DarthOkkata Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 I've had an interesting experience with a priest my mother forced me to sit down and talk too. A Christian intervention if you will a few months back. She got sent away for a bit while we talked about, my 'Crisis of faith.' I didn't really have to go, but not going would have caused a larger mess, so I went. At any rate, I immediately decided that I wasn't in the mood to rationalize the man in front of me out of his hippie like love drone. I decided then and there to irrationalize my way out of it. After listening to him drone on for about fifteen minutes with the old 'God is patient and forgiving, and he loves you, but his patience is finite, and he'll throw you into suffering, yadda, yadda, yadda. Priest are much more annoying when you speak to them in a professional capacity. I've found this to be true in all my experience with them. At any rate, I opened my mouth and responded. "Because, I want to be eaten first." This of course led to a complete look of abject shock. I gave up trying to hide my amusement, and focused on making my smile more...subdued. I think it helped my credibility a little. The priest was expecting a completely different problem. From the length and content of his 'opening speech', I got the impression my mother had briefed him. I went on a Lovecraftian rant, and I don't think he had much of a clue. I'm kind of surprised I was able to keep it going as long as I did. I ran out of material and had to improvise by adding to what I'd started with. Any illogical conclusion based on Chuthulu will sound as if it makes perfect sense. I was also kind enough to tone the violence down a bit given the audience. It was one of the most entertaining conversations I've had in some time. I actually think there's a small chance Tom Cruise might not be crazy now. He must have argued with me for two hours about why god would ensure I wouldn't have to be worried about getting eaten, and that Yog Sheothoth was not the gate, and something about Jesus being the key. I'm pretty sure he was glad when I left. He was fondling his cross a lot and grew more uncomfortable looking as the conversation went on. I kept bringing up that I'd wished I'd brought my copy of Necronomicon Exmortum. I even claimed H.P.Lovecraft as my prophet. The fact that I had remained even handed and calm through the whole thing seemed to help. I was in a much better mood than I was before I got there when I left. If you've got the stomach for it, I recommend trying it. It was entertaining, he completely missed my point and now thinks I'm completely out of my mind. My mother is angry, but not stupid, and seems to have grasped my point. I think she's angrier about that than she is about the condition of her friend when I left. I'm to understand he recommended that a doctor have a look at me. I honestly think the man might have been interested in having me looked at for exorcism. I told her not to let some crazy person babysit me while she went shopping again. If he was going to talk crazy to me, then I was going to do the same right back. It's been several weeks, but I've not had a repeat since. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skiergirl24 Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 I love it!! toooooooo funny! "I'd rather be eaten first." right on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 My mother is angry, but not stupid, and seems to have grasped my point. I think she's angrier about that than she is about the condition of her friend when I left. I'm to understand he recommended that a doctor have a look at me. I honestly think the man might have been interested in having me looked at for exorcism. I told her not to let some crazy person babysit me while she went shopping again. If he was going to talk crazy to me, then I was going to do the same right back. It's been several weeks, but I've not had a repeat since. She's been had and she knows it and it doesn't sit well with her. That's the way I see it. Great job, Darth, well done. There's nothing quite like the satisfaction of using their own tools and tactics against them and watching them squirm. I used my sister's own faith and religion to make her stop sending me conversion letters. It worked like a charm. Ever since I asked her to pray for me and trust the Holy Spirit to do the converting I have not gotten a single conversion letter from her. But I didn't let her off quite that easy. I catechized her, so to speak. I asked whether she trusts/has faith that God hears prayer. I asked whether she trusts/has faith that the Holy Spirit can convict/convert people. You know what answer she was obligated to provide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodsmoke Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 You, sir, are my hero. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vendredie Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 To quote my favoritest Harry Potter character ever: "That was bloody brilliant!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outback Jack Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Bravo, Darth! I like your style. :notworthy: :notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 /buwhahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha=ebbile affffeists chuckle ON ...busted a gut on that Darth.. kL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 LOL!! :rofl: Ok that's the funniest damn thing I've heard in a long time. That's fucking awesome. Cthulhu or Jesus: why choose the lesser of two evils?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 But if Jesus is the Key then he must be the spawn of Yog Sothoth.... after all Wilber's brother was also 'the Key'... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonolithTMA Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Ok! Ok! I'll read some Lovecraft! Not sure how I avoided it all these years anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted April 2, 2008 Super Moderator Share Posted April 2, 2008 Wonderful, inspiring story. Well done. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabula Rasa Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 It was one of the most entertaining conversations I've had in some time. I actually think there's a small chance Tom Cruise might not be crazy now. He must have argued with me for two hours about why god would ensure I wouldn't have to be worried about getting eaten, and that Yog Sheothoth was not the gate, and something about Jesus being the key. I'm pretty sure he was glad when I left. He was fondling his cross a lot and grew more uncomfortable looking as the conversation went on. I kept bringing up that I'd wished I'd brought my copy of Necronomicon Exmortum. I even claimed H.P.Lovecraft as my prophet. The fact that I had remained even handed and calm through the whole thing seemed to help. I was in a much better mood than I was before I got there when I left. If you've got the stomach for it, I recommend trying it. It was entertaining, he completely missed my point and now thinks I'm completely out of my mind. My mother is angry, but not stupid, and seems to have grasped my point. I think she's angrier about that than she is about the condition of her friend when I left. BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!! Darth that was fucking brilliant! The ghost of Lovecraft is probably laughing his ass off at how badly you freaked the priest out given H.P's great disdain for religion. Btw, Monolith, here's a link where you can read some of H.P's work:Lovecraft stories Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 That was great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonolithTMA Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Btw, Monolith, here's a link where you can read some of H.P's work:Lovecraft stories Awesome! Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 That was great! I'll raise you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sage Nabooru Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 You KNOW someone in Tennessee has a picture of Elvis holding a Bible with a halo around his head hanging in the living room, right next to the ceramic cherub figurine and the "Beer Cans of the 1970's" display collection. Don't deny it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I'll raise youYou win! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthOkkata Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 I'll raise youYou win! I'll raise you both and call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MesaGman Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 you heretic. Cluthu is not the Elder God. SHUMAGORATH is the Elder God. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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