No One To Talk To

[Vendredie]

So I live in rural North Carolina. Thunderstorms are common here. Very common. and over the last 3 or 4 years, they've been getting progressively worse. It's hit a nearby phone line when I was 13, neighbor's house at 14, 2000+ sttirkes an hour storm at 15 that left me thinking I was going to die, and so far at 16, nothing bad yet but constant worry. Thunderstorms are in the forecast up here every week, and I can't help but to be terrified.

 

And I'm embarassed by it. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm afraid of storms, it's something that's bloody obvious. I'm ashamed of what I become during a storm. I revert back to age six, cowering in corners with heavy blankets and pillows over my head, nightmarish thoughts of worst-case-scenarios, shaking and crying while trying not to have a panic attack (which has happened twice before during storms, NOT FUN)

 

What's bad is I can never find somebody who isn't an insensitive douche about it. I've had people tell me there's nothing to be afraid of. I've had people tell me how to get over it, which has never worked. I've had people laugh at me. I've had people tell me it's cute. I've had people tell me about how they've nearly been hit by lightning. I've had people tell me about the person they know who got hit by lightning. I've had people tell me "Are you serious?! I like storms!"

 

It doesn't help that whenever I suspect a storm is coming, I obsessively watch the radar thing on the news/weather sites. And if there doesn't appear to be lightning, I figure it's okay to resume my normal activites. But then I swear I jinx myself that way. If I brush off a storm, it gets REALLY ugly. If I think a storm is going to be ugly, it's ugly. For some reason I think that my thoughts control the weather somehow, though I know it's absurd but during a storm it's the only way to really make it stop or make it less scary, to not think either way.

 

So it's become nasty to the point where I'v ebeen considering getting help for this, a la support group, since seeing a shrink isn't possible without having to go an hour away (I live WAY out there). So I google "teen support group" and what do I get? I get a bunch of results for bipolar teenagers, teenagers with social anxiety or eating disorders, and boarding schools. Oh, and Christian "help" sites. I am not going to pray to get rid of my phobia, it won't do a damn thing.

 

So now I have no options. I can't go to the school counselor, I'm afraid someone is goign to ask questions and/or start rumors. So I'm basically screwed until I'm able to get to England where there are no storms.

 

Does anyone else have any other alternatives? Any NCians? Please?

[hereticzero]

I'm the type that turns up the stereo to drown out the sound of the tornado outside. You need not be ashamed about being afraid of storms. I'm afraid of storms and head inside every time it starts to lightening. Where I once lived was high plains desert where a person was the tallest thing for miles in open spaces. When storms came up, I ran for the car. It does get very bad at times. You are reasonably safe in your home in a storm. Put on some nice music and kick back with your favorite party favor.

[Grandpa Harley]

Phobic behaviours are a pain... you have my sympathies.

 

Things that may help - Hypnotherapy, EFT or TFT (both are voodoo but I've seen both work), or CBT (which is reasoning your way out of the phobia...)

[florduh]

I sympathize with your situation. I live in a county that's touted to be the lightning capital of the world, and I hate it (although I don't think I suffer like you do).

 

Second the vote for hypnosis, as I have seen it work too.

 

In the mean time, when a storm approaches, plug in the ear buds, grab a bottle of your favorite adult beverage, and for Odin's sake don't watch any more reprise broadcasts of Wizard of Oz!

 

Comforting wishes to you,

 

- Chris

 

PS - Are there really no storms in England?

[Vendredie]

I like all of your suggestions but the music thing... doesn't work for me. At all. I've tried it, it fails.

 

And I can't have alcohol as I'm only 16

 

To Florduh: There are storms in England, but they're rare. I exaggerated a bit...

[Dhampir]

Whoo... I used to be terrified, TERRIFIED of storms, to the point of cowering under my covers (but only if I was already in bed. I don't know if I was as bad as you, but I did have a tendency to close, and then avoid all the windows, like a crackhead with a stalker.

 

One time, though this was after I started to master my fear, I recall running for dear life, with my 2 cousins, from a tornado (why we were out there during that storm is anyone's guess), that thankfully did not touch down till it was about a mile or two away. Took a lot of years of pacing the house with a flashlight while everyone else took naps (have you ever heard that a thunderstorm is the best time to sleep?) before I decided to do something about it. I had to gradually immerse myself in ways of overcoming that fear, sorta like stepping slowly into hot bathwater.

 

At the end, I, my friend and a cousin, laid out on said friend's sidewalk during a (rainless) lightning storm. Not something you do if you haven't made some progress (or if you're smart).

[florduh]

I like all of your suggestions but the music thing... doesn't work for me. At all. I've tried it, it fails.

 

And I can't have alcohol as I'm only 16

 

To Florduh: There are storms in England, but they're rare. I exaggerated a bit...

 

 

Oops! I didn't intend to encourage a minor to drink!

 

You may have tried meditation and relaxation techniques already, but just in case, I mention them.

 

Good luck!

[Vendredie]

Whoo... I used to be terrified, TERRIFIED of storms, to the point of cowering under my covers (but only if I was already in bed. I don't know if I was as bad as you, but I did have a tendency to close, and then avoid all the windows, like a crackhead with a stalker.

 

One time, though this was after I started to master my fear, I recall running for dear life, with my 2 cousins, from a tornado (why we were out there during that storm is anyone's guess), that thankfully did not touch down till it was about a mile or two away. Took a lot of years of pacing the house with a flashlight while everyone else took naps (have you ever heard that a thunderstorm is the best time to sleep?) before I decided to do something about it. I had to gradually immerse myself in ways of overcoming that fear, sorta like stepping slowly into hot bathwater.

 

At the end, I, my friend and a cousin, laid out on said friend's sidewalk during a (rainless) lightning storm. Not something you do if you haven't made some progress (or if you're smart).

 

Well closing and avoiding windows is actually a smart idea, because open windows let in rain during storms, and it's just a good idea to avoid windows... I'm not sure why, possibly having to do with lightning blowing things up, but it's a good idea anyway.

 

I've never heard that a thunderstorm is the best time to sleep. I cannot even fall asleep when there's heat lightning, how am I supposed to sleep when there's thunder and lightning (at any distance)?

 

I've tried to fix my fear of storms. I've tried talking myself out of it, staying in my own bed, blasting Nightwish/the TV, focusing on other things, doesn't work and never has.

[Grandpa Harley]

I like all of your suggestions but the music thing... doesn't work for me. At all. I've tried it, it fails.

 

And I can't have alcohol as I'm only 16

 

To Florduh: There are storms in England, but they're rare. I exaggerated a bit...

 

Hate to disillusion you but there are about 250-300 thunder storms pa across the UK, about 11 tornadoes pa, and one solid hurricane class storm every three years on average.

 

The UK is a little smaller than Oregon (244,820 sq km), with a population of 60,943,912... the population of Oregon wouldn't fill London, btw...

[Vendredie]

I like all of your suggestions but the music thing... doesn't work for me. At all. I've tried it, it fails.

 

And I can't have alcohol as I'm only 16

 

To Florduh: There are storms in England, but they're rare. I exaggerated a bit...

 

 

Oops! I didn't intend to encourage a minor to drink!

 

You may have tried meditation and relaxation techniques already, but just in case, I mention them.

 

Good luck!

Can't tell you how many times I've tried relaxation techniques. They don't help the fear, but they do help stop the hyperventilating...

[Dhampir]

Yeah, I know closing the windows is a good thing, but I forgot to mention that the reason that I avoided them, like the aforementioned accosted crackhead, is because I thought that lightning would actually come in though them.

 

EDIT: I would say address one aspect of your problem at a time, and lightly so, such as the cowering in corners stuff. try not having so many blankets, or none, or at least try coming out of the corner. Remember that a lot of what you do IS NOT going to help you in the event that something does go down.

[Vendredie]

I like all of your suggestions but the music thing... doesn't work for me. At all. I've tried it, it fails.

 

And I can't have alcohol as I'm only 16

 

To Florduh: There are storms in England, but they're rare. I exaggerated a bit...

 

Hate to disillusion you but there are about 250-300 thunder storms pa across the UK, about 11 tornadoes pa, and one solid hurricane class storm every three years on average.

 

The UK is a little smaller than Oregon (244,820 sq km), with a population of 60,943,912... the population of Oregon wouldn't fill London, btw...

Seriously? I thought they were much less common than that, I only remember one storm ever there, or maybe I could only remember that one storm.... quite a while ago.

 

Now where am I supposed to move?

[Vendredie]

Yeah, I know closing the windows is a good thing, but I forgot to mention that the reason that I avoided them, like the aforementioned accosted crackhead, is because I thought that lightning would actually come in though them.

so lightning can't come in through windows?! Jesus Christ, why didn't anyoen tell me this before! soem idiot told me lightning can come through glass! half my nightmares/worst-case-scenarios about lightning involve it crashign through the walls and windows! ><

 

I am so going to kick that idiot's ass...

[Dhampir]

Yeah, I know closing the windows is a good thing, but I forgot to mention that the reason that I avoided them, like the aforementioned accosted crackhead, is because I thought that lightning would actually come in though them.

so lightning can't come in through windows?! Jesus Christ, why didn't anyoen tell me this before! soem idiot told me lightning can come through glass! half my nightmares/worst-case-scenarios about lightning involve it crashign through the walls and windows! ><

 

I am so going to kick that idiot's ass...

I'm not sure it can't, but I can say it's a very unlikely scenario.

[Grandpa Harley]

Glass is an insulator... you'd need a HUGE earthing pole inside to make lightning come through glass... and there's just so many more pointed tall wet, well earthed things out there to hit before seeking out your dry, flat, carpeted, non-conducting, possibly suspended, floor through an insulator that will take nearly 70% of the lightning's power to get through... (based on my aging memory of the dieleletric resistance of glass... it's why Leyden jars don't short)

 

 

EDIT - THe above is pretty much stream of consciousness on my part... I wasn't implying that anyone is an idiot, or trying to trivialise the phobia... It was me going physics geek for a moment...

[gradstu09]

I love storms, and I also love to sleep during them, so for me, at least, that is true. But my gf hates them and is afraid of them, not so bad as you, but bad enough that she wakes up startled and we cuddle until it's over (she is not really a cuddler so that tells you it is an exception to the rule). My best advice to get some moral support (sounds hard when no one takes you seriously) and slowly desensitize yourself. Use the people around you to face your fear. You will probably never like storms, but over a period of years you may come to tolerate them. You can also work with a doctor specializing in phobias. I know they can help with such things as fear of spiders and fear of heights. I am sorry for you; I know how my gf feels and it's no fun.

[Outback Jack]

Hi Vendredie! I can sympathize to some extent. I grew up in Florida and was afraid of thunderboomers when I was a lad (at least 10ish years old, I think). I would hide indoors and jump at every crack of thunder. But by the time I was 20, I had completely changed. Somehow I learned to actually enjoy them. I don't know how I changed myself, I wish I could tell you, but I do have some suggestions.

 

Hypnosis (or self-hypnosis - it's a lot cheaper!) is a possibility. I used it in college to calm my fear of talking on the radio. I had been playing around with self-hypnosis for a while before then, but stopping that fear was my biggest accomplishment for it. One day I had a particularly bad lesson during which I sounded like Forrest Gump with a stutter. I was so embarrassed that I decided to put an end to that fear. I did whatever I did back then for self-hypnosis and it worked. Hypnosis IS kind of a woo-woo thing, but at the same time you definitely CAN learn to have some limited control over your own mind and body.

 

Education would be my next suggestion. Are you familiar with Ben Franklin's lightning rod? If not, look into it. You'll learn how safe you are inside any modern building (There's also a wonderful anti-xtian story there. The xtians of the time actually fought against this life-saving device because they claimed that it subverted 'god's will'!) You could also try learning about thunderstorms in general. How they form. How lightning happens. ect. Like most things in life, the more you know about something, the less urge you have to fear it.

 

Now I don't want to sound like an 'insensitive douche' , but I'd like to give you a different way to think about lightning. The folks who say that you have nothing to fear from it are almost right. Lightning, like flying or candles indoors, are inherently dangerous but they can be very safe if treated with respect and a bit of care. Also, a good lightning storm can be impressive and awe-inspiring if you think about it in a certain way. I think that this aspect is what changed my fear of thunderboomers into enjoyment. I guess I learned enjoy and be impressed by the incredible show that nature provided.

 

Good luck and best wishes!

[Outback Jack]

Glass is an insulator...

Absolutely 100% correct. You are EXTREMELY SAFE indoors. You have no reason, I repeat *NO REASON*, to fear lightning inside of a house. You don't have to worry about it coming thru a wall either. Whatever your walls are made of, it will be a better conductor than the air in the room. Therefore, it will channel thru the wall and down to the ground.

 

On the other hand, DO NOT talk on a land-line telephone during a NEARBY thunderstorm. The wires of the telephone CAN conduct the electricity straight to you. When I was a lifeguard, we were warned about this with the story of one of the local lifeguards that got zapped thru the phone. He lived but lost some hearing, according to the story.

 

Vendredie, I started writing before I saw any of your comments, and I strongly recommend my education suggestion. Once you learn how lightning works and how it channels along the easiest path to the ground, I hope you'll see how safe lightning can be. Also, just so you know, lightning doesn't 'blow stuff up'. It's electricity. That's it. It can zap stuff and if the stuff is flammable that stuff can ignite, but it can't do what I'm imagining you're thinking of.

 

FYI, I've been struck while flying several times. The lightning strikes some part of the airplane, runs thru it, and then exits and goes along it's merry way to the ground. The worst I've personally seen is a small bit of scorching at the entrance and exit points.

 

(Just to clarify some earlier points.

1) A 'nearby' storm would be within 5 miles or so. I don't have any hard data on that but my point is that you don't have to worry about lightning 20 miles away getting at you thru the phone.

2) Cell phones are safe at any time during a storm.

3) Being safe indoors does not apply to a metal shed! It would be very bad to be touching the metal walls if it was hit.)

[white_raven23]

I'm definitely on the education bandwagon.

 

I had some crazy fears when I was younger. Crazy...not because they aren't valid fears, they just were not valid for where I live. I was terrified of tornadoes, thunderstorms, volcano lava, and sharks.

 

These are sensible fears, but not for an Alaskan. We really don't have tornadoes, thunderstorms are a rarity, we have lots of volcanoes, but not the kind that made "runny" lava like I was afraid of, and we don't go for casual ocean swims here (freeze your tail off), so the sharks (which we DO have) are a non-issue.

 

Through education, all my childhood fears became fascinations. How's THAT for a switch? Now I long for thunderstorms when I go to the lower 48. I'm even thinking about doing a cage diving tour to see big "G" up close and toothy.

[par4dcourse]

Vendredie,

Legion Regalis and I are both in NC. I'm near Charlotte, and I'm a native, so all carolinians aren't fundie idiots.

Best advice I can add to the logical preparations for a storm, are odds. Mathematics will never fail you. Odds of being struck by lightning are around 1 in a half million. You could sit through a quarter million storms and still have 1 ina quarter million chance. Dying in a tornado are about as slim. Check out this site for all the odds. Hope I've helped a little.

[jdog]

Hey vendredie, you have got some good replies. Have you ever tried de-sensitizing yourself to storms? You have a fear, a phobia, and it has escalated to a point that you want to move, so it has become irrational. I really feel for you, fears can overtake our lives, it's like people are terrified of snakes, or spiders, or bridges etc....if the fear or phobia gets to the stage where it interferes with ones quality of life, then it's a problem. De-sensitizing yourself to something can be done in gradual steps.

 

I have read about it and have seen it on tv. For example, someone is afraid of spiders to a huge degree, so the therapist would show the person a picture of a spider, it could be just a cartoon one, with a funny face, and the person looks at and monitors their anxiety level, say give it a rating of 1-10, then next session it could be a picture of a real spider, the next time it would be touching the picture of the spider for a couple seconds, the next time the therapist may bring in a fake plastic spider and just sit it on the table, then the next session the person is asked to touch the plastic spider, then maybe hold it in their hand......and so forth until the anxiety level rating is 0, and they come face to face with a real spider.

 

I believe you could do the same thing with thunderstorms, there are actually cds or tapes out there, usually in New Age section or meditation section of cds, you will be able to get a recording of a thunderstorm. You could allow yourself to listen to say 20 seconds of the storm, maybe watch a dvd or video of thunderstorm. You practice breathing and relaxation technique while doing this. then the next day you listen to the storm, turn the volume up a little louder and also watch the dvd. etc. and do it for a little longer, while monitoring your anxiety level...if you do this each day and increase the amount of time, I believe you would be able to lower your anxiety level, possible to a 0, and train your mind to realize that there is nothing to fear. It is a mind re-programming, just I am having to de-programme my mind from the xtian crap. Lol.

 

Anyhow hope this helps

 

Peace

[Vomit Comet]

Heck, move to California! That's my home state. NC sounds like a drag.

[par4dcourse]

Heck, move to California! That's my home state. NC sounds like a drag.

We don't have earthquakes, sharks, wildfires, homes sliding into the ocean, and we don't elect actors governor. I'll take my chances here.

[Thurisaz]

And I can't have alcohol as I'm only 16

 

To Florduh: There are storms in England, but they're rare. I exaggerated a bit...

 

Well...

 

...we also do get our share of thunderstorms here in Germany (and unsurprisingly I do like them... fearing them when one honors Thor would be close to shizophrenia, no? ), but there aren't that many of them, and they don't tend to get as nightmarish as you describe them...

 

...and best of all, over here you can legally have a beer or wine at 16 (though nothing more potent). Or a horn of the mead I'm making.

 

The problem, of course, is that Germany ain't exactly just around the corner...

[Thurisaz]

so lightning can't come in through windows?! Jesus Christ, why didn't anyoen tell me this before! soem idiot told me lightning can come through glass! half my nightmares/worst-case-scenarios about lightning involve it crashign through the walls and windows! ><

 

I am so going to kick that idiot's ass...

 

One should be careful before claiming "I can't ever happen"... but why the fuck should lightning enter a house through the window?

 

Lightning "searches" (of course it's not a sentient entity) the quickest path to earth, the one offering the least electrical resistance. Can lightning strike a house? Of course. But it will inevitably hit the roof, and then choose a path along power lines or similar. If it were different lightning rods would just be a waste of bucks.

Walls may well take damage if lightning strikes a building w/o lightning rod and then burns its way down through the wiring... and windows might get shattered by the thunder if lightning strikes really close... but as for the lightning itself coming through the window? More than unlikely.