DebraS Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Hello all! My story doesn't have much tension or emotional angst. Instead, I come from a cultural Catholic family, even in my extended family most never attend Mass at all. You know the type, weddings, first communions and maybe the holidays they will park themselves in a pew. There was no religious preaching at home, I lived with my mother and grandmother, and they both had no active religious beliefs. My mother did send me to religious instruction classes and I did attend Mass as a young girl. I would walk myself down to church and try to follow what was going on. I stopped going to these classes in my early teens when I began to find them boring as can be. I do not remember much from those classes except that on the last day before summer vacation, we would all go to the auditorium and watch a religious movie and they gave us an ice cream bar. When I was young, like perhaps 7 years old, I made up a sort of "banking account" with God. I put $100 in this virtual account and would fine myself a small amount when I did something wrong. If I said a curse word in my mind (I never swore out loud), I would subtract that from my hundred bucks. I had a list of fines for the various bad words and actions according to severity. My account never got really low because I was a good kid and gave my mother little trouble. I found out later in life that this had nothing to do with religion because I am just as good and nice with it and I really do not feel that the church had much impact on my early years. It probably had more to do with my mother raising me to have good manners. At times I would bump the amount back up to $100, but I do not remember having any sort of reward system. I think I just thought "oh, I did this and that so I am back to a hundred." Isn't that typical of most religions though, that they dwell on your "badness" and the good is brushed off, often with owing it all to God? Then there is the issue of thinking you need to be rewarded for doing good, but as a kid that was not my motive. This was set up to fine myself for thinking bad things. In my late teens, me and my mother moved from NYC to the middle of nowhere and I had no social life. When the Jehovah's Witnesses came calling, I entered into study, liking both the human interaction and the bible study. You know how to most Catholics, the bible is something that sits on a shelf or is put in a closet. What I was being taught was against what I saw as fair, so I left it behind after a while. Then in my adult life, I tried being a Christian a couple of times but the more of the bible I saw, the more I looked to other faiths. After spending much time reading and thinking, I have come to the conclusion that all the religions are a mix of good and bad, truth and speculation. I do not label myself as Atheist or Agnostic or Pantheist or whatever. Instead I am continuing to learn and enjoying the journey. I went to Mass about a year ago just because I like the beautiful art and architecture and the ritual. It was fun to go through the motions, making the sign of the cross but thinking of it as a pagan/American Indian "four directions of the earth" sort of thing and seeing Jesus as a sun god and Mary as a mother goddess. I look forward to many interesting discussions with others on this board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Welcome Debra. Welcome! I like the way you seem to have let it go with little trouble. I like the "no drama" approach. Thanks for posting your testimony. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonolithTMA Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Welcome! Thanks for sharing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trekkie Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Welcome, Debra. It is always interesting to see what other journeys people have had. I look forward to hearing more from you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkitZoid Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Hello all! ... Instead I am continuing to learn and enjoying the journey... Hi Debra, welcome! I so admire your outlook, enjoy the journey! That is my take on life, enjoy it unconditionally, improve it where I can; <<---That is a realization I could not fully awaken to, until I let go of the provisions, stipulations, promises, and worries of the Bible. Take Care my friend and journey well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DebraS Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 Thanks everyone for the warm welcome! I feel a little over my head at times because I have a lot to learn, but at least here I will not be banished to an eternity of flames for giving the wrong answer... right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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