Dealing With Family

[Guest Clodomir]

I don't really know what to say to my family... they are all very religious

(I was too all through high school, I stopped going to church after college)

Now I'm apathetic to religion, don't really care, there are so many different

cultures and traditions, just want people to think for themselves.

 

I know that my parents have such a strong worldview that it won't change.

I don't hope that they de-convert as working for their beliefs brings meaning and

fulfillment to their lives.

 

I haven't ever explicitly denied believing in the tenants of christianity to my

family but now I'm not supportive of any 'christian' topics. I do like to throw

in references to evolution and science in conversations whenever possible.

 

Now I just try and avoid. I don't want to pray, go to church, read the bible,

talk about "spiritual" things. My family thinks I should care more. People in the

church still assume that I believe whatever they do because I was raised in the

church. They can think of me as a lax christian or whatever but I won't be a part of

the church community anymore. (I guess this saddens the rest of my family).

 

I live far away now so I don't have to deal except when I visit.

No point to this post really, just annoyed at the situation.

[kozimoto]

Hi and welcome!

 

I didn't expressly tell many people about my turn away from xianity, just the people I knew could cope. The rest found out by gossip (the "prayer grapevine"), which is unfortch bound to happen.

So, mentally prepare yourself for that; read all can, learn and grow confident. Come here for encouragement when you need, and be who are you are and what you believe.

 

Doesn't it make you laugh though, that they think you are a "lax christian"? I mean half of christianity is always accusing the other half of being "lax"! You can never be zealous enough!

[R. S. Martin]

I think Kosimoto has some really good points there. Come here to dump as needed. You can never be a "good enough" Christian unless you live in a homogenous united Christian community where everybody believes the same thing and you also happen to fit the mould. And I can't imagine such a community because there's always someone who disagrees even if they all go to the same church. And if they all agree on the big things, there's going to be personality clashes and nit-picking.

 

Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, there's going to be superficial peace and happiness and brotherhood but scratch the surface and there's nothing there but empty indifference and lukewarmness. People go to church because they're supposed to. People smile and appear happy because they're supposed to. They do good deeds--do food drives at Christmas (as though the poverty-stricken eat only once a year), serve at soup kitchens, contribute to charities, etc.--to prove to themselves that they are Christians. Otherwise, if a need falls outside their "charity schedules," they are unware of it and don't have time.

 

The first category described here would classify the second category as lukewarm. The second would classify the first as trying to earn their way to heaven or some other uncharitable epitath. Of course, both tend to take on the atheist (unbelieve or infidel) with a special vengeance. I prefer not to risk disclosure intentionally.

[Comanche]

Welcome!

 

Take some time, is my advice. Read up, browse these boards, and slowly you'll start to become more defined in your beliefs (or lack thereof). Learn about who you are now, so you can finally go to them and be confident and proud of your decision even if they try to lay on the guilt. As an apathetic atheist, you'll probably remain a bit more level-headed than some people here would (though, honestly, I used to be apathetic and am now a rabid activist), but I know that the guilt card can really hurt people if used right. Come here, rant, and decide in your own time when (or if) you want to tell them the truth. "Coming out" can be very hard or very rewarding, even both occasionally. You just have to do it at the right time for you.

[Guest Clodomir]

Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, there's going to be superficial peace and happiness and brotherhood but scratch the surface and there's nothing there but empty indifference and lukewarmness. People go to church because they're supposed to. People smile and appear happy because they're supposed to. They do good deeds--do food drives at Christmas (as though the poverty-stricken eat only once a year), serve at soup kitchens, contribute to charities, etc.--to prove to themselves that they are Christians. Otherwise, if a need falls outside their "charity schedules," they are unware of it and don't have time.

 

Yeah that is annoying too. Trying to pretend you have the same surburban middle class values as everyone else (your income area may vary). I think about half of the people at the church my parents go to are kind of like this... I think their church is going the way of the mega-church.

--Its odd too how the churches seem to vary socio-economic status, similar people all grouped together, no differing lifestyles.

(I'm sure God* wants you to buy the Lexus and the beach-house, as long as you use it for his glory, what you'll hold bible study there...sounds good to me).