What Sucked The Most?

[Vomit Comet]

It's a fun poll!

 

Basically, take yourself back to when you were fully Christian. And recall the shittiest part.

[Vomit Comet]

Arrrrgh... it only let me pick twenty.

 

If there's others, just name 'em.

 

One comes to mind: all that bat-shit freak-out spiritual warfare shit about demons and shit.

 

Another one comes to mind: the enforced religious/cultural conservatism, the Fallwell/Robertson party line.

[Crazycatlady]

Kinda a toss up between believing everyone around me was going to hell (which eventually lead be out of Christianity) and being told I wasn't doing enough for the kingdom (which lead to confessor-approved self mutilation).

 

Edit: I'd say, at the time though, it was believing that others were going to hell. After the fact, though, it was guilt tripping and mortification (which, incidentally, I would perform partially to help some of those atheists get into heaven -- Wow, was I messed up or what?).

[Japedo]

Being told people I loved would be going to hell and god would wipe them from my memory was the the worst for me hands down. My dad and grandfather were not saved. I can not tell you how many nights I laid in bed and cried and begged god not to send my dad there.

 

How much of my life was wasted worrying and begging the nonexistent being to stop a fantasy I wonder? I shudder to count. :omg:

[Redbeard]

I went with "The painful mental gymnastics required to keep my faith" due to always being doubtful, yet still having the existance of God/Jesus/etc. as part of reality to me since I was brainwashed from birth.

 

If I could have picked more though, I definitely would have gone with:

 

-The radio silence from God

-Being surrounded by hypocrites, assholes, etc.

-The sorry state that the church was in

-The sappy sentimentality, shmaltzy emotionalism, etc.

 

I could go on and on about these...

[Brother Jeff]

Believing that my loved ones were going to hell was the worst part for me. I was the only "saved" one in my immediate family. They got to watch me transform from a troubled mentally ill party animal to a still troubled and mentally ill ignorant, arrogant, obnoxious, self-righteous asshole religious nut. Isn't that wonderful? Glory! I remember the arguments I used to have with my mom about religion and the "fact" that she was headed for hell. They frequently ended with neither of us changing the other's opinion and with me yelling about the "reality" of hell in the Name of JESUS (I lost my temper for Jesus! Glory!) and with her assuring me that I would grow out of my religious insanity and stop worrying about hell and other ridiculous and unreal things. She turned out to be the one who was right! Glory!

[Brother Jeff]

Being told people I loved would be going to hell and god would wipe them from my memory was the the worst for me hands down. My dad and grandfather were not saved. I can not tell you how many nights I laid in bed and cried and begged god not to send my dad there.

 

How much of my life was wasted worrying and begging the nonexistent being to stop a fantasy I wonder? I shudder to count. :omg:

My grandfather suffered for years from heart problems caused by the rheumatic fever he had as a child. He was one of the first people to have open heart surgery. If not for modern medicine, I would have never known him. But as he was nearing death in 1994 he started reading the bible because he was afraid that he wouldn't make it to heaven since he had never been religious. Shortly before he died, my Uncle Danny and I were with him at the hospital. He told my uncle, "I hope I make it!", and I was expecting my uncle - an ordained Baptist minister - to share the gospel with him. When he didn't, I was too scared and shy to give it a shot myself, and when my grandfather died I was really afraid that he had gone to hell. I felt guilty for a long time, but I don't anymore since I no longer believe in things as morally reprehensible as a flaming hell where people are punished in horrible ways forever.

 

Most of the people I have known in life have enriched my life in some way. Why would I want to forget them? Why would I want God to wipe them from my memory? Doing so would wipe out a part of me! And if God has to make me forget loved ones in hell, then his only reason for doing so is to make me forget the monster that he actually is. What the hell kind of a God would have to wipe my memory of certain people so I would think he was worthy of worship? Hmm.....

[Deva]

1. The mental gymnastics.

 

2. The rapture doctrine scared me. To me, suddenly disappearing from the earth and caught up into the clouds to be with Christ was not a good thing. I probably wasn't going anyway and would be left behind while my parents disappeared. Saved or lost, either way, I'm screwed.

 

3. The schmaltzy sentimentality grated on my nerves.

[SWIM]

I was actually kinda thankful the whole hell doctrine was in there, it helped me break free just with the sheer stupidity of the concept. I think if doctrine had been made a "bit" better, written more plausibly, it would have been much harder to break free!

[par4dcourse]

No child should have the pressure of heaven/hell thrust upon them. That and I went through puberty in a fundy church. Bummer.

[xequar]

I voted for the "radio silence." In fact, that was what started me on my path to deconversion. When the Universe seemed to be crashing down around me, the times when the bible and the church claimed gawd was supposed to come and at least tell you it was gonna work out, that SOB gawd apparently couldn't be bothered to get off his fat lazy ass, and that's when the house of cards began to fall.

[AbsurdFreedom]

The faux '(identical) happy, shining people' thing was anathema to my morose cynicism, the silence of God (when I was supposed to feel 'His Leading') was preposterous, the prayer and devotional time was immensly boring, and the 'your loved ones will burn in hell' idea was one of the more disheartening (to put it lightly) things I've ever had to endure (when it couldn't otherwise be ignored)....

 

....but I voted for the "Feeling guilty about masturbating and having dirty thoughts" option. Ultimately I think that has had a more profoundly damaging effect on my mental health than any of the other things listed, annoying or outright disturbing as they may have been.

 

Even so, the irony is not lost on me that a borderline asexual who has always had a significantly lower sex drive than average males should have been more affected by prohibitations against freedom of sexuality than anything else.

[Ouroboros]

Damn. I can't choose. I'd pick all of them.

 

--edit--

 

Actually, there's one more option that should be there, (I think), which was probably my biggest problem. I thought and worried about this quite often: that I hadn't done enough or right to God, had done the unforgivable sin, or any other way made sure that I wouldn't go to Heaven. In other words, I was afraid I wasn't saved properly. I didn't feel a confirmation in me that I was safe. There wasn't anyone around me pushing me to feel this, it was all own me. Criticizing my own actions and wondering if I now finally had pissed of God so much, that I was condemned to Hell.

[upstarter]

Wow, that was hard. There were a lot of good choices there. Like others have said, the thought that people I loved were going to hell was what finally drove me out of xtianity. But it wasn't the worst part. The worst part for me was definitely the roller coaster of constantly falling short. And the guilt that plagued me constantly because I knew I was a bad xtian.

 

It saddens me that my very sweet, elderly mother suffers daily from the fear that her grandchildren and probably a couple of her children are going to hell. I wish there was a way to relieve her of that.

 

Heather

[♦ Fuego ♦]

The thing I seem to be reacting most strongly to over the past few months is the idea of control. I loathe the idea of someone else monitoring me, manipulating me, and forcing me into their own ideal of how I ought to be. Government, religion, cliques, relatives, friends, it doesn't matter. Flame on! Boy that hits my buttons. Then to find out that the "great glorious savior" was only an old cult that gained most favored cult status. So many wasted years. I only hope I can use my experience to help others to escape.

[Neon Genesis]

I voted for the option of feeling guilty about dirty thoughts. As a Christian, I was afraid God hated me for being gay and was going to send me to hell. This is what lead me to start doubting the existence of God in the first place because I couldn't understand how a loving God could allow something like hell to exist and none of the xtian apologetics made any sense. Also, if xtianity had never condemned homosexuality, I might have had a family who wasn't homophobic, that would actually love me for who I am, so I wouldn't have to hide my true self from them, since my family has been brainwashed by xtianity to hate gays.

[ClaraOlive]

Since I was never "fully" Christian, the social stigma of being a square ended up hurting me the most when I look back at my entire life.

 

Even the fear of hell, which came a few days at a time and then was forgotten for several weeks, was nothing compared to being lonely and alone and freakish because I didn't know how to shake the Christian act and just fit in with normal people. My two best friends in high school ended up drifting away from me because I wasn't allowed to go out, even with female friends, without full adult supervision. In college, I didn't know how to act around friends whose lives weren't controlled by Christianity, even those who were liberal or less observant Christians. My clothes and hair were weird and I didn't know how to interact with boys, because Christian "courtship" was so rule laden and guilt ridden. I value my college experience because it taught me a lot about how to behave around other people, even though I usually failed miserably, but I can hardly bear to think back on it.

[PiracyOfTheHead]

It's a fun poll!

 

Basically, take yourself back to when you were fully Christian. And recall the shittiest part.

 

Damnit Vomit!!

 

Thats the perfect poll, I was Xtian from 19-30, so I felt guilty about every fun thing a coming of age man wanted to experience, I couldnt "truly" enjoy my 21st birthday and I never got to do what normal twenty somethings do like travel the world staying at hostels and enjoying the prime of my life or finding a local pub and becoming a nominal Irish-alcoholic...I never felt good enough, always denying myself yet became a full-blown alcoholic from all the repression..

 

Xtianity, TO THIS DAY has me feel guilty about anything...Im still working that shit out, one of the reasons I may be all physically and mentally sick is from a constant and sustained belief that I was 1) Unworthy of anything good, 2) Not supposed to have any fun 3) Not allowed to feel human passions and emotions 4) Going to hell for not even thinking the perfect thoughts in my head.......

 

I should have been hoovering up some railroad tracks while listening to Bad Religion or Pennywise on my 21st, but nooooooo I was at home drinking bud ice alone feeling guilty about every sip yet doing it anyways because I had waited 21 years for that day!!!!!!!!

 

 

If I ever get better, and am not pschologically disturbed and sick, I am going to write a list of 25 things I never did while I was a Xtian and do it all...damnit I hate that religion for what it has done to me and so many others, there were perfectly plausible worldviews that ensure proper behavior but that allowed one to live life fully that I could have chosen.

 

I'm weeping over my lost youth now.....I gotta get me and my wife better...we can still have our 30's

 

[PiracyOfTheHead]

I voted for the option of feeling guilty about dirty thoughts. As a Christian, I was afraid God hated me for being gay and was going to send me to hell. This is what lead me to start doubting the existence of God in the first place because I couldn't understand how a loving God could allow something like hell to exist and none of the xtian apologetics made any sense. Also, if xtianity had never condemned homosexuality, I might have had a family who wasn't homophobic, that would actually love me for who I am, so I wouldn't have to hide my true self from them, since my family has been brainwashed by xtianity to hate gays.

 

Neon,

 

I know this is off topic to the OP but I have a question for you.

 

First off, when I was a Xtian, I could never bring myself to believe gays were evil, I became a tad homophobic for a while, but when confronted with a friend who confessed he was gay to me, that all ended that second because this man broke down weeping to me explaining how his older brother beat the shit out of him constantly and how his family rejected him for being gay so he had hid it from the church we were attending when I met him.

 

Now in all honesty, if the homophobia were genuine i would have had every reason to freak out because in that moment I realized he had been hanging out with me and staying over at my house in the hopes of becoming intimate for almost 2 years. It hit me right then, "What the hell is the big deal, even if its a 'sin', its a deep rooted emotion and preference that is not just going to disappear because you're told not to be that way"

 

So from then on I never thought twice about homosexuals being any different than any other person in the church who had a pet sin or wasnt perfect, I didnt see the difference.

 

Now I dont see it as "sin" at all, after leaving the church, but I would always cringe and on a few occasions speak up against gay-bashing, I got so sick of hearing that shit about how every great society fell RIGHT AFTER HOMOSEXUALITY WAS ALLOWED......these types of statements made me question Xtianity or at least the pastor or whoever was saying the stuff.

 

Anyways, my question was, what excuse do these people in your life give for not "not judging", having compassion, being a friend of 'sinners' (Since they think its a sin), loving their neighbor, forgiving...etc., etc., ????

 

I still cant understand the rationale that one side of the mouth says "We're all sinners, fallen short of the glory of god" then condemning one type of 'sin' in such a way as you are speaking of.

 

What is their reason for this, do they tell you??

 

Sorry if you dont want to answer, I understand, I read what you said and thought of my friend and it kinda clicked in my mind.

[SilentLoner]

I always disliked praying, even as a kid when I believed the faith. It just felt obscenely fake for some reason.

 

I didn't see this as an option, but I would have voted for xtianity forming my basis for political opinions (abortion, gay rights) which took a long time to recover from.

[Neon Genesis]

Anyways, my question was, what excuse do these people in your life give for not "not judging", having compassion, being a friend of 'sinners' (Since they think its a sin), loving their neighbor, forgiving...etc., etc., ????

 

I still cant understand the rationale that one side of the mouth says "We're all sinners, fallen short of the glory of god" then condemning one type of 'sin' in such a way as you are speaking of.

 

What is their reason for this, do they tell you??

The excuse is that because God says it's ok to look at gays as inferior, then it doesn't count as "hate" if God says so. Xtians live in an alternate universe where up is down and loving your neighbor = hate everyone that's not the same as you, forgiving others = you must agree with everything I say, and not judging others = it's ok to judge others. Xtians use a secret code when speaking to each other and you have to practically translate what they say into English. Hypocrisy is what happens when you try to follow a contradictory collection of teachings literally perfectly.

[Raul]

Feeling guilty about masturbating and having dirty thoughts.

That was rather disturbing. Also,here's an interesting thing to say:

When I was on medication (and that was most of my time as an xtian. Actually,I owe my conversion to psychosis) this was not an issue,because of the side-effects. And when I was taken of medication all of a sudden...

Well,I confessed,had my share of exorcisms... "Be gone,demon of masturbation!" or smth. Of course,it didn't make any difference.

My point here is:

Medication made a difference,prayer and confession didn't. So doesn't this mean,that all those "demons of lusts e.t.c." are just chemistry?

Talking about homosexualism... Well,I'm hetero,but I still have a text of what my pastor used to preach. He had a special sermon about homosexualism,where he said that homosexualists "suffer for the guilt of their fathers" (Damn! It's actually called "Thou repay children for lawlessnesses of their fathers"... How could I even for a moment believe in such a vile deity and claim to be its worshiper? Medication and mental problems,that I had at the time give the only answer to how I could be that stupid. )...

It went like this:

First he compared homosexualists to murderers,rapists and thiefs. (because murder is a sin and so is homosexuality...) Then he takes his shot against "gay-theologists" (gays-christian)... Well,I must admit,that he has a hit here. Both NT and OT clearly state it's position on the topic.

Also he says that

Gay-theologists are trying to find new victims,new slaves

Then he quotes Rom. 2:14 to prove,that homosexuality is a punishment for turning away from God. (that's a funny punishment,if you think about... )

Ah,yes,homosexualists should repent and god will make them straight...

Oh shit... As I read it further I read ,that parents give their unrepented sins to children with their semen (that's what he writes and he also uses the word "curse" here)... AIDS is punishment from god... "Man doesn't need medication,he needs to free his soul..." (yes,my church practiced faith healing)

[agnosticator]

Most of the people I have known in life have enriched my life in some way. Why would I want to forget them? Why would I want God to wipe them from my memory? Doing so would wipe out a part of me! And if God has to make me forget loved ones in hell, then his only reason for doing so is to make me forget the monster that he actually is. What the hell kind of a God would have to wipe my memory of certain people so I would think he was worthy of worship? Hmm.....

 

A very astute observation Brother Jeff!

[PocketAces]

It's a fun poll!

 

Basically, take yourself back to when you were fully Christian. And recall the shittiest part.

i didn't see a poll that fit for me personally.

 

the shittiest part for me was the fear that if i fucked up, everything good in my life, and maybe my family's life could be taken away from me because of "holy"/"divine" punishment.

[HelloWorld]

Masturbating and dirty thoughts.

 

As I mentioned on CrazyCatLady's Confession thread, I was constantly torment by the fact that I was in mortal sin and could not go to communion because I had had a sexual thought or masturbated while I as half asleep.