Disco Stu Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Recently I found out my wife was meeting with another married man in secret for seven months for bible study. I found out because she lied to me about a text she received. She said the text she received was from her daughter. However, when my wife went upstairs another text came in and I was going to answer it believing it was from our daughter. Much to my surprise it was from this man she knows from the gym. I asked her why she lied to me about the text. Next my wife told me about the relationship she had with this married man. I am very distraught about her secret (it is a secret because none of my wife's friends, fellow church members and/or family knew they were doing this). We have differing views on religion and she said I would have got upset if she told me eight months ago. I then asked her if she was doing bible study with a woman would she have told me and she said yes. I asked her if her actions were "Christian-like" and that the man she was doing bible study (who is deeply religious) accepted the fact that she was lying and being deciful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PocketAces Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Recently I found out my wife was meeting with another married man in secret for seven months for bible study. I found out because she lied to me about a text she received. She said the text she received was from her daughter. However, when my wife went upstairs another text came in and I was going to answer it believing it was from our daughter. Much to my surprise it was from this man she knows from the gym. I asked her why she lied to me about the text. Next my wife told me about the relationship she had with this married man. I am very distraught about her secret (it is a secret because none of my wife's friends, fellow church members and/or family knew they were doing this). We have differing views on religion and she said I would have got upset if she told me eight months ago. I then asked her if she was doing bible study with a woman would she have told me and she said yes. I asked her if her actions were "Christian-like" and that the man she was doing bible study (who is deeply religious) accepted the fact that she was lying and being deciful wow man. i'm so sorry to hear about this. i don't know what to say really. all i could say take time to think about the situation and what the next step would be to reconcile this problem. did she give reasons why she was with this man? and what a a pathetic religious man to go on and have a relationship with your wife, but then go and say, that he accepts the fact that she was lying and being deceitful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Xians will do whatever suits them or makes them feel better...just like any other human being really. I'll be Captain Obvious here and point out that she is most likely feeling that her relationship with you is no longer close, fulfilling, or "God's Will" for her life. She's not happy and needs to have the shared faith it would seem... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted January 2, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted January 2, 2009 I'm with Captain Obvious on this one. Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I then asked her if she was doing bible study with a woman would she have told me and she said yes. Unbelievable. But this is how christians justify unfaithful behavior...at least to themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Bible study. Is that what they're calling it now? I'm with the crowd. Hope for the best but plan for the worst. Sorry, I don't see this getting better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ixchel Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I am so sorry, hon. That's despicable, and she knows she's wrong, hence the reason she said that if it had been a woman she'd of told you. -hugs- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulQ Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 At this point, you need to ask yourself; what kind of relationship do you really have with your wife? Is it the kind of relationship that you would find personally fulfilling and rewarding? My guess is that this has been a long time coming, and religious differences has little to do with it; except, perhaps, to provide your wife with a convenient "Excuse" and a way to unburden her "Guilt." You need to know what's right for you, and unlike your wife, be straight and honest with your spouse. We all deserve to be with people who want to be with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Christian morality: do to others what you don't want them do to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightflight Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Whenever you talk to her about it, be sure to use finger quotations for "bible study". No matter what, this is inappropriate. Get a PI. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PocketAces Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Xians will do whatever suits them or makes them feel better...just like any other human being really. I'll be Captain Obvious here and point out that she is most likely feeling that her relationship with you is no longer close, fulfilling, or "God's Will" for her life. She's not happy and needs to have the shared faith it would seem... sadly enough, your probably right. i rermember having relationships that were based in some "will" idea. grant it, i've never been married, so i wouldn't have any idea of how to relate to the OP's situation. but how odd it is, to even think that when someone takes vows, all of a sudden god's will changes the vow that is supposedly setup by that god. to the OP: she needs to also remember, just because Paul gives freedom in his epistles to the churches that if a "unequally yoked" married couple wants a divorce, it has to be the non-Christian that wants the divorce for it to be "ok" to scripture or Paul, but that doesn't give a reason to go and start other relations with other men, during the "confusing" time if her "faith" is so important to her.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phaceless Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Recently I found out my wife was meeting with another married man in secret for seven months for bible study. I found out because she lied to me about a text she received. She said the text she received was from her daughter. However, when my wife went upstairs another text came in and I was going to answer it believing it was from our daughter. Much to my surprise it was from this man she knows from the gym. I asked her why she lied to me about the text. Next my wife told me about the relationship she had with this married man. I am very distraught about her secret (it is a secret because none of my wife's friends, fellow church members and/or family knew they were doing this). We have differing views on religion and she said I would have got upset if she told me eight months ago. I then asked her if she was doing bible study with a woman would she have told me and she said yes. I asked her if her actions were "Christian-like" and that the man she was doing bible study (who is deeply religious) accepted the fact that she was lying and being deciful this makes me sick and sad. They are both commiting emotional adultery, which is no different than the " real" thing. They are dilutional if they try to justify it.. .... the fact that she kept it secret...well that just reveals on so many levels the true intentions of both parties. If I were you I would confront the guy face to face, and also tell his pastor or who ever his spiritual leader is. I would definately tell this guys wife. I hate to say this, but its a very high probablitiy that the relationship is alot more serious ( and physical) than she is letting on. If she has lied to you for 7 months, nothing is stopping her now from still being dishonest while only telling you half the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phaceless Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 you know , If I were you I would show up at this guys house, while his wife is home, and politely confront him . Not out of anger mind you, but make him feel as uncomfortable and akward in front of his spouse by exposeing the dishonesty. I am sure his own wife doesnt know about the secret bible studies. 7 months this has been going on and he should deal with the concequences of his own actions by exposing him in front of his wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 you know , If I were you I would show up at this guys house, while his wife is home, and politely confront him . Not out of anger mind you, but make him feel as uncomfortable and akward in front of his spouse by exposeing the dishonesty. I am sure his own wife doesnt know about the secret bible studies. 7 months this has been going on and he should deal with the concequences of his own actions by exposing him in front of his wife. Oh man, I so second this post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 My question is rather: why didn't I have these kinds of Bible studies? It could have helped me keep my faith! (There were so many hot women in our church, it would have taken years to go through the Bible...) To be serious, Disco, I agree to the suggestion that you confront the other guy. Or maybe just call his wife and tell her what you know. And maybe the pastor too, since these kinds of things should be handled within their "faith." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 There's the whole if she lied to you about that, what else did she lie about question? I think his wife should know, too. And getting a PI isn't a bad idea, if you can afford one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 They are both commiting emotional adultery, which is no different than the " real" thing. Question: How do we know they didn't do the real thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Bible study, my achin' ass. Bible study isn't something that you keep a secret from everyone. It isn't something you lie about, hide, cover up, or sneak around to do. And it ain't something you do one-on-one with a married man, especially when his wife doesn't know. I'd say a call to your wife's pastor is in order. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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