Kuroikaze Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Ok, so I woke up this morning and I had an email from my mom, didn't think much of it cause I'm working on building a website for her, but when I opened it she had sent me an email telling me about this new movie expelled ( she had apparently just heard about it) Now, I live with my parents currently for various reasons (I'm not a bum, I pay rent) , but she won't say this stuff directly anymore mostly, but every once and a while she will email something to me. I probably just should have let it go, but it kinda irritated me that she would think that I would not even be aware of the movie. So I mentioned it to her, and politely told her I had already read a lot about the movie, and that there was a lot of misinformation in it. I even suggested a few articles and web sites that expounded on that misinformation. She quickly became very irritated with me and my dad jumped in, now my dad is a pretty reasonable guy, he calls himself a Christian, but in conversations I've had in private it is pretty apparent that nothing he believes is in line with mainstream christian ideals, truthfully he is almost a deist, except in name. However, in this kind of situation he gets really defensive of my mother. Now, I wasn't yelling or anything, just defending my views, but my mom got extremely belligerent and both of them started telling me I was being "manipulated by the scientists." For what ends it was never made clear. I responded by rolling my eyes and saying "because churches NEVER manipulate people right?" Then my mom popped out with the old favorite "scientists worship Darwin." perhaps it wasn't the nicest thing, but I just laughed at her, because it was such an absurd statement, and she really is smart enough to know better, after that she just got louder and more rude. Later on she reiterates that I'm being manipulated, and when I point out that she is being manipulated by propaganda in things like the aforementioned film, she claims that her ideas are based upon facts and evidence, and she has formed her own opinions I didn't really know where to go from there, she was essentially disregarding anything I had to say by assassinating my character. I told her that it was very insulting to have her suggest as such, even more so because I knew very well what it was like to be manipulated, as I was involved a cult like ministry in college (www.stumo.org) {by the way, my mother blames them for my atheism, she thinks that their "false" teachings poisoned me from understanding "true" Christianity} I also told her that it was very arrogant of her to claim I was being manipulated when she wouldn't even bother to examine the information in question, both about the film, and the reasons I deconverted. (I think my mom has a sort of general problem admitting that one of her children could know more about anything, especially religion) At that point she told me she didn't even want to talk to me if I "was going to insult her" Which literally left me speechless, since nearly everything she had said since the beginning of the conversation was an insult to me. *sigh* I know how this stuff is going to end but I still get goaded into it anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Assassinate right back... but do it surgically... take every insult she threw and return it... ok, it's a nuclear option, but the pecking order needs establishing, since you're now an adult... And she's a parent.. she WILL have fucked up and you both know that... use that... keep hammering the same button everytime she tries to manipulate you... if you've got average observational skills, you'll KNOW the stuff she's ashamed of and would prefer not to discuss... even if it's apples and oranges... illustrate that, if pushed, there isn't a place you won't go nor a stone you won't turn over to get her to take a big steaming cup of STFU... It's an ugly method, but effective... if dad tries to pile in then give him the same acid enema, sine there are family things HE'LL have done that he won't discuss... It worked for me when my parents tried to re-assert some parental authority over me... I think even the best try it on some time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 I know the feeling. I've gotten along with my parents very well since moving out at the age of 18. However, a few years ago my father told me that ever since I had gone to college I had changed and that those professors had put some crazy ideas in my head. At the time it to felt like a character assasination and I deeply resented the insinuation that gaining knowledge is somehow akin to being brainwashed. I felt the blood rise to my head as he told me, but I bit my lip knowing that nothing good could come from getting into a debate about it. My dad hates to discuss philosophical or political matters and prefers to talk about history or the weather or anything non controversial. I think I was probably left on their doorstep as an infant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 History isn't 'controversial'? Try discussing the actual ethnicity of the people doing the opressing in southern Ireland during the famine sometime, and see how non-controversial it is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuroikaze Posted May 1, 2008 Author Share Posted May 1, 2008 I'd take your advice gramps, except living at home at the moment, I don't want to create too much discord. Also, my mom is generally a nice person, and I don't really have any desire to hurt her. She just becomes so belligerent on this one topic, she would be an interesting case study for "compartmentalization" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 I was living at home... that's why it was being 'tried on' you don't have to go all the way... just make it clear that, if the subject isn't buried, then EVERYTHING gets dug up and danced with... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 and if that doesn't work... then pull her frontal lobes out of her nose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuaiDan Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 and if that doesn't work... then pull her frontal lobes out of her nose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuaiDan Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 History isn't 'controversial'? Try discussing the actual ethnicity of the people doing the opressing in southern Ireland during the famine sometime, and see how non-controversial it is History's non-controversial insofar as you're on the side that writes it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 I think since you live with them that makes this a tough situation. Plus its your parents. Unless you find if feasible to plan on moving out, the only thing I can suggest is "in one ear and out the other" and deleting e-mails from the offender without opening them. Why would they send you e-mails anyway - if you live there, what is the reason? Its not like its a large office and the door is closed or someone is on the phone most of the time. Seems like they know your feelings on this subject. Simply refuse to discuss it with them. I say "simply" but I know that isn't easy. If its brought up again I would try the polite approach once - "please I don't want to discuss it". If they keep talking, walk out of the room, house if necessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric_PK Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 At some point many people realize that they are more mature than their parents. I think you've reached that point. It's obvious that she's unable and unwilling to have a rational discussion about it. My advice is to delete any such emails you get, and if she brings up a topic like that say, "Mom, last time we had a discussion like this we both ended up saying things that weren't very nice, so I don't think we should repeat it". And just stick to that line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentLoner Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 You did NOT overreact. From what I can see everything you said was justfied. I have to point out that you say you have no desire to hurt your mom, but she apparently had no issue hurting you by insulting you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuroikaze Posted May 2, 2008 Author Share Posted May 2, 2008 You did NOT overreact. From what I can see everything you said was justfied. I have to point out that you say you have no desire to hurt your mom, but she apparently had no issue hurting you by insulting you. Yeah, but I also know she thinks I may be hell bound because of my "rebellion." So I think her heart is in the right place...even if her foot is shoved into her mouth up to her ankle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuroikaze Posted May 2, 2008 Author Share Posted May 2, 2008 I think since you live with them that makes this a tough situation. Plus its your parents. Unless you find if feasible to plan on moving out, the only thing I can suggest is "in one ear and out the other" and deleting e-mails from the offender without opening them. Why would they send you e-mails anyway - if you live there, what is the reason? Its not like its a large office and the door is closed or someone is on the phone most of the time. Seems like they know your feelings on this subject. Simply refuse to discuss it with them. I say "simply" but I know that isn't easy. If its brought up again I would try the polite approach once - "please I don't want to discuss it". If they keep talking, walk out of the room, house if necessary. Yeah, I plan on moving out at the end of the summer anyway, being 30 and living with parents is not exactly a perfect situation, even if I do pay rent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts