Skeptic Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Hi. I'm new to this site. I've been on the fence about Xtianity for awhile but after watching a few documentaries on religion, including Religulous, and, ironically, reading the bible, I'm becoming very skeptical about whether the Xtian god exists. I was raised a Xtian since I was born. I was baptized as a baby and attended Sunday school from an early age. My parents are very evangelical and fundamental in their beliefs. I wasn't allowed to celebrate Halloween or view any media that had any mention of witchcraft or occultism because my mom thought it was all of the devil. My dad even told me once when I asked why I couldn't go trick-or-treating that children who go out on Halloween are often used in Satanic rituals. My mom would often tell me about demons and that I was able to sense their presence. That is probably the worst part of my experience with religion. I was held captive by the belief of demons and that they could hurt me or possess me and that if I saw something that wasn't "of God" that they could come into my life. The freakiest experiences I've ever had in my life are the ones when my mother would go around the house with olive oil and "purify" everything in the house. I believed this stuff as a child and young teenager mostly out of fear and because I couldn't find a way to argue with the things that they said. It wasn't until my senior year of high school when I took a Humanities course that I seriously starting thinking about how illogical religion is and how badly it was affecting my life. I would sometimes ask my mom questions about religion when I was younger, but I would often get the typical answers that Christians like to give and I accepted those as truth. Thankfully, my Humanities teacher, who is an atheist, taught me to think for myself and stop accepting everything that my parents and others in my life who preached religion as truth. During high school, I met my fiance and moved in with him. My mom would constantly tell me how I was being sinful and a slut for living with him out of wedlock. He was also an atheist and he was another figure in my life who caused me to question religion. I have since had a son with him, out of wedlock, and I love him so much. Sometimes I look at my little boy and remember that there are people who would say he is an abomination because he was born to unmarried parents and that makes me sad, and was another motivating factor to start questioning religion. I put religion on the back burner for about a year, but after watching the documentary Religulous, especially the part where he tells the story of Lot, I started actually reading the bible instead of just swallowing the propaganda people were feeding me and I found out for myself the atrocities that have been committed in the name of God. I knew about the Holocaust and other such horrible events in history, but, for some reason, I didn't attribute them to God. The atrocities in the bible, though, were admittedly caused by God and encouraged by him, so there was no excuse to not question them or explain them away. It made me wonder why I would consider worshiping someone who has caused as much suffering, bloodshed, and terror as the Xtian god has. I'm still not sure what religious label to take, whether it be atheist, agnostic, or another label, but I am almost positive that I can no longer call myself a Xtian. I'm still at the beginning stages of this journey and it may take me awhile to totally renounce Xtianity, especially since I have been indoctrinated in it for 19 years, but I feel I've taken great strides to pull away from it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 My mom would constantly tell me how I was being sinful and a slut for living with him out of wedlock. *sigh* I just LOVE verbally abusive parents... NOT!!! Welcome to the site, Skeptic. I hope your life takes a turn for the better now that you're out of the cult... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realist Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Hi. I'm new to this site. I've been on the fence about Xtianity for awhile but after watching a few documentaries on religion, including Religulous, and, ironically, reading the bible, I'm becoming very skeptical about whether the Xtian god exists. I was raised a Xtian since I was born. I was baptized as a baby and attended Sunday school from an early age. My parents are very evangelical and fundamental in their beliefs. I wasn't allowed to celebrate Halloween or view any media that had any mention of witchcraft or occultism because my mom thought it was all of the devil. My dad even told me once when I asked why I couldn't go trick-or-treating that children who go out on Halloween are often used in Satanic rituals. My mom would often tell me about demons and that I was able to sense their presence. That is probably the worst part of my experience with religion. I was held captive by the belief of demons and that they could hurt me or possess me and that if I saw something that wasn't "of God" that they could come into my life. The freakiest experiences I've ever had in my life are the ones when my mother would go around the house with olive oil and "purify" everything in the house. I believed this stuff as a child and young teenager mostly out of fear and because I couldn't find a way to argue with the things that they said. It wasn't until my senior year of high school when I took a Humanities course that I seriously starting thinking about how illogical religion is and how badly it was affecting my life. I would sometimes ask my mom questions about religion when I was younger, but I would often get the typical answers that Christians like to give and I accepted those as truth. Thankfully, my Humanities teacher, who is an atheist, taught me to think for myself and stop accepting everything that my parents and others in my life who preached religion as truth. During high school, I met my fiance and moved in with him. My mom would constantly tell me how I was being sinful and a slut for living with him out of wedlock. He was also an atheist and he was another figure in my life who caused me to question religion. I have since had a son with him, out of wedlock, and I love him so much. Sometimes I look at my little boy and remember that there are people who would say he is an abomination because he was born to unmarried parents and that makes me sad, and was another motivating factor to start questioning religion. I put religion on the back burner for about a year, but after watching the documentary Religulous, especially the part where he tells the story of Lot, I started actually reading the bible instead of just swallowing the propaganda people were feeding me and I found out for myself the atrocities that have been committed in the name of God. I knew about the Holocaust and other such horrible events in history, but, for some reason, I didn't attribute them to God. The atrocities in the bible, though, were admittedly caused by God and encouraged by him, so there was no excuse to not question them or explain them away. It made me wonder why I would consider worshiping someone who has caused as much suffering, bloodshed, and terror as the Xtian god has. I'm still not sure what religious label to take, whether it be atheist, agnostic, or another label, but I am almost positive that I can no longer call myself a Xtian. I'm still at the beginning stages of this journey and it may take me awhile to totally renounce Xtianity, especially since I have been indoctrinated in it for 19 years, but I feel I've taken great strides to pull away from it. .... Welcome to the site! I am sure you will find much help in your quest on here! As you and many before you have also said, reading the bible itself and digesting it is one of the best tools for deconversion! Once you open your mind to the numerous flaws, contradictions and mythology contained in it, you WILL wonder how you ever put your trust and faith in it! All the best in your search! Doug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest QuidEstCaritas? Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Welcome. GL to you and your boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jenben Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Welcome. My oldest son was also born out of wedlock, although the biological father was not involved. My father, who was a minister at the time, tried to convince me to give my son to a relative who is married to a mean-spirited and abusive man. I of course was horrified that he was more concerned about what people would think (of him I'm sure), and my baby going to TWO parents than he was about the fact that he would be in abusive situation instead of loving. Totally fucked up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trike Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 My parents are very evangelical and fundamental in their beliefs. I wasn't allowed to celebrate Halloween or view any media that had any mention of witchcraft or occultism because my mom thought it was all of the devil. My dad even told me once when I asked why I couldn't go trick-or-treating that children who go out on Halloween are often used in Satanic rituals. Sounds a lot like my childhood. My mom once threw away all my smurf toys because they were demonic (I had never even watched the show, I just had a few toys that had been given to me by others). My mom threw a fit when she went over to a friend's house with me and my friend was watching "Casper". Anyhow, glad you made it out of that stuff and congrats on your wonderful youngster. And welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted January 11, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted January 11, 2009 I'm glad you made it out of that insanity called religion. No need to label yourself as to beliefs, it's not important. Enjoy the freedom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skeptic Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 My mom also thought the Smurfs were demonic. I think she mostly had a problem with the warlock guy who would try to capture the Smurfs. She also has a HUGE problem with Harry Potter. She reminds me of the leader of the camp in the documentary Jesus Camp who talked about how Harry Potter was evil and if he lived in OT times, he would have been put to death. From what I've read of the rest of the site, it seems that a lot of people on this site had people in their lives like this. How ironic that despite (and even because of) their best efforts to keep us Christians, we still turned away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pitchu Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Welcome to the forums, Skeptic. Your little son is so lucky to have a loving, sensible and questioning mom like you (slut though you may be! ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysealclubber Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Welcome Skeptic! It amazes me sometimes what usernames haven't been taken yet... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shantonu Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I had your exact reaction to the atrocities. More than anything else, the Book of Joshua caused me to doubt the existence of God as God has been described in the Bible. I often find myself clinging to the label "Christian," though I don't believe in God's existence. Jesus forms such a central part of my identity that I don't think I can give it up so easiliy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skeptic Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 It amazes me sometimes what usernames haven't been taken yet... I was also surprised at that. I thought it would've been one of the first usernames to be taken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noob Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Welcome, Skeptic! You were lucky to have people in your life, like your Humanities teacher and your fiance, who helped you open your eyes and shed the religious baggage that you were carrying. (I was also lucky to have a friend like that.) It amazes me to read about the craziness that some parents foist on their children. And, I have to agree with pitchu - your son is very lucky to have you for his mother! Good luck in your journey! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skeptic Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 I figured I would update this to try to give those who are interested a bit more background. This clip is from the movie Jesus Camp and it very accurately describes how I felt about god starting when I was about 4 years old: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBZFOhla4mA. Here's the clip in context: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkyUDmvRnkk...feature=related. The movie Jesus Camp was my childhood. I've seen this movie twice now and I've heard people talk about how it's really radical and scary. This for me was completely normal. I was taught from the time I was 2 years old to aspire to be like this. I linked to part 5 of the movie, but it's all on YouTube if you're interested in watching it. Here are some deleted scenes if you don't want to watch the entire movie: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=Murder...amp;view=videos. I watch this now and think, "These people are totally out of touch with reality," but at the time, this was reality for me. I thought I was the one who was out of touch and different. I remember being told as a very young child that if someone had a gun to my head and said, "If you're a xian, I'm going to kill you," that I had to say that I was and if I didn't, then I was betraying god, and that was the worst thing that anyone could do. I was essentially being trained to be a martyr for god, and I wasn't even sure if he existed. When I read the bible, none of it made any sense to me. People kept telling me that I had to pray and ask god's guidance to be able to understand it, but that didn't work, either. I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't hear god's voice and wasn't "on fire" like everyone else was. Everyone around me was telling me that this invisible being existed and that they could communicate with him and literally hear his voice and I couldn't. Eventually, just being in church and hearing hymns and prayers made me feel very awkward and uncomfortable and I thought at one time that I was demon possessed. I first got "saved" at 2 years old and I kept doing it after that because I never felt like it happened for me. I could have deconverted and become an atheist probably when I was around 6 years old, now that I look back on it, but I didn't know that I had that option until I was 17. Until then, I had never even met an atheist. I was never taught by my parents about different religions or different ways of thinking. I eventually found out on my own that they existed, but I was told that they were all wrong. I remember a friend of mine who had Catholic parents converted to Wicca and it made me really uncomfortable because I was taught that it was witchcraft. Now I can look back on this and laugh, but I suffered a lot of trauma because of it and I'm only now starting to deal with it. My parents are still wrapped up in it and I can't talk to them without hearing about how I'm leading a sinful life and I need to repent. I'm really glad that I found this site because if I hadn't, I'd probably still feel the way I did as a kid and I'd probably still be trying to fit into the fundie xian mold. Reading the posts on this site and getting advice on a few of my own posts really helped me to finally feel comfortable with the fact that I'm an atheist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest QuidEstCaritas? Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 That's a pretty sad clip. It's quite the beastly travesty for children to be indoctrinated to hate and believe in things they don't even understand, whether it's "demons" and "sin" or even if it's "religion" itself. Kids just need to be kids and loved. I remember my own brothers and sisters, and it makes me sad to know they will go through all that. Sobering realizations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts