Funeral Tomorrow

[GraphicsGuy]

My cousin died quite suddenly on Tuesday. He was only 34, but it was apparently due to a long history of medical complications, drug use, and medications that...well...he basically died from sudden organ failure. A toxology report is also in the works, but apparently they take a long time.

 

I wasn't close to him at all so I'm really okay, just going to the funeral to be supportive.

 

However, I am slightly apprehensive about tomorrow. The entire family is Xian and there are one or two fundies among them. One of them is a cousin-in-law who used to be the music/youth pastor at the really fundy church that I used to be involved in. We used to pray together, have "words from the Lord" for each other, worship together, etc. We weren't "friends" so much as family and co-workers. His wife (my cousin) contacted me just a few weeks ago on Facebook and I told her that I had deconverted, that I was pissed at Xianity and hoped to see it die a slow, painful death.

 

So, I'm seeing them tomorrow and my rather nosy, fundy grandmother that everyone is kind of afraid of it seems.

 

The problem there is that I'm not afraid of a fucking thing anymore and I'm going to have a really damn hard time not saying anything if conversations get really religious.

 

Now, I have no problem saying that my cousin is finally at peace now. If there is a "God" then I believe he/she/it would be accepting, loving, and understanding and welcome my cousin with open arms regardless of all the shit he's done. He wasn't normal, he wasn't right in the head and any REAL God worth serving would know that.

 

If there is no God then my cousin is absolutely at peace now. He is gone and no longer a conscious, living being. His pain and torture has ended.

 

I guess I'm mostly just hoping I don't start a fight...I just hate having to hide my opinions to make everyone comfortable...

 

...but I could be worried about nothing as well...

[Justin]

What i would do is if anyone came up looking to start something i would tell them that if they sincerly wanted to discuss things then we need to get together sometime later, not now for a funeral is not the time nor the place. If they still insist on doing it right then and there then tell them that speaks more about their character and beliefs than most anything else could. Then walk away. Engaging in a conversation with them in that type of setting is not a good idea i don't think.

 

It can be tough man, but i hope all goes well for ya tomorrow. Hey, if it helps, i'll pray for ya.

[white_raven23]

This might be hard.

 

Try to stay out if "it" as much as you can, remember the un-deconverted perceive their faith as a "solace" in times like these.

 

But at the same time, since you are going to be courteous and refrain from shoving your nonbelief down their throats, there is no reason to not insist on the same courtesy from them.

 

Practice a look of emotionally pained horror...and say something like this if necessary:

 

"I cannot believe you are using my cousin's death to sell religion to me at this time. He was a person, not a hood ornament. Excuse me...I need some air."

 

And go take a long walk around the block. Take the walk whenever things get to be too much.

Your family will have to decide if they would rather have everyone together at this time, or have one of their own off taking a walk every time they push. You will be giving an ultimatum by your action alone, without saying a word. THe best kind.

[L.B.]

I guess I'm mostly just hoping I don't start a fight...I just hate having to hide my opinions to make everyone comfortable...

 

You've just described my wife and I to a tee, although it's not just been occasionally. We had to struggle for years individually and together with hiding feelings so that people wouldn't get mad at us.

 

First, I want to say that your cousin has contributed to the world in ways you cannot imagine. Even the story of his illnesses and the all-too-brief tenure of his life have served to educate us here at exC about having compassion for you. Some would say he is not conscious; I say his consciousness (i.e. the ways in which he saw and affected the world) has contributed and will contribute to our greater consciousness as human beings. I am thankful for the reminder of the value of this life that his story has served to be. My sincere condolences are with you and your family.

 

Second, I want to share a story: My maternal grandmother was a life-long Catholic who lived to be nearly 96 years old. She never looked down on anyone of any other religion or none at all; she was giving, loving, patient, funny as hell and a die-hard working-class daughter of Polish immigrants. When she died, a fundy from my father's home church came to my mother and said:

 

"I'm so sorry. Was she a saved woman?"

"She was Catholic."

 

His response? "Ohh." With the pathetic, pained look on his face like, oh well, lost another one to hell.

 

I seriously had to get scarce before I decked him.

 

My hope is that you will take the level-headed path and simply avoid or re-direct any religious conversation in the spirit of honoring your cousin's memory. The passive non-cooperation will do wonders in getting them to shut down and shut up.

 

Peace,

 

L.B.

[GraphicsGuy]

All very sound and sage advice. Thank you all.

[florduh]

I damn near bit my own tongue off at my fundy father's funeral.

 

I don't regret it.

[hereticzero]

I don't think you'll have a problem tomorrow. Most of the people will be too busy thinking about your cousin. Just don't stay too long at the luncheon or whatever gathering they have afterwards, that is usually when the funny-mentals come out.

[mwc]

Go there. Bitch here.

 

mwc