Was Your Personality Suited For It?

[Vomit Comet]

I have Asperger's Syndrome. (Ta-dah!) We can be pretty rigid and anal about the rules in many different contexts, whereas 'neurotypical' people would know to be implicitly more flexible. We'll also talk your ear off about something we're crazy about but that you don't give two shits about, and we'll keep on talking emphatically about it unless you go to extremes to let us know we ought to stop.

 

When I was a youth leader in the youth group, I was "the enforcer." I was the youth leader that didn't look the other way when the kids were fucking around. In fact, whenever I would get word that some guy was fucking his girlfriend, or that two of our kids had snuck out to smoke weed, etc., I would become absolutely furious and would go ape-shit. I would call people out publicly and chastise and humiliate them in front of all their little friends. I was always an "all-or-nothing" type; you either follow all the rules without fucking around, or you're a goddamn fucking hypocrite.

 

All that said, they all still liked me because I was a wild and crazy guy.

 

Also, I never did apply my ranting-and-raving to street preaching or anything, but get me up guest-preaching in front of a bunch of little shitheads and I took pleasure in tearing them a new one. My sermons were often fire-and-brimstone freak shows.

 

Looking back, this is the same reason I was attracted to heavy metal. Particularly "real metal" like Metallica (before they fucking sold out), Slayer, and so on. We went around stamping to death all that "pussy music" out there, from pop metal imposters to rap to pop bullshit. To this day I absolutely love Manowar. "If you aren't into metal / you are NOT my friend!!!" I always felt like I was part of some kind of elite metal militia that was going to fuck everyone else up with full metal brutality.

 

Later on I branched out a bit (these are my teen years of course) and got into hardcore punk rock. It appealed to me because those guys were so anal about the rules and they absolutely loathed "sell-out bullshit" like Green Day and Rancid, or non-political fluff like NOFX. I hated Crass but I could appreciate how incredibly dogmatic and assholish the Crass crowd was about what punk "is" and "is not."

 

Anyways, I've mellowed out considerably since then. But I think Christianity functioned as a kind of outlet for my Aspergian sense of rule-boundedness and rule enforcement. I stomped all over ambiguity and greyness wherever I saw it, enforcing black-and-white truth and reality. Of course teenagers are going to try and fuck around behind their parents' and youth pastor's backs... but not on MY watch goddammit!!!!

 

Anyways, how about the rest of you? Did your personalities find some kind of "outlet" in Christianity? Good or bad or neutral? Or, alternately, did you "customize" your faith (or cherrypick and amplify some certain aspect of the religion) to better suit or work with your personality?

 

Or would you say your personality clashed with Christianity at almost every turn, making you a "bad Christian"?

[hereticzero]

I had to leave preaching and religious counseling before I deconverted completely. I couldn't do it any more, I was totally burnt out and depressed--which I got over once I realized I was waiting for sky daddy to do something for me that wasn't coming. Once I acted on my own behalf, things fell into order. I was nondenominational in my preaching and counseling. I think I used religion as an outlet for depression and boredom. It caused more stress in my life than what I could handle.

 

I did not have the personality to sit and try to tell someone in counseling that their problems in life were due to unresolved sins. These were folks I thought were better than me because they worked harder in their community than I and they helped more people than I did. From the way I learned counseling, everything is due to behaviours and unresolved sins in our lives. I couldn't stand the sound of my voice saying that and quit saying it. I told them they had nothing wrong with them except their church. They changed churches and their lives improved. I quit the church and mine improved.

[Mongo]

VC,

 

Shit, you really were a jackass eh? Glad to see you've mellowed.

 

I think you've hit onto something important - people evolve their religious(or philosophical) point of view based on their intellect/personality.

 

Even those who claim to have found universal truths, perhaps even more than those who haven't, do so from a "it works for me" attitude.

 

It is very difficult to identify things that apply to all people.

 

Rigid people have social rules that often start with, "Everybody knows that..." to achieve social accommodation.

 

Flexible people may not always follow rules but may be more inclined to ask questions like "How would you like to..." in order to establish social accommodation.

 

My tendancy is to try and observe social convention with an open mind that says, "The rules mey be different in this setting/group" and so I adjust. I attempt to be chameleon like but occasionally I butt heads with a rigid person who has adpoted an idiotic rule that he/she expects everyone to follow.

 

Take this example...

 

When it comes to sharing, some people are avid counters and some **never** tally. So this theory I have more refers to the extremes since most people are 'average' and therefore more balanced.

 

Some counters always make sure they are *never* in debt. These insufferable people never let you repay their kindness. I hate taking anything from them (because I'm just like them).

 

Some counters blow up the moment the balance tilts away from their favour. "You lazy bastard. Can't you cook a meal once in a while?"

 

Some non-counters give and give and give and give and give and give and give... "He's/She's just busy at work. When it calms down he'll/she'll be able to help out more". They really lose track and are not aware of how much they are being taken advantage of.

 

Some non-counters assume that everyone is out to take advantage of them. (But they wouldn't know. They got pissed at all the family chores they do and didn't keep track of all the outdoor work or repairs or other stuff their partner did.)

 

Now... I theorize that the counters would gravitate towards religion that involves "storing up treasures" or (self-)righteousness and the non-counters emphasize forgiveness or love.

 

Of course it is always more complicated than that but I think there is something interesting in these ideas.

 

Mongo

[xequar]

You know, this is a really hard question for me. Since I was raised in the church, I can't honestly distinguish what was inspired by my own personality and what was inspired by Xianity.

 

This might sound odd, but in many regards, I look at my existence as though I am in my second life now, and that this version of me is not the same, but knows what the last version did. If I look back about eight years at the person I was in high school, or even four or five years ago before the beginnings of my exodus from Xianity, the person that called himself Al is different in every imaginable aspect from who I am now. I was a conservative homophobe with rage issues that had no ability to relate to people at all, whereas now I'm a liberal openly gay extrovert, so given all that, I have no idea why that person I once was did the things he did or acted how he did.

[upstarter]

I would have to say that my personality was completely at odds with xtianity from the beginning really. I have trouble with rules, especially rules that feel wrong to me. I question everything, I have since childhood. I was a "difficult" child because I did not blindly obey. As an aside, I'm now the mother of a "difficult" child, so there is payback.

 

When I discovered that there were people who believed "if it feels right do it, as long as no one is getting hurt", and these people did not have horns, they were not in prison, they were not rapists or child molesters... I knew I had found my people. And I could safely leave xtianity behind.

 

Heather

[mwc]

I have Asperger's Syndrome. (Ta-dah!) We can be pretty rigid and anal about the rules in many different contexts, whereas 'neurotypical' people would know to be implicitly more flexible. We'll also talk your ear off about something we're crazy about but that you don't give two shits about, and we'll keep on talking emphatically about it unless you go to extremes to let us know we ought to stop.

Ahhh...Now HERE is someone with AS that I can relate to. My friend you and yours have truly made my life hell (no offense).

 

To those who wish to jump on my ass again please note the little smiley face. I AM JOKING WITH VC!!! If you don't understand this is a somehow a joke (and a little inside considering another thread) then just move along without comment. Let me belabor this point. I'm joking here. Thank you for reading my AS disclaimer.

 

mwc

[Vomit Comet]

Wow, this is turning out to be quite an interesting thread! *takes all the credit for starting it*

 

Ahhh...Now HERE is someone with AS that I can relate to. My friend you and yours have truly made my life hell (no offense).

 

So then you were one of the little bastar*COUGH*kids in my former youth group!? Been a long time, nice to see you again!

[MesaGman]

yes as an inquisitive and free spirited but very respectful kid and adult, I was "disruptive", during the 3 hours of Sunday school after Sacrement (Mormon meetings are designed to be mind numbingly long, to numb the mind. I'm surprised I was able to drive home! really, I felt drained and apathetic, very relaxed and non caring (anti-thesis to alert and serious that road saftey demands). But I being a true believer, wanted to pick the brains out of the teacher's heads to make myself a stronger Christian-Mormon). ironically it helped me discover inconsistancies with the "teachings".

[Vendredie]

My churches always pushed evangelism, I was extremely shy, didn't work.

 

However all of the churchgoers violated their own principles, and I was extremely shy and didn't want to say anything (still that way, though not at church) so generally nobody got in trouble unless an adult caught them.

[Eponymic]

Anyways, how about the rest of you? Did your personalities find some kind of "outlet" in Christianity? Good or bad or neutral? Or, alternately, did you "customize" your faith (or cherrypick and amplify some certain aspect of the religion) to better suit or work with your personality?

 

Or would you say your personality clashed with Christianity at almost every turn, making you a "bad Christian"?

 

The whole format of religion is set up to cater to most any personality, that's why it's so successful. So, yes, my and anyone else's personality is susceptible if they so allow it.

[mwc]

Wow, this is turning out to be quite an interesting thread! *takes all the credit for starting it*

 

Ahhh...Now HERE is someone with AS that I can relate to. My friend you and yours have truly made my life hell (no offense).

 

So then you were one of the little bastar*COUGH*kids in my former youth group!? Been a long time, nice to see you again!

Hah. I would almost claim you were the principal for my xian school by some of what you said (not what I had in mind as far as the aspie thing goes but looking back...nah...I can't be that much of an aspie magnet...I think he was just an ass ). I was always being singled out for public humiliation on a regular basis by that man. I think he kind of got off on it. He was ex-military and I think it was sort of a break'em down and build'em back up type of thing. I never really "broke" but when I finally deconverted all my hatred for that man (and his "disciples") sure came flooding out (I never really knew it was in there). I'd never do it but it's nice to say that I'd love to find him and just kick his ass for those years of torment.

 

My youth group wasn't too bad but I only started going regularly as a result of a really fantastic vicar and then stopped going once church politics forced him out (of the youth group and then the church...and no, no ugly allegations of any kind ever came against him...the church elders were just dicks and sided with the pastor who felt threatened by this popular new up and comer...so the next guy we got was really dull and couldn't connect with anyone on any level which suited the pastor just fine).

 

The funny thing about these idiots is that they already had my loyalty as far as the cause went. I was a little xian soldier. Had they not fucked me over all they would have had to said was "Jump!" For some reason they didn't understand what they had. Their loss. My gain.

 

mwc

[Amethyst]

I was a very literal believer for years, until I was a teenager. I am highly introverted, which is not good for a religion that encourages extroversion. But I too was very black and white for a long time. I also had to go to church school through 6th grade. That was hell to me, not because of the religion, but because I was a shy, geeky girl who got bullied a lot and nobody ever seemed to care. I also had to go to all the youth group meetings, do the volunteering at the old folks' home, sing in choir (even though I'm not a particularly good singer), etc.

 

The Christian religion is hell on introverted types. No wonder they like to believe we're "evil."

[Guest lenbitme]

I guess I have a hard time deciding if the church created my personality or my personality flaws were emphasized by the religion. But I know for a fact that I have an incredibly difficult time managing emotions, I have issues with anxiety, very low self-esteem, stubborn, a hugely active and dramatic imagination, and I'm just a strange person anyway. All of this together eventually made me question the faith I had grown up with, and the world I had grown to know, because as I grew older I was faced with big-girl decisions for once and the decisions I felt right about were contrary to Xianity's rules. My crazy emotions and anxiety threw me into a panic attack, and my low self-esteem made it terribly hard for me to reach out to other ideas and new religions, atheism, agnosticism, and other philosophies of life. My stubborness made me, once I had made that decision, decide that leaving the faith was a decision for LIFE. My hugely active and dramatic imagination made it hard to part with it. What I thought was a -loving-, -understanding-, -forgiving-, -kind- being was, according to HIS book, the exact opposite. Parting with that paternal passifier was the most difficult thing I've ever done. All in all, I was hopelessly attached to it for safety, because the world was cruel and unfair and painful and cold. Funny thing is, once I let go of that security blanket and rewired my thoughts and brain, and started to think critically, I didn't need that blanket anymore. Suddenly I -could- handle everything on my own, suddenly I -could- make -good- decisions based on nothing more than my -own- value system and beliefs, and life has been exciting, depressing, happy, fun, tiring, successful, and disappointing since then, just like life should be. I have learned coming OUT of the religion how happy I can be with the imperfections of life! Leaving the faith has really helped me to develop as a person, and renew my personality.

[gabby]

Hey VC,

I can totally relate to the black and white mentality. I'm bi-polar and I gotta say x-tianity and bi-polar don't mix well...at all. For instance, when I was a christian, my manic phases were filled with revelation and elation...I was 150% involved and excited but then when the depression took over it was hell. Suddenly, I could not remember anything good that had happened and I was convinced that I was unworthy. I would literally beat my face against the wall till I had black eyes to try to show the church leaders that this shit was causing me to hurt myself but they just thought I was "acting out." I couldn't handle the condemnation/revelation roller coaster. Also, since secular therapy was frowned upon I did not get properly diagnosed as bi-polar till I left the church. Now I have a great psych, the proper meds and no need to beat myself up over a stupid religion that uses fear to control ppl.

[Guest eejay]

My personality and x-tianity were very much akin to trying to mix oil and water. And the more I learn about x-tianity, the more I despise it.

[twincats]

Anyways, how about the rest of you? Did your personalities find some kind of "outlet" in Christianity? Good or bad or neutral? Or, alternately, did you "customize" your faith (or cherrypick and amplify some certain aspect of the religion) to better suit or work with your personality?

 

Or would you say your personality clashed with Christianity at almost every turn, making you a "bad Christian"?

 

Oooh! Big, fat customizer, here!!

 

I also had the good sense not to mention that to any church people. I am an only child and lived "inside my own head" quite a bit growing up, so when my mom explained to me about why (technological advances and knowledge of hygiene, etc.) we didn't follow the OT dietary laws (which was on my mind because I went to school with quite a few Jewish kids), I later extrapolated that to apply to rules about sex, too!

 

I was also very much against proselytizing from a very early age, as well. Not that I ever had an 'acceptable' reason for that; it just seemed like all of my Jewish and Catholic (yes, we were supposed to convert Catholics!) friends were perfectly happy with their religions. It made as much sense to me as converting to one of their religions, because any of our parents would have a shit fit over it and ban the proselytizer and then you'd lose friends. I mean, surely Jesus didn't want that to happen, did he? Again, I never discussed it with anyone, just consistently found reasons not to do the door-to-door thing.

 

I never felt that I was clashing with my Lutheranism or that I was a "bad" Christian (at least no worse than the other sinners in the congregation!)