dont have kids yet, but me and my wife dont really want our parents indoctrinating them with all that stupid hell and rapture BS.( neither of us are xtian, me= agnostic/atheist, her= deistic) Also, they are gonna freak when we let them go to public school.( I know, a lot of people here are into the homeschool thing, me and my wife both were but it was done for religous reasons) Anyhow, everyone here seems fairly knowledgeable about this sort of thing so what do yall think? it hasnt been a problem for me, because when i explain that i've come to realize that God is cruel, nobody, including my pastor, have had an answer for me. i've told them honestly my reasons, if they've wanted to know why i'm not coming to church. theres really nothing anyone can say against my reasoning, especially as most of them believe in hell as a place of eternal torment. a lot of people struglle with the concept of hell. i say that the bible must be incorrect, because it doesnt makes sense that God is loving, when i can see from the bible that hes cruel, and that it was cruel to create us in the first place, knowing that most people would be condemned. there is no answer to that. i i wish there was. but see? its not my fault? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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