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Goodbye Jesus

Do you miss yourself?


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Sent in by Claire

 

Do you miss yourself?

 

When I hear a question such as this, I recoil in disappointment; I sigh with disgust. It is posed in such a way as if to assume that the person being asked about is no longer authentic, real, or are somehow empty.

 

It's condescending, presumptuous and I find it downright rude.

 

"Do you miss yourself?" has been asked of me in various forms since my journey outside the realm of religion and faith began, just over a year ago. Due to my lack of certainty (and the lack of evidence), I have officially de-converted from Christianity. Since then, questions have been raised about the validity of my reasoning and in turn, my very self.

 

Don't you miss who you used to be?

 

I am not surprised by these questions, knowing full well the world in which I used to live is constructed of persons who are taught to hold each other accountable for a myriad of things: actions, tastes in music, emotions, sexual preferences, interpretations of scripture... and doubts.

 

While I understand the questioners intent (after all I was guilty of the same), what I find so unappealing is the question itself, (don't even get me started on "Ex-Christians, how can there be such a thing?"). These really aren't genuine questions after all, for a genuine question is not asked with the answer already implied.

 

All that said, I have decided to respond to this rhetorical nonsense in hopes of demonstrating how “myself” is really much better off having left it's delusions behind and how I really don't miss "that self" at all.

 

Do you miss that self?

 

No, I do not miss "that self."

 

I do not miss the mind numbingly absurd reality “that self” lived in, the plateau at which that self's intelligence was set, the circular condemnation and double think “that self” endured on a daily basis.

 

No, I do not miss that self.

 

I do not miss feeling like that self was something bad and that that self could do no good without a supreme deity to guide the way, I do not miss that self second guessing every action, every relationship, every idea,

 

I do not miss that self.

 

No, I do not miss that self's lack of responsibility for the earth, that self’s desire for the world to be destroyed and for its people to be condemned, that self’s superiority, naivety and idealism.

 

I do not miss that self.

 

I do not miss that self’s conversations with the ceiling, that self’s weight of the worlds salvation, that self’s conscious dismissal of science, that self’s ala cart projection of the Bible, that self’s silver platter consumption of truth from the pulpit.

 

No, I do not miss that self.

 

My self rejoices in reality and embraces humanity.

 

“That self” can go fuck itself.

 

http://exchristian.net/testimonies/2008/05...s-yourself.html

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Goodbye Jesus
Guest Net Eng

Good for you Claire!!!

 

I do not miss the old me either. Since de-converting I find myself more conscious of my dealings with other people. I also think first and speak later.

 

Hope to see you up here on Ex-C posting!

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Congrats!!!!!!!!:)

 

I do not miss the old self either of self-hatred over having two X chromosomes and feeling guilty for loving the earth around me more then some invisible, clearly malevolent deity.

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Do I miss myself?

 

Yeah. I lost myself in my thoughts the other day, and I'm still not sure where I misplaced me... If anyone finds me, please let me know immediately. :)

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Do I miss myself?

 

Yeah. I lost myself in my thoughts the other day, and I'm still not sure where I misplaced me... If anyone finds me, please let me know immediately. :)

 

i do sometimes miss my old self, because i used to have strong hopes, and definite purpose, and now i dont have that.

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Do I miss myself?

 

Actually I'm pretty good at hitting myself wherever I want to.

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I don't miss myself, I hardly knew me.

The church made me crazy.

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Which self?

 

In 46 years of life I have evolved into several different people throughout my life, which one am I supposed to miss? Oh oh... the xtain one... Nope, don't miss him at all. The others, well they are still around, and talk to me occasionally...

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Broken Hearted

Wow.... I can only stand in awe of people who have been at this longer than me. I dont miss that person. I do miss the secure feeling she had about death though.

I am a stronger better person for having gone through 15 years of xtianity and now I am innoculated against it. My children and husband are as well.

I also dont miss the pious snob she used to be, the girl who had the "truth' and was obligated to share it with others wether they liked it or not.

I most certainly do not miss her.

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I had an ex-girlfriend who used to ask me that question. Wish I knew then what I know now.

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Guest Zenobia

My case is a little different because when I was a teenager, there was a time when I was wild and free - just before I got sent off to "God's College"...

 

I used to ride horses all day...

Draw, paint and sculpt...

Write poetry..

Sing and compose music...

 

God's College put an end to all that. Then after college and even after I left religion, I was too absorbed with career and responsibilities to do any of the things I loved. Now, I have a little more freedom... but I find it's hard to reconnect with myself.

 

So yes, I do miss myself a great deal..

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I'm sorry to hear that the question gives you the irrits. I find it to be a valid one, even if the answer isn't entirely what the questioner was expecting.

 

I wouldn't say I miss that self in the way that I would wish to be that self again.

 

But of course, I do miss the comfort of pretending like I had all the answers ... or that the answers are all there and all I needed to do was look in the Bible or ask one of the church leaders. I do miss the affirmation of other people meeting on a regular basis, of belonging to a subculture.

I do miss that sense of spiritual identity ... that I could confidently categorise myself easily to an enquiry about my beliefs. Now the answer is kind of complex. To give a simplistic answer is to give the wrong impression.

 

More than anything, it is a mourning for a self that belonged somewhere.

 

These are all valid things. However, I could not possibly go back to that self without losing all my integrity and authenticity. I accept that there were both good and bad experiences just as there are now. I was myself then. I am myself now.

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