a midnight star Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 My parents are fundie ministers. from the time I was 11 years old I was sexually abused by my step-father and physically, emotionally and mentally abused by both parents. but as a christian I gave them chance after chance as well as their churches. My mother has hated me since she found about the abuse from my dad. to get back at me she stole my son and took me to court with lies and gave him to my brother. now remember at the time I was living right. so you tell me why don't I believe. Whatever you reap you sow? right. I am still waiting for that to happen. I was even told that because he was forgiven, it never happened. WHAT?? You tell that little girl that it never happened. I am 36 years old and this has been going on for years. the last straw was my son. lets not forget that the pastor of the current church helped her because I left the church. I left the church because of the hypocrisies that I have seen in every other church I have been to. They talk about love and acceptance but that only goes as far as those they feel worthy. since I am shy and have trouble talking to people without freezing up I was not one of the chosen few. God let me down. he has never been there for me. and he has allowed all of this to happen. Time-line (short story) 11-16 I was molested by my step-father and physically, emotionally, and mentally abuse by both. It started before they became Christians. But got worst after. the only thing I can figure that the physical abuse was because when they stopped doing drugs they didn't know what else to do. By the time I was 14, I was not allowed to go to school because I was caught with Def Leopard’s pyromania. They said that school was a bad influence. I had to stay home and watch my little sister while they went ot work and went to Rhema to study to be ministers. i was not allowed to walk around the block because i smoked cigarettes. 16 I ran away from home. I ran to the police and told them what was going on. They took me away from them. They sent me to live with my real dad in virginia. this is where i messed up. I listened to my music too loud and when my stepmother hit me i slapeped back. so imoved in with my boyfriend. 21 left my boyfriend and moved back in with my parents. the molestation started again and i left. I hitched hiked across the country until I met someone. I fell in love and lived with him until I was 26. he would hit me whenever I argued with him. so I left pregnant with my son. (now I just told my age) I started living with another boyfriend. he was the crack addict. he is also the only father my son knew. and yes I smoked too. when I was about 32 the dept. soc. services took my son away. I left my boyfriend and had nowhere to go. so once again I hitched hiked. I had a gun put to my head by a driver and that scared me. I thought for sure I was going to hell that night. so I called my mother and asked if I could come home. she said yes. I found out after I moved in with her I was pregnant again. I started going to college in order to make it on my own. I also made right with God. I started taping the church services. And the prayer services. well every time I had a test my mother had a fight. She hated the fact that I smoke cigs and made my life a living hell. But she agreed to let my son come up as long as he was in her custody. I wanted my son so bad I said fine. anything to have him with me. soon after he came up she went to hit him(not spank but hit) I stood in front of him and wouldn't let her hit him. I was kicked out that night with my newborn. I had nowhere to go so I ended up in a shelter. when my court date came up in fl I had no way to get there. the pastor was holding my money and refused to give any of it up so that I could at least get visitation rights. so I turned to the tried and true and hitched. That is when I met my husband. now this shelter was a christian shelter and because I hitched hiked I was not allowed to go back. so I was stuck. I asked a couple from the church to watch my baby long enough for me to get a place to live. this I did but because I moved to Ohio and was living with a man and left the church the pastor told me and my mom and the couple that I would never see my kids again. well I threatened kidnapping charges against the couple and got my baby back. my mom still wouldn't let me see my son. she wouldn't even let me know he was doing. I called at least 3 times a week to see if I could get information. I also asked dss to do a home study on me. They refused even though I had a court order. when we went to court my mother told them I was back on drugs(not true). That I had not even tried to contact my son and I just abandoned him. so even though all court orders were ignored by both dss and my mother all my rights were taken away and my son sent up to live with my brother. so there it is. the whole story. now why would my mother do this. well according to her I seduced my step father. she blames me and wanted to get back at me. I was an innocent but as long as the blame was on me them her conscious was cleared. She is messed up in the mind. anything that any of us (ME or my 5 brothers and sisters) did while growing up has now moved to it all being me. anything positive was all them. never me. I spent years wondering why god didn’t fulfill his promises. Why they are still succeeding and thriving. Where is all that fire that was suppose to be piled on their heads? Then I find an Ex witch site and the people were so nice. I actually felt like I belonged and I felt accepted. I even tried the christian path again. But as it turns out these Christians were just like all the ones before. So I took some time out to figure out exactly where I am and what feels right to me. I find that I can’t completely give up all my beliefs. Then I read Leland’s book “arcadia of the witches”. This seems to make sense to me. It wasn’t a denial of the christian god or the god of the OT. They didn’t deny the jewish/christian god existed, not only they but they had awesome power. I am interested in learning the old ways. Not Gardner’s version, but rather an old path. (not saying that Wicca isn’t a true path, but it is much newer than I want to study). The worship of Diana has been around for over 2100 years. There are even references made to her in the bible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Welcome to the site Star! I believe you'll find better people here on this site, than the people you've met in your past. So again welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a midnight star Posted July 13, 2005 Author Share Posted July 13, 2005 Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asimov Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 :S not much of a family.... Sad story, you're welcome here, and we're a better family than you've had! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeathWorship Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Welcome to the site star, it's good to have you here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dulce Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Wow. After reading that, I don't even know what to say. Except that I am sorry you had to live that. That is horrible. But, welcome to this sight! You will find helpful, caring people here. Well, what you'll find here are REAL people. Good to have you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Welcome aboard, Star. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormwarden Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Welcome aboard. You'll find yourself in some great company. I post irregularly, but I am around. I am an ex-Mormon myself, and hope you enjoy the company. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Hello, and welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Welcome star, hailings from Germany. *passes the virtual horn of mead* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Welcome aboard. You'll find yourself in some great company. I post irregularly, but I am around. I am an ex-Mormon myself, and hope you enjoy the company. Yeah, I haven't seen you before. So I say Welcome to you SW, even if you've been around a while... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightflight Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 WELCOME! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JP1283 Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Welcome to site, Star. That was a heartbreaking story...I almost cried reading through all of it. You are a very strong person for all you've had to endure, and this site is perfect for you. We are so very glad to have you here. Enjoy your stay at ExC. JP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Welcome to the site, Star. What a wrenching story! You're very welcome here, but I also know from your story that you've been "welcomed" by some groups that didn't know the meaning of caring. It would only be natural for you to keep us on probation until you can get to know us (unless you've already done a lot of reading here and feel that you do already know us), but I think you'll see that our members' sincerity will stand the test of time. We have no agenda here to make anyone "believe" anything. Our primary purpose is to help the person who is struggling with or leaving Christianity and helping each other get through tough times as exChristians. There's no uniformity among us other than our experience as former Christians. There is no "party line" here. If you haven't already done so, you might want to check out the Ex-Christian Life forum. Again, welcome! Loren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a midnight star Posted July 14, 2005 Author Share Posted July 14, 2005 Thank you all for your warm welcome. Yes, I have been reading quite a bit and am facinated by what I see. Again, thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest miata Posted August 3, 2005 Share Posted August 3, 2005 Welcome to the site star, it's good to have you here. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Interesting that hate is so powerful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a midnight star Posted August 3, 2005 Author Share Posted August 3, 2005 Powerful in what way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Holy cow, woman. I'm so so so so so fucking sorry your life has gone the way it's gone. That's some f-ed up stuff. You're way strong for surviving it and very brave to post about it. And welcome. Bigtime. I seriously hope you find better family here (and elsewhere) than you did in the past. <hugs if ok> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dead_hobbit Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 Those persons are the people who should truly go "burn in hell". But, don't let their actions make you hate all Christians. There are good - and bad - people of every faith (and non-faith). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest vanesa Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 Hell, Xtianity has made my life hell on earth but in the end I will win because knowledge is power, something the Xtians don't have. You will win too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dogmatically_challenged Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 Hell, Xtianity has made my life hell on earth but in the end I will win because knowledge is power, something the Xtians don't have. You will win too. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I have confidence in that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a midnight star Posted August 25, 2005 Author Share Posted August 25, 2005 Thanks. I am so glad I found this site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyinasuitcase Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Christians SUCK!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a midnight star Posted August 26, 2005 Author Share Posted August 26, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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