So How Do You Feel About It

[Max]

We always have a lot of treads running about the pain of deconversion, but now one for you who have gotten through it. Now that you're past the initial shock and change, how do you feel about being ex-C?

 

It took me a really long time to own the name "atheist". But I recently realized that - now that all that change it past me - I feel really good about it. I really like being an atheist. It's a pleasant, much simpler existence. I wish I'd done it sooner.

[Guest eejay]

I think it's done wonders for me to finally accept it for what it was, instead of trying to find something that wasn't there, or feeling that I had to have 'some' kind of religion. I love how I feel emotionally and have no desire whatsover to seek religious fellowship of any kind. It was too many years that I went through an unecessary struggle in trying to 'feel' and experience what others said religion could give you. It never did never did anything for me except make me depressed that I was unacceptable to god. I never felt anything uplifting or positive from x-tianity. So for me, it has been a complete pleasure to free myself from that bondage. I find that I when I do have issues to deal with in my life that I don't need to waste my time over unecessary prayer that really doesn't work. I have much more focus because I know that resolution will come from the choices I make, one way or the other. I know that I don't have to be somebody I'm not, and I don;t feel guilty about being human. It's made a positive difference in my life.

[godlessgrrl]

I feel relieved, and more laid back. My fears have changed, too. I realized just a couple of days ago that, when I was a theist, I was terrified of the dark. Now that I'm an atheist, I'm not anymore. Only thing I can think of that shifted is that I don't believe in the supernatural anymore, so don't believe in scary supernatural entities coming to get me in the darkness.

 

I also savor pleasurable moments more often. I guess I'm a bit more hedonistic than I used to be. Plus becoming more aware of wanting to help other people out, because this is the only life I know I have, and y'know - the same thing is true for other people too. So I might as well figure out, if I can, how to help make other people's lives nicer somehow, where possible.

 

I don't fear threats of hellfire anymore, either. Or puffed-up, well-fed preachers. Life is too short and I'm just more interested in living, really.

[florduh]

I feel great. Didn't take that long either.

 

My pastor was a sincere and kind man. He was also a good scholar. We had many discussions, so when I left I guess he figured I knew what I was doing after careful consideration. I like to think I even planted some doubt with him. So he never followed up to bring me back, and neither did anyone else. I know why the pastor let me go, but I was kind of surprised that my old buddies never contacted me again. Fuck 'em. I had done the breakfasts, foot washing, held Bible study at my home, but as soon as I quit believing their superstition I didn't exist for them.

 

So I got over it pretty quickly, and haven't looked back. There's too much ahead.

 

- Chris

[Ouroboros]

I'm very satisfied being an atheist. Have no problem even admitting it in front of people. I gave a short "testimony" to a Christian just a few days ago. He's was disturbed to his core - I could tell. He's a study-buddy in school, and I kind of could tell he had a Christian view from the discussions in class, but he's not hardcore. It was obvious he couldn't really get a grip of the idea that someone actually could *not* believe. Comparing my feelings doing this with how it was when I evangelized as a Christians, I felt really comfortable doing this and I knew I had the upper hand. Poor guy... I suspect he never thought I was an atheist... he probably thought I was Christian like him.

[Franciscan Monkey]

Once I realized that there was no god, I immediately called myself an atheist. It's funny how quickly I embraced the term, as I had been taught (and believed) for 25 years that atheists were the bottom of the barrel. I know my wife struggled a while after deconverting before calling herself an atheist.

 

At first I was pretty indifferent, aside from losing the judgmental attitude I used to hold against others. As a Christian, I was always concerned about the spiritual state of every person I had contact with. Even at the grocery store, I'd be thinking, "How awful, I bet the person in front of me in line is going to hell."

 

It's been over 3 years now for me, and the longer it's been, the more I like being an atheist. I am no longer in bondage to fear, I no longer worry about not pleasing some guy in the sky. I love seeing the world from a rational and scientific perspective.

 

With a few exceptions for some family members who would be totally crushed, I don't mind telling others that I am an atheist. Despite any negative connotation that others might have of me, I am not ashamed. I just feel like I've grown up and moved on from believing silly superstitions, and how in the world can one be ashamed of that?

 

Gwenmead, I, too, have lost any fear of the dark. When I used to believe that demons inhabited the world, the dark was a little more scary for some reason.

 

Respectfully,

Franciscan Monkey

[Vendredie]

I feel quite satisfied. Now I don't have to worry about some "supreme being" watching me do everything, constantly judging me, what must it think of me? I'm always had that problem, and now that I think about it being a Christian might have fueled that. When I went to church gossip was a HUGE part of church social life, and it was always negative gossip. In Sunday school and youth groups the teachers/trainers had always taught us that gossip was wrong, and that's one of the lessons that stuck... I can't talk bad about anyone, it makes me feel like a supremo bitch and a coward who can't say it to their face. It was something I'd been taught in church, but then I saw the teachers participate in it and be subjected to it, and made me wonder what people said of me and thought of me. It's still a huge problem outside of church... sometimes I do or say less-than-intelligent things, and then later I wonder what people are saying behind my back. It was even worse at church because then I had a deity to worry about, and I always wondered what God thought of me.

 

I'm over it a bit now, especially the God part. I'm free of the hypocrisy, the cold-shouldering, the fake friendliness of the "community" church where I had so many "friends". Now I can look at things from a logical and independent perspective than a prescribed one. I don't have to worry about getting into Heaven. I don't have to try to make sense of what I "believe", since my beliefs then were indoctrination rather than actual beliefs, and my actual beliefs make sense to me.

 

So I'm now satisfied that everything makes at least a little sense, I don't have to make excuses, and I don't have to worry about what God, Jesus, or the church people think.

[SWIM]

We always have a lot of treads running about the pain of deconversion, but now one for you who have gotten through it. Now that you're past the initial shock and change, how do you feel about being ex-C?

 

It took me a really long time to own the name "atheist". But I recently realized that - now that all that change it past me - I feel really good about it. I really like being an atheist. It's a pleasant, much simpler existence. I wish I'd done it sooner.

 

Been an ex a very long time, it was scary at first, but I really researched all my doubts in-depth. That is probably the healthiest thing you can do. It is very important, imo, for a new deconvert to really get a sound knowledge of why the religion is a cult and bullshit.

[Trev]

Been an ex a very long time, it was scary at first, but I really researched all my doubts in-depth. That is probably the healthiest thing you can do. It is very important, imo, for a new deconvert to really get a sound knowledge of why the religion is a cult and bullshit.

 

Yes, that's a good thing to do, to tame your fears and doubts.

 

Now that I'm well out, I actually feel a bit sorry for Christians for being so misguided and naive, and I hope none of them fall as hard as I did. No, wait, maybe I do, in some ways, because that might help them on the path to some sort of maturity as a person. Not that I'm trying to imply that I'm completely mature and have nothing to learn, though, but leaving Christianity was a great start.

[ShackledNoMore]

It's liberating. It's honest. It's just plain SATISFYING to employ critical thought, to not have to do mental gymnastics to reconcile something that just doesn't make sense. I truly am shackled no more, as the name I chose expresses. I am free from the "shalt nots" (and "shalts") that controlled my life before. I can look at my own sexuality without self condemnation. I can read a horoscope for its entertainment value (lame as it is) or take in a hypnotist's show (or not), but either way I have the freedom not to be bound by artificial "sins." I can give my time and money to something both more satisfying and more beneficial than the church. ...and with no threats of hell, my life, my morality is more true to myself and others, and it is superior to the morality imposed on me as a xian--funny how one of the contradictory messages of xianity is to not judge, all while you're supposed to be shunning opposing beliefs, sexuality (particularly certain types of sexuality), dismissing women as second class citizens, and shunning all manner of intellectual inquiry. Yes, I feel mighty good about being an ex-c.

[gradstu09]

I find it very freeing and relaxing. I would compare it to an afternoon in my hammock, as opposed to being Catholic being like an endless time on a hard metal folding chair.

[par4dcourse]

The world seems to make more sense when you finally realize that there's no invisible hand controlling everything, no master plan, it's just you and me and them and life is what we make it.

There's an old joke based on a Schlitz beer ad campaign many moons ago: You only go around once in life, and if you do it right, that's plenty.

[Guest Freepagan]

I'm living with no anxiety. I used to believe that my choices had to line up with "god's will" and if they didn't, then my life would be in shambles. That belief creates alot of unnecessary pain. Now I make my own choices, and learn from the results. And I no longer try to find meaning in every little thing because that is exhausting. I now realize how vitally important it is to stay connected to reality, to real human beings, not an imaginary friend. Everything I've ever received came from real corporeal people. And I no longer try to please "god" or anyone else for that matter. It feels great to be in the here and now.

[bellsybop]

I'm not atheist, but deist. But getting away from all the bull has made me a better thinker. I am also relieved to get out of all the mumbo jumbo of a god that watches me all the time. I just live and observe the other dumb dumbs that are constantly looking over their shoulders for big daddy.

[4truth]

It has been the best 11 months of my life! The first 6 months were an adjustment, but now that the rough spots in my marriage and friendships have been worked out, I feel great. A huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. As a xian, I could never be good enough. I could never measure up to a perfect God. If I did do anything I felt proud of, I was made to feel guilty for the sin of pride and not giving all of the credit to god. Trying to read god's mind to figure out his perfect will was crazy enough to make me feel like I was having a psychotic break. Add to that figuring out which thoughts in my head were coming from satan and it's amazing I had any sanity left at all.

 

Now life is what I make it. I am good enough all by myself. Life is enjoyable because I know this is the only life I get. The world is my home, I'm not just passing through. I don't see evil everywhere I look; the world is a pretty nice place to be. I can be proud of my accomplishments without guilt. What I'm most proud of is escaping from the nightmare after 48 years.

[fallenleaf]

Although the de-conversion process was uncomfortable and painful, I've been very satisfied internally ever since. The best part is not needing to lie to myself about God and other things I didn't really believe. I have a much better idea of who I am and what I want.

 

I've dealt with ongoing external religious issues for years and years now... which has occasionally interrupted my peaceful walk through life. But I try not to let them get me down.

[gradstu09]

I'm living with no anxiety. I used to believe that my choices had to line up with "god's will" and if they didn't, then my life would be in shambles. That belief creates alot of unnecessary pain. Now I make my own choices, and learn from the results. And I no longer try to find meaning in every little thing because that is exhausting. I now realize how vitally important it is to stay connected to reality, to real human beings, not an imaginary friend.

 

YES.

[woodsmoke]

So I got over it pretty quickly, and haven't looked back. There's too much ahead.

 

Essentially, this.

[Guest Aosoth]

I feel fantastic having turned to Paganism. Took me a while, with reconversions and re-deconversions along the way, but now I feel so much better having gotten out of Christianity.

[alpha centauri]

I feel FREE. It's so incredibly refreshing. I value life and appreciate the little things more, because I'm not waiting for something better in the "afterlife." If there is something after death, I hope it's positive and wonderful. But if there's nothing, that's OK, too. It should certainly be peaceful.

 

Clinging to religion made me struggle like crazy to justify the often contradictory teachings of this invisible sky king. I lived in fear of doing something that wasn't his will, and was constantly criticizing my wife for what she watched on TV because of the sexuality, etc. Ironically, she's still a Christian, but she has always been a liberal Christian. She didn't spend great lengths of time reading the Bible like I did. But I wasn't really happy. Sure, I enjoyed some of the songs. I wrote sermons and even considered attending seminary.

 

But one thing I couldn't get past was the very idea of hell. No one deserves that for eternity. If Christianity's founders had devised a rational view of punishment in an afterlife, a person would be punished in a way commensurate with their crimes, and it wouldn't be eternal. That just doesn't jibe with a loving, forgiving god. For example, a person like Hitler would feel and understand the terror, emotional trauma and helplessness of his victims. Then his spirit would be reformed, and he would be paroled.

 

The creators of Christianity stole some ideas from Judaism, Mithraism and some of the pagan religions and tried to tone down certain elements of god's anger. But they still created a religion that in many respects just doesn't make sense.

 

I remember reading a detailed book about hell in 2005 on a visit to Florida. As I walked through Disney World, I remember being sad and praying for all the poor souls there who were going to hell.

 

That's one of the drawbacks to Christianity: you are either miserable in some ways because salvation is very exclusive, or you happily accept that fact and justify god's actions in sending other people to hell! Or a third option: you just don't really think about it.

 

I'm sooooooo glad to be free of Christianity. That religion (errr ... ummm ... "relationship") is like a prison for the mind that definitely makes a person irrational, if they truly take their faith to heart.

[WCrystal]

I feel relieved and free. I feel like I don't have to worry about what I'm doing right or wrong or whether what I'm doing is within the standards of something good or bad. I feel like I'm finally allowed to be happy -- and that it's okay to be happy because I realize that now when I'm happy there is no big hang up about whether what is causing my happiness is a big "no no" in the eyes of a god that is overbearing with punishments.

 

Feels rather good.

[L.B.]

I have enjoyed Sundays for some time now; I hated Sundays with a passion for about 2 years. I tolerated Sundays for most of the rest of my early life.

 

When we realize that NOW is all there is and we have to live every single NOW as though it were the only one, we are free. No need for Magic Sky Man, the Farter or the Spook. Flying Zombie Jews are for bad late-night movies; they're not the proper stuff for inhabiting the core of your being and dominating your existence.