Heimdall Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Beloved, let us rejoice, for this is a time of celebration. In the true spirit of this season, let our hearts be gladdened, and let us pray and pay tribute to the deity in whose honor this holiday comes... a heroic figure, a true god among men, who was born of a mortal woman and a divine Father. As should be obvious by now, the name of this very special child was... ...Hercules. No - hold on. That can't be right either. Of course, of course. The hero of our story, the one whom we have gathered here to thank, was no figure of pagan Greek polytheism. He was a redeemer, one who came to earth to lift up sinful and ignorant humans, knowing full well he would pay the ultimate price for his actions, but willing to go ahead anyway out of love and compassion. As you all know, this blessed Savior was called... ...Prometheus. No, no, give us just a minute. We'll get it right. We all know full well who is being described here, of course. He is the one, the One, who defeated death itself and rose from the grave, in a miracle that no other would-be savior has ever been able to duplicate. By dramatically displaying his power over death, he proved once and for all that he was the single true god. And his name was... ...Osiris. No, wait. That's not right either. Of course! What a ridiculous error to make. Our apologies. Beloved, only one god fits this description. You know him well -- millions of you around the world today worship him. He was conceived miraculously and visited while still an infant by wise men who were guided to him by a star. He lived in a small province whose evil ruler sought to have him killed before he could rise to power, but his parents were warned by a heavenly messenger who instructed them to take their child to a neighboring district, where he would be safe from the slaughter. This miracle child would come to grow up and perform many great deeds, and the timeless and moving story of his life was recounted throughout history and still rings true today. I refer of course to... ...Krishna. Is that right? That can't be right, can it? No! Beloved, the god to whom I refer stands alone, unique, head and shoulders above the myths and fables of the false religions. No other savior ever claimed to duplicate his deeds. No other prophet was anything at all like him. He was the mediator between God and man, he helps departed souls ascend to heaven, and he will judge the human race at the end of the world. He shed the blood of an innocent to wash away the sins of the world and established a sacred meal ritual where flesh and blood were symbolically consumed by initiates. Only one person fits that description. You know this person well - his birthday falls near the end of the year, on December 25. As should be more than obvious by now, this person can only be the one who was called... ...Mithras. That doesn't seem right either... Of course. That, too, is incorrect. My most sincere apologies. Beloved, do not let these slight slips of the tongue distract you from the power of the message I bring. Our religion is the one true religion. The claims of all others crumble under scrutiny, but ours and ours alone is validated, again and again, by historical fact. It was the first of its kind to make such claims as these; all others are merely impostors which sought to capitalize on its fame. Our savior cannot be mistaken for any other. He performed countless miracles on earth, miracles well attested to by bystanders. He healed the sick and the crippled, restored sight to the blind, cast out demons, yea, even raised the dead! His birth was of a virgin, foretold by an angel. While still a child, he exhibited extraordinary knowledge of religious scripture. He reformed the corrupt and worldly religions of his day. After his death, he rose from the grave and appeared to his disciples to prove to them his miraculous power, after which he ascended to Heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father. He was known as "the Son of God!" No other religion can make such claims! No other savior proved his divinity again and again to so many! No one can doubt his power or the truth of the message he brought. His memory will live forever. How can he be mistaken for anyone else? Of course, by now there is not a shred of doubt in any of your minds. You know as well as I do to whom I am referring. We must worship him, pay tribute to his memory, and focus on spreading his message of love and compassion; that, after everything, is the true meaning of Easter. Come, beloved, let us pray and honor the divine prophet whom I have just described. Let us glory in the everlasting love of... ...Apollonius of Tyana. Wait - wait - wait - eh, you know what? Screw this. All you folks have a Happy Unspecified Winter Holiday…Heimdall Adapted from 2001 article on altathiest website Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agnosticator Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 May I settle for a lump of coal from that jolly fat guy in the mall? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted December 19, 2008 Super Moderator Share Posted December 19, 2008 'Tis truly the season of pasta and glorious sauces! A season of pirates and pole dancers and beer. A time for Noodly Appendages. Ramen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 A season of pirates and pole dancers and beer. That's my kinda holiday. Here's to all my friends at ex-c! --Larry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 God Shmod, let's all just get happy about Winter like Bailey the Unknown Raindeer. Yay for happy snow dogs!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Have a merry Secular Xmas and a happy Santa Claus Day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onyx Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 An enchanting Sexmas and a magnificent Nova Annum to you all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 May I settle for a lump of coal from that jolly fat guy in the mall? No matter what he tells you...that lump ain't coal. mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted December 20, 2008 Super Moderator Share Posted December 20, 2008 God Shmod, let's all just get happy about Winter like Bailey the Unknown Raindeer. Yay for happy snow dogs!!!! That is one cute video, Purple! Almost makes me want some snow.....almost. In my best Scooby-Doo impersonation-- "Reasons Greetings, Everyone." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 God Shmod, let's all just get happy about Winter like Bailey the Unknown Raindeer. Yay for happy snow dogs!!!! Warning: This is going to be off-topic. I have never seen snow like that. Two feet of soft fluffy snow that a medium-sized dog can plow through at top speed. That's the world's worst blizzard waiting to happen--all we need is a bit of a breeze. A howling gale like normal storms come with....it'd have you smothered worse than a feather-tick pillow the minute you stuck your nose outside to relieve yourself. Life in such a universe would be impossible. Question: Is that a good piece of photo-shopping? If it is real, how do humans--and dogs--survive? Another option would be if it is in a part of the world that is so warm that the snow disappears right away (in the next day or two) before a storm can blow up. Or if it is in a part of the world where there never is any real gale. I don't know if such climates exist as these examples. A serious problem with the "warm climate" theory is that no dog gladly plows through snow of that depth without considerable training--at least, none that I have seen. A warm climate would provide no opportunity for such training. Here in midwestern Ontario we don't have the kind of snow for that kind of training. We could contrive a situation quite easily if there were a reason to do so but that yard in the video was either natural or photo-shopped. On-topic. If we can dig our way out of the snow. I do wish all of you a happy day wherever you are and whatever you are doing. If you have obligations to spend time with religious family doing things that violate your values, I especially wish you what is needed to get through the season. Longer days and colder temperatures await us on the other side. At least, that is what I expect in this part of the world. (Longer days is certain because the solstice is past; temperatures are "as unpredictable as the weather"--how's that for when we are actually talking about the weather. But real winter temp. rarely set in before Christmas.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manditag in AK Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 Darnit, I was almost finished with a really good post and pressed the back button at the wrong time. But Ruby, I don't think it's photoshopped. Or if it is, that type of thing can happen, I have seen snow that high before more than once, and I had a three legged dog who would jump through the snow for fun. She thought it was great. The big key is that it looked like powder-dry snow. Wet snowman snow wouldn't work for the dog to do that, but it would if dry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 Darnit, I was almost finished with a really good post and pressed the back button at the wrong time. But Ruby, I don't think it's photoshopped. Or if it is, that type of thing can happen, I have seen snow that high before more than once, and I had a three legged dog who would jump through the snow for fun. She thought it was great. The big key is that it looked like powder-dry snow. Wet snowman snow wouldn't work for the dog to do that, but it would if dry. I've had a dog do it too. We were in the mountains and got an overnight snow, and it was like that in the morning, happiest dog in the world, a beautiful husky mix who had lived 2 years in a So Cal Valley where it is almost always warm often very hot, first time he had seen snow, both that day, and this vid were a joy to see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agnosticator Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 May I settle for a lump of coal from that jolly fat guy in the mall? No matter what he tells you...that lump ain't coal. mwc Uhoh! Then I'll kick him in his lump of coal! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 Happy holidays to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghostchild Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 God Shmod, let's all just get happy about Winter like Bailey the Unknown Raindeer. Yay for happy snow dogs!!!! Warning: This is going to be off-topic. I have never seen snow like that. Two feet of soft fluffy snow that a medium-sized dog can plow through at top speed. That's the world's worst blizzard waiting to happen--all we need is a bit of a breeze. A howling gale like normal storms come with....it'd have you smothered worse than a feather-tick pillow the minute you stuck your nose outside to relieve yourself. Life in such a universe would be impossible. Question: Is that a good piece of photo-shopping? If it is real, how do humans--and dogs--survive? Another option would be if it is in a part of the world that is so warm that the snow disappears right away (in the next day or two) before a storm can blow up. Or if it is in a part of the world where there never is any real gale. I don't know if such climates exist as these examples. A serious problem with the "warm climate" theory is that no dog gladly plows through snow of that depth without considerable training--at least, none that I have seen. A warm climate would provide no opportunity for such training. Here in midwestern Ontario we don't have the kind of snow for that kind of training. We could contrive a situation quite easily if there were a reason to do so but that yard in the video was either natural or photo-shopped. On-topic. If we can dig our way out of the snow. I do wish all of you a happy day wherever you are and whatever you are doing. If you have obligations to spend time with religious family doing things that violate your values, I especially wish you what is needed to get through the season. Longer days and colder temperatures await us on the other side. At least, that is what I expect in this part of the world. (Longer days is certain because the solstice is past; temperatures are "as unpredictable as the weather"--how's that for when we are actually talking about the weather. But real winter temp. rarely set in before Christmas.) Coming from Edmonton, in Alberta initially I've met plenty of dogs that can and do have no problem charging head-on through a six foot drift, let alone two feet, though the method of transit resembles a kangaroo hop more than a sprint... My dog was born in a blizzard, loved playing in snow, and freaked right out every year in spring when it all melted, and he was the size of a rabbit. And yeah, we had some rather horrible blizzards every month. Of course, snow of any depth settles into a higher desnity very quickly after a fall so only the top eight inches blow around a lot, but anything with small feet like a dog sinks right into it immediately when walking through anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 She (he?) looks like our Tessie. We have a dalmatian too, and she's just as jumpy and happy camper, but not as black body, she's a lot more white. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mahjong Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 But do you recall, the most famous saviour of all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astreja Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 (crawls out from under a massive spread of pastries, lasagna, chicken, ribs, and gourmet cheese, raising a glass of Cabernet-Merlot) Gleðileg Jól, everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Jeff Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Merry Christmas! You can't have Christmas without Jesus! He is the Reason for the Season! I praise God for a great 2008 and for making it possible for me to be here with my family in Texas. I love the Lord so much! God bless you all! Glory! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 She (he?) looks like our Tessie. We have a dalmatian too, and she's just as jumpy and happy camper, but not as black body, she's a lot more white. Now isn't your photo interesting, Hans. I was watching some Richard Dawkins movies. He showed insects that change colour to match their background but this is the first time I see dogs change colour to match their pillow, or did the pillow change to match the dog--it's not quite clear to me which way around it happened but I did notice that in the pic they are the same. Smart dog you've got there--or is it smart pillow??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 God Shmod, let's all just get happy about Winter like Bailey the Unknown Raindeer. Yay for happy snow dogs!!!! Warning: This is going to be off-topic. I have never seen snow like that. Two feet of soft fluffy snow that a medium-sized dog can plow through at top speed. That's the world's worst blizzard waiting to happen--all we need is a bit of a breeze. A howling gale like normal storms come with....it'd have you smothered worse than a feather-tick pillow the minute you stuck your nose outside to relieve yourself. Life in such a universe would be impossible. Question: Is that a good piece of photo-shopping? If it is real, how do humans--and dogs--survive? Another option would be if it is in a part of the world that is so warm that the snow disappears right away (in the next day or two) before a storm can blow up. Or if it is in a part of the world where there never is any real gale. I don't know if such climates exist as these examples. A serious problem with the "warm climate" theory is that no dog gladly plows through snow of that depth without considerable training--at least, none that I have seen. A warm climate would provide no opportunity for such training. Here in midwestern Ontario we don't have the kind of snow for that kind of training. We could contrive a situation quite easily if there were a reason to do so but that yard in the video was either natural or photo-shopped. On-topic. If we can dig our way out of the snow. I do wish all of you a happy day wherever you are and whatever you are doing. If you have obligations to spend time with religious family doing things that violate your values, I especially wish you what is needed to get through the season. Longer days and colder temperatures await us on the other side. At least, that is what I expect in this part of the world. (Longer days is certain because the solstice is past; temperatures are "as unpredictable as the weather"--how's that for when we are actually talking about the weather. But real winter temp. rarely set in before Christmas.) Coming from Edmonton, in Alberta initially I've met plenty of dogs that can and do have no problem charging head-on through a six foot drift, let alone two feet, though the method of transit resembles a kangaroo hop more than a sprint... My dog was born in a blizzard, loved playing in snow, and freaked right out every year in spring when it all melted, and he was the size of a rabbit. And yeah, we had some rather horrible blizzards every month. Of course, snow of any depth settles into a higher desnity very quickly after a fall so only the top eight inches blow around a lot, but anything with small feet like a dog sinks right into it immediately when walking through anyway. I see more than one person responded to my question. Thanks to all. I admit that I have not experimented so much with the snow in town. In the country, rural area, where I lived most of my life, the snow would be driven and too solid for a dog to charge through like in the video. Kinda like Styrofoam. Feet might sink but no way could they run through it. In town where there is not so much wind to drive the snow things might be different. I never shovel the snow here so I'm not sure what the texture is. I might be checking this winter. We've got snow this year like I've never seen so early in the season. I guess it's more than fifty years since we had so much snow so early in the season. That would have been before I was born. I guess we're guaranteed a white Christmas this year, and for many people around here that is important. However, I don't think too many people around here are used to worrying about having to dig their way out to get to Christmas Dinners, or for Christmas dinners to be canceled because of snow days. This year that is a very real possibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Now isn't your photo interesting, Hans. I was watching some Richard Dawkins movies. He showed insects that change colour to match their background but this is the first time I see dogs change colour to match their pillow, or did the pillow change to match the dog--it's not quite clear to me which way around it happened but I did notice that in the pic they are the same. Smart dog you've got there--or is it smart pillow??? At last, evidence of pillow evolution! You saw it here first folks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Happy Winter Solstice Everyone......The REAL and SCIENTIFIC reason for the season. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Now isn't your photo interesting, Hans. I was watching some Richard Dawkins movies. He showed insects that change colour to match their background but this is the first time I see dogs change colour to match their pillow, or did the pillow change to match the dog--it's not quite clear to me which way around it happened but I did notice that in the pic they are the same. Smart dog you've got there--or is it smart pillow??? Very good observation! It's a dog-bed, and of some reason they made them polka-dotted in dalmatian style. So no, she's not a chameleon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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