Serious Implications for the Chocolate God

[Sensitive_Flower]

Although we’ve had a lot of fun with the off topic Chocolate God thread, http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=2693 have you noticed how, even though we were all joking, that different theories and chocolate scriptures were being disputed? I could well imagine that in a short period of time hundreds of denominations would spring forth, with wars being fought over The True Chocolate God and different sects condemning each other to hell for not following each others chocolately doctrine. I don’t know why, but for some reason I’m reminded of a certain other religion.

 

If anything this should convince Christians and other religionists that this is the inevitable outcome of manmade religion. If any holy book is ‘divinely inspired’ surely this omnificent being would know that man/woman would corrupt it and would make damn sure it would be near impossible to misinterpret? Anyhow, why even need a book, why not just appear before us to prove him/herself? Surely he must know that he created a curious bunch of humans?

 

Im sure you guys must have discussed this a million times before my arrival. Im just releasing my brain contents for your perusal.

[Vixentrox]

Your all going to the hell of caramel where you'll drown in it forever and have caramel pumped into your backside. Put down your heathen god and worship the Invisible BLUE Unicorn.

[Checkmate]

Y'know something? (And this may not be on point, but oh well!)

 

Xians often ask us, "What would it take for us to believe?"

 

My answer to that would be a truly HOLY BIBLE ™. I'm talking about a book that IS inerrant, no mistakes. Cosmologically accurate down to the final neutrino. A book that is INVINCIBLE and indestructible. (Really!)

 

A book that is bullet-proof, fire-resistant, etc.

 

A book that, when you open it's pages it GLOWS and radiates with power!

 

A book that was OBVIOUSLY supernaturally created, inspired and preserved.

 

Not this facile pretender that primitives and idiots "call" the word of god.

 

THAT would do it for me.

 

Anyway...BACK to the worship of Chocolate!

[Sensitive_Flower]

SF, you were just taking those verses out of context.  If you really understood Chocolate and the historical context from which each were written, it would all make sense.  Besides, chocolate is a mystery and if chocolate revealed to much of itself, we would all die, for no person can have too much chocolate.  Chocolate can only reveal itself in delectible serving sizes.  You probably were never a real chocolate eater anyway, in fact there is no way you can.  If you were a real chocolate eater you would accept this verse, "And once one is in the grip of Chocolate, they can never be free from their holy addiction" without question. Once a chocolate eater, always a chocolate eater.  You belong to your father Atkins and all his unholy predecessors, Simmons and Weight Watchers.  YOU AREN'T GOING TO STEAL MY CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!111111

 

The people around me think Im nuts, I just laughed aloud literally!

 

Your all going to the hell of caramel where you'll drown in it forever and have caramel pumped into your backside. Put down your heathen god and worship the Invisible BLUE Unicorn.

 

Vixentrox, there is no way I am departing my loving and true lord! CHOCOLATE!

[Checkmate]

Your all going to the hell of caramel where you'll drown in it forever and have caramel pumped into your backside.  Put down your heathen god and worship the Invisible BLUE Unicorn.

 

"Caramel pumped into our backsides"?

 

 

Vixen, have you been peeking into my bedroom?

[Ouroboros]

Although we’ve had a lot of fun with the off topic Chocolate God thread, http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=2693  have you noticed how, even though we were all joking, that different theories and chocolate scriptures were being disputed?  I could well imagine that in a short period of time hundreds of denominations would spring forth, with wars being fought over The True Chocolate God and different sects condemning each other to hell for not following each others chocolately doctrine.  I don’t know why, but for some reason I’m reminded of a certain other religion. 

 

If anything this should convince Christians and other religionists that this is the inevitable outcome of manmade religion.  If any holy book is ‘divinely inspired’ surely this omnificent being would know that man/woman would corrupt it and would make damn sure it would be near impossible to misinterpret?  Anyhow, why even need a book, why not just appear before us to prove him/herself?  Surely he must know that he created a curious bunch of humans?

 

Im sure you guys must have discussed this a million times before my arrival.  Im just releasing my brain contents for your perusal.

 

First we have a serious thread, and you're all funny.

Now we have a funny thread, and you're all serious!

 

Should each one of us be responsible to bring over the posts we made from the other thread about Chocolism (Chocianity, Cocolism, Cocianity)?

[Sensitive_Flower]

Y'know something?  (And this may not be on point, but oh well!)

 

Xians often ask us, "What would it take for us to believe?"

 

My answer to that would be a truly HOLY BIBLE .  I'm talking about a book that IS inerrant, no mistakes.  Cosmologically accurate down to the final neutrino.  A book that is INVINCIBLE and indestructible.  (Really!)

 

A book that is bullet-proof, fire-resistant, etc.

 

A book that, when you open it's pages it GLOWS and radiates with power!

 

A book that was OBVIOUSLY supernaturally created, inspired and preserved.

 

Not this facile pretender that primitives and idiots "call" the word of god.

 

THAT would do it for me.

 

Anyway...BACK to the worship of Chocolate! 

 

....and why shouldnt it do all those things? Sounds like a reasonable request to me.

[Sensitive_Flower]

 

First we have a serious thread, and you're all funny.

Now we have a funny thread, and you're all serious!

 

Should each one of us be responsible to bring over the posts we made from the other thread about Chocolism (Chocianity, Cocolism, Cocianity)?

 

 

Im a bit of a quandry arent I? I aim to confuse!

 

Yeah thats a good idea about bringing over the choco related stuff, at least it would all be on one thread.

 

[Ouroboros]

Im a bit of a quandry arent I?  I aim to confuse!

 

Yeah thats a good idea about bringing over the choco related stuff, at least it would all be on one thread. 

 

Madam M just started a another thread, and brought all the posts over.

 

I guess this topic is purely for the religious discussion of Cocoanity and the other is just the collection of scriptures from the holy Chibble.

 

So I'll bring over my questions about being Churn again and Dipped etc here.

[Ouroboros]

When the caramel tribulation comes, I'm ready.  All who succumb to the caramel in the butt pumping will become caramellos, adn they were never really strong in the chocolate anyway.

They never were true Chocoans. They didn't believe in the Pure Cocoa!

[Ouroboros]

I started a holy chocolate thread in humor and satire so all the true chocolatists can talk about their religious addiction.  It won't be long though before some Ex-Cocotians rise up and try to debate us.  Stay strong in the Chocolate.

Darn it! I hate those Ex-Cocoans, especially the ones that are Achocoists, such foul language. For instance they say Fudge a lot. Burrh.

[Ouroboros]

So, I need to know from all of you Chocotians:

 

Do you have to be Dipped in the Chocolate Fudge, and/or do you have to be Churn Again by the Holy Smores, to be saved by our dear Lord and Flavor Herseys Crispus?

[Mythra]

There are rumblings of a rift within the followers of choco-god. Some say that the Hollow Chocolate Easter Bunnies are the authentic ones. Others say that only the solid chocolate easter bunnies are to be adored. And, of course there are the complete freakin heretics who stuff em with marshmallow fluff. They need to be stoned.

 

Willy Wonka has convened a council to determine choco-gods will in this matter. It's called the Council of Nicetaseeya. I'll keep you posted.

[Ouroboros]

MM, You're on a roll today!! How much chocolate did you eat this morning? Or is it just coffee?

 

Since you're in such a chipper mood, maybe you can help me find the verse for when Crispus told the disciples to eat His Chocolate Bar and Drink his Coffee. Is it in the Letter to the Almonds?

[white_raven23]

Although we’ve had a lot of fun with the off topic Chocolate God thread, http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=2693  have you noticed how, even though we were all joking, that different theories and chocolate scriptures were being disputed?  I could well imagine that in a short period of time hundreds of denominations would spring forth, with wars being fought over The True Chocolate God and different sects condemning each other to hell for not following each others chocolately doctrine.  I don’t know why, but for some reason I’m reminded of a certain other religion. 

 

Very true!

 

For example, My choco beliefs are thus:

 

Dark Chocolate: This is the holiest of holies. A small nibble held in the mouth, and one experiences the purity of untainted chocolate goddess blessings. Obviously a little goes a long way.

 

Milk Chocolate: This is the fence-sitters chocolate. Best for novices of the one true faith. Many people stay with the milk chocolate phase their whole lives, perfectly comfortable with the more gentle bliss of chocolate goddess kisses. Many here may never be prepared for the full awesomeness attained by partaking in the dark chocolate. It's okay, these people are still saved and protected by the warm bosom of the goddess of chocolate.

 

White Chocolate: Heathens! This is the false chocolate according to my personal faith in the true chocolate goddess. It is chocolate in name only (because I don't think it tastes anything like chocolate). Those who partake in white chocolate are leaving their desperate souls unsatisfied as their true desire is for the true chocolate.

 

And one can add fruits and nuts to ones chocolate, as long as the fruit or nut does not overpower the message of peace and fulfilment that chocolate offers. The taste of chocolate must be strongest.

 

Dark chocolate can be mixed with (small shudder) White Chocolate, but the dark must be the dominant flavor lest the chocolate goddess be offended by the false offering.

 

Any who believe White chocolate to be superior, as the one true chocolate, are badly addled in the head. This is a mental disorder, and should be treated as such. Loved ones suffering this delusion must be taken from their homes in the middle of the night to a re-training facility, where they will be gently but firmly guided to the path of the one true chocolate. Ones these lost souls take in the joy of Truffettes de France, their eyes will be truly opened, and they won't have a desire to regress to their former ways.

 

Anyone who has experienced the truth of dark chocolate cannot turn around and declare white chocolate supreme. This is just ridiculous. Anyone who says this is lying about having formerly loved dark chocolate. They did not truly believe.

[Brutal Brian]

But you forget the "mutt" chocolate: German Chocolate.

 

You see long ago, he got cast out with white chcolate and some "heath"-ens, heath being toffee would never be accepted as chocolate either, even though it was preferred by some with tea.

 

So this rogue chcolate, wnet on to distinguish himself by mixing with cocnut and some other ingredients, and voila, the true rogue chcolate was conceived. German chcolate had arrived.

[Sensitive_Flower]

Very true!

 

For example, My choco beliefs are thus:

 

Dark Chocolate: This is the holiest of holies. A small nibble held in the mouth, and one experiences the purity of untainted chocolate goddess blessings. Obviously a little goes a long way.

 

Milk Chocolate: This is the fence-sitters chocolate. Best for novices of the one true faith. Many people stay with the milk chocolate phase their whole lives, perfectly comfortable with the more gentle bliss of chocolate goddess kisses. Many here may never be prepared for the full awesomeness attained by partaking in the dark chocolate. It's okay, these people are still saved and protected by the warm bosom of the goddess of chocolate.

 

White Chocolate: Heathens! This is the false chocolate according to my personal faith in the true chocolate goddess. It is chocolate in name only (because I don't think it tastes anything like chocolate). Those who partake in white chocolate are leaving their desperate souls unsatisfied as their true desire is for the true chocolate.

 

And one can add fruits and nuts to ones chocolate, as long as the fruit or nut does not overpower the message of peace and fulfilment that chocolate offers. The taste of chocolate must be strongest.

 

Dark chocolate can be mixed with (small shudder) White Chocolate, but the dark must be the dominant flavor lest the chocolate goddess be offended by the false offering.

 

Any who believe White chocolate to be superior, as the one true chocolate, are badly addled in the head. This is a mental disorder, and should be treated as such. Loved ones suffering this delusion must be taken from their homes in the middle of the night to a re-training facility, where they will be gently but firmly guided to the path of the one true chocolate. Ones these lost souls take in the joy of Truffettes de France, their eyes will be truly opened, and they won't have a desire to regress to their former ways.

 

Anyone who has experienced the truth of dark chocolate cannot turn around and declare white chocolate supreme. This is just ridiculous. Anyone who says this is lying about having formerly loved dark chocolate. They did not truly believe.

 

I just wanted to greet you sister white_raven23 and say that you make valid chocolately arguments. You may have persuaded me to turn to your denomination of 'Good Chocolate' as opposed to my current one of just plain 'Chocolate'. Great apologetics!