Exasperation

[PocketAces]

just a rant of mine, that i don't know where it goes but i really don't care either. enjoy or not, just want to get it out if for no reason but i can.

 

Exasperation

 

Long ago I remember what certainity was

I had my uncertain beliefs locked up in uncertainity

Mixed with the love of a lifetime

Now I just got back from the bar

Half dazed from the alcohol to celebrate

A week off and an early New Years, but yet

At times I feel like I am not walking into anything

Of the sorts of a new year

 

So what if I have lost faith and

Came to reason?

So what if I do not love the one

That I promised my life to anymore?

What is left to really gain?

Broken love, broken family

A faith lost in return be enlightenment

The same conclusion remains the same

Nothing is progressed

 

What does progression really mean?

Progress to a point of beginning again

That is not progression but starting over

 

I do not miss the days of faith

I abhore everyday I believed in such nonsense

Yet at times I feel, I would give up even the

Slightest inclination of enlightenment to have

The things I have lost with love

With family, to just be able to relate to

Such an idea as love, or family ties

 

When you lose someone that meant everything

To you, and watch the love fall away, and then

Lose a perspective of living that you held to

For over half of your life, and then come to

Some enlightenment about yourself

You begin to realize none of it really matters

When all you wish you could do is backtrack to

Just remember what love really is

To remember what family really is because

Those are the things that really matter

 

Not some fucking god

Not some fucking religion

Not some fucking philosophical enlightenment, but

Only the things that strike deep to us

As human beings, family and this

Suicidal tenendency to obtain love

 

I sometimes think even though we are evolved creatures

Animals may have more of a better sense than us as humans

We overcomplicate things, we are irrational

Our intellect seems to complicate everything

To such a point that we become over-sensitive to

Everything fucking thing, when in the end

The problems we go through, are meaningless

Every experience that fails becomes meaningless

 

So on this note, as I go to lay down and

Wear off this reaction to, too many hops

I sit alone too many damn days

I am probably too negative or even cynical for my own good or

As I like to look at it, too realistic for my own age, but hell

That is my pride kicking in isn't it?

I don't know what love is, thus it is easy for me to say

I do not love anyone "anymore"

Do I really know? No, because I do not know what love is

I do not have faith, I have no more hope with

Faith, belief in anything more than this reality

The hope that I have is what I can do with my own two hands and

The dreams that I still hold on to, but at times

I feel like I am I am in a dream state that I just

Wish I could just fucking wake up to but everyday is

A day closer to waking up, waking up and createing the life

I want, and have been dreaming of...Cheers