Still Working It Out, Likely Atheist

[Pecker]

I'm writing this story, very unsure of what the next chapters will be.

 

I grew up in a Chirstian home. My family lived right across the street from the Church we attended. At an early age I accepted Christ out of mainly wanting to please my parents. I remember how proud my Mom and Dad were when I came home from AWANA as a 6 year old with a story of how I made a life altering decision.

 

In my adolesence, I started to question a lot about the Church. However, someone always had an answer for everything. I loved dinosaurs, but no pastor ever had an answer for me reconciling the fact that the Bible didn't mention a T-Rex. Why didn't they take T-Rex's on the Ark I would ask.

 

In Jr. High and High School, I did the least amount of Church activities I could to keep my parents off my back. In college, I'd only go to Church when I got home from college.

 

I met my current wife in College, and although she was a Catholic, she didn't practice much or attend Church more than once or twice a year.

 

We got married about 6 months after I graduated college, and we tried to find a Church we could belong to. I guess we mainly did this to add "purpose" to our lives. We bounced to a few Churches and finally found one that clicked. I think the main thing about the Church that excited us was the number of young married couples that were active in the Church. Immediately, our circle of friends grew dramatically. We became very active in the Church mainly because we found all these new friends. Although I wouldn't say my faith in "God" was increased, we really enjoyed the company and friends. We have since moved to another state, but the same story has repeated itself. We found a Church, have a nice network of friends through the Church, and my wife even has been baptized at our new Church. A funny thing; i'm still serving as a Head Usher for our new Church.

 

However, over the last year, I've totally re-examined my faith. Right now, I can without a doubt say that I am an atheist. I find more comfort in science, reason, and rational thought than I ever have in "God" or Christianity. I'm still working through some of the details, reading more and more etc., but I have not yet "come-out" to anyone with my new found Atheism.

 

In my mind, I've been an Atheist all along, I just hand't done the research to confirm this. Its funny how less depressed I am, with less guilt, less anxiety etc. However, my current state of attending a church while pretending to be a Christian is wearing on me heavily.

 

I have to find a way to come out to my wife. I love her for the woman she is, I want to spend the rest of my life with her by my side. I say this with no hesitation or doubt. However, I don't know how to breach this subject with her. I know the "Band-Aid" approach isn't the best. But, even starting the first discussion on the topic is extremely frightening to me. I fear the worst, that she'll immediately think that my lack of belief in "God" is a veiled attempt to push her away. I don't want to divorce her, but I'm afraid if I tell her my true beliefs, she may want to get rid of me.

 

I'm looking for advice, almost an "atheism mentor" who can help guide me through this transtion and coming out.

 

More to follow, I look forward to any replies and/or advice.

[Legion]

Man I hear you. I don’t feel qualified to be any sort of mentor for any one. Really, the only thing I feel qualified to say is to go slow. I am hoping that you will take your time with all this. I can’t see any reason to rush things.

 

I am also hoping that others here who are, or have been, married will jump in here and advise you about coming out to your wife.

 

I have never made an issue of not believing anymore with my family. I don’t pretend. I don’t go to church. But I’ve not felt compelled to overtly tell my family either. I guess they assume that I still believe, but I certainly haven’t given them any reason to think that. It’s just not been that big of a deal for me. They believe and I no longer do. I suppose I’m a fan of the low drama approach.

 

I don’t have a great deal more to say. I read your post and I wanted to respond and let you know that at a minimum there are people here who are listening and have experienced many of the same things that you are experiencing now. Welcome to ex-C.

[Pecker]

Man I hear you. I don’t feel qualified to be any sort of mentor for any one. Really, the only thing I feel qualified to say is to go slow. I am hoping that you will take your time with all this. I can’t see any reason to rush things.

 

I am also hoping that others here who are, or have been, married will jump in here and advise you about coming out to your wife.

 

I have never made an issue of not believing anymore with my family. I don’t pretend. I don’t go to church. But I’ve not felt compelled to overtly tell my family either. I guess they assume that I still believe, but I certainly haven’t given them any reason to think that. It’s just not been that big of a deal for me. They believe and I no longer do. I suppose I’m a fan of the low drama approach.

 

I don’t have a great deal more to say. I read your post and I wanted to respond and let you know that at a minimum there are people here who are listening and have experienced many of the same things that you are experiencing now. Welcome to ex-C.

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

I'm thinking my wife will come around potentially if I manage the process well.

 

I know it will likely be harder for my parents, brother and sister to accept. They are all very devout Christians. Although none are in the "earth is 6000 years old" camp, they strongly believe in Christ as their savior etc.

 

While I believe my wife will come to accept my ultimate decision, it will devastate my mother. (My dad tells me my mom cried for days when she found out I wasn't a virgin before marriage.)

 

Thanks for the advice, I'd love to hear stories on how married atheists came out to their spouses.

[upstarter]

I'm sure that people around here are sick of me repeating myself. But this is a subject I feel somewhat qualified to jump in on again... I am 20 years out of xtianity and I have yet to "come out" to my parents and siblings. I feel no need to tell them. I know it would devastate my mother and I just don't want to do that. My family knows I don't go to church or take my children to Sunday School and that is hard enough for them to take.

 

Of course you will have to tell your wife at some point. Personally, I'd take it slow. Start by initiating conversations about points of belief. See where she's at. If she grew up as a nominal Catholic, she may have many of the same doubts you have always had. You might try, over dinner one night, saying, "Do you think hell exists?" or something easy like that. No reason to blurt it all out at once.

 

Heather

[synapse]

I feel your pain. I have never been through something more difficult in my life. I know it is different and not as hard for a lot of people, but man...

 

Count me in the "take it slow" category as well. I am in the middle of working through this with my wife. One problem is that there are a lot of emotions, and emotions are not conducive to the "take it slow" approach. Another problem is that I tend to be a person who wants to persuade people to my own viewpoint (read that as arrogance maybe?). So I have to be extra careful to respect my wife and her viewpoints and opinions, because I should respect her and because I want her to do that for me. And be prepared for things seeming impossible to reconcile at times. I have felt that way a lot, but the as we work on things together I think we have far more in common than we have dividing us. And I (we) are coming from a fairly fundamentalist background, so I think that is saying something.

 

For us too, we tend to see things in black and white. If we are going to be at different places in our faith, or lack thereof, there is going to need to be some more shades of gray added to our relationship (read that as humility maybe?). Like one of the posters above has said, it has helped (now that the "I may be an agnostic" ice has been broken), to throw things out like, "what do you make of this passage in the bible? Frankly, I am beyond struggling with it and don't believe it." Things that help both of you define your relationship with the bible.

[SWIM]

I'm sure that people around here are sick of me repeating myself. But this is a subject I feel somewhat qualified to jump in on again... I am 20 years out of xtianity and I have yet to "come out" to my parents and siblings. I feel no need to tell them. I know it would devastate my mother and I just don't want to do that. My family knows I don't go to church or take my children to Sunday School and that is hard enough for them to take.

 

Of course you will have to tell your wife at some point. Personally, I'd take it slow. Start by initiating conversations about points of belief. See where she's at. If she grew up as a nominal Catholic, she may have many of the same doubts you have always had. You might try, over dinner one night, saying, "Do you think hell exists?" or something easy like that. No reason to blurt it all out at once.

 

Heather

 

Well, you don't really *have* to tell anyone. It is not like you have any *gospel* to share with anyone. See, chrisitianity is far more then just a belief. It's an established system of brainwashing, programming from birth. Children are forced into these beliefs and re-enforced during the formative years, it becomes hardwired into their brain. A lot has to do with how good a "job" the parents did with this brainwashing, some do a better job then others and it sticks. Also there is the "will power" factor. Some people simply lack the will power it takes to break out of the religion.

 

I found the best way to deal with it is to accept that some people feel comfortable and safe in their religion, and threatened by those who no longer believe. It is great to give questions now and then that make them think, and gradually widdle away the veil of ignorance that surround religion, sooner or later, if the other person actually chooses to "think" about it, they will deconvert on their own.

 

Point blank telling a hardcore xtian that you are athiest is sometimes cause for alarm in them. HOWEVER, you can start by telling them you don't believe "all" that stuff, point out some of the biggest discrepancies in the bible. Then, later work your way to telling them you "think" you are agnositic, later if situation permits, tell them you are atheist.

 

This is more like easing them into the waters of thought, rather then tossing them right in, and can be more effective. For those in your family that are elderly, and would experience mental anguish at the knowledge you are atheist, is cruel to tell them. You give them too much fear too close to death's door. They get comfort in their religion, and many are far too old to change.

 

Good luck, but play it by ear. The goal should be to awaken others, not take the pressure off yourself. Those you know you cannot awaken, leave them be. Funny thing about reality, is it is real even if we choose to believe fantasy. They can die xtian and still, lol, *go* to the smae place as us... nowhere!

[Pecker]

One of the complications to this whole scenario is that for a few years, my wife and I planned on trying to have a baby around now.

 

Let me first say that trying to have a child, and my atheism are totally seperate scenarios. I still would love to have a child with my wife.

 

However, I'm not so sure she'll be accepting of my atheism...and I don't know that I want to try to have a child with her knowing that she may reject me and my beliefs. I don't know that it's best to take it slow and finally get around to the "I'm an atheist" conversation after she's 6 months pregnant.

[Legion]

However, I'm not so sure she'll be accepting of my atheism...and I don't know that I want to try to have a child with her knowing that she may reject me and my beliefs. I don't know that it's best to take it slow and finally get around to the "I'm an atheist" conversation after she's 6 months pregnant.

Well before you tell your wife that you you’re an atheist, let me ask you. Are you, in fact, an atheist? I mean, we have quite a few ex-Christians here who are not atheists. I suppose they still believe in God but not the one that’s portrayed in the Bible. But you’ve come to the realization that you have no belief in God at all? It’s no problem with me if you are an atheist. I was just curious if it’s accurate. Part of the title of this thread is “likely atheist.”

 

White Raven, an esteemed member here, seems to have a certain antipathy for labels of all sorts. She says that our given names are label enough. We often joke around here and Hans, another esteemed member, has called himself an apatheist. I guess he doesn’t care if there’s a God or not. Some have said that God is like a woppledoodle, and we can’t know if woppledoodles exist or not because the concept itself is vague and poorly defined.

 

My point is that even though you may be questioning your adherence to Christianity this may not imply that you are therefore automatically an atheist. That’s mainly what I meant by going slow with this thing. Would it be more accurate for you to tell your wife, “I don’t believe some of the stuff in the Bible” or would it be more accurate to say, “I am an atheist”?

[trekkie]

Here's some excerpts from other posts I have on this forum about my similar situation:

 

I "came out" with my wife about losing faith in God about 2 years ago. She was raised Southern Baptist but, probably due to my shift liberal in the last ten years, she is more of a moderate in her Christian beliefs. But over and above all of that, she is a good wife and a good mother to our two children. She was hurt when I came out, especially since one of the reasons she married me 19 years ago was that she wanted a Christian man who was really dedicated. But I felt so caught in the middle of not wanting to disappoint her/hurt her but wanting to be truthful. How could I tell her the truth without hurting her? How could I share my loss of faith when she and I had wanted to build a "household of faith". It hurt like hell to tell her...and I still, to this day, haven't told her everything. There are alot of really bad and negative things I could say about God/Jesus, but I don't want to destroy where she is in her own life. So she knows that I am no longer a believer but we don't really argue about it. The downside is that I can't really tell her everything that is going on inside me.

 

Upon coming out, she wanted me to promise her that I wouldn't stop her and the kids from going to church. Our kids are 12 and 9. I have kept that promise and I hypocritically go with them. Why? Beats me. My heart is not in it. But, honest to G...myself, I love my family and don't want to lose them unless they insist that they just can't live with me. Not being able to discuss my agnosticism with my children is hard. Why? Because I feel like if they could know now what I have learned the hard way, they would be saved many years of "wasted life" (and money) on the church. I console myself by telling myself that my children will soon really question what they believe and I will be there (hopefully) when that happens.

 

What I have done, and I don't know if this will help you, is to ask my wife, in a good way, to evaluate me as a husband and father. Am I any better or worse for losing my faith? Is my character better or worse? Granted, this is not a snap judgment. But if she condemns me, I want it to be for who I *am* as a person, not for a label that I may or maynot wear. Being a Christian is no guarantee that a marriage will work. Christians' divorce rate is as high as non-Christians. It should be, I think, character that matters. And if she doesn't know my character after 19 years of marriage, then what do we really have?

 

So far, so good. But no guarantees. Our marriage is totally dependant on how much time and work we put into it. I try to believe the best in my wife and ask her to do the same of me.

 

From my point of view, it is not necessary for the ex-Christian to immediately start to tear down the faith system of the Christian. I don't find it necessary, where loving relationships are concerned, to go on the offensive and become a militant atheist in order to teach my family "the truth". If I did that, I would be the exact kind of fundamentalist that I was about religion, I would simply be changing the script.

 

I would rather live out my lack of belief in God and let my family "see my good works" and see that an agnostic or an atheist can be a very good person than to put my foot down and say, "Okay, I don't believe in God anymore and none of you are going to either." I think the old adage still applies: actions speak louder than words.

 

I don't think there is a "magic bullet" for our situation. My wife agrees with me on this. So we are taking it a day at a time and, surprisingly, things are not as bad as I feared they would be. But I attribute this to the love and respect that we have for each other, not to some "formula" that makes our relationship work. She has not tried whatsoever to re-convert me nor to offer platitudes like, "I will pray for you" (though she probably still does). Instead, she really listens to my reasons for not-believing and I really listen to her reasons for continuing to believe. Somehow, some way, we continue to move forward.

[Pecker]

However, I'm not so sure she'll be accepting of my atheism...and I don't know that I want to try to have a child with her knowing that she may reject me and my beliefs. I don't know that it's best to take it slow and finally get around to the "I'm an atheist" conversation after she's 6 months pregnant.

Well before you tell your wife that you you’re an atheist, let me ask you. Are you, in fact, an atheist? I mean, we have quite a few ex-Christians here who are not atheists. I suppose they still believe in God but not the one that’s portrayed in the Bible. But you’ve come to the realization that you have no belief in God at all? It’s no problem with me if you are an atheist. I was just curious if it’s accurate. Part of the title of this thread is “likely atheist.”

 

White Raven, an esteemed member here, seems to have a certain antipathy for labels of all sorts. She says that our given names are label enough. We often joke around here and Hans, another esteemed member, has called himself an apatheist. I guess he doesn’t care if there’s a God or not. Some have said that God is like a woppledoodle, and we can’t know if woppledoodles exist or not because the concept itself is vague and poorly defined.

 

My point is that even though you may be questioning your adherence to Christianity this may not imply that you are therefore automatically an atheist. That’s mainly what I meant by going slow with this thing. Would it be more accurate for you to tell your wife, “I don’t believe some of the stuff in the Bible” or would it be more accurate to say, “I am an atheist”?

 

I guess I'd say I'm in the camp that there very likely is no God. I can't say for a fact that I know there is no God, but I don't believe one exists. (Show me some proof and I may be swayed.) I guess that's the definition of a level 6 atheist like Dawkins talks about in the God Delusion.

[Legion]

I guess I'd say I'm in the camp that there very likely is no God. I can't say for a fact that I know there is no God, but I don't believe one exists.

Okay my man, I think that’s fair enough.

 

I have a confession to make. I am having a hard time trying to address you as “Pecker.” But now I want to try and get that out of my system.

 

Pecker, Pecker, bo becker

banana fanna fo fecker

fee fi mo mecker

Pecker!

[Pecker]

I guess I'd say I'm in the camp that there very likely is no God. I can't say for a fact that I know there is no God, but I don't believe one exists.

Okay my man, I think that’s fair enough.

 

I have a confession to make. I am having a hard time trying to address you as “Pecker.” But now I want to try and get that out of my system.

 

Pecker, Pecker, bo becker

banana fanna fo fecker

fee fi mo mecker

Pecker!

 

Been my nickname since college, I embrace it with pride.

[mick]

I am assuming you do not have children yet?

 

For me, I went fast. As soon as I knew I was no longer a Christian, I told EVERYTING and why to my wife. She is today, 4 years later, one of the most extreme fundamentalists you would ever want to meet. (She is nice though) But extrememly fundy.

 

I have 3 kids, and one of those is autistic, so we have alot on our plate.

 

I am not against drilling right into it. Part of me is still glad that I did. However, your interests need to come first and this is more complicated than you may realize. For me, realizing that no matter how bad things are with my wife, I want to be living in the same house as my children was a big thing. No matter what, I will never jeapordize that.

 

If you have no kids, and your wife is not extreme I would tell her. Maybe not ripping off the bandaid style, but still bring it out. She may be in the same place.

 

Let me ask you this. Is she so important to you that you would hide a major life lie from her about who the very core of who you are just to keep her? I risked EVERYTHING including three kids whom I loved to NOT have to do that. History may prove I made a mistake, but so far I am glad.

 

 

I'm writing this story, very unsure of what the next chapters will be.

 

I grew up in a Chirstian home. My family lived right across the street from the Church we attended. At an early age I accepted Christ out of mainly wanting to please my parents. I remember how proud my Mom and Dad were when I came home from AWANA as a 6 year old with a story of how I made a life altering decision.

 

In my adolesence, I started to question a lot about the Church. However, someone always had an answer for everything. I loved dinosaurs, but no pastor ever had an answer for me reconciling the fact that the Bible didn't mention a T-Rex. Why didn't they take T-Rex's on the Ark I would ask.

 

In Jr. High and High School, I did the least amount of Church activities I could to keep my parents off my back. In college, I'd only go to Church when I got home from college.

 

I met my current wife in College, and although she was a Catholic, she didn't practice much or attend Church more than once or twice a year.

 

We got married about 6 months after I graduated college, and we tried to find a Church we could belong to. I guess we mainly did this to add "purpose" to our lives. We bounced to a few Churches and finally found one that clicked. I think the main thing about the Church that excited us was the number of young married couples that were active in the Church. Immediately, our circle of friends grew dramatically. We became very active in the Church mainly because we found all these new friends. Although I wouldn't say my faith in "God" was increased, we really enjoyed the company and friends. We have since moved to another state, but the same story has repeated itself. We found a Church, have a nice network of friends through the Church, and my wife even has been baptized at our new Church. A funny thing; i'm still serving as a Head Usher for our new Church.

 

However, over the last year, I've totally re-examined my faith. Right now, I can without a doubt say that I am an atheist. I find more comfort in science, reason, and rational thought than I ever have in "God" or Christianity. I'm still working through some of the details, reading more and more etc., but I have not yet "come-out" to anyone with my new found Atheism.

 

In my mind, I've been an Atheist all along, I just hand't done the research to confirm this. Its funny how less depressed I am, with less guilt, less anxiety etc. However, my current state of attending a church while pretending to be a Christian is wearing on me heavily.

 

I have to find a way to come out to my wife. I love her for the woman she is, I want to spend the rest of my life with her by my side. I say this with no hesitation or doubt. However, I don't know how to breach this subject with her. I know the "Band-Aid" approach isn't the best. But, even starting the first discussion on the topic is extremely frightening to me. I fear the worst, that she'll immediately think that my lack of belief in "God" is a veiled attempt to push her away. I don't want to divorce her, but I'm afraid if I tell her my true beliefs, she may want to get rid of me.

 

I'm looking for advice, almost an "atheism mentor" who can help guide me through this transtion and coming out.

 

More to follow, I look forward to any replies and/or advice.

[Pecker]

Here's a bit of an update.

 

I'm traveling a lot on business right now. So, my wife and I had our daily phone call while I'm away.

 

I talked to her how I'm frustrated with church. How I'm annoyed that everytime someone asks me to volunteer its because "God put my name on their hearts." I mentioned to here, God's never talked to me.

 

I can't wrap up the whole hour long conversation, but I mentioned to her that I have a lot of frustrations, a lot of doubts and questions.

 

She's been supportive thus far. She said its important that I figure all this out, and we'll talk about it more in person when I get home.

 

But, she did mention that she'd never leave me because of whatever I decide (well she did say that she's not wearing a Burka if I turn to Islam...lol)

 

She even mentioned that she has a lot of questions and doubts, but is basically in the "What if I'm wrong?" camp, which led in to discussing Pascal's wager.

 

So, positive thus far, and we've got a long way to go. However, I know we discussed a lot more tonight then I had planned. I figure we're about a month ahead of my "take it slow" plan.

[Realist]

Here's a bit of an update.

 

I'm traveling a lot on business right now. So, my wife and I had our daily phone call while I'm away.

 

I talked to her how I'm frustrated with church. How I'm annoyed that everytime someone asks me to volunteer its because "God put my name on their hearts." I mentioned to here, God's never talked to me.

 

I can't wrap up the whole hour long conversation, but I mentioned to her that I have a lot of frustrations, a lot of doubts and questions.

 

She's been supportive thus far. She said its important that I figure all this out, and we'll talk about it more in person when I get home.

 

But, she did mention that she'd never leave me because of whatever I decide (well she did say that she's not wearing a Burka if I turn to Islam...lol)

 

She even mentioned that she has a lot of questions and doubts, but is basically in the "What if I'm wrong?" camp, which led in to discussing Pascal's wager.

 

So, positive thus far, and we've got a long way to go. However, I know we discussed a lot more tonight then I had planned. I figure we're about a month ahead of my "take it slow" plan.

 

... hey, all the best Pecker! It seems as though you are on track! I hope for you both it really works out fine! Take care!

[ogilvy]

one option for those who dont want to upset or lose loved ones over the issue of not believing, might be to become a 'liberal christian', ie. you dont believe the bible to be literally true, but to have some good moral teachings, like 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you', help others, don't steal or murder, etc. after all, liberal christians are still regarded as christians by many (most?). that would be an easy way out.

[Pecker]

one option for those who dont want to upset or lose loved ones over the issue of not believing, might be to become a 'liberal christian', ie. you dont believe the bible to be literally true, but to have some good moral teachings, like 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you', help others, don't steal or murder, etc. after all, liberal christians are still regarded as christians by many (most?). that would be an easy way out.

 

 

I have a bit too much self respect for that method.

 

I'm a bit hard headed...lol

[BiMamaFeminAtheist]

Hi Pecker,

 

I haven't come out yet to my family of origin. So far I've just been through words like "critical thinking" and "skepticism" out there, but in reference to the American news media rather than Christianity. I think if I break them in slowly they'll still disapprove, but be less likely to call child services lol.

 

I'm really glad I came to this decision/realization that (for me barring extraordinary evidence) God is imaginary while my son is still young. So far he'd barely been exposed to anything beyond a few Veggie Tales movies and a teddy bear that says the "Now I lay me down to sleep" prayer (both now removed from the house). I'm a single parent though, so I didn't have to "come out" to a hubby or get approval to remove g-d from the home.

 

As someone who group up in a home with one way off-the-wall fundy parent and a more apologetic xtian, I've found that the louder one is the one whose message sinks in - even if it's the most pathetic to the light of reason. Just a thought, for the whole future parenting scenario. I think it's a very important thing to discuss and not just leave to default of the louder/more extreme person, because that doesn't give the child him/herself a chance to choose.

 

Best of luck!

[Susanetal]

Hi Pecker,

 

I really empathize with you; I don't know how to tell my husband of almost 18 years that I am no longer a xian. However, he has seen this website up on our home computer, and he has seen several books I am reading so I think he has a good idea of where my mind is heading these days... I have been so scared that if I told my husband what I was thinking, he would leave me. I finally came to the conclusion, though, that if he didn't want to be married to me anymore because I am no longer a xian, then he can leave. I don't want him to, but I can't spend the rest of my life pretending to be something I'm not.

 

I don't know if I will ever tell my family of origin. They are rabid fundamentalists. I like the advice others have given you on this post... going slow is probably a really good way to approach it. I'm going to try that myself!

 

Good luck to you.

 

All the best,

Susan

[synapse]

This weekend I looked up Jesus' teaching on divorce (Matthew 19: divorce is bad) and Paul's in Romans (1 Corintheans 7: if a believer is married to an unbeliever let them stay married, unless the unbeliever wants to leave, then let them). What I mean to say with this is, I think you are in the drivers seat, in a way, if you want to stay or leave a christian spouse. No if you are not a believer, and want to stay married, and not believing anymore that it is god's will that you stay together and he will work out all the difficulties, it can be hard to face up to the mountain of difficulties in working out a marriage. I have decided in my own marriage that it is worth the effort, and that working out those difficulties without divine intervention is probably what we have been doing all our married years anyway. But it is hard!

 

Hi Pecker,

 

I really empathize with you; I don't know how to tell my husband of almost 18 years that I am no longer a xian. However, he has seen this website up on our home computer, and he has seen several books I am reading so I think he has a good idea of where my mind is heading these days... I have been so scared that if I told my husband what I was thinking, he would leave me. I finally came to the conclusion, though, that if he didn't want to be married to me anymore because I am no longer a xian, then he can leave. I don't want him to, but I can't spend the rest of my life pretending to be something I'm not.

 

I don't know if I will ever tell my family of origin. They are rabid fundamentalists. I like the advice others have given you on this post... going slow is probably a really good way to approach it. I'm going to try that myself!

 

Good luck to you.

 

All the best,

Susan

[Pecker]

Just adding a quick update.

 

My wife and I went to our Sunday evening small group last night. Its a group of about 3-4 other couples from our church (I'm still kinda going...but don't believe...weak I know).

 

Anyway, I eventually spilled my guts to them. While I didn't come out and say, "I'm an athiest." I made it clear that I'm going through some very significant doubting of God in general. They were surprisingly supportive.

 

It was interesting because the topic of the night was "The Holy Spirit." Everyone in the group pretty much was in the same boat as saying that they had never "really experienced the holy spirit." When the topic got around to me, I said I had never experienced it either. I also mentioned that I feel much more overcome with emotion when I see a four ship F-15 flyover at a football game then I ever do at Church. (I'm an Air Force Vet.)

 

So overall it went well. I did get the requisite, "we'll be praying for you." comments and concerns that they'd love for me to talk with some pastors or mentors. We'll see how it goes.

 

The one thing I did confess to them is that I fear losing a lot of friends if I eventually end up where I think my mind is leading. (My mind is there, yet I'm not professing it publicly, nor do intend to live in the atheism closet forever.) They all claimed they'd never trun me away due to a lack of belief. We'll see, talk is cheap right?