Ms. K Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 I didn't think I'd have so much trouble posting my antitestimony, but it's still fresh, and still kind of difficult. So, please bear with me, and hopefully I won't just yammer on and on endlessly. My name is Ms. K, and I'm an exchristian. For the first 25 years of my life, I was a Catholic. I was raised Catholic, by a mother and father who converted from the Disciples of Christ church and the Presbyterian church, respectively. Also, both my parents are university educated people, well-schooled in philosophy and comparative religions. And both parents encouraged me to ask questions. Heck, my parents encouraged me to read any book I could get my hands on, including Nietzche when I was about three (I don't remember not knowing how to read, honestly). But, I was also brought up, in a complete change from the humanistic philosophy that both parents studied, to respect the Church. To believe in the Bible. To accept that the Bible was the literal Word of God. My parents, most notably my mother, got involved in Charismatic Catholicism when I was a wee little thing. I remember going to meetings with her when I was small, and I remember asking her in the car on the way home why someone who spoke in a language we didn't understand was somehow more Spirit filled than anyone else, and she had to stop and think herself. My mother is a spiritual person, but not particularly religious. My father had stopped going to church a long time ago, Dad really likes football, and worships at the Church of the Touchdown on fall Sundays, LOL. So, I kept going to church, when my mom could convince me to go. I did the whole Reconciliation, First Communion, Confirmation thing. I was staunchly anti-abortion, staunchly anti-contraception, and very interested in being a moral Catholic girl. That changed when I started my sophomore year of high school. I met a guy, and got interested in things besides my Bible. I got pregnant, and miscarried. I started on the Pill, because fortunately, I had adults in my life that were more interested in me not getting pregnant and finding out who I was rather than perpetuating Church dogma. I went through a dark period in my life when I was 18, until I was 23. I married, got pregnant again (different guy, the guy I married was not the first baby's father), this time had my daughter when I was 19, and was divorced from an abusive asshole when I was 21. I was told that God had a plan for me, and I had to wait upon the Lord (I fell in with a Charismatic fundie group because my next door neighbors had Bible study at their house once a week), and He would guide me. They chastised me for seeking a divorce, that if I just believed and prayed enough, The Lord would change my ex-husband from a woman-beating asshole who slept around with anything with a vagina into a decent husband and father. My parents, during this time, encouraged me to get a divorce. Even being Catholic, they encouraged me to get a divorce. And as well-meaning as they are, comforted me with the words, "Well, since you didn't get married in the Church, when you decide to get married again, you can have a Church wedding, because this one won't count." Didn't quite turn out like that. I was really given a good push to move away from Catholicism when I met Mr. K, and we became engaged, and I had to go talk to my priest to see about a wedding Mass. The priest told me that a)I had to get an annullment even though my first marriage was not considered a marriage in the eyes of the Church-I'd still been married before, and that was that, b)my future husband would have to convert, or there would be no wedding Mass, and c)even though I was 23, and he was 29, we had to get what basically boiled down to a permission slip from both sets of parents to get married. I said no thanks, and got my former friend's father, the minister of the local First Christian Church, to perform our ceremony. So, I married someone who was brought up in a fundie home, with extremely fundie parents, who didn't approve of my Catholicism. And they went on a crusade to "convert" me to the "right way of Christianity, since Catholics aren't REAL Christians." That insulted me. But, I kept going to the Catholic church, until my daughter was six. I gave up church all together at that point. However, I still felt like we ought to be going to church. I don't think my husband likes going to church any more than I do, but he felt that guilt as well. So, we looked around, and finally ended up at a Vineyard church. I was NOT prepared for a Vineyard church. Speaking in tongues, claims of healing in the Lord, the rhetoric about how those evil homosexuals were going to destroy the sanctity of marriage if they were allowed to get married, constant reminders that women were really just to do the busywork needed to run the church, and could lead women's Bible studies and prayer groups, but weren't allowed to be senior pastors. Women needed to be shown the RIGHT way to do things by the men. We went to this church for a little over a year. And I finally couldn't stand it anymore. Just because some pastor claims to have the One True Path because the Bible tells him so, does that really mean I should just blindly accept that? Why can't women lead churches, just because Paul said so? If I truly believe, and truly accept, why hasn't God healed me of my PCOS? I asked my husband those questions. He couldn't answer them. I stopped going to church, because I just couldn't do it anymore. So, I did some soul-searching. And I ended up shattering some of my husband's beliefs while I was doing it. For instance, I got a set of tarot cards from a friend. Mr. K said that he believed there were "spirits" attached to tarot cards, and that a GOOD Xian wouldn't have them. I tartly replied that I didn't consider myself a GOOD Xian in the first place, and secondly, I didn't think that the rest of the fundie congregation would approve of his Dungeons and Dragons habit. He shut up about my tarot cards, and has since become more accepting. Hasn't asked for a reading, but not everybody believes in tarot cards, either. No big deal. I realized that while I believed in God, as the Great Creator, I didn't believe that He endowed us with free will simply to attempt to control us like so many puppets on strings. I realized that no, I didn't believe the Bible was the literal word of God, it's been through too many people and too many translations to be the literal word of God. I realized that I wasn't buying the concept of sin, or being punished to an afterlife in Hell just because I put one toe out of line. So, I have since claimed Deism. It's been a long road. And I think that a lot of this is simply because I turn 30 years old a week from Tuesday, and this has been the year for re-examining "Who am I? What do I really believe? What do I really stand for?" Especially since I am growing increasingly tired of being known simply as Mr. K's wife or Daughter K's mother. I have an identity beyond both of those. And I'm exploring it again, and reclaiming myself. That includes my spiritual beliefs. Mr. K is very understanding. He's not trying to reassert his "authority" over me by going to a different fundie church, and expecting me to fall in line. He's not telling me I'm an evil sinner and I'm going to Hell. He's actually been very supportive....thankfully, he's not his parents' child in terms of fundamentalist Xianity. But, that's my antitestimony. I am an exchristian, and I will claim that with dignity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JP1283 Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 Welcome to the site, Ms. K. Thank you for sharing your story! I'm basically a deist as well, so you're not alone! JP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☆ TexasFreethinker ☆ Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 Welcome Ms. K! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 But, that's my antitestimony. I am an exchristian, and I will claim that with dignity. Bravo! Good for you, and welcome, Ms. K! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 Welcome, Ms. K. The questions children ask about religion are very insightful, honest and telling, aren't they? I'm glad your husband is being supportive of you. Enjoy the community here and feel free to avail yourself of the archived articles here. There's enough disturbing reading there for anyone's deconversion. It's interesting reading. Loren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Rhino Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Welcome Ms K I hope you enjoy it here as much as I do! PR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Heya Ms K, hailings from Germany Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spidermonkey Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 Welcome, Ms K! I hope you enjoy your stay ....because fortunately, I had adults in my life that were more interested in me not getting pregnant and finding out who I was rather than perpetuating Church dogma. Funny how there are always religious people who pick and choose what portions of their dogma to follow based on the circumstances. My church had a field day looking the other way when things that made them look bad happened. Like when they claimed for YEARS that ghod was going to give them a (now former) K-mart building, but everything fell through and another shopping center bought it out. Fortunately for me I was long gone from that church when that shopping plaza was bought. They chastised me for seeking a divorce, that if I just believed and prayed enough, The Lord would change my ex-husband from a woman-beating asshole who slept around with anything with a vagina into a decent husband and father. UGH. I'm so glad I got out of the cult before getting into any serious relationships. The fundie church's whole "everything is the woman's fault" attitude really sucks! I was in a shitty relationship and it's taken me years to realize that I could have cooked, cleaned, and sucked his dick until I keeled over dead, and he still would have been an asshole. I was NOT prepared for a Vineyard church. Speaking in tongues, claims of healing in the Lord, the rhetoric about how those evil homosexuals were going to destroy the sanctity of marriage if they were allowed to get married, constant reminders that women were really just to do the busywork needed to run the church, and could lead women's Bible studies and prayer groups, but weren't allowed to be senior pastors. Women needed to be shown the RIGHT way to do things by the men. We went to this church for a little over a year. And I finally couldn't stand it anymore. Just because some pastor claims to have the One True Path because the Bible tells him so, does that really mean I should just blindly accept that? Why can't women lead churches, just because Paul said so? If I truly believe, and truly accept, why hasn't God healed me of my PCOS? Reminds me all too well about my old cult. SO GLAD I'm out of there....and I still haven't quite forgiven my father for finding ghod and brainwashing me into that shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spamandham Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 Heck, my parents encouraged me to read any book I could get my hands on, including Nietzche when I was about three (I don't remember not knowing how to read, honestly). Holy existentialism Batman! You read Nietzshe when you were 3 !!!??? Can you have my baby? Sorry about that, but brains is sexy. Welcome aboard Ms. K! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. K Posted August 2, 2005 Author Share Posted August 2, 2005 Holy existentialism Batman! You read Nietzshe when you were 3 !!!??? Can you have my baby? Sorry about that, but brains is sexy. Welcome aboard Ms. K! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Why, thank you for the complement, Spamandham! Unfortunately, I am already married, and I don't think my husband would appreciate me having your baby. And yes, I read Nietzche at three, and Lao Tzu when I was four, and I was reading the I Ching when I was small as well. My parents finally figured out that yes, I really DID know how to read when I wasn't two yet, and I climbed up on my daddy's lap, and started reading to him out of his medieval history text. Before that, I had been reading street signs and highway signs, but my parents were convinced that I'd memorized them. Nope...like I said, I don't ever remember not knowing how to read. "Am I me, dreaming that I am the butterfly, or am I the butterfly, dreaming that I am me?" But then, with two well-educated parents, what did they expect? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 Ms K: Welcome! You'd better keep Mr. K. He sounds like a peach (for a christian, that is) Now, if we can just get that deism stuff driven from you and thankful's head. (I'll leave Heimdall's deism alone - I'd just as soon not get in a debate with him) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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