fallenleaf Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Over 4 years now... over 4 years of being completely open about my apostasy with my family. And, to be honest, it could probably be more like 7 years if you count the first failed attempt at being honest with them. In 4 years, I've never been permitted to explain myself or my lack of belief but I've also never pushed the issue. Still, after 4 years... nothing's changed. My family still believes I'm moments away from reconverting and having an awesome testimony or some fucking shit like that. Even today, driving with my mother to take her out for her birthday, I ended up in a conversation about how I'm an "atheist" (yes she managed to speak with the quotation marks) but that I'm really going to be saved. The justification for such a statement? I live a more balanced and simple life than most Christians. If I was really unsaved I would be getting drunk and doing drugs and all that other fun stuff. It remains moot that I am not interested in hitting rock bottom so I'm not aiming for it. Sure... the invites to church have been reduced over time. But the topic of my non-belief is still a very big and very obviously ignored subject except when someone feels led to try and convert me back at the moment. When I start to defend my right to not buy their bullshit, they change the topic and won't go back to it. Bullshit makes the flowers grow, and that's beautiful. I'm beginning to suspect that it will never end. I'll be on my deathbed, decades from now, and have one of my sisters crowding close to my face begging me to get right with Jesus. Why do we bother to put up with this? Why is it so hard to just say, "Fuck Jesus," to the people you know need to hear it most? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lib_dem_womyn Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 I feel ya Fallen. I can't give you any advice, as I am not officially 'out' to my family, but I can imagine the frustration it would cause. I'm sorry for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthOkkata Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Sounds a bit like my mother actually. I'm slightly meaner in spirit though. I don't let her manipulate me with her emotions, females are trained as such by their mothers. I've seen the cycle pattern in my mother. She'll shift through emotional states until she finds one that will win the argument. I've let her cycle through a few times and I think she's figured out I'm on to it. She's not been doing it lately. I did have to go and speak to a priest. That didn't turn out well for her, as I got tired of his quiet rant about suffering and went on a quiet Lovecraftian rant of my own. She wasn't pleased, but it's not happened since. Sometimes it's worth it, sometimes not. I don't mind annoying her when she's annoying me with Jesus drivel. There are a lot of times I do put up with it, but I do take opportunities that cross for private conversations on the subject. I had to spell it out a while back. "Stop insulting me with nice words. Maybe you're not saying fuck you Atheist dipshit, but you might as well be. Using more polite words doesn't make it better." Not the easiest conversation I've ever had, but I've not regretted it. She still puts up with me, she is my mother after all. The rest of my uncles are nice as well, but don't want me around my younger cousins alone for some reason. As if I'd rape them because I hate god or something equally stupid. They tried to pull the old 'Do you know what you're doing to your mother?' card a while back. I told them. "I'd love to help her get rid of her delusion. It's done me a world of good. I'm not going to try and push it on her using underhanded tactics like this either though." I have a gay uncle, and I've joined him on the black sheep list. I spend most family gatherings hanging about with him. I've always liked him, and his coming out a while back probably made my Atheism easier to handle. Though, one of my uncles is a Deacon. I think he and his wife are afraid of me. [He did the vows at my sister's wedding. I believe he had contact with the priest I scared with the Lovecraft rant.] Doesn't worry me much. Things got quiet with them when one of my cousins married one of their other cousins. I think Jesus was his anchor. Something similar to 'at least they did it right, in a church', or something along those lines. Hardly ever hear from them anyway, I probably won't see them again before someone dies. At any rate, I've achieved equilibrium. My ego shield is holding at 82%, and my family status seems to have leveled off. Not really an outcast, but now one of the ones they tell other people to avoid. "He's crazy, doesn't believe an invisible man lives in the sky! Can you imagine?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 A few things I try to remember and do are: 1. Try to remember the problem is them. Christianity is based on a lot of fear, and one of those fears is the fear of missing out on fun stuff - 'sin', and it seems that many resent that they cant do al ot of things that they would like to - drinking and drugs are some of those and seem to rate highly. 2. Try not to give them a reaction - that will make them think they are getting somewhere, having an influence. But geez, after 4 years you'd think they'd have got the message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 I'm beginning to suspect that it will never end. I'll be on my deathbed, decades from now, and have one of my sisters crowding close to my face begging me to get right with Jesus. Why do we bother to put up with this? Why is it so hard to just say, "Fuck Jesus," to the people you know need to hear it most? No, it will never end as long as the mind virus has control of their life. They have to come to the realization just like we did. Although that probably won't happen. My parent's don't know that I'm an atheist but they do think I'm "backslidden". If they only knew the full extent. My oldest sister and two of my nieces know I'm an atheist. At least my next to oldest sister has fallen away from the bullshit. Yet I don't think the rest of the family really knows her true thoughts on the matter. I was able to have a brief conversation with her about it so I at least take comfort in that. Yet my nieces think I will return just like the prodigal and then they can kill the fatted calf for the feast. I said not likely to happen. Besides, I just rather sit down to a nice pizza from the local pizza joint! They believe they have the premise of truth and the right way. Nothing could be further from the truth. They just don't get it though. I am getting bolder and bolder when it comes to my family. If they just start spewing their bullshit about jesus I fire back. So far I'm using rubber bullets. Yet I believe I'm due for an upgrade in ballistics! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 It sounds to me like the only thing you can control here is your own desire to want it to be over. You can't get your family to stop believing you will be saved; that's part of their religious doctrine, so it just ain't gonna happen. But, you can stop caring that they won't accept you are who as you are and that you aren't going back. I'm in the same boat, but I guess the fact that my family doesn't bring up the issue with me probably makes it easier to not really care that they hold onto hope and belief that I'll return. My grandfather was an atheist and he just died last year at the age of 93. I had long conversations with him about it and I know he was solid in his position that he did not believe xianity; he detested it in fact. He was a very intelligent man. Even so, my brother told me recently that my family believes my grandfather got saved a few months before he died. Their evidence? According to my brother, "oh, just a few things he would say and talk about made us think that he had gotten right with god." Yeah, right. You can't change those who choose to subjectively interpret the world to fit their paradigm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gobbler Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 My grandfather was an atheist and he just died last year at the age of 93. I had long conversations with him about it and I know he was solid in his position that he did not believe xianity; he detested it in fact. He was a very intelligent man. Even so, my brother told me recently that my family believes my grandfather got saved a few months before he died. Their evidence? According to my brother, "oh, just a few things he would say and talk about made us think that he had gotten right with god." Yeah, right. You can't change those who choose to subjectively interpret the world to fit their paradigm. That is cool about your grandfather not giving in to the virus even on his deathbed! We need more examples such as him. Of course your family is thinking he possibly got "saved". They can't stand to think he might be in their christian hell! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 When I start to defend my right to not buy their bullshit, they change the topic and won't go back to it. Fallen have you thought about putting it into a letter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Net Eng Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 I'm beginning to suspect that it will never end. I'll be on my deathbed, decades from now, and have one of my sisters crowding close to my face begging me to get right with Jesus. Why do we bother to put up with this? Why is it so hard to just say, "Fuck Jesus," to the people you know need to hear it most? My sister (a mental health professional) puts it to me this way: "you can't argue with a delusion". This is why it is so hard for xians to understand those who don't believe the same as them. From the xian perspective the god delusion is true. I do not believe any external force will shake that belief, it has to come from themselves. I agree with Trev. Don't give them a reaction to feed off of. It'll just give them an inroad to making you feel guilty. Hang tough Fallen!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 I'm beginning to suspect that it will never end. I'll be on my deathbed, decades from now, and have one of my sisters crowding close to my face begging me to get right with Jesus. Why do we bother to put up with this? Why is it so hard to just say, "Fuck Jesus," to the people you know need to hear it most? Yeah, I feel for you poker buddy, I really do. Wife is the same way. It's like talking to a brick wall. I don't even try anymore, just avoid the subject completely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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