Help!in Need Of New Coping Skills

[PIRACYs LADY]

Let me start by saying this is not a suicide rant.

I am a strong person and do not believe I could ever take that route for the sakes of my children and family. But, For once in my life I have absolutley no idea what to do. What does a person do when EVERYTHING is wrong? I am known as " The Strongest Person I Know " by most everyone that knows me and just as in any family there is a go to person when they cant fix their problems, well I'm that go to girl also.

I have always been strong. I have pushed through every illness,hardship & bullshit that has come my way and I have handeled it remaining the strong one. I shield my family from half of the shit that is really going on with me. But after all this time where has being the strong person gotten me? Nothing is better. I dont lean on people. I am leant upon.

I'm not even sure I have the right to complain about it as I am sure that I in some way along the road have thrust this upon myself. I am finding that tonight for the first time I cant be strong. I dont know what to do. I am hurting physically yes but I dont even care about that hurt right now, it's the emotional one that is crushing my heart.

It has become apparant to me that I am in dire need of some new coping skills. Because apparently the ones I have used for 32 years are not working anymore. I am going from crying to being pissed off. This has never happened. I am hoping that some of you out there might be able to share with me what you do to cope. Alot of you know more about me from the last post than even I would have liked, as far as what problems/hardships I have and what my life was like. I am sure there have to be other people with some of the similar problems.Please help me.....

[florduh]

You are not responsible for what other people think, say or do. You know you always handle your own affairs and help others to the best of your ability. Be proud of that.

 

Recognize that most things are out of your control. You can only control your responses to outside forces. This is your strength.

 

I think you probably are already good at visualization and positive imagery. Turn that ability to your current emotional needs.

 

Keep us posted. A lot of us care about your well-being.

[PIRACYs LADY]

You are not responsible for what other people think, say or do. You know you always handle your own affairs and help others to the best of your ability. Be proud of that.

 

Recognize that most things are out of your control. You can only control your responses to outside forces. This is your strength.

 

I think you probably are already good at visualization and positive imagery. Turn that ability to your current emotional needs.

 

Keep us posted. A lot of us care about your well-being.

Thank You Florduh. I am pretty good at visualazation and positive imagery. I hadn't though of trying to turn that ability to my emotional needs. Thanks for the tip. I will for sure try it out. At this point, I'm willing to try anything.

[noob]

Churee, I have never had to deal with the health problems that you deal with, but I have had a few challenges in my life. I have two suggestions to make.

 

First, you stated:

I dont lean on people. I am leant upon. I'm not even sure I have the right to complain about it as I am sure that I in some way along the road have thrust this upon myself

 

I have been there. And, I have learned that it is O.K. to ask for help. (I still have trouble doing it, I don’t do it very often, but I do know that it is O.K.) So, don’t try to carry the weight all by yourself. Ask for help.

 

Next, you have to find something to laugh about!!! I don’t know what it would take to make you laugh, but laughter carries me through my down times. The Humor and Satire Forum is a good place to start. But try funny movies, funny television shows, or funny friends (I have a few of those!) I know it sounds silly, but as long as I am laughing, I can endure a lot!!!!

 

Good luck and keep posting! Hugs!!!

[PIRACYs LADY]

Churee, I have never had to deal with the health problems that you deal with, but I have had a few challenges in my life. I have two suggestions to make.

 

First, you stated:

I dont lean on people. I am leant upon. I'm not even sure I have the right to complain about it as I am sure that I in some way along the road have thrust this upon myself

 

I have been there. And, I have learned that it is O.K. to ask for help. (I still have trouble doing it, I don’t do it very often, but I do know that it is O.K.) So, don’t try to carry the weight all by yourself. Ask for help.

 

Next, you have to find something to laugh about!!! I don’t know what it would take to make you laugh, but laughter carries me through my down times. The Humor and Satire Forum is a good place to start. But try funny movies, funny television shows, or funny friends (I have a few of those!) I know it sounds silly, but as long as I am laughing, I can endure a lot!!!!

 

Good luck and keep posting! Hugs!!!

Noob,

I know you have also had to be the strong one too. I have such a hard time asking for help. So you have me pretty pegged. I actually feel like people will think less of me if i ask fo help.But you are very correct,i need to learn how to do it. So I will endeavor to try harder to ask for help. Well latley florduh has been making me laugh.I cant figure out why it says cranky old bastard under his name because that is something he is not. and I also extremley liked the thread on the FSM spagetti thing.I laughed at that. I will try the movie/tv show idea. i normally watch sci/fi but i like comedy too.Maybe it will help. Thanks for the advice.

[Amethyst]

Have you tried journaling? It can be good therapy. Or art? Even if you don't think you're good at it, a lot of people are often surprised at what they turn out.

[PIRACYs LADY]

Have you tried journaling? It can be good therapy. Or art? Even if you don't think you're good at it, a lot of people are often surprised at what they turn out.

I do keep a journal yes, and you are right it is a great therepy. I havnt tried art. I do play the drums but not sure that would be considered art. I will check out maybe see how I do at drawing.Thank you for the advice.

[Amethyst]

Have you tried journaling? It can be good therapy. Or art? Even if you don't think you're good at it, a lot of people are often surprised at what they turn out.

I do keep a journal yes, and you are right it is a great therepy. I havnt tried art. I do play the drums but not sure that would be considered art. I will check out maybe see how I do at drawing.Thank you for the advice.

 

I would think drumming would be excellent therapy.

 

Music is definitely an art form.

[Big.blue.nation]

I am sure there have to be other people with some of the similar problems.Please help me.....

 

Hi Churee, well you asked and this is what I do sometimes to deal with problems in life. Not saying this is an answer, just what has helped me and hope to maybe give a tip or two.

 

* Take a vacation

* Get a dog

* Exercise to alleviate stress

* Close your eyes, take deep breaths and think of something positive

* Talk to an old friend

* Watch funny TV shows (Two and a half men, George Lopez, etc...)

* Get enough sleep

 

Well, this is what helps me in the storms of life at times. Sometimes it takes time to weather the storms, but positive life rafts along the way help 'till it has passed. Take care!

[PIRACYs LADY]

I am sure there have to be other people with some of the similar problems.Please help me.....

 

Hi Churee, well you asked and this is what I do sometimes to deal with problems in life. Not saying this is an answer, just what has helped me and hope to maybe give a tip or two.

 

* Take a vacation

* Get a dog

* Exercise to alleviate stress

* Close your eyes, take deep breaths and think of something positive

* Talk to an old friend

* Watch funny TV shows (Two and a half men, George Lopez, etc...)

* Get enough sleep

 

Well, this is what helps me in the storms of life at times. Sometimes it takes time to weather the storms, but positive life rafts along the way help 'till it has passed. Take care!

Thank you for giving me some ideas. I will try them out. The sleep one is a difficulty. I have had insomnia for 13 years. I cant sleep more than 2 hrs. a night. And I am laughing that you said get a dog. (I'll PM you about that one) But I will try tonight the close your eyes and think of something positive. I appricate all your sugesstions. Thank you my friend.

[noob]

And I am laughing that you said get a dog.

Churee, this gave me my first big laugh of the day!!!! Get a dog! Holy crap, we don't want to cover that territory again, do we???

[Big.blue.nation]

I am laughing that you said get a dog.

 

OMG, you better tell me LOL. What is wrong with gettin' a pup?

[The-Captain]

A good cup of tea and a little exercise works wonders for my mental state. Recommend Jasmine for it's aromatic quality and early morning walks if you aren't able to run or bike.

[Astreja]

Churee, I have a bit of experience letting go of the "must be strong for everyone else" mindset. I'm still in recovery mode, but on the whole much saner than I was back in 1994 when I started on this trek.

 

First things first. Don't take on any new obligations that are not of your own choosing or not vital to day-to-day life. You need to clear space, and time, to deal with the existing stuff. This is the first "no".

 

The second "no" is to wind down and excuse yourself from non-essential projects. This means bowing out of existing commitments, either by letting them lapse naturally or by actively starting the search for your replacement.

 

And then you sort whatever remains into 'important' and 'unimportant'. Enlist helpers where appropriate.

 

If you can't take immediate action on something, gather information on it or set it aside.

 

Focus on perhaps three things that are more important than the others, and try to advance them slightly every day. Don't add anything new to the "to-do" list until one of these projects is stabilized or finished up.

 

And, whatever you do, don't try to do two things at once. I've tried. It doesn't work, and it increases the level of agitation.

 

As for things like stress and depression and sleep problems, I'm just now getting into a book recommended by a counsellor at my doctor's office: "The Mindful Way Through Depression" (subtitle: 'Freeing yourself from chronic unhappiness') by Williams, Teasdale, Segal and Kabat-Zinn. I've just read the intro and part of Chapter 1 so far, and done one of the meditations on the enclosed CD, but it looks useful and promising.

 

{Side note: This is about the fifth time I've tried to add to this thread. Let's just say that cat hair, red wine, staples, and keyboards don't mix...}

[PIRACYs LADY]

A good cup of tea and a little exercise works wonders for my mental state. Recommend Jasmine for it's aromatic quality and early morning walks if you aren't able to run or bike.

The dr. Thank you for the thoughts. I do exercise quite a bit. I use to manage a gym and teach dance before i got sick this time. And I will for sure try the tea. I usually drink camomile tea but Ill give jasime a try. Thanks again

[PIRACYs LADY]

Churee, I have a bit of experience letting go of the "must be strong for everyone else" mindset. I'm still in recovery mode, but on the whole much saner than I was back in 1994 when I started on this trek.

 

First things first. Don't take on any new obligations that are not of your own choosing or not vital to day-to-day life. You need to clear space, and time, to deal with the existing stuff. This is the first "no".

 

The second "no" is to wind down and excuse yourself from non-essential projects. This means bowing out of existing commitments, either by letting them lapse naturally or by actively starting the search for your replacement.

 

And then you sort whatever remains into 'important' and 'unimportant'. Enlist helpers where appropriate.

 

If you can't take immediate action on something, gather information on it or set it aside.

 

Focus on perhaps three things that are more important than the others, and try to advance them slightly every day. Don't add anything new to the "to-do" list until one of these projects is stabilized or finished up.

 

And, whatever you do, don't try to do two things at once. I've tried. It doesn't work, and it increases the level of agitation.

 

As for things like stress and depression and sleep problems, I'm just now getting into a book recommended by a counsellor at my doctor's office: "The Mindful Way Through Depression" (subtitle: 'Freeing yourself from chronic unhappiness') by Williams, Teasdale, Segal and Kabat-Zinn. I've just read the intro and part of Chapter 1 so far, and done one of the meditations on the enclosed CD, but it looks useful and promising.

 

{Side note: This is about the fifth time I've tried to add to this thread. Let's just say that cat hair, red wine, staples, and keyboards don't mix...}

Astreja (star) Thank you for the wonderfull advice. that was alot of great tips I can try. Thank you so much.

[Emme]

Churee,

 

My aunt had cancer and she was given anti-depressants. Her doctor told her that depression was very common in patients with cancer. I don´t know if that´s something you would want to try or have already tried, but it´s a thought.