I Just Want A Normal Life!

[Guest Freepagan]

For the past couple of days I've been thinking about the thread concerning mis-spent youth versus unspent youth. My youth was definitely unspent. I am now 25, a virgin, and I've never even dated. I took xtianity so seriously that it cost me a decent social life. Now I'm beginning to wonder if I'm out of the game, for good. It sure feels like it. After deconverting, the one concern I have is having sex with someone who's not a virgin. I can't seem to get the idealistic notion of relationships out of my mind, like the kind that xtianity demands from its followers. I know that at this point in life, there is no chance that I'll meet a virgin. Not only that, but when I was xtian, even the guys in the church had "worldly" standards for attractiveness in women. So there I was, obeying the biblegod, and the xtian guys didn't give a damn. So much for the "virtuous woman."

After leaving that church, felt so socially and sexually starved that I decided to try to create a somewhat happy life for myself, assuming that I'd never be in a relationship. So I attempted to become Catholic, so that I could become a sister/nun. My thinking was that in doing so, I'd have some sort of social life even if it meant no romantic love or sex. And I'd be with people in the same predicament. But after pursuing that for three months, I gave up because I couldn't believe the claims of Catholicism. And I couldn't imagine actually living under the authority of the pope.

Now that I'm out of xtianity, I feel a little hopeful because my options are no longer limited to "xtian" men. But at the same time, I am totally in the dark when it comes to being social, getting to know people, working on relationships, sex, etc. I no longer believe in the traditional idea that the guy has to take initiative and ask the girl first, but how would I ask a guy? My greatest fear is that guys will pick up on my innocence (lack of experience) and reject me on the spot. I mean I'm really scared, wondering if I'm even eligible to date, marry, have a family, etc. I'm nearly to the point where prostitution sometimes doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

I just want a normal life. Just one date will do. I know I sound desperate, but I'm missing out on life! I know what the xtians would say; I can hear them now: "You have love, god's love." Fuck that. Am I supposed to just stand in some meadow and soak up the "love of god" while everyone else has a life?

People have told me over and over that there's someone out there for me. That I'll find someone. That the world is my oyster. I just want to know with certainty that it's a fact and that I'm not alone in my experience.

[R. S. Martin]

Freepage, good to see you here on the forums. We've talked quite a bit in the shoutbox but I hadn't seen you in here.

 

People have told me over and over that there's someone out there for me. That I'll find someone. That the world is my oyster. I just want to know with certainty that it's a fact and that I'm not alone in my experience.

 

You're not the only single woman on here, if that is what you mean, but some of us don't want to be married. I'm not sure how this is viewed by people here but there's online dating services, such as American Singles, that will allow you to find someone in your area. You're considerably older that I had realized. This kind of service might not be recommendable for young people but I've learned to know people this way.

[kozimoto]

Hi Freepagan!

I was really touched by reading your post. I hope that you spread your wings in an enjoyable way soon.

I know that at this point in life, there is no chance that I'll meet a virgin. Not only that, but when I was xtian, even the guys in the church had "worldly" standards for attractiveness in women. So there I was, obeying the biblegod, and the xtian guys didn't give a damn. So much for the "virtuous woman."

 

Firstly, you may still meet a virgin male at that age. I have known a few, some of them ex-christians like yourself.

And secondly, in my experience, there are more xian males who want the perfect, gorgeous, virgin wife than "worldy" guys. All the young single men in my old church would go on and on about how they knew god was going to give them a hot virgin bride. It made me sick. Non-religious guys can be this crass too, but most of them are respectful, open-minded and a hell of a lot less judgmental. Losing your virginity to someone who is not a virgin may actually make it easier for you, as they "know the rules" and may be less likely to disappoint! Nobody will know you are a virgin unless you tell them! It's not stamped on your forehead! Nobody is the ultimate authority on "how to date", we all just do what we feel like.

Honestly, it's not too late for you. Try a few different things socially and see if you can meet some new people. Be bold and never turn down an opportunity to do something that may be half interesting. However you have your first kiss/lovemaking/dating experience it will not be perfect (even if you had remained a xian), but it will be real and it will be your life.

[Legion]

Yeah Freepagan, I always thought that was the big draw back about God. You can't hug her.

 

I hope you find someone who is right for you.

[Guest eejay]

Hi Freepagan, I think you'll be just fine, really. 25 nowadays, is a little old to stil be a virgin, but that in no means tags you for life. You are far from being over the hill, or even near the top of it. It is good you didn't become a nun, that is a nasty life, yet I have a friend who lives like one, even though she isn't. Humans were not made to deprive themselves from loving other humans. It is part of our makeup, so it doesn't make sense that whatever designed us would be pleased that we are remainig celibate. That to me is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. In all reality though, I know meeting people can be tough, but sometimes it can happen through the strangest of circumstances. So, just keep an open mind and don't try to look for Mr. Perfect, cause he doesn't exist. Good luck. You'll be fine.

[SWIM]

For the past couple of days I've been thinking about the thread concerning mis-spent youth versus unspent youth. My youth was definitely unspent. I am now 25, a virgin, and I've never even dated...

 

I know that at this point in life, there is no chance that I'll meet a virgin... So much for the "virtuous woman." ...

 

I pulled a few things from your opening paragraph. First off, inexperience, and being a "virgin" is a HIGHLY attractive situation for you! I know you don't know this, but that theme is a popular one in, of all things, porn... Why? Because it is sexy. It gives the guy someone to lead, teach and above all, males tend to be possessive creatures. What guy wouldn't like their girl to be true, and theirs ONLY in body and emotion? Don't sell yourself short, you have a RARE treasure that IS sought after.

 

 

I no longer believe in the traditional idea that the guy has to take initiative and ask the girl first, but how would I ask a guy? My greatest fear is that guys will pick up on my innocence (lack of experience) and reject me on the spot. I mean I'm really scared, wondering if I'm even eligible to date, marry, have a family, etc. I'm nearly to the point where prostitution sometimes doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

 

OK, though I am no romeo, nor that attractive, I have in my past, been very lucky with women. (not so much on the wife selection part hehe). Here is the key. STOP trying. Get to know people, men, as people, not goals. Make friends, relax, get to know them. Laugh, talk "true", be yourself. Attraction is a natural thing. If it's there, no "pickup" lines, or strategies will work. How is a person going to get to know you, if you hide the "you" inside with plans and strategies? It just won't work.

 

There is no "taking the initiative" when making friends. Simply talk, relate, share as time goes by. After all, really, think about it, don't you want your future lover to be your "friend" too? Isn't that THE most important aspect of a relationship? That should be the primary goal.

 

What you have, your innocence, and your "trueness" is RARE and highly sought after. So stick a high price tag on it, no screwing on the first date, make friends, bonds. Don't get too close unless you are serious about the person.

 

My 2 cents.

 

[Guest Freepagan]

Well I'd rather not do online dating. Online dating is just not as real to me. I'd prefer a traditional dinner date. And I'd actually prefer to not marry. But I feel the pressure to obtain the "white picket fence" package, i.e., marry someone now, have two kids, and have the house with the white picket fence. If I could simply get to know a few guys via dating, and have some really close guy friends, I'd be happy until my dying day. I once had a good guy friend, but that fell apart when he got a girlfriend. She was cruel to me, and he followed suit with her and was mean to me as well. I was like WTF?! Since then I haven't had a close guy friend.

Many people ask me if I have a boyfriend, and when I tell them "no," they appear saddened as if I told them that I have lung cancer. And when people tell me that I'll find someone, inside I'm thinkg, do I just HAVE to find someone? And when I tell others that I'd rather not be in a serious relationship, I'm accused of shirking commitment.

I realize there are women all over the world in worse shape than me, women in abusive relationships, or suffering in the third world. But when I see couples walking together, I honestly start to feel unloveable. There's nothing wrong with me. I look good, I'm talented, I'm college-educated. But at the same time I'm thinking, ok, must I get a boob job? I'm still pretty green, and I don't know what guys are really looking for.

Since I've deconverted, I've had the impression that being a virgin is not good. So in that respect, I feel like something's wrong with me.

 

Sorry if my thoughts appear a little scattered. But this is the place for rants.

 

Ruby and kozimoto, thanks for your encouragement.

[Amethyst]

You're not alone. I'm in the same boat but I'm older. I took Christianity seriously also. Have had an online friend tell me I should just respond to a Craigslist ad; well the problem is people who do that don't always come home in one piece and IMO that level of risk isn't worth it. And I have major body image issues because of my mother, which doesn't help anything.

 

On the bright side, there is a guy in WoW who likes me, and I like him -- but the problem is he lives down south, and I'll be amazed if we ever end up actually meeting. Still can't hurt to see if it pans out, though.

[SWIM]

Online dating might be OK, never had experience with that. But, online or real-life, lightening up, relaxing, and just making friends imo is the best approach.

 

Whatever you do, hey, wish you the best of luck and much happiness.

[Guest Freepagan]

And thanks to SWIM and LR and eejay for your replies too. I must have been posting while you were posting. Thanx.

[Guest eejay]

I have yet to post a testimononial, and even though many of my posts have shed a little light on some of the events of my life, it barely scatches the surface. I had some real serious issues going on when I lived in my parents house, mainly instigated by my mom. I came out of adolesence with absolutely no social skills whatsoever, and had to go out into the world on my own with no support system. I never did the things that high school kids did. Never been to a dance or a prom. I don't know what to tell you but, you really will be okay. You have a much better chance than I did just because you have the opportunity to talk about things like this with other people. I just kept to myself and stumbled through life as a social cripple. It took many years to come out of my shell and very few people know everything I endured. Unfortunately, I am almost 50 and am not married. Sometimes I wish I were. I'm not ruling it out, but I realize that even if it doesn't happen, it dosn't make me lesser of a person. I tend to like men older than myself so the selction is getting lesser all the time. I would not rule out a younger man if he were at least a reasonable maturity level. Just don't think they'd see anything in an old fart like me. But, back to your story, you are still young, and like Swin mentioned, there are many men who would gladly entertain the thought of being with a virgin. Just make sure you do it for the right reason though, not just for the sake of getting laid. I think if you did that you would regret it later. Better to have it mean something I would think. Again that is an individual choice, but I would think that you would want it to be special. At any rate, there really is no rush to meet a deadline. Just enjoy life with the guilt of x-tianity. Fortunately, you didn't harbor the guilt as long as I did so I am certain there is hope. Good luck.

[Guest Net Eng]

Freepagan. We have chatted several times and I have always found you engaging and interesting. Your life is just beginning.

 

It takes some sifting through some of the dregs out there but you will find someone.

 

Hell, I be happy to go on a date with you... but my wife would not be happy about it !!!

[I Broke Free]

OK, though I am no romeo, nor that attractive, I have in my past, been very lucky with women. (not so much on the wife selection part hehe). Here is the key. STOP trying. Get to know people, men, as people, not goals. Make friends, relax, get to know them. Laugh, talk "true", be yourself. Attraction is a natural thing. If it's there, no "pickup" lines, or strategies will work. How is a person going to get to know you, if you hide the "you" inside with plans and strategies? It just won't work.

 

Swim, you beat me to the punch. You gave the advice I wanted to give. The biggest mistake of my youth was thinking I needed to do, say, or be something I did not enjoy because it would make me attractive to someone else or help me fit in. We all have interests that we think are dorky and embarrassing, but as we age we find out we had a lot of company and never even knew it. Freepagan, be yourself! Let whatever you find geeky about yourself shine through! Only then will you attract the kind of man that will take the time to find out who you are and love you for it. And the sex will be great!

[lib_dem_womyn]

Free, you are definitely not alone, and its not because of your choice to reject religion.

 

I seriously doubt men will reject you even if they pick up on you "innocence" there is nothing wrong with being inexperienced. If you are rejected for that, the person rejecting you is not right for you.

 

Some other have suggested making friends, and that is a great idea. Of course to meet new people you have to put yourself out there, and I think your recent job change is a good idea. You have to sort of break out of your standard mode, or you will see and meet only the same people.

 

Also meeting some new friends (female and male) is a good idea because if you don't find a connection on a romantic level with them you can go out with them and have fun, and in that process, perhaps meet someone you are interested in.

 

I know you said you didn't like the online thing, but I have to say, there is nothing wrong with it, people have extremely busy lives, and most online dating services are sort of like weeding out the 'bad apples' so you're only spending time with people who you have at least some interest in. I think it may also give you some degree of safety, if someone gives you a weird vibe you can stay away from them, and rejecting someone is way easier online as well. I think the stigma of meeting someone online is much less than it was say 5 or 10 years ago.

 

So, hang in there, you're a wonderful woman, try not to pressure yourself or let other pressure you, your life is yours, and changes are up to you.

[gradstu09]

I agree with SWIM's advice. And with everyone who is telling you you are young. I was 21. I have a friend who is 29. It is less of a big deal than you think it is. |=)

[alpha centauri]

freepagan,

 

There's lots of good advice on here. I also agree with SWIM. Personally, it doesn't matter to me if a person is a virgin or not.

 

And 25 is not old! I was 20 the first time I had sex, and the woman who I had sex with was not a virgin. It was fine, and only got better.

 

It's important to really get to know the person before settling down into a relationship. There are a lot of people who will tell you that being alone and single is better than being in an unsatisfactory relationship.

 

I understand you wanting to have sex — it's hard-wired into human nature. Just make sure you don't jump into something that will only bring disappointment.

 

As for online dating, I never tried it. I got engaged at age 21 and was married at age 22 — about five years before the Internet really started to come along (I'm 40 now).

 

But my sister met a guy online, and they hit it off. They ended up meeting each other in a social setting, and they've been married for almost eight years now. So don't automatically disregard it!

[Bosonator]

Holy shit, that's so honest. Good for you, Freepie.

 

It's true that sex is something very intimate, but in the end what really matters (I think) is the love, honesty, and trust that's there. I would suggest not holding to to the "with virgins only" rule. The reason being that everyone has a different journey, and when you wind up with someone, all their experiences work together to make them who they are, and sometimes sex has been part of that experience. You're the one who gets to decide whether someone's experiences have made them into person who is loving, honest, and kind enough to make love with you.

 

Now for practicalities. Advice for meeting guys (from a member of the species):

- Most people suck. 50% of them are guys. Don't worry about impressing those ones.

- For the good ones, try to ask questions when you're talking with them. A good listener stands out, and is very attractive.

- Do things. I'm like you in that I was so absorbed in "being a good Christian" that I did very little socially throughout high school, and I limited the kind of people I met. That's changed over the years, and it's been an adventure "learning how to have fun". For ideas, here's some stuff that got me meeting people:

• Work in another country for a summer
  
• Yoga class
  
• Indoor rock climbing
  
• Perform music
  
• Go to the farmer's market
  

 

Hey - if you're moving soon, it's the perfect time to get a fresh start! Hope some of this helps.

[Guest Freepagan]

Thanks Bos. That helps a bunch.

[One_World]

Just wanted to add my 2 cents...

 

I'm 25 as well. We're in our prime, don't sweat what has (or hasn't) happened in the past. Today is the start of the rest of your life, as they say. You've gotten a ton of kind responses with great advice already in the thread, but I wanted to add my comments to the stack. It seems like things we've been waiting for happen when we finally stop worrying about it...just be yourself and keep your chin up. There'll be plenty of guys trying to get in ya pants before you know it You're bright, articulate, and honest...you don't have much to worry about!

[Rhia]

Hey hon, I do understand the boat you've been in. When I was younger, a Christian, and a virgin - I WANTED to be celibate. Fortunately or unfortunately (however ya look at it), I lost mine to a guy I didn't even find attractive!

 

You've basically been given a bunch of the options, my suggestion is to just find one that you're comfortable with and give it a shot. There ARE a ton of online dating sites (NOT Craigslist) where you could find someone to meet for coffee, my suggestion is to just not rush.

 

I do think however that if given the opportunity, there would be more than a few men in this community willing to "help a friend out" in that department.

 

For now I suggest the woman's ultimate companion - the vibrator.

[whateverlolawants]

Hi, freepagan!

 

Everyone else has left good comments, and I want to also. I'm 21, so I'm just a bit younger than you. 25 isn't over the hill- seriously. I mean, I know it's just a silly fictional TV show, but have you ever watched "Sex and the City"? Those women are in their 30s and 40s and are living it up. There are many women like that.

 

About your virginity- don't worry about it. A lot of guys like that, first of all, and it isn't hard to learn how to be good at sex. On the other hand, you might not want someone to know you're a virgin, because you feel like it would put you on unequal footing. You don't have to tell them! It's your choice how you want to have sex- one night stand, casual relationship, or long-term, or something else... just be sure you are true to yourself. (And be sure to use protection! That may be obvious, but depending on where you went to school and/or what you were taught growing up... you never know!) I'd share my own story, but not here... if you're curious, then send me a private message. (I totally don't mind discussing it, and some of it is relevant to what you're saying, but I just don't want to post it here for the world to see.) Oh, and I'm a senior at a nonreligious, party-hardy, co-ed, private college, and I know several virgins my age. So if I know several 21 and 22 year olds who haven't had sex, I'm sure there are still other 25 year olds!

 

I can't say without talking to you personally, but it sounds like you're in a rather fragile state right now. Keep that in mind when you're making decisions; don't do something that makes you terribly vulnerable. That said, putting yourself out there and taking risks is part of life, and it might help you. Feel free to reject what I'm saying, but I suggest not trying too hard to get dates or a boyfriend. These sorts of things come fairly naturally after a little while, esp. when you're in your 20s. The more people you know and are around, the better your chances of hitting it off with someone and becoming friends and/or dating. And I know that dating and relationships are really important, but so are meeting new friends, trying new things, and growing as a person.

 

And most guys aren't as picky as the jerks we've all met. The most reassuring thing is to realize that most straight guys truly love the female body and aren't heavily critical of it. Forget boob jobs! The more confident you are, the sexier that is to a guy (as long as you're not straight-up snobby and egotistical, of course!) Seriously- I've had many a conversation with guy friends, and almost all have said they love confidence in a girl. (I've also heard different guys say they prefer small boobs, big boobs, big butts, curves... all kinds of features. Whatever you've got, someone out there will find it sexy.) And the thing about relationships is, if they're healthy, your mate will find you attractive. It's wired into humans!

 

This is pretty personal, but if you don't mind me suggesting it, perhaps it would help to take your sexual desires into your own hands... literally! Maybe all you want from sex is the companionship/shared experience part, but there's almost certainly a part of your desire that's just the basic human desire for sexual gratification, right? So if you haven't before, use your fingers... buy a vibrator... watch some porn... read some erotica... whatever turns you on. Of course, maybe all this is "duh" to you. But if it's not, try it out. I rarely touched myself until 3 years ago, and I rarely had orgasms until I'd been doing it for several months. Even then, it was "hit or miss" for a long time, and I still had quite a ways to go with being "in touch" with my sexual side. During that time, I got a boyfriend with whom I was intimate, and my experiences with him definitely helped me understand some facets of my sexuality. Interestingly, I only had an orgasm with him once, but that wasn't my goal most of the time, esp. since I was antidepressants that made it almost impossible for me to orgasm even if I was alone. (He was actually pretty good at what he was doing.) Orgasms were one (awesome) part of learning about myself, but other aspects of masturbating and doing things with my boyfriend really helped me learn and make peace with myself and appreciate my body and mind more. (And within the last year or so I've gotten much better at knowing exactly what turns me on, what will make me come, etc.- yay! All that practice is paying off! Damn complicated female bodies, haha.) I'm basically babbling now, but basically I think it helps. If nothing else, it might make you calmer, happier, and even less interested in sex unless it's within a healthy setting. (In other words, you won't be wanting sexual pleasure so much you jump into bed with some guy.) And I'm definitelynot alone, statistically, in saying that I am way more likely to have an orgasm when I'm by myself than with a partner. I don't mind too much.

 

Anyway, like I said, all this may be totally old news to you, but if it's not... try it. And try it a few more times until you get good at it! And read articles online about ways to try it! And here's the side benefit- if you get good at pleasuring yourself, you'll be better in bed with a partner. I know it probably seems like a cheap imitation of the real thing, but I don't feel that way. (Although, admittedly, I have experienced the "real thing", so that whole alluring-mystery-curiosity aspect of sex has diminished- not in a bad way, but in a realistic way.)

 

And like others said, sometimes the right person comes out of nowhere. And online dating can be a way to meet people in your area, so you can get to know each other a little online, then go ahead and have real dates. If you have time, do something you're interested in- join a club or take lessons. That will not only help you meet others, but it will give you more confidence and help you learn more about yourself. Think about it like this: unless something bad happens, you've got a good 55-75 years left on this earth. Aren't you lucky that you've got all that time to explore the world, to have experiences, to learn about others and yourself? 25 is young- and that's coming from someone even younger. Even though sometimes I feel like I've done it all (and I have had a pretty crazy life so far, for better or for worse), I realize there is so much out there for me to do- and it's thrilling! Get out there and go for it!

 

-whateverlolawants

 

PS- Sorry if I came off as preachy or condescending- I hope I didn't!

[DarthOkkata]

Well, I've had a grand total of two sexual experiences in my life, and I'm 29. Neither one involved intercourse, and I'm not exactly sure what happened. I've never slept with an American woman, and never had a real date.

 

The first time was when one of my mother's friends had a visiting relative from Japan who didn't speak -any- English. I spent some time with her family and helping her out a bit. I only know a few phrases and words in Japanese, and she seemed pleasant. I was a bit surprised when she took me aside for a bit of petting, and oral. I really wish I knew what I'd done.

 

The second time, was on vacation. We ended up hanging out with a group of people that included a family from England. It lasted all of a week, I never spent any time alone with her really. Nothing I'd call a date at any rate, and I was once again surprised when I was pulled off alone for more of the same as the last time. I suppose I was a 'summer romance', but I didn't get the impression she liked me any more than any of the other people we ended up hanging around before then, and we went our separate ways and home the next day. Once again, I was left wondering what I'd done and how I ended up there.

 

I can't use online dating services. It just doesn't work for me. I can't form a relationship like that with someone I've never seen or met. I don't trust the internet enough to try and start a personal relationship there. I'm a very visual and audio oriented person, text and still shots aren't enough. The idea of simulated or distant relationships just doesn't work with me.

 

Plus, I work paycheck to paycheck, and can't afford to spend cash dating if I ever want to expand my education and get out of my personal hell. I'm not just speaking on sexual matters there. Most of the people I know are lower income, and either far too young for me, far too stupid and selfish, or just plain too old and prudish. Being an Atheist where I live doesn't help.

 

I don't have time or money for outside of work things like Yoga, bars, or anything like that. It makes dating very difficult. I don't even have a car right now. The only things I have to keep my sanity at all, are my computer, a fairly large movie collection, and my game systems. Those aren't exactly quickly growing collections either. I've bought a grand total of 2 video games this year, and 1 movie. I'm not one of those types to sit and play for 60 hours a week either. I tend to prefer solo games to online. If I'm playing multiplayer, it's usually with someone sitting in the room with me.

 

I have no life, and I can't afford to get one right now. It sounds nice to say 'you don't need money, or a car, or free time to get laid'. That's only true if I'm willing to be a dishonest, lying weasel, who's only interest is fulfilling my own physical needs at someone's expense. 'Just be yourself' is another useless phrase that sounds nice, but has no real value. I am me, and I'm not shy or unfriendly.

 

I'm an overworked, underpaid, emotionally deprived, night owl, and trapped in the worst economic conditions in my lifetime. Most everyone is asleep when I'm up and not working. Quitting my job isn't something that will improve my conditions right now. I'm forced to be cheap and not go out and do fun things, because if I do, I'll be stuck here forever.

 

I've accepted that I'm probably stuck in my current situation for at least another year or two. I can only hope for a better future, but the economy isn't making that look to be any closer.

 

I can deal with frustrated and alone for a while if I need too, but the goal keeps getting pushed further and further back, as conditions in the US worsen. It really sucks.

[Vomit Comet]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Involuntary_celibacy

 

Does the above describe anybody?

[ogilvy]

Free, when you say you dont want online dating, you want a tradtional dinner date, are you confusing online dating with cybersex? because you can meet someone online, followed by traditional dating. in fact, as you said you'd be happy to have some guy friends, it could be a good idea to just chat to guys for a while before meeting and dating. at least that way you could sort of practise 'relating' to guys, as you havent had much experience, i guess, in talking to them? of course be careful, but like some of the others have said, its a valid option. you can get to know guys online in a non threatening situation, where you are free to withdraw at any time if not comfortable.

[Manditag in AK]

Hi, I'd just like to add that I was a virgin until I was 19, and it was practically luck that it happened then. It's different for everyone, but in the end if you wait until you're more interested in the other person as a person, anything that happens sexually is easier to talk about, practice, and just plain do.

 

I concur with pippa, my first relationship was online, and my third relationship became one online (after I graduated High School I emailed one of my friends, who after talking and LOTS of time, is now my husband!). There's a difference between chatting with someone in order to write about sex and your standard online dating site. Most of them will find people in your area with similar interests, then you can call them and meet or whatever feels comfortable.

 

But the biggest agreement I have that I've realized being in a relationship-NOONE is perfect everywhere! We're all humans, we don't criticize our cat because she has spots in the wrong places, or our dog because he's a little pudgy. As far as feeling unlovable, it's hard. By the time my husband to be came along, I had had 1 6 month relationship and 1 1&1/2 month relationship. It was so stunning to me at first to realize I was wanted....like THAT, no less. I know very well what that is like, and I'm sorry you have to go through that. I know I'm my own worst critic, and it seems that especially as far as body image goes, many other women are too. Just remember that there are guys who are specifically looking for you, and know what YOU want as well. Not a list of 25 required traits, but things that you personally can't handle, like jealousy or perfectionism. I wish you the best of luck, and say again, (I'm 25 too) we still have many years ahead of us.