sethosayher Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 As I type this up I'm discussing this very issue with fellow ex-christian members in the shoutbox. About an hour ago I experienced what can best be described as an epiphany...or some sort of religious revelation...I put down the book I was reading, (Hyperion, by Dan Simmons) and slid under the covers, expecting to drift to sleep...when I felt a sudden urge to proclaim the existence of God and the truth of Christianity and all that crap. Just for the sake of documenting my thought process, the chapter I was reading in Hyperion featured a man arguing with God...something that triggered this experience...somehow. My stomach aches. A few minutes ago I felt the urge to run around and sing in tongues. Fuck. My rationality is failing. All the logical arguments, compelling, sensible criticisms of this terrible faith....all of it, I don't care. A part of me just wants to surrender... Am I crazy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heavenslaughing Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Crazy, no. Not based on what you've described. Steeped in ways of acting and creating meaning that clearly meant a great deal to you, yes. That's OK. If you find you do believe in some kind of god again, even some kind of biblical god, that's also OK, and it doesn't mean you need to proclaim the truth of Christianity. It's obvious that you're responding to deeply habituated emotional impulses. You didn't spend years surrounded by this stuff only to drop it easily thanks to logical argument. It's ingrained, and it's normal for something to bring those emotions back. If those feelings make you happy, you can find the way to express them which would make you happiest, which may or may not be any kind of conventional religious practice. Your language in your post suggests that these feelings don't make you happy, and just wanting to surrender doesn't sound like making an empowered choice for yourself. Your emotions are an important part of you, and if you're fighting them only with logic, you're not being kind to yourself. I haven't had the sort of experience you're describing in more than a decade, but I and other people have gone through periods of haunting by the ghost of a Christian past. You're not crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Am I crazy? No, you are not crazy. I did not read Heavenslaughing's response before I wrote this, and the following is pretty much the same response, except in my words. If you have experienced any sort of upheaval or change, no matter how small, you might simply be 'resetting' to coping mechanisms that 'worked' for you previously. That stuff can become ingrain, and there will be a period of adjustment to becoming an ex-christian (whatever that means0, assuming that is the path you continue to follow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sethosayher Posted August 11, 2008 Author Share Posted August 11, 2008 Okay, I'm awake and for the most part rational, thinking and sane. And not a Christian. Looking back at what I experienced last night, I now understand how people can be deluded into believing a particular faith at the expense of throwing out all logic. Somehow, something inside me exploded with this powerful urge to accept the tenants of Christian Faith - even though I knew, rationally, it made absolutely no sense. The intensity of the experience even had physiological effects - like I said before, my stomach ached, my entire body shuddered as I tried to resist the insane, incredible pull inside me. I once read that the when the Prophet Muhammad received his "revelations" from God, he'd be covered in sweat, afflicted with violent shuddering and strange, nonsensical sounds....If I had experienced the very same sensation I did last night, perhaps in a more ancient time, I could very well see myself as a prophet of a new religion, or a Saint of a current one. Incredibly, I had survived the psychological ordeal of last night, but barely. I feel sympathy in Muhammad's words - "Never did I once receive a revelation without thinking that my soul had been torn away from me." Last night, it indeed felt that a battle for my soul was raging across my shuddering, convulsing body. Rationality and my willpower has won out. Despite the intensity of the experience, I constantly reminded myself of why I had given up the faith - but in the end it was the fact that I feel asleep that saved me...Thank God...or whatever else...for fatigue. Fellow ex-converts or followers...have you had similar experiences? Maybe when you first accepted the faith? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
synapse Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Sometimes with all the pressure I am under to believe I feel like "boy, it sure would be easier just to give in and believe." For me, I feel it is the pressure, in the past the pressure of trying to force myself to believe something I couldn't believe. Not, the pressure of feeling like I need to have that absolute proof that the bible is not true in order to be able to justify my current agnosticism to others. Other who care VERY VERY much whether I can still believe the bible to be true. So I could see myself going there as well, or at least I have had that thought, though not with to the extreme that you have. Coming to faith as a christian was not easy for me to do, and giving it up has been at least as difficult. I would doubt the humanity of any person who could easily flip their world view without experiencing internal (and possibly external) stress and some degree of turmoil. I have to remind myself in those times to slow down and take things easy as I battle the temptation to obsess, obsess, obsess. Okay, I'm awake and for the most part rational, thinking and sane. And not a Christian. Looking back at what I experienced last night, I now understand how people can be deluded into believing a particular faith at the expense of throwing out all logic. Somehow, something inside me exploded with this powerful urge to accept the tenants of Christian Faith - even though I knew, rationally, it made absolutely no sense. The intensity of the experience even had physiological effects - like I said before, my stomach ached, my entire body shuddered as I tried to resist the insane, incredible pull inside me. I once read that the when the Prophet Muhammad received his "revelations" from God, he'd be covered in sweat, afflicted with violent shuddering and strange, nonsensical sounds....If I had experienced the very same sensation I did last night, perhaps in a more ancient time, I could very well see myself as a prophet of a new religion, or a Saint of a current one. Incredibly, I had survived the psychological ordeal of last night, but barely. I feel sympathy in Muhammad's words - "Never did I once receive a revelation without thinking that my soul had been torn away from me." Last night, it indeed felt that a battle for my soul was raging across my shuddering, convulsing body. Rationality and my willpower has won out. Despite the intensity of the experience, I constantly reminded myself of why I had given up the faith - but in the end it was the fact that I feel asleep that saved me...Thank God...or whatever else...for fatigue. Fellow ex-converts or followers...have you had similar experiences? Maybe when you first accepted the faith? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Get naked and dance in the moon light. You will feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevOxley_501 Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 i hear if you spin counter clockwise in a circle on the floor and repeat hem-sham-forash 3x that a demon will come into you and make you never believe again, try that. btw...i still speak in tongues...alot i dont get it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Get naked and dance in the moon light. You will feel better. Seconded. It's even funner with someone you love, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
decafaholic Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 i hear if you spin counter clockwise in a circle on the floor and repeat hem-sham-forash 3x that a demon will come into you and make you never believe again, try that. btw...i still speak in tongues...alot i dont get it LOL a group of us tried it. all we got was carpet burn! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Incredibly, I had survived the psychological ordeal of last night, but barely. I feel sympathy in Muhammad's words - "Never did I once receive a revelation without thinking that my soul had been torn away from me." Last night, it indeed felt that a battle for my soul was raging across my shuddering, convulsing body. Rationality and my willpower has won out. Despite the intensity of the experience, I constantly reminded myself of why I had given up the faith - but in the end it was the fact that I feel asleep that saved me...Thank God...or whatever else...for fatigue. Fellow ex-converts or followers...have you had similar experiences? Maybe when you first accepted the faith? Interestingly, yes. But for me it wasn't in accepting the Christian faith itself. It was in coming to believe in "God". From that point I sought information, which got me sucked into the fundi "answer". You may find it interesting to read about what that was about for me here: http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?s=&a...st&p=321015 I never mentioned it in there, but it was a sense of physical convulsion that led me to that sense of my soul about to leave my body, and the subsequent "vision of God". This is the first time I've mentioned that here. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts after reading that link. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
decafaholic Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Coming off religion is like coming off drugs. There can be intense withdrawl symptoms. You're not crazy, you're going through withdrawls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts