Responce To Leaving The Church

[Guest Clodomir]

How come there is no way to leave a Church gracefully? Transfers seem to be all right.

Christianity accepts people who convert from other religions (and sends out missionaries to go get them)

but doesn't want or talk about people changing from C or much less de-converting.

I guess they can't put someone like that into the normal categories of

Fellow Christian (talk to them in christian-code) and

Possible convert (quick send them a tract about Jesus)

but get put into the "Other" category of Unrepentant Person

who has heard the "good news" but rejects it, therefore

deserves hellfire and should be kept from the faithful.

 

 

Table of things not to do if belong to an X-tian church

 

Miss a few Sundays (As long as its an excused absence, not you being lazy)

Change churches of similar kind (what our church isn't good enough for you)

Stop going to any church (don't go cold brother, come back now)

Officially change denominations (bad, they don't do it like we do)

Change from Protestant to Catholic (very bad, be slave to Christ not the Pope)

Follow a liberal theology (definitely bad, the bible is literally true)

Follow your own spirituality (evil, work of the devil)

Change religions (you're crazy, we've decided to have an intervention)

Sell drugs to children (criminal, but at least their souls are safe)

Become an Atheist (inconceivable -- keep this from the children)

[HoustonHorn]

Admitting that people who were once Christian no longer all is a dangerous thing. How many times do we hear the default "must not have been a true Christian" when someone comes out as an atheist? It's damaging to their faith to think that someone who once believed the same things they do no longer believes.

[Grandpa Harley]

It's a common enough assertion... but then I never was a 'True' Christian... just someone who tried to believe and failed... It was all too silly for me to take more than nominally seriously.

[SWIM]

It's a common enough assertion... but then I never was a 'True' Christian... just someone who tried to believe and failed... It was all too silly for me to take more than nominally seriously.

 

What, you don't see the sound logic in a flying undead man, getting tortured for your sins? WTF is wrong with you? lol

[Grandpa Harley]

You know what killed it dead for me? Tax. The reason that Joseph and Mary had to go to Bethlehem... It was gibberish. If they couldn't get that bit 'right' then what chance did the rest have?

[Guest Clodomir]

You know what killed it dead for me? Tax. The reason that Joseph and Mary had to go to Bethlehem... It was gibberish. If they couldn't get that bit 'right' then what chance did the rest have?

 

You mean the part about going to the city of your ancestor of 1000 years for a census... sure that'll really expedite the process,

maybe that's why there aren't any Roman records, everyone got confused about where to go that the results were worthless

and they had to throw out the data, see another proof of historicity of the bible.

[Deva]

You know what killed it dead for me? Tax. The reason that Joseph and Mary had to go to Bethlehem... It was gibberish. If they couldn't get that bit 'right' then what chance did the rest have?

 

You know that is weird. That little "fact" was always mentioned but as a child I just accepted it as something they did in those days. It was only much later as an adult that I did my own research and found out there was no such practice and now it seems so ridiculous. So the whole reason for going to Bethlehem was just made up - so how much else is made up? How about 100%? It actually was dishonest of the writer. The gospel writers deliberately made stuff up so Christ could fulfill the prophecies in the scriptures. How can any adult accept it after doing any study? They don't want to study history and find out if such practices ever really happen. It is "God's word" so therefore it must have happened. How can God's word be written by people who either couldn't get it right or were deliberately dishonest?

 

The last church I left I had been going to for 5 years. I got total 2 calls asking how I was doing and one of those from the Chruch gossip. That was it. They don't really WANT to know the reasons.

[Grandpa Harley]

TBH, it was that which jarred me most... although thinking on what moving stars would do was bothersome, I assumes it was 'something else' that wasn't a star and was closer, but the whole Tax thing made no sense. That was 1970... so I was 5. And I had the sneaking suspicion babies didn't happen that way... although, at the time, the details were 'hazy' at best...

 

Havign said that, I found the whole 'Santa' deal infeasible, and do not get me started on fairies a la Arthur Rackham!

[kozimoto]

Table of things not to do if belong to an X-tian church

 

Miss a few Sundays (As long as its an excused absence, not you being lazy)

Change churches of similar kind (what our church isn't good enough for you)

 

These two really ring home for me! I was expected to go to two services on Sunday, plus a mid-week 'leaders' meeting, plus a 'connect group' (homechurch). It really weighted down on me, the unbelievable amount of time involved. But if I skipped a service, the pastor would treat me like shit.

 

When I finally had enough of that (and all the other controlling bullshit) my husband and I went for a meeting to tell the pastor that we thought we would like to go to another church, of the same denomination/organization, that was closer to us, and more suited to our lifestyle.

Three hours later, after being called spiritually twisted, ungrateful, dishonourable and a few other choice things; as well as being accused of trying to split the church (wtf???), we were allowed to go. That was his words - he "allowed" us to leave his church.

 

I hung onto the faith for about a year after that, but it really showed me how little xianity is unified. It is a business, and every pastor wants to keep the members to keep the money rolling in, their vanity sated, and their status with the others as a "spiritual giant."

[Amethyst]

Yeah, there is no good way to leave a church except doing it quietly and simply losing contact with them.

[Vendredie]

Table of things not to do if belong to an X-tian church

 

Miss a few Sundays (As long as its an excused absence, not you being lazy)

Change churches of similar kind (what our church isn't good enough for you)

 

These two really ring home for me! I was expected to go to two services on Sunday, plus a mid-week 'leaders' meeting, plus a 'connect group' (homechurch). It really weighted down on me, the unbelievable amount of time involved. But if I skipped a service, the pastor would treat me like shit.

 

When I finally had enough of that (and all the other controlling bullshit) my husband and I went for a meeting to tell the pastor that we thought we would like to go to another church, of the same denomination/organization, that was closer to us, and more suited to our lifestyle.

Three hours later, after being called spiritually twisted, ungrateful, dishonourable and a few other choice things; as well as being accused of trying to split the church (wtf???), we were allowed to go. That was his words - he "allowed" us to leave his church.

 

I hung onto the faith for about a year after that, but it really showed me how little xianity is unified. It is a business, and every pastor wants to keep the members to keep the money rolling in, their vanity sated, and their status with the others as a "spiritual giant."

That was a lot of why I left Xtianity-- actually it's my number 2 reason (number 1 reason being the real history of Christianity). I went to several Baptist churches and all of them hated each other-- Church A said Church B was too liberal, Church B said Church C's pastor was an idiot, Church C said they were the only true church in the town, Church D was full of ex-members of Church A, and Church E said that Church D was full of crazy cuckoo fundies. Churches A, B, and C were Baptist, Church D was a "community" church but still 80% Baptist and so might as well have been Baptist with a Methodist minority, and Church E was Methodist and Methodists apparently don't like Baptists because Baptists are too fundie, but really, there's no difference between Methodists and Baptists, Methodists are just more tolerant. And there's more than just Baptists and Methodists, there's Catholics, Episcopalians, Mennonites, Mormons, Church of Christ, Pentecostals, Church of the Nazarene, Seventh-Day Adventists, evangelicals, etc, etc, etc. Good God which one is right?!

[gradstu09]

Yeah, there is no good way to leave a church except doing it quietly and simply losing contact with them.

 

People do it other ways? I'm only being half-sarcastic. I can't imagine making an announcement or something.

[The Sage Nabooru]

I never felt a need to. In this day and age the thousands of Protestant-American denominations (which may or may not have originated in America; what I mean is their ugly 70's-mod churches dot our suburban landscape) - Lutheran (my own), Methodist, Church of Christ, Disciples of Christ, Presbyterian, Christian Science, etc. - should rather reluctantly expect to lose members, as they've been doing since the 70's. I feel no need to rub it further in their faces; the numbers say enough.

 

Also, simply as an adult I really don't see the point in brandishing my deconversion like it's a weapon in their faces. At any rate, it only publicizes my change to those who would approve of it least, and give them ample excuse to force their way into my life to try to get me back. I don't make public declarations about it any more than I write nasty emails to my ex-boyfriend as to why I broke up with him - like with the church, his faults (such as having an affair with his 14-year-old cousin) should serve as evidence enough to both of us.

[Evelyn]

When my husband and I left a fundie church to join an Episcopal church, I expected phone calls and other contacts but there was nothing. We didn't tell them we were leaving, we just left. What was funny was, a few years later, the pastor's daughter's new husband, an insurance agent, called us asking if we would be interested in talking to him about insurance. I laughed and told him thanks but no thanks, we have an agent we talk to regularly. I also told him it had been several years since we had attended that church. I guess no one noticed we were gone.

 

10 years later, when I deconverted, I did have to tell the lady in charge of the lay readers (members who read scripture portions during the mass) that I wouldn't be doing that any more. I wrote her a note saying that my spiritual path was leading elsewhere. She wrote a nice note back wishing me the best. I don't know if she shared my note with the priest. I didn't tell anyone else. I just quit attending.

 

When my husband deconverted and left the church a year later, he was more open about it. There were some emails between him and the priest about why he left.

 

A few months ago, I got a phone call from someone at the church. She explained that she had been assigned to call people who hadn't attended in a long time to find out why. I told her I had left due to my spiritual path leading elsewhere. I didn't tell her anything more than that.

 

So, I guess we were lucky, no final confrontations.

[Alan Bragg]

Churches are usually havens for uninspired people. When I left my church there was no mention of it, actually I occasionally go back. Uninspired people are useful for churches because they want to fill seats, make money and generally maintain upkeep of the church. That is how it works here in the UK, and obviously I cannot account for american trends, although I have heard of people being treated in a phenomenally hostile manner for leaving a church. I secretly think that christians might be envious of atheists, because they are being a lot truer to themselves than a lot of christians are. I mean, you could not sit down a million people all claiming to be christian and find their musical tastes to be the same? I'm always amazed that religions, by offering so many different services to keep those all important numbers of visitors up manage to hold down as many people.

[ogilvy]

i respect the people of my former church for the way they handled me leaving. after i missed a couple of services a couple of the ladies called to see if i was ok. i have no problem with that, its basic courtesy. i said i didnt wish to have visitors, and they respected my wish. i said i didnt mind phone calls. if any one called me on the phone i respected the fact that they were not ignoring the issue, and gave my honest answer as to why i had stopped believing in the bible, because of God's cruelty. a couple of them invited me to come to their places, and i went because they are nice women. i'm happy to stay in contact. then the ministers wife sent me a note saying she was sorry i'd left,and hoped nobody had offended me, and would welcome me back with open arms if i ever felt like returning, and wishing me well. nobody was nasty or pushy. i dont think i could have asked for any bette treatment from them. not all christians are nasty idiots.

[alpha centauri]

My wife still goes to church, and only two people in the church have asked about me (at least, only two that she's mentioned).

 

The pastor's wife (who is associate pastor) sent me a couple e-mails (the last one actually asking me for money, despite the fact that I don't attend — and she knows this).

 

One of the church members e-mailed me and said he would pay my way to attend a "Walk to Emmaus" (brainwashing camp), and I told him I was not interested.

 

Another person sent me an e-mail letting me know about a committee meeting — like nothing ever happened.

 

But my favorite was getting an e-mail from a woman in the choir saying they'd missed me the night before (I haven't attended in months, and the choir isn't that big. I was one of a handful of basses) and asking if I could make a casserole for a Wednesday night supper. I thought that was hilarious!

[Crazycatlady]

When I left the church which was awhile after de-converting/losing my faith (free singing lessons -- our choir director was an excellent teacher), I emailed the choir director to let him know that I was not going to be attending mass anymore, explained why and asked him to not let anyone know why I had quit choir. His response was kind and decent. He wished me well, expressed a concern that I must be going through a difficult time with my parents (nope, haven't told them yet). He also said that he hoped I would find something special "even if it isn't what you're looking for." Okay, I get the point, you think I might come back. Whatever.

 

As I mentioned, I haven't told my parents yet. Over summer and winter breaks, I attend mass with them. I sing joyfully and mediate or compose (in my head) letters/essays during the rest of it. Since I do not plan to move back to my parents' town when I graduate from college, I don't think I'll have any issues with that church.