Wendybabe Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 I was raised in a single parent home. My mother was a cocktail waitress who was a shit-head. At 18 years old my sister and I were out of the house. Despite all this I still felt a need and responsibility to my family. I continued to have a relationship with my mother. My sister didn't. My sister didn't talk to her for 10 years. This broke my mother's heart. My sister is a fucked up bitch. 14 years ago my mother was dyeing in the hospital, I called her up, "You need to come now, Mom is dyeing!" She answers, "Fuck no!" So I am left to watch her die. I am left with the funeral, the burial, etc... Then she fucks me by refusing to answer my phone calls or letters. Why? What did I do? She continues to talk and associate with my other family members. (Something she never did before my mother died.) To them she is polite, cordial, appropriate. From their perspective I'm sure they see me as unbalanced, overemotional and demanding. I've tried to bring it up to them. Their response is always the same, "Well, we just are grateful that she comes over and talks to us." "We don't want to do or say anything that would upset her." So I continue to make myself vulnerable and reach out to her. But she wont have anything to do with me. This has been going on for 14 years. No communication. Nothing. So last Saturday some friends of mine start Facebooking! I took a chance and found my sister's account. I e-mailed her and "She answered!" It wasn't much of an answer but it was something! After 14 years it was something! She made some really fucking arrogant comment about my "Background info" So I am just amazed that I have communication with her! I return her comment with small talk. I don't want to scare her off or anything. So today I'm looking at my account and notice her picture is gone, her comments are gone. I try to look her up and she closed the fucking account! I am so fucking sick of the lack of normalcy in my family. I am so goddam mad at this fucking dysfunctional group of people. I don't need them! Where can I trade them in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noob Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Hello, Wendybabe. I don’t have any experience with this type of family relationship so I don’t know what to offer you. I do think you should feel very good about yourself and the way you stuck by your mother and also the way you have reached out to your sister repeatedly. It appears that she is the one that has a problem. I do know how painful it is to be rejected and my heart goes out to you. Again, I not qualified to give any advice, but I do wish you all the best. Be kind to yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 wendy, Lost Mom young. Lotta BS in family over things done and said, after three decades and one year, *it* is pretty much ignored when and IF we get together. Dad passed when I was in my 20's, and that mess opened up far too many things, some of which are just plain hateful and unable to be proved... My immediate "blood brood" brother lives closest to me, and that is 600-odd miles too close. He went Full Retar, err, Fundy xtian. In turn he's manage to alienate me from his sainted presence with some words spoken to Kel.. I'll not piss on his face if his teeth were on fire.. One sis out of my two younger ones will I speak to as a friend and family member. She's cool with things and not a closeted hater of all things "not like me". Half siblings add to the mess with all three of the brothers being stoned out semi-repaired crackheads. One is trying to straighten out, but keeps sniffing, err, slipping his way back to the artificial white stuff. I don't hate my family, but further away from them all, and less I EVER hear from most of them, better off I feel on holidays. I can't fix your hurt, and mine sure isn't like yours, but I know that family spears us where it hurt the hardest to bear. If you can, learn to give them the "Joke'um if they can't take a fucking".... kevinL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Wendybabe, Just because you happen to share DNA with someone doesn't mean they are family. Taph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendybabe Posted December 25, 2008 Author Share Posted December 25, 2008 Thanks everyone it really helps. Nivek you are the greatest! I'll not piss on his face if his teeth were on fire..LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendybabe Posted December 25, 2008 Author Share Posted December 25, 2008 When I was a teenager my Mom's side of the family made a religiously motivated effort to fix the shit-head situation in my home. Jesus was the answer. I played right into it. It seemed to help me. I became responsible. I became focused on positive things. I focused on self improvement, education, job, marriage home etc... But the things I wanted in my family never materialized. After her third marriage hit the skids my mother broke down and gave up. (As I mentioned my sister had a lot to do with it!) My religious relatives only pretended to have answers. It just really sucks to have them surrounded and protected by the love and security of their religion and I'm standing there like some 2nd class citizen who did everything by the book, suffered in ways they will never have to or understand and have them condescend to me, "Jesus is a wonderful Savior!" Things got too much for them when I started asking questions, Why did my mother leave home at 16? Why did my mother run off with some looser? Why didn't she stay home and make something out of her life? My Grandmother just changes the subject, "Did you know that Jesus was nailed to the cross for our sins?" I want to say, "Fuck you bitch!" "You lived in extravagant wealth while my mother waited tables and rented a shitty apartment!" "Whenever we would visit you would walk around and fret at the mess we made and remind us how unwelcome we were!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted December 25, 2008 Super Moderator Share Posted December 25, 2008 Wendybabe, all I can say is you aren't responsible for what others are and what they do. Doing the right or "noble" thing isn't always easy, but it's always right. Feel good about yourself and expect nothing from others. Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike D Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 You're not alone, my family is just as dysfunctional and over the years it's been nothing but bullshit. I finally had enough of the drama and stress and in the last 2 years i've cut ties with both my mother and my sister. To be perfectly honest I could give a shit if they both die and I never see or talk to either of them ever again. Just because you have biological brothers or sisters or two parents doesn't mean you have a family... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pitchu Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 The usual deep question in this kind of family anti-relationship is, "Why aren't they as hurt as I am?" Right? And the answer is: dysfunctionality doesn't hurt those who've chosen to be dysfunctional in order to avoid hurting. Be glad you're functional, Wendybabe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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